Mrs. Earlforward called Elsie a perfect sight and a fright because of her countenance2, swollen3 and blotched with violent weeping. She had not deigned4 to share with Elsie her fearful anxieties. Elsie was unworthy to share them. She had indeed said not a single word to Elsie about the condition of the sick man. She rarely confided5 in a servant; servants could not appreciate a confidence, could not or would not understand that it amounted to an honour.... Do Elsie good to believe for a bit that her master was dying! Serve her right! (And supposing Henry really was dying!) Nevertheless, Mrs. Earlforward could not be, did not desire to be, too harsh with a girl of Elsie's admirable character. Elsie, even when convicted of theft, inspired respect, willing or unwilling6. She had never read the Sermon on the Mount, but without knowing what she was doing she practised its precepts7. No credit to her, of course; she had not reasoned her conduct out; it was instinctive8; she had little consciousness of being righteous, and much consciousness of sin; and the notion of behaving in such and such a way in order to get to heaven simply had not occurred to her.[Pg 206]
It was humiliating for her to go shopping with such a woe-puffed face as she had. But she went, and the mission was part of her penance9. The shop-keeping community of the neighbourhood, though they held Mr. and Mrs. Earlforward in scorn, and referred to them with contumely and even detestation, were friendly to Elsie, and privately10 sympathized with her because she had to do Mr. and Mrs. Earlforward's dirty little errands. Not that Elsie was ever in the slightest degree disloyal to her master and mistress! On the contrary, her loyalty11 touched the excessive.
"Anything wrong?" the cheesemonger's assistant murmured to her in a compassionate12 tone, as he was cutting the bacon.
Elsie did not take the inquiry13 amiss. But unfortunately in her blushing answer she lapsed14 from entire honesty. She ought to have said: "I've been crying partly because I'm a thief, and partly because Mr. Earlforward is very seriously ill." But with shameful15 suppression of truth she replied in these words:
"Master's that ill!"
And her tears fell anew.
Within an hour the district had heard that the notorious old skinflint Earlforward of Riceyman Steps was dying at last!
Elsie ate no dinner. She tried to eat but could not. Then it was that she devised an expiatory16 scheme for fasting until the total amount of her thefts should be covered. She had admitted to Mr. Earlforward that she got enough to eat. She could not possibly deny that her employers allowed her more food, or at any rate more regular food, than many of her acquaintances managed to exist on from day to day. With an empty stomach and a tight throat she toiled17 upon her routine conscientiously18, and more than conscientiously, because she felt herself in the presence of final calamity19. For her the house and shop had become "the pale court of kingly death"; though she was as ignorant of the mighty20 phrase as of the Sermon on the Mount, and even less[Pg 207] capable of understanding it. The bedroom was sealed against her. Mrs. Earlforward herself went out to purchase special light food. Afterwards she cooked some of the light food and carried it into the bedroom—and carried it out again untouched. Only towards evening did Mrs. Earlforward leave the mysterious and terrible bedroom with an empty basin. Elsie could not comprehend why the doctor had not come, or why, not having come, he had not been fetched. And she dared not ask. No! And she dared not ask how Mr. Earlforward was going on. And Mrs. Earlforward vouchsafed21 nothing. This withholding22 of news was Violet's punishment for Elsie. She wore a mask, which announced to Elsie all the time that Elsie was for the present outside the pale of humanity. Elsie had an intense desire to share fully23 Violet's ordeal24, to suffer openly with her; she admitted that the frustration25 of this desire was no more than her deserts.
At five o'clock, in a clean apron26, she was put into the shop. The stove was black out. The shop was full of the presence and intimidation27 of death. Customers seemed to have avoided it that day, as if they had been magically warned to keep away. Business had been negligible. Elsie hoped much that none would come in the last hour. She had lost the habit of serving in the shop, and was uncertain of her capability28 to handle the humblest customer without making a fool of herself. Then an old gentleman entered and stood silent, critically surveying her and the shop.
