The town-hall had never looked finer. The platform at the end of it was backed by a showy draping of flags; at intervals1 along the walls were festoons of flags; the gallery fronts were clothed in flags; the supporting columns were swathed in flags; all this was to impress the stranger, for he would be there in considerable force, and in a large degree he would be connected with the press. The house was full. The 412 fixed2 seats were occupied; also the 68 extra chairs which had been packed into the aisles3; the steps of the platform were occupied; some distinguished4 strangers were given seats on the platform; at the horseshoe of tables which fenced the front and sides of the platform sat a strong force of special correspondents who had come from everywhere. It was the best- dressed house the town had ever produced. There were some tolerably expensive toilets there, and in several cases the ladies who wore them had the look of being unfamiliar5 with that kind of clothes. At least the town thought they had that look, but the notion could have arisen from the town's knowledge of the fact that these ladies had never inhabited such clothes before.
The gold-sack stood on a little table at the front of the platform where all the house could see it. The bulk of the house gazed at it with a burning interest, a mouth-watering interest, a wistful and pathetic interest; a minority of nineteen couples gazed at it tenderly, lovingly, proprietarily, and the male half of this minority kept saying over to themselves the moving little impromptu6 speeches of thankfulness for the audience's applause and congratulations which they were presently going to get up and deliver. Every now and then one of these got a piece of paper out of his vest pocket and privately7 glanced at it to refresh his memory.
Of course there was a buzz of conversation going on--there always is; but at last, when the Rev8. Mr. Burgess rose and laid his hand on the sack, he could hear his microbes gnaw9, the place was so still. He related the curious history of the sack, then went on to speak in warm terms of Hadleyburg's old and well-earned reputation for spotless honesty, and of the town's just pride in this reputation. He said that this reputation was a treasure of priceless value; that under Providence10 its value had now become inestimably enhanced, for the recent episode had spread this fame far and wide, and thus had focussed the eyes of the American world upon this village, and made its name for all time, as he hoped and believed, a synonym11 for commercial incorruptibility. [Applause.] "And who is to be the guardian13 of this noble fame--the community as a whole? No! The responsibility is individual, not communal14. From this day forth15 each and every one of you is in his own person its special guardian, and individually responsible that no harm shall come to it. Do you- -does each of you--accept this great trust? [Tumultuous assent16.] Then all is well. Transmit it to your children and to your children's children. To-day your purity is beyond reproach--see to it that it shall remain so. To-day there is not a person in your community who could be beguiled17 to touch a penny not his own--see to it that you abide18 in this grace. ["We will! we will!"] This is not the place to make comparisons between ourselves and other communities--some of them ungracious towards us; they have their ways, we have ours; let us be content. [Applause.] I am done. Under my hand, my friends, rests a stranger's eloquent20 recognition of what we are; through him the world will always henceforth know what we are. We do not know who he is, but in your name I utter your gratitude21, and ask you to raise your voices in indorsement."
The house rose in a body and made the walls quake with the thunders of its thankfulness for the space of a long minute. Then it sat down, and Mr. Burgess took an envelope out of his pocket. The house held its breath while he slit22 the envelope open and took from it a slip of paper. He read its contents--slowly and impressively--the audience listening with tranced attention to this magic document, each of whose words stood for an ingot of gold:
"'The remark which I made to the distressed24 stranger was this: "You are very far from being a bad man; go, and reform."'" Then he continued:- "We shall know in a moment now whether the remark here quoted corresponds with the one concealed25 in the sack; and if that shall prove to be so--and it undoubtedly26 will--this sack of gold belongs to a fellow-citizen who will henceforth stand before the nation as the symbol of the special virtue27 which has made our town famous throughout the land--Mr. Billson!"
The house had gotten itself all ready to burst into the proper tornado28 of applause; but instead of doing it, it seemed stricken with a paralysis29; there was a deep hush30 for a moment or two, then a wave of whispered murmurs31 swept the place--of about this tenor33: "BILLSON! oh, come, this is TOO thin! Twenty dollars to a stranger- -or ANYBODY--BILLSON! Tell it to the marines!" And now at this point the house caught its breath all of a sudden in a new access of astonishment34, for it discovered that whereas in one part of the hall Deacon Billson was standing35 up with his head weekly bowed, in another part of it Lawyer Wilson was doing the same. There was a wondering silence now for a while. Everybody was puzzled, and nineteen couples were surprised and indignant.
Billson and Wilson turned and stared at each other. Billson asked, bitingly:
"Why do YOU rise, Mr. Wilson?"
"Because I have a right to. Perhaps you will be good enough to explain to the house why YOU rise."
"With great pleasure. Because I wrote that paper."
"It is an impudent37 falsity! I wrote it myself."
It was Burgess's turn to be paralysed. He stood looking vacantly at first one of the men and then the other, and did not seem to know what to do. The house was stupefied. Lawyer Wilson spoke38 up now, and said:
"I ask the Chair to read the name signed to that paper."
That brought the Chair to itself, and it read out the name:
"John Wharton BILLSON."
"There!" shouted Billson, "what have you got to say for yourself now? And what kind of apology are you going to make to me and to this insulted house for the imposture39 which you have attempted to play here?"
"No apologies are due, sir; and as for the rest of it, I publicly charge you with pilfering41 my note from Mr. Burgess and substituting a copy of it signed with your own name. There is no other way by which you could have gotten hold of the test-remark; I alone, of living men, possessed42 the secret of its wording."
There was likely to be a scandalous state of things if this went on; everybody noticed with distress23 that the shorthand scribes were scribbling43 like mad; many people were crying "Chair, chair! Order! order!" Burgess rapped with his gavel, and said:
"Let us not forget the proprieties44 due. There has evidently been a mistake somewhere, but surely that is all. If Mr. Wilson gave me an envelope--and I remember now that he did--I still have it."
He took one out of his pocket, opened it, glanced at it, looked surprised and worried, and stood silent a few moments. Then he waved his hand in a wandering and mechanical way, and made an effort or two to say something, then gave it up, despondently45. Several voices cried out:
"Read it! read it! What is it?"
So he began, in a dazed and sleep-walker fashion:
"'The remark which I made to the unhappy stranger was this: "You are far from being a bad man. [The house gazed at him marvelling46.] Go, and reform."' [Murmurs: "Amazing! what can this mean?"] This one," said the Chair, "is signed Thurlow G. Wilson."
"There!" cried Wilson, "I reckon that settles it! I knew perfectly47 well my note was purloined48."
"Purloined!" retorted Billson. "I'll let you know that neither you nor any man of your kidney must venture to--"
The Chair: "Order, gentlemen, order! Take your seats, both of you, please."
They obeyed, shaking their heads and grumbling49 angrily. The house was profoundly puzzled; it did not know what to do with this curious emergency. Presently Thompson got up. Thompson was the hatter. He would have liked to be a Nineteener; but such was not for him; his stock of hats was not considerable enough for the position. He said:
"Mr. Chairman, if I may be permitted to make a suggestion, can both of these gentlemen be right? I put it to you, sir, can both have happened to say the very same words to the stranger? It seems to me--"
The tanner got up and interrupted him. The tanner was a disgruntled man; he believed himself entitled to be a Nineteener, but he couldn't get recognition. It made him a little unpleasant in his ways and speech. Said he:
"Sho, THAT'S not the point! THAT could happen--twice in a hundred years--but not the other thing. NEITHER of them gave the twenty dollars!" [A ripple50 of applause.]
Billson. "I did!"
Wilson. "I did!"
Then each accused the other of pilfering.
The Chair. "Order! Sit down, if you please--both of you. Neither of the notes has been out of my possession at any moment."
A Voice. "Good--that settles THAT!"
