AT the end of the second day out on the Santa Fe, Felix had begun to leave winter behind; the desert was blossoming with strange white and scarlet1 flowers; and the next morning he rode past orange-groves golden with fruit and white with bloom, and quaint2 little rose-gardens at the way-stations, toward that purple infinite depth along the horizon which began to lift itself into the white peaks of a mountain range. Felix had been vaguely3 aware that the climate of southern California was supposed to differ from that of the Great Lakes, but to be riding out of a world of ice and snow straight into the heart of spring, seemed to him at once miraculous4 and auspicious5. The green and gold of this new world was significant to him not as a fact of geography, but as a magical response of nature to his heart’s impatience6. It was a promise of happiness.
Felix was in need of some such happy auspice to hearten him. The determination with which he had started out had been undermined by two days and nights of solitary7 thought. Sometimes he felt like a martyr8 going to the stake; and sometimes like a fool. But he was upheld by a theory.
It was the latest of all his theories concerning life in general and himself and Rose-Ann in particular; and he had resolved to act upon that theory at all costs, no matter how absurd it might at any moment seem.
His theory was this: that he and Rose-Ann were married....
The question of how married, whether by the authority of the State of Illinois, or by their own free will and consent, was not permitted to be raised; for if once one 409started in considering questions like that, one got nowhere! The how of anything in the world was a question one might debate for ever. Plato and H. G. Wells—St. Paul and Bernard Shaw—Tolstoi and Nietzsche—Dante and Milton—and Edward Bok ... the sages9 had never agreed what marriage was. Some said it was a social arrangement, some an agreement between two individuals, some a mystical sacrament; others considered it a necessary evil; and still others a damned nuisance. Felix himself had inclined to the view that it was a relic10 of barbarism, connected in some way with those other barbaric institutions, Private Property and the State. Perhaps it was; but that was not the point. Whether as a survival of the barbaric idea of possession or by common understanding and consent, whether by the majestic12 force of law or by private agreement, whether by sensual habitude or as an outward and visible sign of some inward and spiritual grace—they were man and wife.
That seemed to simplify the situation immensely. The relations of two individuals, as such, were infinitely13 complex and incalculable; but the relations of man and wife were something that the mind could comprehend. Thus—what had happened, as an incident in the history of two human bundles of emotions and ideas, was a mystery profound and unfathomable; but as an incident in the history of a marriage, it was no mystery at all—it was just a quarrel.... Married people often quarreled. Why? Perhaps because they were married.... And—generally—they made up. Perhaps for the same reason.
It was a comfort to merge14 the uniqueness of one’s woes15 in the ocean of generality—to feel that in this very perturbation he was representative of a vast class; that even here he was simply a husband!
And the solution of his difficulties was—this being the conclusion to which his theory led—to try to behave like any other husband in the same circumstances. Not—he was quite certain of this—not like Felix Fay. Not like a young man who has read learned books on psychology16. But like a husband....
410He had elaborated his theory in the spare moments of twenty-four hours devoted17 to arranging his affairs at the office so that he could be gone for an indefinite period. His first impulse had been to take the train and let his job go hang; but a young man who has just discovered that he is a husband realizes the significance of a job in its relation to his marriage. If he failed in his errand, the job did not matter; but it mattered very much if he succeeded.... And yet—he could not explain his predicament to any one; his very dignity as a husband was bound up in his not admitting that anything had gone wrong with his marriage. He had to think up some plausible18 lie to tell the managing editor. His play—Los Angeles—the moving pictures—five thousand dollars—a chance to direct it personally ... a lie like that was the sort of thing people liked to believe. The mention of five thousand dollars ought to convince any managing editor.... And it did.
The afternoon before he took the train, Felix had gone to see old Mrs. Perk19 at the Community House Theatre. She was still there, sewing costumes. He threaded a needle for her. They gossiped for a while. Then he asked her suddenly,
“Granny Perk, did you ever run away from your husband?”
A delicious smile of reminiscence stole over her plump old face.
“Yes, bless your heart, I did!” she said. It was as if he had recalled to her some exquisite20 and delicious adventure.
She shook her head. “I was young,” she said, as if that explained much. “I was a girl as liked to have my own way. And so,” she said proudly, “one day, I took the bit in my teeth and ran away!”
