"Fine?—Awful!"
"You are wet. Stand here on the hearth before the fire."
"Not for worlds!"
The stranger still stood in the exact middle of the cottage, where he had first planted himself. His singularity impelled9 a closer scrutiny10. A lean, gloomy figure. Hair dark and lank11, mattedly streaked12 over his brow. His sunken pitfalls13 of eyes were ringed by indigo14 halos, and played with an innocuous sort of lightning: the gleam without the bolt. The whole man was dripping. He stood in a puddle15 on the bare oak floor: his strange walking-stick vertically16 resting at his side.
It was a polished copper17 rod, four feet long, lengthwise attached to a neat wooden staff, by insertion into two balls of greenish glass, ringed with copper bands. The metal rod terminated at the top tripodwise, in three keen tines, brightly gilt18. He held the thing by the wooden part alone.
"Sir," said I, bowing politely, "have I the honor of a visit from that illustrious god, Jupiter Tonans? So stood he in the Greek statue of old, grasping the lightning-bolt. If you be [pg 273] he, or his viceroy, I have to thank you for this noble storm you have brewed19 among our mountains. Listen: That was a glorious peal20. Ah, to a lover of the majestic21, it is a good thing to have the Thunderer himself in one's cottage. The thunder grows finer for that. But pray be seated. This old rush-bottomed arm-chair, I grant, is a poor substitute for your evergreen22 throne on Olympus; but, condescend23 to be seated."
While I thus pleasantly spoke24, the stranger eyed me, half in wonder, and half in a strange sort of horror; but did not move a foot.
I planted the chair invitingly26 on the broad hearth, where a little fire had been kindled27 that afternoon to dissipate the dampness, not the cold; for it was early in the month of September.
But without heeding28 my solicitation29, and still standing in the middle of the floor, the stranger gazed at me portentously30 and spoke.
"Sir," said he, "excuse me; but instead of my accepting your invitation to be seated on [pg 274] the hearth there, I solemnly warn you, that you had best accept mine, and stand with me in the middle of the room. Good heavens!" he cried, starting—"there is another of those awful crashes. I warn you, sir, quit the hearth."
"Mr. Jupiter Tonans," said I, quietly rolling my body on the stone, "I stand very well here."
"Are you so horridly31 ignorant, then," he cried, "as not to know, that by far the most dangerous part of a house, during such a terrific tempest as this, is the fire-place?"
The stranger now assumed such an unpleasant air of successful admonition, that—quite involuntarily again—I stepped back upon the hearth, and threw myself into the erectest, proudest posture33 I could command. But I said nothing.
"For Heaven's sake," he cried, with a strange mixture of alarm and intimidation—"for Heaven's sake, get off the hearth! Know you not, that the heated air and soot34 are conductors;—to [pg 275] say nothing of those immense iron fire-dogs? Quit the spot—I conjure—I command you."
"Mr. Jupiter Tonans, I am not accustomed to be commanded in my own house."
"Sir, will you be so good as to tell me your business? If you seek shelter from the storm, you are welcome, so long as you be civil; but if you come on business, open it forthwith. Who are you?"
"I am a dealer36 in lightning-rods," said the stranger, softening37 his tone; "my special business is—Merciful heaven! what a crash!—Have you ever been struck—your premises38, I mean? No? It's best to be provided;"—significantly rattling39 his metallic40 staff on the floor;—"by nature, there are no castles in thunder-storms; yet, say but the word, and of this cottage I can make a Gibraltar by a few waves of this wand. Hark, what Himalayas of concussions41!"
"You interrupted yourself; your special business you were about to speak of." [pg 276]
"My special business is to travel the country for orders for lightning-rods. This is my specimen42-rod;" tapping his staff; "I have the best of references"—fumbling in his pockets. "In Criggan last month, I put up three-and-twenty rods on only five buildings."
"Let me see. Was it not at Criggan last week, about midnight on Saturday, that the steeple, the big elm, and the assembly-room cupola were struck? Any of your rods there?"
"Not on the tree and cupola, but the steeple."
"Of what use is your rod, then?"
"Of life-and-death use. But my workman was heedless. In fitting the rod at top to the steeple, he allowed a part of the metal to graze the tin sheeting. Hence the accident. Not my fault, but his. Hark!"