The Tanner. "Mr. Chairman, one thing is now plain: one of these men has been eavesdropping51 under the other one's bed, and filching52 family secrets. If it is not unparliamentary to suggest it, I will remark that both are equal to it. [The Chair. "Order! order!"] I withdraw the remark, sir, and will confine myself to suggesting that IF one of them has overheard the other reveal the test-remark to his wife, we shall catch him now."
A Voice. "How?"
The Tanner. "Easily. The two have not quoted the remark in exactly the same words. You would have noticed that, if there hadn't been a considerable stretch of time and an exciting quarrel inserted between the two readings."
A Voice. "Name the difference."
The Tanner. "The word VERY is in Billson's note, and not in the other."
Many Voices. "That's so--he's right!"
The Tanner. "And so, if the Chair will examine the test-remark in the sack, we shall know which of these two frauds--[The Chair. "Order!"]--which of these two adventurers--[The Chair. "Order! order!"]--which of these two gentlemen--[laughter and applause]--is entitled to wear the belt as being the first dishonest blatherskite ever bred in this town--which he has dishonoured53, and which will be a sultry place for him from now out!" [Vigorous applause.]
Many Voices. "Open it!--open the sack!"
Mr. Burgess made a slit in the sack, slid his hand in, and brought out an envelope. In it were a couple of folded notes. He said:
"One of these is marked, 'Not to be examined until all written communications which have been addressed to the Chair--if any--shall have been read.' The other is marked 'THE TEST.' Allow me. It is worded--to wit:
"'I do not require that the first half of the remark which was made to me by my benefactor54 shall be quoted with exactness, for it was not striking, and could be forgotten; but its closing fifteen words are quite striking, and I think easily rememberable; unless THESE shall be accurately55 reproduced, let the applicant56 be regarded as an impostor. My benefactor began by saying he seldom gave advice to anyone, but that it always bore the hallmark of high value when he did give it. Then he said this--and it has never faded from my memory: 'YOU ARE FAR FROM BEING A BAD MAN- ''"
Fifty Voices. "That settles it--the money's Wilson's! Wilson! Wilson! Speech! Speech!"
People jumped up and crowded around Wilson, wringing57 his hand and congratulating fervently--meantime the Chair was hammering with the gavel and shouting:
"Order, gentlemen! Order! Order! Let me finish reading, please." When quiet was restored, the reading was resumed--as follows:
"'GO, AND REFORM--OR, MARK MY WORDS--SOME DAY, FOR YOUR SINS YOU WILL DIE AND GO TO HELL OR HADLEYBURG--TRY AND MAKE IT THE FORMER.'"
A ghastly silence followed. First an angry cloud began to settle darkly upon the faces of the citizenship58; after a pause the cloud began to rise, and a tickled60 expression tried to take its place; tried so hard that it was only kept under with great and painful difficulty; the reporters, the Brixtonites, and other strangers bent61 their heads down and shielded their faces with their hands, and managed to hold in by main strength and heroic courtesy. At this most inopportune time burst upon the stillness the roar of a solitary63 voice--Jack64 Halliday's:
"THAT'S got the hall-mark on it!"
Then the house let go, strangers and all. Even Mr. Burgess's gravity broke down presently, then the audience considered itself officially absolved65 from all restraint, and it made the most of its privilege. It was a good long laugh, and a tempestuously66 wholehearted one, but it ceased at last--long enough for Mr. Burgess to try to resume, and for the people to get their eyes partially67 wiped; then it broke out again, and afterward68 yet again; then at last Burgess was able to get out these serious words:
"It is useless to try to disguise the fact--we find ourselves in the presence of a matter of grave import. It involves the honour of your town--it strikes at the town's good name. The difference of a single word between the test-remarks offered by Mr. Wilson and Mr. Billson was itself a serious thing, since it indicated that one or the other of these gentlemen had committed a theft--"
The two men were sitting limp, nerveless, crushed; but at these words both were electrified69 into movement, and started to get up.
"Sit down!" said the Chair, sharply, and they obeyed. "That, as I have said, was a serious thing. And it was--but for only one of them. But the matter has become graver; for the honour of BOTH is now in formidable peril70. Shall I go even further, and say in inextricable peril? BOTH left out the crucial fifteen words." He paused. During several moments he allowed the pervading71 stillness to gather and deepen its impressive effects, then added: "There would seem to be but one way whereby this could happen. I ask these gentlemen--Was there COLLUSION?--AGREEMENT?"
A low murmur32 sifted72 through the house; its import was, "He's got them both."
Billson was not used to emergencies; he sat in a helpless collapse73. But Wilson was a lawyer. He struggled to his feet, pale and worried, and said:
"I ask the indulgence of the house while I explain this most painful matter. I am sorry to say what I am about to say, since it must inflict74 irreparable injury upon Mr. Billson, whom I have always esteemed75 and respected until now, and in whose invulnerability to temptation I entirely76 believed--as did you all. But for the preservation77 of my own honour I must speak--and with frankness. I confess with shame--and I now beseech78 your pardon for it--that I said to the ruined stranger all of the words contained in the test- remark, including the disparaging79 fifteen. [Sensation.] When the late publication was made I recalled them, and I resolved to claim the sack of coin, for by every right I was entitled to it. Now I will ask you to consider this point, and weigh it well; that stranger's gratitude to me that night knew no bounds; he said himself that he could find no words for it that were adequate, and that if he should ever be able he would repay me a thousandfold. Now, then, I ask you this; could I expect--could I believe--could I even remotely imagine--that, feeling as he did, he would do so ungrateful a thing as to add those quite unnecessary fifteen words to his test?--set a trap for me?--expose me as a slanderer80 of my own town before my own people assembled in a public hall? It was preposterous81; it was impossible. His test would contain only the kindly82 opening clause of my remark. Of that I had no shadow of doubt. You would have thought as I did. You would not have expected a base betrayal from one whom you had befriended and against whom you had committed no offence. And so with perfect confidence, perfect trust, I wrote on a piece of paper the opening words--ending with "Go, and reform," --and signed it. When I was about to put it in an envelope I was called into my back office, and without thinking I left the paper lying open on my desk." He stopped, turned his head slowly toward Billson, waited a moment, then added: "I ask you to note this; when I returned, a little latter, Mr. Billson was retiring by my street door." [Sensation.]
In a moment Billson was on his feet and shouting:
"It's a lie! It's an infamous83 lie!"
The Chair. "Be seated, sir! Mr. Wilson has the floor."
Billson's friends pulled him into his seat and quieted him, and Wilson went on:
"Those are the simple facts. My note was now lying in a different place on the table from where I had left it. I noticed that, but attached no importance to it, thinking a draught84 had blown it there. That Mr. Billson would read a private paper was a thing which could not occur to me; he was an honourable85 man, and he would be above that. If you will allow me to say it, I think his extra word 'VERY' stands explained: it is attributable to a defect of memory. I was the only man in the world who could furnish here any detail of the test-mark--by HONOURABLE means. I have finished."
There is nothing in the world like a persuasive86 speech to fuddle the mental apparatus87 and upset the convictions and debauch88 the emotions of an audience not practised in the tricks and delusions89 of oratory90. Wilson sat down victorious91. The house submerged him in tides of approving applause; friends swarmed92 to him and shook him by the hand and congratulated him, and Billson was shouted down and not allowed to say a word. The Chair hammered and hammered with its gavel, and kept shouting:
"But let us proceed, gentlemen, let us proceed!"
At last there was a measurable degree of quiet, and the hatter said:
"But what is there to proceed with, sir, but to deliver the money?"
Voices. "That's it! That's it! Come forward, Wilson!"
