FELIX searched afterward1 through several volumes of Anatole France for that story, but he never could find it, and he suspected that she had made it up herself ... or perhaps it was a story her father had told her—it sounded rather like it....
2
“It seems,” she smilingly began, “that there was a young Roman nobleman, in the early Christian2 days, who was rich and handsome and beloved; and he had a slave who was a Christian. And Julian—I think that was the young nobleman’s name—used to discuss Christianity with this slave. It seemed to him a barbarian3 superstition4, but he had heard of some intelligent people becoming converted to its doctrines5, so he wanted to know more about it. The slave explained. And Julian laughed, saying that these doctrines were even more absurd than he had supposed.
“But Julian, who was a perfect young Roman gentleman, always doing what was expected of him and what everybody else did, became more and more bored with the life he was living. He continued to talk with his slave about Christianity, and finally became converted. And he said, ‘I see now that this life of mine is a tissue of vanities in which there is no real joy. I will renounce6 my wealth and my title, give up my old habits, and then receive baptism and begin a life of true Christian happiness.’
“‘Good,’ said the slave. ‘I will go and tell my brethren.’
“Now Julian kept a stable and had been fond of racing7. He had a favourite mare8 which he used to hitch9 up to a small but elegant chariot, and drive very fast through the streets of Rome, wearing a chaplet of flowers. But all 232this looked very silly to him now and so he went first of all to his stable, and said to his head-groom: ‘I have wasted enough time with these soulless brutes10. Sell them!’
“‘What of it?’ said Julian.
“‘Well,’ said the head-groom, ‘all your friends are betting on your mare, and they’ll think—’
“‘I don’t care what they think,’ said Julian.
“‘I’ve put all the money I’ve got in the world on her myself,’ said the head-groom, sadly. ‘I’ve been very proud of that filly!’
“Julian was touched. This loyalty13 deserved an explanation from him. But how could he explain? This good-hearted simple man would never understand. He would simply think his master had gone crazy, and would hold that against Christianity. It did not seem fair that Christianity should get a black eye through such a well-meaning but hasty action as this that he had contemplated14. He realized that he must go about the matter of becoming a Christian in a more practical way.
“‘After all,’ he said, ‘there is nothing very wicked about horse-racing. I will keep my horses’—and he countermanded15 his order to the head-groom—‘and go and give up Leila instead.’ Leila was a Persian girl, and the most beautiful of his three mistresses. Once he had given her up, it would be easier to dispense16 with the others.
“He went to see Leila, and told her about becoming a Christian. ‘Is it the thing to do?’ she asked. ‘Then I will become one, too!’ Dear, sweet, simple soul! He tried to explain, but she understood nothing, until he said that it meant that he would have to part with her. Then she burst into tears, and cast herself at his feet, and cried out, ‘Is it true, then, that you no longer love me?’
“He told her that he loved her more than ever, but in a different way: now he loved her soul. ‘You have a soul, Leila,’ he said, ‘an immortal17 soul—and it is high time you began to think about saving it, too!’
233“‘Stay with me,’ she begged, ‘and explain all these things to me. I think if you are kind to me I can understand you, and learn to save my soul, whatever that means. But do not look at me coldly, for that frightens me.’
“‘After all,’ he thought, ‘she has as much a right to save her soul as I have to save mine. Perhaps I had better break it to her gently. In the course of a few weeks—’ And so he kissed her and stayed to explain.
“It was harder than he had realized to become a Christian. His other mistress was angry at him when he proposed to leave her, and said that it was because he preferred that Persian hussy with her silly doll-face! It pained him to have his motives18 so misconstrued, but why, after all, should he discriminate19 against this girl? She, too, had a soul. As for the third one, he put off mentioning the subject to her; he was discouraged with the results of his previous efforts, and besides, he felt that women did not understand these things very well.
“‘At least,’ he said, ‘I will receive baptism; and these other things will go easier after that.’
“But on the day set for the ceremony, his mother reminded him that it was the day of the festival of Diana, her favourite goddess. It had been his filial custom to escort his mother to the temple, and sprinkle with her a few grains of incense20 in the fire which burned before the statue of the goddess. He had never believed in the gods and goddesses—no cultivated Roman did—but it had seemed to him a harmless and pretty custom.... Now he endeavoured to explain to his mother why he could not accompany her. Of course the dear old lady could not understand. It seemed to her that her child had fallen under the influence of godless men, and she wept bitterly. ‘To have this happen to me in my old age!’ she wailed21.
“He could not bear to see his mother cry like that. And it seemed to him that there must be some mistake: how could this new religion of kindness and gentleness and love command him to break his mother’s heart?
“He comforted her, and said he would go with her after 234all, and sent word that the baptism was to be postponed22 for a while.
“Julian pondered this situation in the silent hours of the night, when Leila was asleep. And it seemed to him that perhaps he, too, was a martyr23—a different kind of martyr than any his Christian slave had told him about, but a martyr none the less. Upon him lay the burden of seeming to be a mere12 pagan profligate24, sunk in idleness and debauchery, while in truth he was carrying out the precepts25 of kindness and gentleness and love which he had learned from his slave. He was a Christian after all—too much of a Christian to hurt anybody’s feelings. And nobody would ever understand! That was the saddest part of all, and he shed a few tears, waking Leila, who was frightened by these tears, and had to be comforted....
“He continued to live, in outward seeming, the ordinary life of a young Roman profligate, while inwardly his heart was dedicated26 to the austere27 practices of virtue28. He wished that he could go to the desert, and wear sackcloth, and go hungry, like his more fortunate brethren. But, no—duty compelled him to bear the burden of meaningless riches and idleness and pleasure. Eventually, he was appointed governor of a Roman province, where he distinguished29 himself in a quiet way by the economy and orderliness of his rulership, and by a moderation of the severities currently practised against new sects30. Nevertheless, strange to say, the Christians31 of that province hated him, and spread scandalous stories about him. He bore all this meekly32, but in his breast was a profound sadness. None of those martyrs33 whom from his cushioned seat at the gladiatorial games he saw go, pale but erect34 and proud—rather spectacularly proud, he thought, to meet the lions (for after all, in spite of his moderation, he had to sacrifice a Christian virgin35 or two now and then to satisfy the mob)—none of them, year by year, would ever know that he too was, in his quiet unassuming way, also a martyr.”
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1
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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barbarian
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| n.野蛮人；adj.野蛮(人)的；未开化的 | |
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superstition
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| n.迷信，迷信行为 | |
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doctrines
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| n.教条( doctrine的名词复数 )；教义；学说；（政府政策的）正式声明 | |
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renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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mare
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| n.母马，母驴 | |
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9
hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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10
brutes
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| 兽( brute的名词复数 )； 畜生； 残酷无情的人； 兽性 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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loyalty
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| n.忠诚，忠心 | |
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14
contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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countermanded
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| v.取消（命令），撤回( countermand的过去分词 ) | |
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dispense
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| vt.分配，分发；配(药)，发(药)；实施 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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discriminate
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| v.区别，辨别，区分；有区别地对待 | |
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incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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wailed
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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profligate
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| adj.行为不检的；n.放荡的人，浪子，肆意挥霍者 | |
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precepts
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| n.规诫，戒律，箴言( precept的名词复数 ) | |
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26
dedicated
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| adj.一心一意的；献身的；热诚的 | |
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austere
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| adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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sects
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| n.宗派，教派( sect的名词复数 ) | |
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Christians
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| n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 ) | |
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meekly
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| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
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33
martyrs
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| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
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34
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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