"Never mind. That clap burst quite loud enough to be heard without finger-pointing. Did you hear of the event at Montreal last year? A servant girl struck at her bed-side with a rosary in her hand; the beads43 being metal. Does your beat extend into the Canadas?" [pg 277]
"No. And I hear that there, iron rods only are in use. They should have mine, which are copper. Iron is easily fused. Then they draw out the rod so slender, that it has not body enough to conduct the full electric current. The metal melts; the building is destroyed. My copper rods never act so. Those Canadians are fools. Some of them knob the rod at the top, which risks a deadly explosion, instead of imperceptibly carrying down the current into the earth, as this sort of rod does. Mine is the only true rod. Look at it. Only one dollar a foot."
"This abuse of your own calling in another might make one distrustful with respect to yourself."
"Hark! The thunder becomes less muttering. It is nearing us, and nearing the earth, too. Hark! One crammed44 crash! All the vibrations45 made one by nearness. Another flash. Hold!"
"What do you?" I said, seeing him now, instantaneously relinquishing46 his staff, lean intently forward towards the window, with his right fore8 and middle fingers on his left wrist. [pg 278] But ere the words had well escaped me, another exclamation47 escaped him.
"Crash! only three pulses—less than a third of a mile off—yonder, somewhere in that wood. I passed three stricken oaks there, ripped out new and glittering. The oak draws lightning more than other timber, having iron in solution in its sap. Your floor here seems oak.
"Heart-of-oak. From the peculiar48 time of your call upon me, I suppose you purposely select stormy weather for your journeys. When the thunder is roaring, you deem it an hour peculiarly favorable for producing impressions favorable to your trade."
"Hark!—Awful!"
"For one who would arm others with fear you seem unbeseemingly timorous49 yourself. Common men choose fair weather for their travels: you choose thunder-storms; and yet—"
"That I travel in thunder-storms, I grant; but not without particular precautions, such as only a lightning-rod man may know. Hark! Quick—look at my specimen rod. Only one dollar a foot." [pg 279]
"A very fine rod, I dare say. But what are these particular precautions of yours? Yet first let me close yonder shutters50; the slanting51 rain is beating through the sash. I will bar up."
"Are you mad? Know you not that yon iron bar is a swift conductor? Desist."
"I will simply close the shutters, then, and call my boy to bring me a wooden bar. Pray, touch the bell-pull there.
"Are you frantic52? That bell-wire might blast you. Never touch bell-wire in a thunder-storm, nor ring a bell of any sort."
"Nor those in belfries? Pray, will you tell me where and how one may be safe in a time like this? Is there any part of my house I may touch with hopes of my life?"
"There is; but not where you now stand. Come away from the wall. The current will sometimes run down a wall, and—a man being a better conductor than a wall—it would leave the wall and run into him. Swoop53! That must have fallen very nigh. That must have been globular lightning."
"Very probably. Tell me at once, which [pg 280] is, in your opinion, the safest part of this house?
"This room, and this one spot in it where I stand. Come hither."
"The reasons first."
"Hark!—after the flash the gust—the sashes shiver—the house, the house!—Come hither to me!"
"The reasons, if you please."
"Come hither to me!"
"Thank you again, I think I will try my old stand—the hearth. And now, Mr. Lightning-rod-man, in the pauses of the thunder, be so good as to tell me your reasons for esteeming54 this one room of the house the safest, and your own one stand-point there the safest spot in it."
There was now a little cessation of the storm for a while. The Lightning-rod man seemed relieved, and replied:—
"Your house is a one-storied house, with an attic55 and a cellar; this room is between. Hence its comparative safety. Because lightning sometimes passes from the clouds to the earth, and sometimes from the earth to the [pg 281] clouds. Do you comprehend?—and I choose the middle of the room, because if the lightning should strike the house at all, it would come down the chimney or walls; so, obviously, the further you are from them, the better. Come hither to me, now."
"Presently. Something you just said, instead of alarming me, has strangely inspired confidence."
"What have I said?"
"You said that sometimes lightning flashes from the earth to the clouds."
"Aye, the returning-stroke, as it is called; when the earth, being overcharged with the fluid, flashes its surplus upward."
"The returning-stroke; that is, from earth to sky. Better and better. But come here on the hearth and dry yourself."
"I am better here, and better wet."
"How?"