The Hatter. "I move three cheers for Mr. Wilson, Symbol of the special virtue which--"
The cheers burst forth before he could finish; and in the midst of them--and in the midst of the clamour of the gavel also--some enthusiasts93 mounted Wilson on a big friend's shoulder and were going to fetch him in triumph to the platform. The Chair's voice now rose above the noise:
"Order! To your places! You forget that there is still a document to be read." When quiet had been restored he took up the document, and was going to read it, but laid it down again saying "I forgot; this is not to be read until all written communications received by me have first been read." He took an envelope out of his pocket, removed its enclosure, glanced at it--seemed astonished--held it out and gazed at it--stared at it.
Twenty or thirty voices cried out
"What is it? Read it! read it!"
And he did--slowly, and wondering:
"'The remark which I made to the stranger--[Voices. "Hello! how's this?"]--was this: 'You are far from being a bad man. [Voices. "Great Scott!"] Go, and reform.'" [Voice. "Oh, saw my leg off!"] Signed by Mr. Pinkerton the banker."
The pandemonium94 of delight which turned itself loose now was of a sort to make the judicious95 weep. Those whose withers96 were unwrung laughed till the tears ran down; the reporters, in throes of laughter, set down disordered pot-hooks which would never in the world be decipherable; and a sleeping dog jumped up scared out of its wits, and barked itself crazy at the turmoil97. All manner of cries were scattered98 through the din36: "We're getting rich--TWO Symbols of Incorruptibility!--without counting Billson!" "THREE!-- count Shadbelly in--we can't have too many!" "All right--Billson's elected!" "Alas99, poor Wilson! victim of TWO thieves!"
A Powerful Voice. "Silence! The Chair's fished up something more out of its pocket."
Voices. "Hurrah100! Is it something fresh? Read it! read! read!"
The Chair [reading]. "'The remark which I made,' etc. 'You are far from being a bad man. Go,' etc. Signed, 'Gregory Yates.'"
Tornado of Voices. "Four Symbols!" "'Rah for Yates!" "Fish again!"
The house was in a roaring humour now, and ready to get all the fun out of the occasion that might be in it. Several Nineteeners, looking pale and distressed, got up and began to work their way towards the aisles, but a score of shouts went up:
"The doors, the doors--close the doors; no Incorruptible shall leave this place! Sit down, everybody!" The mandate101 was obeyed.
"Fish again! Read! read!"
The Chair fished again, and once more the familiar words began to fall from its lips--"'You are far from being a bad man--'"
"Name! name! What's his name?"
"'L. Ingoldsby Sargent.'"
"Five elected! Pile up the Symbols! Go on, go on!"
"'You are far from being a bad--'"
"Name! name!"
"'Nicholas Whitworth.'"
"Hooray! hooray! it's a symbolical102 day!"
Somebody wailed103 in, and began to sing this rhyme (leaving out "it's") to the lovely "Mikado" tune62 of "When a man's afraid of a beautiful maid;" the audience joined in, with joy; then, just in time, somebody contributed another line -
"And don't you this forget--"
The house roared it out. A third line was at once furnished -
"Corruptibles far from Hadleyburg are--"
The house roared that one too. As the last note died, Jack Halliday's voice rose high and clear, freighted with a final line -
"But the Symbols are here, you bet!"
That was sung, with booming enthusiasm. Then the happy house started in at the beginning and sang the four lines through twice, with immense swing and dash, and finished up with a crashing three- times-three and a tiger for "Hadleyburg the Incorruptible and all Symbols of it which we shall find worthy104 to receive the hall-mark to-night."
Then the shoutings at the Chair began again, all over the place:
"Go on! go on! Read! read some more! Read all you've got!"
"That's it--go on! We are winning eternal celebrity105!"
A dozen men got up now and began to protest. They said that this farce106 was the work of some abandoned joker, and was an insult to the whole community. Without a doubt these signatures were all forgeries107 -
"Sit down! sit down! Shut up! You are confessing. We'll find your names in the lot."
"Mr. Chairman, how many of those envelopes have you got?"
The Chair counted.
"Together with those that have been already examined, there are nineteen."
A storm of derisive108 applause broke out.
"Perhaps they all contain the secret. I move that you open them all and read every signature that is attached to a note of that sort-- and read also the first eight words of the note."
"Second the motion!"
It was put and carried--uproariously. Then poor old Richards got up, and his wife rose and stood at his side. Her head was bent down, so that none might see that she was crying. Her husband gave her his arm, and so supporting her, he began to speak in a quavering voice:
"My friends, you have known us two--Mary and me--all our lives, and I think you have liked us and respected us--"
The Chair interrupted him:
"Allow me. It is quite true--that which you are saying, Mr. Richards; this town DOES know you two; it DOES like you; it DOES respect you; more--it honours you and LOVES you--"
Halliday's voice rang out:
"That's the hall-marked truth, too! If the Chair is right, let the house speak up and say it. Rise! Now, then--hip59! hip! hip!--all together!"
The house rose in mass, faced toward the old couple eagerly, filled the air with a snow-storm of waving handkerchiefs, and delivered the cheers with all its affectionate heart.
The Chair then continued:
"What I was going to say is this: We know your good heart, Mr. Richards, but this is not a time for the exercise of charity toward offenders109. [Shouts of "Right! right!"] I see your generous purpose in your face, but I cannot allow you to plead for these men--"
"But I was going to--"
"Please take your seat, Mr. Richards. We must examine the rest of these notes--simple fairness to the men who have already been exposed requires this. As soon as that has been done--I give you my word for this--you shall he heard."
Many voices. "Right!--the Chair is right--no interruption can be permitted at this stage! Go on!--the names! the names!--according to the terms of the motion!"
The old couple sat reluctantly down, and the husband whispered to the wife, "It is pitifully hard to have to wait; the shame will be greater than ever when they find we were only going to plead for OURSELVES."
Straightway the jollity broke loose again with the reading of the names.
"'You are far from being a bad man--' Signature, 'Robert J. Titmarsh.'"
'"You are far from being a bad man--' Signature, 'Eliphalet Weeks.'"
"'You are far from being a bad man--' Signature, 'Oscar B. Wilder.'"
At this point the house lit upon the idea of taking the eight words out of the Chairman's hands. He was not unthankful for that. Thenceforward he held up each note in its turn and waited. The house droned out the eight words in a massed and measured and musical deep volume of sound (with a daringly close resemblance to a well-known church chant)--"You are f-a-r from being a b-a-a-a-d man." Then the Chair said, "Signature, 'Archibald Wilcox.'" And so on, and so on, name after name, and everybody had an increasingly and gloriously good time except the wretched Nineteen. Now and then, when a particularly shining name was called, the house made the Chair wait while it chanted the whole of the test-remark from the beginning to the closing words, "And go to hell or Hadleyburg-- try and make it the for-or-m-e-r!" and in these special cases they added a grand and agonised and imposing110 "A-a-a-a-MEN!"
The list dwindled111, dwindled, dwindled, poor old Richards keeping tally112 of the count, wincing113 when a name resembling his own was pronounced, and waiting in miserable114 suspense115 for the time to come when it would be his humiliating privilege to rise with Mary and finish his plea, which he was intending to word thus: ". . . for until now we have never done any wrong thing, but have gone our humble116 way unreproached. We are very poor, we are old, and, have no chick nor child to help us; we were sorely tempted40, and we fell. It was my purpose when I got up before to make confession117 and beg that my name might not be read out in this public place, for it seemed to us that we could not bear it; but I was prevented. It was just; it was our place to suffer with the rest. It has been hard for us. It is the first time we have ever heard our name fall from any one's lips--sullied. Be merciful--for the sake or the better days; make our shame as light to bear as in your charity you can." At this point in his reverie Mary nudged him, perceiving that his mind was absent. The house was chanting, "You are f-a-r," etc.