She put her chin in her plump hand and contemplated21 her memories.
“It sounds very exciting,” said Felix.
“Exciting’s no name for it,” said Granny Perk. “It was just regular sinful!”
“I wouldn’t be putting ideas into the heads of young folks that are well brought up and content with things as they find them,” she said. “Nowadays the boys and girls talk as they should not, but they behave proper enough. It was different in my time. I wouldn’t say Boo to a goose—but I was a wild one for all that. But I’m not one to corrupt24 the youth of the land. So ask me no questions!”
“Tell me one thing,” said Felix. “What did your husband do when you ran away?”
“Why, he came after me, to be sure, and brought me home.”
“And you lived happily ever after?” asked Felix, laughingly.
“Oh, well now, I guess we got along as well as most,” she said. “I’ve nothing to complain of....”
Did human life go to that pattern, Felix wondered. And if so, what was the use of all his speculations25 and emotions? He wished he could go after Rose-Ann in the mood of Granny Perk’s husband, to whom it had been the most inevitable26 thing in the world. As it was, he had to brace27 himself against intellectual doubts for two days and nights with an intellectual theory: the theory that he was Rose-Ann’s husband after all.
If he could just remember that—whatever happened!
How does a husband behave on such an occasion? With firmness? That seemed rather absurd. With a tactful brutality28? Felix sighed. It would be hard to enact29 this difficult r?le....
But it was spring—miraculously spring in the dead of winter, and he was going to Rose-Ann! Yucca-blooms and cactus-blossoms, roses and oranges, warm sunlight and the green of riotous30 vegetation—spring!
It was noon on Saturday that he reached Los Angeles. He went to a hotel, and lunched. Then he took the Pacific Electric to Santa Monica.... Rose-Ann lived in Santa Monica.
412
2
When Rose-Ann reached her apartment in Santa Monica, after a leisurely31 lunch in Los Angeles, and turned her key in the lock, she heard some one inside spring up and come to the door. It was opened for her, and Felix stood there smiling.
“How did you get in?” she demanded in surprise.
“Never mind how I got in,” he said. “I’m here.”
“It’s a matter of some importance to me how you got in,” she retorted, edging around him into the room and putting her purse on the little table. “I am known here as Miss Prentiss. The people here suppose me to be unmarried....” she paused. “How did you get in?”
“I walked in.... You had left your door unlocked.”
“Oh!”
“Aren’t you glad to see me?”
She relaxed her attitude of defence, and came over to give him her hand. “Forgive me, Felix, for being so sensitive. I am glad to see you. As well as surprised.”
Her last remark was a demand for explanations.... Should he tell her why he had come? Or dissemble his intentions? Courage!
“You know why I came,” he said.
She was on guard again instantly at the challenge in his voice.
“No.... Why?”
“Guess!”
He had only his theory to uphold him. Never had she seemed more utterly32 alien than she became in that moment. There was a cool surprise in her manner, and he felt as though he had committed some stupid insolence33.
She did not reply, but only looked at him. He was making up his mind.... Now was the time when any husband in the world would assert his mastery of the situation. A contemptuous phrase came into his mind: “cave-man stuff!”
As if she were reading the thoughts in his mind, her 413cheeks grew red and then white, and her eyes blazed dangerously. Every muscle was taut34.
He took one step toward her; and in that instant a wild frightened look came into her eyes ... like that in an animal’s caught in a trap. He turned away, saw a chair before him, and sat down, sick at heart. No, he would rather fail, than succeed—that way.
When he looked up, she was standing11, a little dizzily, beside the table, steadying herself with her hand.
His theory had been wrong.... It wasn’t husband and wife—it was himself and Rose-Ann.
And yet—was she despising him? Well, let her.
“How long have you been in town?” she asked, quite naturally.
“I arrived this noon,” he answered quietly.
“Then you haven’t seen anything yet.”
“No.”
“There are some lovely places.”
“I suppose so.”
“I’ll show you about, if I may. I’d like to.”
“I sha’n’t be here long,” he said. “Only a few days.” Since he had failed, he might as well go back quickly.
“I’m sorry you can’t stay longer,” she said—wistfully, it seemed.
That silly lie he had told to the managing editor to save his dignity, came into his mind. It would save his dignity here too.
“I came to see the moving picture people about my play,” he said.
“Oh, did Winters write you about it?”