"It is the safest thing you can do—Hark, again!—to get yourself thoroughly56 drenched57 in a thunder-storm. Wet clothes are better conductors than the body; and so, if the lightning strike, it might pass down the wet clothes [pg 282] without touching58 the body. The storm deepens again. Have you a rug in the house? Rugs are non-conductors. Get one, that I may stand on it here, and you, too. The skies blacken—it is dusk at noon. Hark!—the rug, the rug!"
"And now, since our being dumb will not help us," said I, resuming my place, "let me hear your precautions in traveling during thunder-storms."
"Wait till this one is passed."
"Nay, proceed with the precautions. You stand in the safest possible place according to your own account. Go on."
"Briefly60, then. I avoid pine-trees, high houses, lonely barns, upland pastures, running water, flocks of cattle and sheep, a crowd of men. If I travel on foot—as to-day—I do not walk fast; if in my buggy, I touch not its back or sides; if on horseback, I dismount and lead the horse. But of all things, I avoid tall men." [pg 283]
"Do I dream? Man avoid man? and in danger-time, too."
"Tall men in a thunder-storm I avoid. Are you so grossly ignorant as not to know, that the height of a six-footer is sufficient to discharge an electric cloud upon him? Are not lonely Kentuckians, ploughing, smit in the unfinished furrow61? Nay, if the six-footer stand by running water, the cloud will sometimes select him as its conductor to that running water. Hark! Sure, yon black pinnacle62 is split. Yes, a man is a good conductor. The lightning goes through and through a man, but only peels a tree. But sir, you have kept me so long answering your questions, that I have not yet come to business. Will you order one of my rods? Look at this specimen one? See: it is of the best of copper. Copper's the best conductor. Your house is low; but being upon the mountains, that lowness does not one whit63 depress it. You mountaineers are most exposed. In mountainous countries the lightning-rod man should have most business. Look at the specimen, sir. One rod will answer for a house so small as this. Look over [pg 284] these recommendations. Only one rod, sir; cost, only twenty dollars. Hark! There go all the granite64 Taconics and Hoosics dashed together like pebbles65. By the sound, that must have struck something. An elevation66 of five feet above the house, will protect twenty feet radius67 all about the rod. Only twenty dollars, sir—a dollar a foot. Hark!—Dreadful!—Will you order? Will you buy? Shall I put down your name? Think of being a heap of charred68 offal, like a haltered horse burnt in his stall; and all in one flash!"
"You pretended envoy69 extraordinary and minister plenipotentiary to and from Jupiter Tonans," laughed I; "you mere70 man who come here to put you and your pipestem between clay and sky, do you think that because you can strike a bit of green light from the Leyden jar, that you can thoroughly avert71 the supernal72 bolt? Your rod rusts73, or breaks, and where are you? Who has empowered you, you Tetzel, to peddle74 round your indulgences from divine ordinations75? The hairs of our heads are numbered, and the days of our lives. In thunder as in sunshine, I stand at ease in [pg 285] the hands of my God. False negotiator, away! See, the scroll76 of the storm is rolled back; the house is unharmed; and in the blue heavens I read in the rainbow, that the Deity77 will not, of purpose, make war on man's earth."
"Impious wretch78!" foamed79 the stranger, blackening in the face as the rainbow beamed, "I will publish your infidel notions."
The scowl80 grew blacker on his face; the indigo-circles enlarged round his eyes as the storm-rings round the midnight moon. He sprang upon me; his tri-forked thing at my heart.
I seized it; I snapped it; I dashed it; I trod it; and dragging the dark lightning-king out of my door, flung his elbowed, copper sceptre after him.
But spite of my treatment, and spite of my dissuasive81 talk of him to my neighbors, the Lightning-rod man still dwells in the land; still travels in storm-time, and drives a brave trade with the fears of man.