"Yes, sir? What can I——"
The old gentleman saw a fat, fairly sensible face, and young, timid, kind eyes, and was rather attracted and mollified by the eyes; but he did not allow Elsie's gaze to soften29 more than a very little his just resentment30 at the spectacle of an aproned charwoman, or at best a general servant, in charge of a bookshop.
"You can't!" he said sharply, moving his ancient head slowly from side to side in a firm negative. "I see Mr. Earlforward."[Pg 208]
"The master isn't very well, sir."
"Oh! Then Mrs. Earlforward."
"Missis is looking after master, sir."
"You don't mean to say he's ill?"
"Yes, sir."
"Ill in bed?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good God! I've known him for over twenty years, and never knew him ill yet. What's the matter? What's the matter with him?"
"I couldn't exactly say, sir."
"What do you mean—you couldn't exactly say?"
"He's very ill indeed, sir."
"Not seriously ill?"
"Not in danger?"
"He'll never get up again, sir."
"Good God! Good God! What next? What next? Er—I—er—I'm sorry to hear this. I'm—er—tell him, tell Mrs. Earlforward, I——" And, murmuring to himself, he walked rapidly out of the dim shop. He was at an age when the distant shuffling33 and rumbling34 of death could positively35 frighten. In an instant he had seen the folly36, the futility37, of collecting books. You could not take first editions with you when you—went. Death loomed38 enormous over him, like a whole firmament39 threatening to fall.
Elsie heard a footfall on the stairs, and Mrs. Earlforward came with deliberation down to such light as there was, her fixed40 eyes glinting and blazing on the sinner submissive in disgrace. Elsie stood tremulous before those formidable eyes. She could scarcely believe that they were the same eyes which had melted in confidences to her on the previous morning. And they were not the same eyes. They were the eyes of an old woman with harsh, implacable features, petrified41 and incapable42 of mobility43.
"What were you saying to that gentleman?"[Pg 209]
"I was only telling him he couldn't see you or master because master was ill, 'm."
"But didn't I hear you say your master would never get up again?"
Elsie quivered and made no response, no defence.
"What do you mean by saying such a thing? How dare you say such a thing? It isn't true; it isn't true! And even if it was true, do you suppose I want everybody to know about our private affairs? You must have gone out of your mind!"
She waited for an answer from Elsie. None came. Elsie could not articulate. Then Mrs. Earlforward finished, abrupt44 and tyrannical:
"Shut the shop!"
Elsie found speech:
"It's only a quarter to six, 'm. There's a quarter of an hour yet," she said weakly, but bravely.
"Shut the shop, I tell you!"
Elsie went outside and began to wheel in the bookstand. A vision of Joe leaped up in her mind, and she gazed east and west to see if by chance he might be arriving a day late at that moment. The vision of Joe vanished from her mind. She thought: "This will be the last time I shall ever wheel in the bookstand." Then, from habit, she raked down the ashes from the stove.
"What's the good of raking the stove when you know it's out!" Mrs. Earlforward exclaimed. "Nothing can burn away if it's out. Where are your brains, wasting time?" Mrs. Earlforward marched across the shop, banged the door to, and fastened it violently, definitely. And Elsie thought: "That door'll never open for master's customers again."
"Get upstairs!" ordained46 Mrs. Earlforward. Within ten seconds the shop and the office were in darkness.