"Be ready," Mary whispered. "Your name comes now; he has read eighteen."
The chant ended.
"Next! next! next!" came volleying from all over the house.
Burgess put his hand into his pocket. The old couple, trembling, began to rise. Burgess fumbled118 a moment, then said:
"I find I have read them all."
Faint with joy and surprise, the couple sank into their seats, and Mary whispered:
"Oh, bless God, we are saved!--he has lost ours--I wouldn't give this for a hundred of those sacks!"
The house burst out with its "Mikado" travesty119, and sang it three times with ever-increasing enthusiasm, rising to its feet when it reached for the third time the closing line -
"But the Symbols are here, you bet!"
and finishing up with cheers and a tiger for "Hadleyburg purity and our eighteen immortal120 representatives of it."
Then Wingate, the saddler, got up and proposed cheers "for the cleanest man in town, the one solitary important citizen in it who didn't try to steal that money--Edward Richards."
They were given with great and moving heartiness121; then somebody proposed that "Richards be elected sole Guardian and Symbol of the now Sacred Hadleyburg Tradition, with power and right to stand up and look the whole sarcastic122 world in the face."
Passed, by acclamation; then they sang the "Mikado" again, and ended it with -
"And there's ONE Symbol left, you bet!"
There was a pause; then -
A Voice. "Now, then, who's to get the sack?"
The Tanner (with bitter sarcasm). "That's easy. The money has to be divided among the eighteen Incorruptibles. They gave the suffering stranger twenty dollars apiece--and that remark--each in his turn--it took twenty-two minutes for the procession to move past. Staked the stranger--total contribution, $360. All they want is just the loan back--and interest--forty thousand dollars altogether."
Many Voices [derisively.] "That's it! Divvy! divvy! Be kind to the poor--don't keep them waiting!"
The Chair. "Order! I now offer the stranger's remaining document. It says: 'If no claimant shall appear [grand chorus of groans], I desire that you open the sack and count out the money to the principal citizens of your town, they to take it in trust [Cries of "Oh! Oh! Oh!"], and use it in such ways as to them shall seem best for the propagation and preservation of your community's noble reputation for incorruptible honesty [more cries]--a reputation to which their names and their efforts will add a new and far-reaching lustre123." [Enthusiastic outburst of sarcastic applause.] That seems to be all. No--here is a postscript124:
"'P.S.--CITIZENS OF HADLEYBURG: There IS no test-remark--nobody made one. [Great sensation.] There wasn't any pauper125 stranger, nor any twenty-dollar contribution, nor any accompanying benediction126 and compliment--these are all inventions. [General buzz and hum of astonishment and delight.] Allow me to tell my story--it will take but a word or two. I passed through your town at a certain time, and received a deep offence which I had not earned. Any other man would have been content to kill one or two of you and call it square, but to me that would have been a trivial revenge, and inadequate127; for the dead do not SUFFER. Besides I could not kill you all--and, anyway, made as I am, even that would not have satisfied me. I wanted to damage every man in the place, and every woman--and not in their bodies or in their estate, but in their vanity--the place where feeble and foolish people are most vulnerable. So I disguised myself and came back and studied you. You were easy game. You had an old and lofty reputation for honesty, and naturally you were proud of it--it was your treasure of treasures, the very apple of your eye. As soon as I found out that you carefully and vigilantly128 kept yourselves and your children OUT OF TEMPTATION, I knew how to proceed. Why, you simple creatures, the weakest of all weak things is a virtue which has not been tested in the fire. I laid a plan, and gathered a list of names. My project was to corrupt12 Hadleyburg the Incorruptible. My idea was to make liars129 and thieves of nearly half a hundred smirchless men and women who had never in their lives uttered a lie or stolen a penny. I was afraid of Goodson. He was neither born nor reared in Hadleyburg. I was afraid that if I started to operate my scheme by getting my letter laid before you, you would say to yourselves, 'Goodson is the only man among us who would give away twenty dollars to a poor devil'-- and then you might not bite at my bait. But heaven took Goodson; then I knew I was safe, and I set my trap and baited it. It may be that I shall not catch all the men to whom I mailed the pretended test-secret, but I shall catch the most of them, if I know Hadleyburg nature. [Voices. "Right--he got every last one of them."] I believe they will even steal ostensible130 GAMBLE-money, rather than miss, poor, tempted, and mistrained fellows. I am hoping to eternally and everlastingly131 squelch132 your vanity and give Hadleyburg a new renown--one that will STICK--and spread far. If I have succeeded, open the sack and summon the Committee on Propagation and Preservation of the Hadleyburg Reputation.'"
A Cyclone133 of Voices. "Open it! Open it! The Eighteen to the front! Committee on Propagation of the Tradition! Forward--the Incorruptibles!"
The Chair ripped the sack wide, and gathered up a handful of bright, broad, yellow coins, shook them together, then examined them.
"Friends, they are only gilded134 disks of lead!"
There was a crashing outbreak of delight over this news, and when the noise had subsided135, the tanner called out:
"By right of apparent seniority in this business, Mr. Wilson is Chairman of the Committee on Propagation of the Tradition. I suggest that he step forward on behalf of his pals136, and receive in trust the money."
A Hundred Voices. "Wilson! Wilson! Wilson! Speech! Speech!"
Wilson [in a voice trembling with anger]. "You will allow me to say, and without apologies for my language, DAMN the money!"
A Voice. "Oh, and him a Baptist!"
A Voice. "Seventeen Symbols left! Step up, gentlemen, and assume your trust!"
There was a pause--no response.
The Saddler. "Mr. Chairman, we've got ONE clean man left, anyway, out of the late aristocracy; and he needs money, and deserves it. I move that you appoint Jack Halliday to get up there and auction137 off that sack of gilt138 twenty-dollar pieces, and give the result to the right man--the man whom Hadleyburg delights to honour--Edward Richards."
This was received with great enthusiasm, the dog taking a hand again; the saddler started the bids at a dollar, the Brixton folk and Barnum's representative fought hard for it, the people cheered every jump that the bids made, the excitement climbed moment by moment higher and higher, the bidders139 got on their mettle140 and grew steadily141 more and more daring, more and more determined142, the jumps went from a dollar up to five, then to ten, then to twenty, then fifty, then to a hundred, then -
At the beginning of the auction Richards whispered in distress to his wife: "Oh, Mary, can we allow it? It--it --you see, it is an honour--reward, a testimonial to purity of character, and--and--can we allow it? Hadn't I better get up and--Oh, Mary, what ought we to do?--what do you think we--" [Halliday's voice. "Fifteen I'm bid!-- fifteen for the sack!--twenty!--ah, thanks!--thirty--thanks again! Thirty, thirty, thirty!--do I hear forty?--forty it is! Keep the ball rolling, gentlemen, keep it rolling!--fifty! --thanks, noble Roman!--going at fifty, fifty, fifty!--seventy! --ninety!-- splendid!--a hundred!--pile it up, pile it up!--hundred and twenty-- forty!--just in time!--hundred and fifty!--Two hundred!--superb! Do I hear two h--thanks! --two hundred and fifty!--"]
"It is another temptation, Edward--I'm all in a tremble --but, oh, we've escaped one temptation, and that ought to warn us, to--["Six did I hear?--thanks!--six fifty, six f--SEVEN hundred!"] And yet, Edward, when you think--nobody susp--["Eight hundred dollars!-- hurrah!--make it nine!--Mr. Parsons, did I hear you say--thanks!-- nine!--this noble sack of virgin143 lead going at only nine hundred dollars, gilding144 and all-- come! do I hear--a thousand!--gratefully yours!--did some one say eleven?--a sack which is going to be the most celebrated145 in the whole Uni--"] "Oh, Edward" (beginning to sob), "we are so poor!--but--but--do as you think best--do as you think best."