“Winters? No.”
“I told him about it, and he was very much interested.”
How utterly absurd! His play a movie!... Still, under the circumstances, he could hardly say that to her....
“You haven’t settled anything finally, have you?” she went on. “Because you really ought to see Winters. I’ll introduce you, if you wish.”
414“That will be fine,” he said mechanically. He wished he could tell her it was a lie; but that would be a confession35 of his purpose in coming—and his failure.
“What are you doing this afternoon?” she pursued.
“Nothing,” he said.
He pulled himself together. He must play this thing out somehow. It was only for a few days.
“Tea?” he repeated stupidly.
“Can’t you come? Then how about dinner?—No—” she bit her lip. “I forgot—I’ve an engagement for dinner. But—I suppose I can break it ... if you’d like me to.”
“No, don’t break your dinner engagement. I can come to tea,” he said.
She hesitated, and then said appealing, “I want to be good friends with you, Felix!”
“I see no reason why we shouldn’t be,” he said.... That wasn’t very well done—he ought to be able to do better than that.... “It will be very nice to have tea with you.”
“Have you seen the Palisades?” she asked.
“No.”
“No, of course not....”
“The Palisades?” He appeared inquiringly interested.
“Pergolas and palm-trees. You’ll like it. We’ll go there for a walk.”
He smiled. “That will be lovely!”
Rose-Ann put on her hat, and looked at it in the mirror. It did not satisfy her, and she went to a closet for another. She viewed herself with dissatisfaction, and then turned to him and said lightly,
“Wait for me downstairs, Felix, while I change into some fresh things—I get so tired of my work-clothes.”
He was swept with a sudden uncontrollable anger, so that he trembled as he stood up.... It was strange that this petty humiliation37, and not the thought of losing her for ever, should destroy his self-possession! He was 415ashamed of himself. He went toward the door.... Once outside, he would go away and go home and never see her again....
She followed him to the door and put her hands on his shoulders; and then they were in one another’s arms.
3
Rose-Ann began to cry.
“We’ve spoiled it all,” she said.
“How have we spoiled it?” he asked tenderly but troubledly. “You love me....”
“I love you.... I think so. Or at least I was terribly lonely for you. But—”
“But what?”
“This only makes it so much harder. This—this hasn’t changed my mind, Felix.” She sat up on the couch.
“I shall never let you leave me now.”
“I’m afraid—you’ll have to find some other way of keeping me.”
“I—hope so, Felix.... I wish I could feel that I was really and truly your wife. I don’t—yet.”
“Then,” he said slowly, “play at being my wife—for a while. Can you do that?”
“I’ve played at it for nearly two years. It was nice enough. I guess I can—a little longer. Do you suppose that is what it will come to?—just playing at being married, Felix?”
“No. Never. We’ll find the answer this time.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. We’ll have to talk everything out....”
“We’ve talked so often, Felix!”
“Once more!”
“Yes ... but not now. Let’s play at being happy first. Shall we go outdoors?”
“Yes.”
“And have our tea.... Felix, you will love the palm-trees! I’ll put on my prettiest frock—for you.”
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1
scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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quaint
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| adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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auspicious
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| adj.吉利的；幸运的，吉兆的 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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sages
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| n.圣人( sage的名词复数 )；智者；哲人；鼠尾草（可用作调料） | |
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relic
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| n.神圣的遗物，遗迹，纪念物 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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13
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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merge
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| v.(使)结合，(使)合并，(使)合为一体 | |
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woes
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| 困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉 | |
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psychology
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| n.心理，心理学，心理状态 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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plausible
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| adj.似真实的，似乎有理的，似乎可信的 | |
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perk
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| n.额外津贴；赏钱；小费； | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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corrupt
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| v.贿赂，收买；adj.腐败的，贪污的 | |
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speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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brace
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| n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
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brutality
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| n.野蛮的行为，残忍，野蛮 | |
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enact
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| vt.制定(法律)；上演，扮演 | |
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riotous
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| adj.骚乱的；狂欢的 | |
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leisurely
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| adj.悠闲的；从容的，慢慢的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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taut
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| adj.拉紧的，绷紧的，紧张的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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sociable
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| adj.好交际的，友好的，合群的 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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defiantly
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| adv.挑战地，大胆对抗地 | |
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