That evening Elsie had none but strictly47 official communication with Mrs. Earlforward, who never once removed her mask, nor by any sign invited Elsie to come back within the warm pale of humanity. The girl did not even know whether she was at liberty to retire to[Pg 210] bed, or whether, in the exceptional circumstances, she ought to stay up on the chance of being needed. At last, in the soundless house, her common sense told her to go to her room. If she was required she could dress in a minute, and it would be just as easy for Mrs. Earlforward to call her in the bedroom as in the kitchen. She had certainly no clear intention, as she closed the bedroom door, of disturbing the ashes of her passion for Joe; and it was almost mechanically, or subconsciously48, that she got his letter from its safety in a drawer. Of late she had not been reading it so often. The envelope was no longer an envelope, but two separate pieces of paper held together only by the habit of association. The letter itself was very dirty and worn out at all the creases50, some of which were no longer creases but rents. As she held it gingerly in her hands, one of the squares into which the creases divided it fell off from the main body, and sank with flutters to the floor. For weeks she had feared that this would happen. Necessarily she took it for an omen45. Something had to be done at once if destiny was to be countered. Her thoughts ran down to the office for aid. But the office was two floors away, and in the night, off duty, she had no right to leave the top-floor. Still less had she the right to leave the top-floor in order to commit a theft. And she might be heard by the sharp, exasperated51 ears of her mistress and caught. But the letter was so pathetic that she could not resist its appeal. She seized the candle, and in stockinged feet, slowly and with every precaution against noise, descended52 the stairs like the thief she was.
On the desk in the office was a small cardboard box in which somebody at some time in history had once received false teeth from a dentist. This box was the receptacle for stamp-paper. In the shadowy and reproachful and menacing office Elsie slid open the box and stole from it quite six good inches of stamp-paper. Contrition53 for sin had perished in her. She was the hardened sinner. She could not learn from experience. It seemed to her that she sinned nightly now. Here her[Pg 211] master was dying, her mistress ill and in misery54, and she was thieving stamp-paper! She arrived upstairs again without discovery. Her nerves were as shaken as if she had crossed Niagara on a tight-rope.
Mr. Earlforward could do marvels55 of repair with stamp-paper, but Elsie had not his skill. Working on the emptied toilet-table, she did little but make the letter adhere to the surface of the table. Then through a too brusque movement she seriously tore the letter, and not in the line of a crease49 either. The paper was worn out by use, and had no virtue56 left. This was too much for Elsie's self-control. She had stood everything, but she could not stand the trifling57 accident. She scrunched58 the pieces of the letter in her powerful hand. Why should she keep the letter? She was a perfect fool to keep the letter, reminding her and reminding her.... She held the ball of paper to the candle. It lit slowly, but it lit. The paper spread a little with the heat. She could read: "I know I shall get better." She dropped the burning letter, and it smoked and blackened and writhed59 on the floor, and nothing survived of it save some charred60 corners, a lot of smoke, and a strong smell of fire.
Elsie now had the sensation of being alone in the world. The reaction was hunger. Hunger swept over her like a visitation. For twenty-four hours she had not eaten enough to satisfy a cat, to say nothing of a robust61 and active young woman. Her fancy could taste the lovely taste of bacon. She thought of all other lovely tastes, and there were many. She thought obscurely, perhaps not in actual words: "Eating is my only joy now. All else is vain, but eating is real." She thought of the cage and its contents. But Mr. Earlforward was dying, and Mrs. Earlforward in misery. And death was waiting to spring out from some dark corner of the house. The house was peopled with the mysterious harbingers of death. Still, the idea of the bacon bewitched her.
She raised the candlestick again. She passed out of the bedroom and crept, guilty and afraid, towards the kitchen. She knew the full enormity of her offence,[Pg 212] could never, afterwards, offer the excuse that she did not realize it. On the other hand, she was helpless in the grip of the tyrannical appetite which drove her on. At the open door of the narrow kitchen she listened intently, with a guilty and fearful eye on the shadowy staircase, trying to see what was not there. Not a sound. Not a vibration62. The last tram-car and the last Underground train had gone. She entered the kitchen, closed the door softly, and shut herself up with her sin. "I will not do it. I cannot do it!" she thought, but she knew that she would do it, and that she was appointed to do it. Her mouth watered; her stomach ravened63 within her like a tiger.