Edward fell--that is, he sat still; sat with a conscience which was not satisfied, but which was overpowered by circumstances.
Meantime a stranger, who looked like an amateur detective gotten up as an impossible English earl, had been watching the evening's proceedings146 with manifest interest, and with a contented147 expression in his face; and he had been privately commenting to himself. He was now soliloquising somewhat like this: 'None of the Eighteen are bidding; that is not satisfactory; I must change that--the dramatic unities19 require it; they must buy the sack they tried to steal; they must pay a heavy price, too--some of them are rich. And another thing, when I make a mistake in Hadleyburg nature the man that puts that error upon me is entitled to a high honorarium148, and some one must pay. This poor old Richards has brought my judgment149 to shame; he is an honest man:--I don't understand it, but I acknowledge it. Yes, he saw my deuces--AND with a straight flush, and by rights the pot is his. And it shall be a jack-pot, too, if I can manage it. He disappointed me, but let that pass."
He was watching the bidding. At a thousand, the market broke: the prices tumbled swiftly. He waited--and still watched. One competitor dropped out; then another, and another. He put in a bid or two now. When the bids had sunk to ten dollars, he added a five; some one raised him a three; he waited a moment, then flung in a fifty-dollar jump, and the sack was his--at $1,282. The house broke out in cheers--then stopped; for he was on his feet, and had lifted his hand. He began to speak.
"I desire to say a word, and ask a favour. I am a speculator in rarities, and I have dealings with persons interested in numismatics all over the world. I can make a profit on this purchase, just as it stands; but there is a way, if I can get your approval, whereby I can make every one of these leaden twenty-dollar pieces worth its face in gold, and perhaps more. Grant me that approval, and I will give part of my gains to your Mr. Richards, whose invulnerable probity150 you have so justly and so cordially recognised tonight; his share shall be ten thousand dollars, and I will hand him the money to-morrow. [Great applause from the house. But the "invulnerable probity" made the Richardses blush prettily151; however, it went for modesty152, and did no harm.] If you will pass my proposition by a good majority--I would like a two-thirds vote--I will regard that as the town's consent, and that is all I ask. Rarities are always helped by any device which will rouse curiosity and compel remark. Now if I may have your permission to stamp upon the faces of each of these ostensible coins the names of the eighteen gentlemen who--"
Nine-tenths of the audience were on their feet in a moment--dog and all--and the proposition was carried with a whirlwind of approving applause and laughter.
They sat down, and all the Symbols except "Dr." Clay Harkness got up, violently protesting against the proposed outrage153, and threatening to -
"I beg you not to threaten me," said the stranger calmly. "I know my legal rights, and am not accustomed to being frightened at bluster154." [Applause.] He sat down. "Dr." Harkness saw an opportunity here. He was one of the two very rich men of the place, and Pinkerton was the other. Harkness was proprietor155 of a mint; that is to say, a popular patent medicine. He was running for the Legislature on one ticket, and Pinkerton on the other. It was a close race and a hot one, and getting hotter every day. Both had strong appetites for money; each had bought a great tract156 of land, with a purpose; there was going to be a new railway, and each wanted to be in the Legislature and help locate the route to his own advantage; a single vote might make the decision, and with it two or three fortunes. The stake was large, and Harkness was a daring speculator. He was sitting close to the stranger. He leaned over while one or another of the other Symbols was entertaining the house with protests and appeals, and asked, in a whisper,
"What is your price for the sack?"
"Forty thousand dollars."
"I'll give you twenty."
"No."
"Twenty-five."
"No."
"Say thirty."
"The price is forty thousand dollars; not a penny less."
"All right, I'll give it. I will come to the hotel at ten in the morning. I don't want it known; will see you privately."
"Very good." Then the stranger got up and said to the house:
"I find it late. The speeches of these gentlemen are not without merit, not without interest, not without grace; yet if I may he excused I will take my leave. I thank you for the great favour which you have shown me in granting my petition. I ask the Chair to keep the sack for me until to-morrow, and to hand these three five- hundred-dollar notes to Mr. Richards." They were passed up to the Chair.
"At nine I will call for the sack, and at eleven will deliver the rest of the ten thousand to Mr. Richards in person at his home. Good-night."
Then he slipped out, and left the audience making a vast noise, which was composed of a mixture of cheers, the "Mikado" song, dog- disapproval157, and the chant, "You are f-a-r from being a b-a-a-d man- -a-a-a a-men!"
镇公所从来没有这么漂亮过。里侧的主席台后面挂上了鲜艳夺目的旗帜，两边墙上彩旗高悬，次第排开，楼座的前沿包着彩旗；柱子上也裹着彩旗；这一切都是为了给外地人加深印象，因为外地来宾想必都不是等闲之辈，而且多半会和新闻界有联系。全场座无虚席。四百一十二个固定座位坐满了。过道里挤出来的六十八个加座也坐满了。主席台的台阶上坐了人，有几位重要来宾被安排在主席台就座，主席台前沿和两侧成马蹄形摆开一排桌子，桌子后面坐着来自各地的大批特派记者。人们的扮相达到了这个镇子的历史最高水平。这里还颇有几套价格不菲的华丽服装，穿了这种衣服的女士看上去有点儿不大自在。起码是本镇人觉得她们不大自在，也许只是因为镇子上的人知道她们从来没有穿过这种衣服，所以才有了这种感觉。
那一袋金子放在主席台前的一张小桌子上，全场都能看得见。在场的大多数人都饶有兴趣地盯着它，这是一种火烧火燎的兴趣，垂涎欲滴的兴趣，望洋兴叹的兴趣。占少数的那十九对夫妇却以亲切、爱抚和拥有者的眼神看着它，而这个少数派中的那一半男性还忙着一遍遍地默诵感谢与会者欢呼与祝贺的答词，他们很快就要站起来发表这篇振奋人心的答词了。这些先生中不时有一位从马甲口袋里摸出一张字条来，偷偷扫上一眼，把忘了的词想起来。
当然啦，场内一直回响着嗡嗡的交谈声——这是常事；可是后来牧师伯杰斯先生起立，把手往那只口袋上一按，全场就静得能让他听见自己身上的跳蚤磨牙了。他先叙述了钱袋子令人神往的来龙去脉，继而热情洋溢地谈起了哈德莱堡因无懈可击的诚实而获得的历史悠久、当之无愧的名望，全镇人对这种名望感到衷心的自豪。他说，这种名望原本就是一份无价之宝；靠上帝保佑，如今这笔财富的价值更是变得不可估量，因为最近发生的这件事把哈德莱堡的名声广为传播，让全美洲所有人的眼光都聚焦在这个镇子上，并使哈德莱堡这个名字永远——这一点他希望并且相信——成为“拒腐蚀”的同义词。（掌声）“那么，靠谁来呵护这笔高尚的财富呢 ——靠全镇人一起来呵护吗？不！呵护哈德莱堡名望的责任是每一个人的，而不是集体的。从今以后，诸位人人都要亲自担任它的特别监护人，各负其责，使它免受任何伤害。请问大家——请问各位——是否接受这个重托呢（台下纷纷答应）？那太好了。还要把这种责任传给你们的后代，子子孙孙传下去。今天你们的纯洁是无可非议的——务必让纯洁永远保持下去。今天，你们中间没有一个人会经不起诱惑去碰别人的钱，非己之财，一文莫取——一定要恪守这种美德（‘一定！一定！’）。这里我不想拿我们镇子和别的镇子对比——尽管有的镇子对我们缺乏善意。大路朝天，各走半边；让我们知足常乐吧（掌声）。我讲完了。朋友们，在我手下，是一位外乡人对我们的令人信服的表彰；通过他，从今以后全世界将永远明白我们是一些什么样的人。我们并不知道他是谁，不过我谨代表各位向他表示感谢，请诸位放开喉咙，表示赞同。”
全场起立，发出长时间雷鸣般的欢呼声，表达他们的谢意，声音震得四壁乱颤。大家落座以后，伯杰斯先生从衣袋里取出一个信封。他撕开信封，从里面抽出一张字条，全场的人都屏住了呼吸。他用语重心长的口气慢慢念出了字条上的内容——听众心醉神迷地倾听着这句有魔力的、字字千金的话：
“我对那位落难的外乡人说的话是：‘你绝对不是一个坏蛋；去吧，改了就好。’”伯杰斯念完后说道：
“咱们马上就能知道，这上面写的话和封在钱袋里那句话是否相同；如果相同——这一点毫无疑问——这一袋金子就属于本镇的一位公民了，从今以后，他将作为特立独行的美德模范屹立在国人面前，正是这种美德使本镇蜚声海内——比尔逊先生！”
全场的人正憋足劲要爆发出一阵狂风骤雨般的欢呼声；结果没有这样做，反而像集体中风似的，一起呆了一两秒钟，然后，一阵窃窃私语声在全场蔓延开来——内容诸如此类：“比尔逊！噢，别逗啦，这也太离谱了吧！拿二十块钱给一个外乡人——别管给谁了——就凭比尔逊！这话讲给水手们听还差不多！”这时，全场又因为发觉了另一件新奇事，突然静了下来：在会场的一处站起来的是比尔逊执事，他满脸忠厚地耷拉着脑袋，在另外一处，威尔逊律师也像他一样站了起来。众人好奇地沉默了片刻。
事出意外，人人都大惑不解，那十九对夫妇更是怒气冲冲。
比尔逊和威尔逊各自转过脸来，四目相对。比尔逊话里带刺地问：
“威尔逊先生，您干吗要站起来呀？”
“因为我有站起来的权利呀。也许您能行行好，给大伙儿说一说您干吗要站起来？”
“不胜荣幸。因为那张字条是我写的。”
“厚脸皮，撒谎！那是我亲手写的！”
这下轮到伯杰斯发呆了。他站在主席台上，茫然若失地望望这一位，又望望那一位，有点儿不知所措。全场的人也目瞪口呆。这时威尔逊律师开口了，他说；
“我请求主席念出那张字条上的签名。”
这句话让主席清醒过来，他大声念出了那个名字：
“约翰·华顿·比尔逊。”
“怎么样！”比尔逊大喝一声，“现在你还有什么可说的？还想蒙人呢，说说你到底打算怎么给我赔罪，给在场受侮辱的诸位赂罪吧？”
“我无罪可赔，先生；不仅如此，我还要公开指控你从伯杰斯先生那里偷走了我写的那张字条，照原样抄了一份，签上你的名字掉了包。除此以外，你没有别的办法能得到这句对证词；在世的人里面只有我一个人掌握着这些话的秘密。”
事情再这样下去非出丑不可；大家痛心地注意到记者正笔走龙蛇，拼命做笔记；很多人叫着“主席，主席！维持秩序！维持秩序！”伯杰斯敲着手里的小木槌说：
“咱们别忘了礼法。这件事显然是哪里出了一点儿岔子，不过，可以肯定没什么大不了的。如果威尔逊先生给过我一个信封——我现在想起来了，他是给过我一个——我还保存着哪。”