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1
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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hearth
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| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
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3
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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4
zigzag
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| n.曲折，之字形；adj.曲折的，锯齿形的；adv.曲折地，成锯齿形地；vt.使曲折；vi.曲折前行 | |
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5
slants
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| （使）倾斜，歪斜( slant的第三人称单数 )； 有倾向性地编写或报道 | |
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shingled
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| adj.盖木瓦的；贴有墙面板的v.用木瓦盖(shingle的过去式和过去分词形式) | |
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7
clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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8
fore
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| adv.在前面；adj.先前的；在前部的；n.前部 | |
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impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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10
scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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11
lank
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| adj.瘦削的；稀疏的 | |
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12
streaked
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| adj.有条斑纹的，不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
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13
pitfalls
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| （捕猎野兽用的）陷阱( pitfall的名词复数 )； 意想不到的困难，易犯的错误 | |
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14
indigo
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| n.靛青，靛蓝 | |
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15
puddle
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| n.(雨)水坑，泥潭 | |
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16
vertically
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| adv.垂直地 | |
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17
copper
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| n.铜；铜币；铜器；adj.铜(制)的；(紫)铜色的 | |
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18
gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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19
brewed
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| 调制( brew的过去式和过去分词 )； 酝酿； 沏（茶）； 煮（咖啡） | |
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20
peal
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| n.钟声；v.鸣响 | |
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21
majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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evergreen
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| n.常青树；adj.四季常青的 | |
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23
condescend
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| v.俯就，屈尊；堕落，丢丑 | |
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24
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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25
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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invitingly
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| adv. 动人地 | |
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27
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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28
heeding
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的现在分词 ) | |
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29
solicitation
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| n.诱惑；揽货；恳切地要求；游说 | |
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portentously
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horridly
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| 可怕地，讨厌地 | |
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32
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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34
soot
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| n.煤烟，烟尘；vt.熏以煤烟 | |
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35
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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dealer
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| n.商人，贩子 | |
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37
softening
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| 变软，软化 | |
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38
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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39
rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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40
metallic
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| adj.金属的；金属制的；含金属的；产金属的；像金属的 | |
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41
concussions
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| n.震荡( concussion的名词复数 )；脑震荡；冲击；震动 | |
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42
specimen
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| n.样本，标本 | |
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43
beads
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| n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链 | |
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44
crammed
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| adj.塞满的，挤满的；大口地吃；快速贪婪地吃v.把…塞满；填入；临时抱佛脚( cram的过去式) | |
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45
vibrations
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| n.摆动( vibration的名词复数 )；震动；感受；（偏离平衡位置的）一次性往复振动 | |
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46
relinquishing
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| 交出，让给( relinquish的现在分词 )； 放弃 | |
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47
exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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48
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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49
timorous
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| adj.胆怯的，胆小的 | |
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50
shutters
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| 百叶窗( shutter的名词复数 )； （照相机的）快门 | |
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51
slanting
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| 倾斜的，歪斜的 | |
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52
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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53
swoop
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| n.俯冲，攫取；v.抓取，突然袭击 | |
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54
esteeming
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| v.尊敬( esteem的现在分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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55
attic
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| n.顶楼，屋顶室 | |
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56
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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57
drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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58
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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59
hooded
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| adj.戴头巾的；有罩盖的；颈部因肋骨运动而膨胀的 | |
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60
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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61
furrow
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| n.沟；垄沟；轨迹；车辙；皱纹 | |
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62
pinnacle
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| n.尖塔，尖顶，山峰；(喻)顶峰 | |
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63
whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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64
granite
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| adj.花岗岩，花岗石 | |
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65
pebbles
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| [复数]鹅卵石； 沙砾； 卵石，小圆石( pebble的名词复数 ) | |
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66
elevation
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| n.高度；海拔；高地；上升；提高 | |
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67
radius
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| n.半径，半径范围；有效航程，范围，界限 | |
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68
charred
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| v.把…烧成炭( char的过去式)；烧焦 | |
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69
envoy
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| n.使节，使者，代表，公使 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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71
avert
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| v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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72
supernal
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| adj.天堂的，天上的；崇高的 | |
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73
rusts
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| n.铁锈( rust的名词复数 )；（植物的）锈病，锈菌v.（使）生锈( rust的第三人称单数 ) | |
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74
peddle
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| vt.(沿街)叫卖，兜售；宣传，散播 | |
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75
ordinations
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| n.授予神职( ordination的名词复数 )；授圣职 | |
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76
scroll
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| n.卷轴，纸卷；(石刻上的)漩涡 | |
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77
deity
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| n.神，神性；被奉若神明的人(或物) | |
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78
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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79
foamed
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| 泡沫的 | |
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80
scowl
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| vi.(at)生气地皱眉，沉下脸，怒视；n.怒容 | |
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81
dissuasive
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| 劝戒的 | |
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