Ten minutes later the door opened suddenly. Mrs. Earlforward, a mantle64 over her night-dress, stood in the doorway65. In the flickering66 light of the candle Mrs. Earlforward caught the gluttonous67, ecstatic expression on Elsie's face and the curve of her pretty lips before the corners of the lips fell to dismay, and the rapt expression changed to despairing delinquency. Mr. Earlforward's grand bluff68 had failed after all. Apparently69 not the atmosphere of death could cure Elsie of her vice70. Mrs. Earlforward, on the top of her other thrilling woes71, was horrified72 to see Elsie not merely eating bacon, but eating bacon raw. But in this particular Mrs. Earlforward was unreasonable73. The girl could not cook the bacon. To do so would have caused throughout the house a smell to wake even the dead. She had no alternative but to eat the bacon raw. Moreover, it was very nice raw. Mrs. Earlforward tried to speak about the bacon, but failed. Elsie, with her mouth full and no chance of emptying it, could not speak either. The tap, dripping much faster now than aforetime, talked alone. At last Mrs. Earlforward gasped74:
"You're dressed. Run for the doctor."
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1
frigidly
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| adv.寒冷地；冷漠地；冷淡地；呆板地 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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4
deigned
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| v.屈尊，俯就( deign的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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5
confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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6
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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precepts
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| n.规诫，戒律，箴言( precept的名词复数 ) | |
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8
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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9
penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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10
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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11
loyalty
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| n.忠诚，忠心 | |
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12
compassionate
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| adj.有同情心的，表示同情的 | |
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13
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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14
lapsed
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| adj.流失的，堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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15
shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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16
expiatory
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| adj.赎罪的，补偿的 | |
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17
toiled
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的过去式和过去分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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18
conscientiously
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| adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实 | |
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19
calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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20
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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21
vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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22
withholding
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| 扣缴税款 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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24
ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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25
frustration
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| n.挫折，失败，失效，落空 | |
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26
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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27
intimidation
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| n.恐吓，威胁 | |
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28
capability
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| n.能力；才能；(pl)可发展的能力或特性等 | |
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29
soften
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| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
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30
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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31
drooped
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| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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33
shuffling
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| adj. 慢慢移动的, 滑移的 动词shuffle的现在分词形式 | |
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34
rumbling
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| n. 隆隆声, 辘辘声 adj. 隆隆响的 动词rumble的现在分词 | |
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35
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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36
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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37
futility
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| n.无用 | |
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38
loomed
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| v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的过去式和过去分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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39
firmament
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| n.苍穹；最高层 | |
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40
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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41
petrified
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| adj.惊呆的；目瞪口呆的v.使吓呆，使惊呆；变僵硬；使石化(petrify的过去式和过去分词) | |
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42
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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43
mobility
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| n.可动性，变动性，情感不定 | |
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44
abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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45
omen
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| n.征兆，预兆；vt.预示 | |
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46
ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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47
strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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48
subconsciously
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| ad.下意识地，潜意识地 | |
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49
crease
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| n.折缝，褶痕，皱褶；v.(使)起皱 | |
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50
creases
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| （使…）起折痕，弄皱( crease的第三人称单数 )； （皮肤）皱起，使起皱纹 | |
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51
exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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52
descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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53
contrition
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| n.悔罪，痛悔 | |
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54
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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55
marvels
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| n.奇迹( marvel的名词复数 )；令人惊奇的事物（或事例）；不平凡的成果；成就v.惊奇，对…感到惊奇( marvel的第三人称单数 ) | |
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56
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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57
trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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58
scrunched
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| v.发出喀嚓声( scrunch的过去式和过去分词 )；蜷缩；压；挤压 | |
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59
writhed
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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60
charred
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| v.把…烧成炭( char的过去式)；烧焦 | |
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61
robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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62
vibration
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| n.颤动，振动；摆动 | |
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63
ravened
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| v.掠夺（raven的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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64
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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65
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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66
flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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67
gluttonous
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| adj.贪吃的，贪婪的 | |
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68
bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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69
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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70
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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71
woes
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| 困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉 | |
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72
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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