他从衣袋里拿出一个信封，撕开来扫了一眼，又惊又恼地站在那儿，好一会儿没有做声。他六神无主地用僵硬的姿势摆手，鼓了几次劲想说点什么，却垂头丧气地欲言又止。有几个人大声喊道：
“念呀！念呀！上面写的是什么？”
于是，他用梦游般恍恍惚惚的声调念了起来：
“‘我对那位不幸的外乡人说的那句话是：“你决不是一个坏蛋；（全场瞪着眼睛望着他，大为吃惊。）去吧，改了就好。’”（全场议论纷纷：“真奇怪！这是怎么回事？”）主席说，‘这一张的落款是瑟卢·威尔逊。’”
“怎么样！”威尔逊大声喊道，“依我看，这件事就算水落石出了！再清楚不过：我那张字条是让人偷看了。”
“偷看！”比尔逊针锋相对。“我非得让你知道点儿厉害：别管是你，还是像你这样的混蛋，胆敢——”
主席：“肃静，先生们，肃静！坐下，你们两位都请坐下。”
他们服从了，可是依然晃着脑袋，怒气冲冲地喋喋不休。大家全都糊涂了；面对这个突如其来的奇特场面，人们不知如何是好。稍停，汤普森站了起来。汤普森是开帽子铺的。他本来有意跻身于十九大户之列，可是没能如愿以偿：因为想要与十九大户为伍，他铺子里的帽子还不够多。他说：
“主席先生，要让我说，难道这两位先生都没错吗？我想请教你，先生，难道他们俩都对那位外乡人说了一模一样的话不成？我觉得——”
皮匠站起来，打断了他的话。皮匠是个一肚子委屈的人，他自信有实力入选十九家大户，但是没有得到认可。因此，他的言谈举止也就掺杂了一点儿情绪。他说：
“嗨，问题倒不在这儿！这样的事也说不定会有——一百年里也许能遇上两回——可是，另外有一件事百年也遇不上一次。他们俩谁也没有给过那二十块钱！”
（一片喝彩声。）
比尔逊：“我给过！”
威尔逊：“我给过！”
接着两人又互相指控对方做贼。
主席：“肃静，请坐下——两位都请坐下。这两张字条无论哪一张一时一刻都没有离开过我。”
一个声音喊着：“好——那就没什么问题了！”
皮匠：“主席先生，现在有一点弄明白了：这两位先生当中反正有一个曾经藏在另一家床底下，偷听人家的家庭秘密。要是不怕坏了开会的规矩，我就说一句吧：这件事他们两个人可都干得出来（主席：“肃静！肃静！”）。我收回这句话，先生，现在我只提一条建议：假如他们两个人当中有一个偷听过另一个对老婆说那句对证词，咱们现在就能把他揪出来。”
有人问：“怎么办？”
皮匠：“好办。这两个人引那句话的时候，用的字眼并不完全一样。读两张字条当中相隔的时间长了一点儿，还插进去一段脸红脖子粗的嘴仗，要不是这样，大家早就注意到了。”
有人说：“把不一样的地方说出来。”
皮匠：“比尔逊的字条写的是‘绝对不是’，威尔逊字条写的是‘决不是’。”
许多人的声音：“是那么写的——他说的对！”
皮匠：“那么，现在只要主席把钱袋里那句对证的话查对一下，咱们就能知道这两个骗子哪一个——（主席：“肃静！”）——这两位投机分子哪一个——（主席： “肃静！肃静！”）——这两位绅士哪一个——（哄堂大笑和掌声）——究竟谁有资格披红戴花，荣任本镇有史以来的首任骗人精——他让哈德莱堡丢了人，从今以后哈德莱堡也要让他不自在！”（热烈的掌声。）
许多人的声音：“打开！——打开口袋！”
伯杰斯先生把那只口袋撕开了一条缝，伸手抽出一个信封来。信封里装着两张折叠的字条。他说：
“这两张字条有一张写着，‘在写给主席的所有条子——如果有的话——全部念完以前不要查看，’另一张上写着‘对证词’。让我来念一念。条子上写的——是：
“我并不要求把我的恩公对我说过的话前半部分引用得一字不差，因为那一半比较平淡，而且可能遗忘；但是结尾的三十个字非常醒目，我想也好记；如果不能把这些字一字不差地重写出来，该申请人即可视为骗子。我的恩公在开始时说过，他很少给别人忠告，不过一旦给人忠告，那必定是字字千金。随后他就说了那句话—— 这句话刻在我的心中，一直没有淡忘：“你决不是一个坏人——”
五十个人的声音：“好了——钱归威尔逊了！威尔逊！威尔逊！讲话吧！讲话吧！”
大家一跃而起，簇拥在威尔逊身边，攥着他的手，热烈地向他道贺——这时候主席敲着小木槌，大声喊着：
“肃静，先生们！肃静！肃静！帮帮忙，让我念完。”场内恢复平静以后，主席继续宣读——接下来是：
“‘去吧，改了就好——否则，记着我的话——因为你作了孽，总有一天你得死，不是去地狱，就是去哈德莱堡——还是想办法去前一个地方吧。’”
随后是死一样的沉寂。起初，一片愤怒的阴云飘来，罩得人们脸色阴暗起来。过了一会儿，这片阴云慢慢飘散，一种幸灾乐祸的神色想努力取而代之。这种努力非常顽强，大家全力以赴，痛苦不堪地克服困难，才把它压了下去。记者们，布里克斯顿镇来的人，以及其他外地人都低着头，双手捂脸，靠了全身的力气和非同寻常的礼貌才忍住了。就在这时，一声桀骛不驯的吼声突然爆发，不合时宜地冲破了场内的沉寂——这是杰克·哈里代的声音：
“这话才是字字千金哪！”
全场的人，包括客人在内，全都忍不住了。就连伯杰斯先生也暂时放下了架子，这时，与会的人感到所有拘束都已正式解除，于是大家就随心所欲了。一阵长时间的大笑，笑得风狂雨骤，痛快淋漓，不过最后终于停了下来——这停下来的时间长得刚好让伯杰斯先生准备继续发言，长得让大家能擦掉笑出来的眼泪；跟着笑声又爆发了，后来又是一阵大笑；直到最后，伯杰斯才得以正正经经地发表如下讲话：
“想遮掩事实是没有用处的——如今，我们面临一个非常重大的问题。这个问题事关本镇的荣誉，危及全镇的名声。威尔逊先生和比尔逊先生提交的对证词有两字之差，这件事性质非常严重，因为这表明两位先生之中总有一位做过贼——”
这两个人本来瘫坐在那里，有气无力，抬不起头来；可是一听到这些话，他们俩都像通了电一样行动起来，想挺身站起——
“坐下！”主席厉声说，他们都服从了。“我刚才说了，这件事值的性质非常严重。这件事情——虽然只是他们俩人之中的一个人干的，可是问题却没有这么简单；因为现在他们两个人的名誉都处于可怕的险境。我能不能说得更严重一点儿，是处于难以脱身的险境之中呢？两个人都漏掉了那至关紧要的三十个字。”他顿了一下。在这几秒钟的时间里，他故意让那遍布全场的沉静凝聚起来，强化它给人深刻印象的效果，然后接着说：“好像只有通过一种方式才会出现这样的事。我请问这两位先生——你们是不是串通好了？——你们是不是合伙的？”
一阵低语声掠过场内；意思是说“他一箭双雕了”。
比尔逊没有经历过意外场面，他无可奈何地瘫坐着；可威尔逊是律师。虽然脸色苍白，心烦意乱，他还是挣扎着站起来说：
“我请求诸位开恩，让我解释一下这件非常痛心的事情。很抱歉，我要把这些话说出来，因为这必定会让比尔逊先生受到不可弥补的损害。迄今为止，我一直对比尔逊先生另眼相看、非常敬重。过去我绝对相信，任何诱惑都奈何不得比尔逊先生——就像诸位一样的相信。可是，为了维护我自己的名誉，我只得说了——打开天窗说亮话。我无地自容地承认——现在我要请求你们原谅 ——我曾经向那位落难的外乡人说过那对证词里包含的所有字句，连那三十个字的诽谤之词也说过。（群情冲动）最近报上登出这件事以后，我回忆起了那些话，决定来领这一口袋钱，因为我有充分的权利得到它。现在我请大家考虑一件事，仔细推敲一下：那天夜里外乡人对我感激不尽；他自己也说到想不出恰当的字眼来表达他的感激之情，并且说假如有一天他力所能及，一定要给我千倍的报答。那么，现在我想请问诸位：难道我能想像——难道我能相信——就算想到天边也想不到——既然他对我满怀感激之情，反倒会干出这种忘恩负义的事来，在他的对证词里加上那完全没有必要加的三十个字？——给我设这么一个陷阱？——让我在自己人面前，在大庭广众之中，因为诽谤过自己的镇子而出丑？这太荒唐了，真不可想像。他的对证词应该只包含我给他的忠告开头那句情真意切的话。我对这一点毫不怀疑。只怕换了各位也会这么想。你们决不会想像，你帮了别人的忙，也没有得罪过他，可他反而这么卑鄙地陷害你。所以我满怀自信、毫不怀疑地在一张纸条上写下了开头的那句话——结尾是‘去吧，改了就好’——然后签了名。我正要把字条装进一个信封，有人叫我到办公室里间去，这时我连想也没有想那张字条正摊开摆在桌子上。”他停下来，慢慢地朝比尔逊转过头去，等了一会，接着说：“请大家注意：过了一小会儿我回来的时候，比尔逊先生正从我的前门走出去。”（群情冲动。）
比尔逊当时就站了起来，大喊一声：
“撒谎！这是不要脸的谎话！”
主席：“请坐下，先生！现在由威尔逊先生讲话。”
比尔逊的朋友们把他接到座位上，劝他镇静下来，威尔逊接着说：
“事情就是这么简单。那时我写的字条已经不在原先我放的地方了。我发现了这一点，不过当时并没有在意，我想可能是风吹的。我绝没有想到比尔逊先生居然会看私人文件，他是个台面上的人，想必不会屈尊干那种事情。容我直说了吧，我想，他把‘决’写成了‘绝对’，这多出来的一个字就已经说明问题：这是因为记性差了那么一点儿。世界上只有我一个人能一字不漏地写出对证词来——而且是用高尚的方式。我的话讲完了。”
世界上没有什么东西像一篇诱导演说那样富于煽动性，它能往不熟悉演说诀窍和骗术的听众的神经系统里灌迷魂汤，颠覆他们的信念，放纵他们的情绪。威尔逊得胜落座，全场赞许的欢呼声像浪潮一样淹没了他。朋友们云集在威尔逊周围，和他握手，向他道贺；比尔逊却被呵斥声压住，说不上一句话。主席使劲敲着小木槌，不断地喊：
“咱们还要继续开会呢，先生们，咱们继续吧！”
后来场内终于安静了许多，那位开帽子铺的说：
“可是，还继续干什么呢，先生，剩下的不就是给钱了吗？”
众人的声音：“对呀！对呀！到前面来吧，威尔逊！”
卖帽子的：“我提议：向特殊美德的化身威尔逊先生三呼万岁——”
话没落地就爆发了欢呼声。在欢呼声中——在主席的木槌声中——有些好事的人把威尔逊抬到一个大个子朋友的肩膀上，正打算把这胜利者送到主席台上去。这时候主席的嗓门压倒了喧闹声——
“肃静！回到你们的座位上去！你们都忘了还有一张字条没念呢。”会场恢复平静以后，他拿起那张字条正要开始念，却又把它放下来，说道：“我忘了；要先念完我收到的所有信件，才能读这张字条。”他从衣袋里拿出一个信封，抽出里面的信来扫了一眼——愣了一下——把信拿得远一点仔细端详——眼睁睁地看着。
有二三十个人的声音喊道：
“写的是什么？念呀！念呀！”
于是他念了起来——带着诧异神情慢慢念道：
“‘我对那位外乡人说的那句——（众人的声音：“嗨！怎么搞的？”）——话是：“你决不是一个坏蛋。（众人的声音：“老天爷！”）去吧，改了就好。”（众人的声音：“噢，乱了套啦！”）落款是银行家平克顿。”
一阵肆无忌惮的狂笑冲破了禁忌，轰然爆发。这种笑法让明白人简直想哭。没有受牵连的人们笑得眼泪直淌；肚子都笑疼了的记者们在纸上涂抹谁也认不出来的天书；一只正在打盹的狗吓破了胆，跳起来向一团糟的场面疯狂嗥叫。在一片喧嚣声中，各式各样的喊叫此起彼伏：“咱们镇子发财了——两位拒腐蚀的模范！&m
收听单词发音 |
1
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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aisles
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| n. (席位间的)通道, 侧廊 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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unfamiliar
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| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
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impromptu
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| adj.即席的，即兴的；adv.即兴的(地)，无准备的(地) | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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rev
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| v.发动机旋转，加快速度 | |
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gnaw
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| v.不断地啃、咬；使苦恼，折磨 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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synonym
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| n.同义词，换喻词 | |
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corrupt
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| v.贿赂，收买；adj.腐败的，贪污的 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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communal
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| adj.公有的，公共的，公社的，公社制的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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beguiled
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| v.欺骗( beguile的过去式和过去分词 )；使陶醉；使高兴；消磨（时间等） | |
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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unities
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| n.统一体( unity的名词复数 )；（艺术等） 完整；（文学、戏剧） （情节、时间和地点的）统一性；团结一致 | |
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eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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slit
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| n.狭长的切口；裂缝；vt.切开，撕裂 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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tornado
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| n.飓风，龙卷风 | |
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paralysis
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| n.麻痹(症)；瘫痪(症) | |
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hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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tenor
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| n.男高音（歌手），次中音（乐器），要旨，大意 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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din
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| n.喧闹声，嘈杂声 | |
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impudent
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| adj.鲁莽的，卑鄙的，厚颜无耻的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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imposture
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| n.冒名顶替，欺骗 | |
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tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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pilfering
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| v.偷窃（小东西），小偷( pilfer的现在分词 )；偷窃（一般指小偷小摸） | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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scribbling
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| n.乱涂[写]胡[乱]写的文章[作品]v.潦草的书写( scribble的现在分词 )；乱画；草草地写；匆匆记下 | |
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proprieties
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| n.礼仪，礼节；礼貌( propriety的名词复数 )；规矩；正当；合适 | |
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despondently
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| adv.沮丧地，意志消沉地 | |
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marvelling
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| v.惊奇，对…感到惊奇( marvel的现在分词 ) | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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purloined
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| v.偷窃( purloin的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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grumbling
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| adj. 喃喃鸣不平的, 出怨言的 | |
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ripple
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| n.涟波，涟漪，波纹，粗钢梳；vt.使...起涟漪，使起波纹； vi.呈波浪状，起伏前进 | |
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eavesdropping
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| n. 偷听 | |
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52
filching
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| v.偷（尤指小的或不贵重的物品）( filch的现在分词 ) | |
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dishonoured
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| a.不光彩的，不名誉的 | |
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benefactor
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| n. 恩人，行善的人，捐助人 | |
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accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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applicant
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| n.申请人，求职者，请求者 | |
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wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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citizenship
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| n.市民权，公民权，国民的义务(身份) | |
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hip
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| n.臀部，髋；屋脊 | |
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tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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absolved
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| 宣告…无罪，赦免…的罪行，宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 )； 不受责难，免除责任 [义务] ,开脱（罪责） | |
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tempestuously
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| adv.剧烈地，暴风雨似地 | |
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partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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electrified
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| v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 )；使兴奋 | |
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peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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pervading
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的现在分词 ) | |
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sifted
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| v.筛( sift的过去式和过去分词 )；筛滤；细查；详审 | |
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collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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75
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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76
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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77
preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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78
beseech
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| v.祈求，恳求 | |
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79
disparaging
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| adj.轻蔑的，毁谤的v.轻视( disparage的现在分词 )；贬低；批评；非难 | |
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80
slanderer
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| 造谣中伤者 | |
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81
preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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82
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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83
infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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84
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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85
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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86
persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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87
apparatus
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| n.装置，器械；器具，设备 | |
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88
debauch
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| v.使堕落，放纵 | |
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89
delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想 | |
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90
oratory
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| n.演讲术；词藻华丽的言辞 | |
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91
victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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92
swarmed
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| 密集( swarm的过去式和过去分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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93
enthusiasts
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| n.热心人，热衷者( enthusiast的名词复数 ) | |
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94
pandemonium
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| n.喧嚣，大混乱 | |
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95
judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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96
withers
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| 马肩隆 | |
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97
turmoil
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| n.骚乱，混乱，动乱 | |
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98
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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99
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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100
hurrah
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| int.好哇，万岁，乌拉 | |
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101
mandate
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| n.托管地；命令，指示 | |
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102
symbolical
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| a.象征性的 | |
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103
wailed
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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104
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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105
celebrity
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| n.名人，名流；著名，名声，名望 | |
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106
farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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107
forgeries
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| 伪造( forgery的名词复数 )； 伪造的文件、签名等 | |
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108
derisive
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| adj.嘲弄的 | |
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109
offenders
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| n.冒犯者( offender的名词复数 )；犯规者；罪犯；妨害…的人（或事物） | |
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110
imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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111
dwindled
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| v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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112
tally
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| n.计数器，记分，一致，测量；vt.计算，记录，使一致；vi.计算，记分，一致 | |
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113
wincing
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的现在分词 ) | |
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114
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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115
suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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116
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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117
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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118
fumbled
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| （笨拙地）摸索或处理（某事物）( fumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 乱摸，笨拙地弄； 使落下 | |
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119
travesty
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| n.歪曲，嘲弄，滑稽化 | |
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120
immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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121
heartiness
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| 诚实，热心 | |
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122
sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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123
lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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124
postscript
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| n.附言，又及；(正文后的)补充说明 | |
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125
pauper
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| n.贫民，被救济者，穷人 | |
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126
benediction
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| n.祝福；恩赐 | |
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127
inadequate
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| adj.(for,to)不充足的，不适当的 | |
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128
vigilantly
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| adv.警觉地，警惕地 | |
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129
liars
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| 说谎者( liar的名词复数 ) | |
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130
ostensible
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| adj.(指理由)表面的，假装的 | |
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131
everlastingly
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| 永久地，持久地 | |
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132
squelch
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| v.压制，镇压；发吧唧声 | |
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133
cyclone
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| n.旋风，龙卷风 | |
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134
gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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135
subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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136
pals
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| n.朋友( pal的名词复数 )；老兄；小子；（对男子的不友好的称呼）家伙 | |
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137
auction
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| n.拍卖；拍卖会；vt.拍卖 | |
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138
gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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139
bidders
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| n.出价者，投标人( bidder的名词复数 ) | |
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140
mettle
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| n.勇气，精神 | |
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141
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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142
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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143
virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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144
gilding
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| n.贴金箔，镀金 | |
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145
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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146
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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147
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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148
honorarium
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| n.酬金，谢礼 | |
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149
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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150
probity
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| n.刚直；廉洁，正直 | |
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151
prettily
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| adv.优美地；可爱地 | |
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152
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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153
outrage
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| n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒 | |
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154
bluster
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| v.猛刮；怒冲冲的说；n.吓唬，怒号；狂风声 | |
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155
proprietor
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| n.所有人；业主；经营者 | |
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156
tract
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| n.传单，小册子，大片(土地或森林) | |
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157
disapproval
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| n.反对，不赞成 | |
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