Then fly betimes, for only they
Conquer love that run away.—Carew.
Morton had been for some time of opinion that he had better leave New Baden; yet still the philosophic2 youth staid on,—a week longer,—a fortnight longer,—and still he lingered. It would be too much to say that he was in love with his handsome, dare-devil cousin; but his mind was greatly troubled in regard to her—shaken and tossed with a variety of conflicting emotions. The multiplied and constantly changing phases of her character, its strong but utterly3 ungoverned resources, its frankness, enthusiasm, detestation of all deceit or pretension4, and, in spite of her wildness, a deep vein5 of womanly tenderness which now and then betrayed itself, all conspired6 to keep his interest somewhat painfully excited.
One evening he left the crowded piazza7 of the hotel, and, intending to flirt8 with solitude9 and a cigar, walked towards a rustic10 arbor11, overgrown with a wild grape vine, and standing12 among a cluster of young elms at the foot of the garden. As he drew near, he saw the gleam of ladies' dresses, and found the seats already occupied by Miss Fanny Euston and two companions. Morton knew them well, and joined the party. As neither the affected13 graces of the one companion nor the voluble emptiness of the other had much interest in his eyes, he directed his conversation chiefly to Fanny. In a few minutes the two girls exchanged glances, rose, and alleging14 some pretended engagement, returned to the hotel, bent15 on making this casual interview assume the air of a flirtation16.
Morton and his companion sat for a moment in silence.
"We are cousins—are we not?" said the former, at length.
"At least they would call us so in the Highlands."
"Then give me a cousin's privilege, and allow me to be personal. Are you not out of spirits to-night?"
"Why do you think me so?"
"From your look and manner."
"Are you not tired to death of New Baden?"
"Not yet."
"I am. What is it all worth?—weary, and vapid17, and flat, and stale, and unprofitable! I have had enough of it."
"Then why not change it?"
"To find the same thing in a new shape!"
"Pardon me if I call that a freak of the moment. You are the gayest of the gay."
"No, I am not."
"You are a belle18 here; a centre light. The moths19 flutter about you, though you do, now and then, singe20 their wings. You frighten them, and they repay you with fine speeches."
"I am weary of them. For Heaven's sake, abuse me a little. I know you have it often in your heart."
"Abuse is sometimes nothing but flattery in disguise."
"Why do you smile? That smile was at my expense."
"Why should you imagine so?"
"I insist on your telling me its meaning."
"I was only thinking that when tribute in an old shape has become wearisome, one may like to have it paid in a new one."
"That certainly is not flattery. Do you know I am beginning to be afraid of you?"
"I could not have thought you afraid of any one."
"Yes, I am afraid of you."
"Why?"
"Because you are always observing me. Because you penetrate21 my thoughts and understand me thoroughly22."
"I am less deep than you suppose."
"At least you know all my faults. You are always, in a quiet way, making gibes23 and sarcasms24 at my expense, and touching25 upon my weakest points."
"Does it make you angry?"
"No; I rather like it; but I wish to repay you. I wish to find your weaknesses, but cannot. Have you any?"
"Yes, an abundance."
"And will you tell me what they are?"
"What, that you may use them against me! The moment you know them, you will attack me without mercy; and if you see me wince26, it is all over with me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that you cease to like one as soon as you find that you can gain the least advantage over him. If I could really make you a little afraid of me, you would like me all the better for it. No, I will show you none of my weaknesses; and perhaps, if I did, you would not find them of a kind that you could use against me. I can strike at you, but you cannot hurt me. I am armed in proof. I defy you."
In saying this, at least, Morton showed some knowledge of his companion's character. To defy her successfully was a great step towards gaining her good graces; for with all her wildness she was very sensitive to the good or ill opinion of those who could compel her to respect them. She became very anxious to know what Morton thought of her.
"You say that you do not understand me thoroughly. What is there in me that you do not understand?"
"You may say that I do not understand you at all."
"Who can understand the language of Babel?"
"Do you mean that I speak the language of Babel?"
"Do not be displeased31 at it. All the power and beauty of the universe rose out of chaos."
"Now you are flattering in earnest."
"You are difficult to satisfy. What may I call you? A wild Arab racer without a rider?"
"That will answer better."
"Or a rocket without a stick?"
"I have seen rockets; but I do not know what the stick is. What is it? What is it for?"
"To give balance and aim to the rocket—make it, as the transcendentalists say, mount skyward, and end in stars and 'golden rain.'"
"Very fine! And how if it has no stick?"
"Then it sparkles, and blazes, and hisses32 on the ground; flies up and down, this way and that, plays the deuse with every thing and every body, and at last blows itself up to no purpose."
"Ah, I see that the stick is very necessary. I will try to get one."
"I am in earnest!" exclaimed Fanny Euston, with a sudden change of voice and manner. "Every word that you have spoken is true. I am driven hither and thither34 by feelings and impulses,—some bad, some good,—chasing every new fancy like so many butterflies or will-o'-the-wisps,—without thinking of results—restless—dissatisfied—finding no life but in the excitement of the moment. Sometimes I have hints of better things. Glimpses of light break in upon me; but they come, and they go again. I have no rule of life, no guiding star."
Morton looked at his companion not without a certain sense of victory. He saw that he had gained, for the moment at least, an influence over her, and roused her to the expression of feelings to which, perhaps, she had never given utterance35 before. Yet his own mind was any thing but tranquil36. Something more than admiration37 was stirring within him. He felt impelled38 to explore farther the proud spirit which had already yielded up to him some of its secrets. But he felt that, with her eyes upon him, he could not speak without committing himself farther than he was prepared to do. In this dilemma39 he determined40 to retreat—a resolution for which he was entitled to no little credit, if its merit is to be measured by the effort it cost him. He rose from his seat.
"Find your star, Fanny, and you may challenge the world. But I see people coming down the garden towards us. We shall be invaded if we stay here. Let us walk back towards the house."
When he found himself alone again, he paced his room in no very enviable frame of mind.
"What devil impelled me to speak as I did? It was no part of mine to be telling her of her faults. Am I turning philanthropist and busybody? If I wished to gain her heart, I suspect I have been taking the right course. What with any other lady would have been intolerable presumption41 and arrogance42, is the most effectual way to win her esteem43. And why should I not wish to gain her heart? There is good there in abundance, if one could but depend on it. No; I am not blinded yet. This last outburst was a momentary44 impulse, like all the rest; and to-morrow she will be reckless as ever. She delights in lawlessness, and rejoices in the zest45 of breaking established bounds. Her wayward will is like a cataract46, and may carry her, God knows whither. No; I will not walk in this path; I will not try to marry her. Her heart is untouched—that is clear as the day. I wish she could say as much of mine. I will leave this place to-morrow, cost what it will."
A letter from Boston gave him a pretext47; and bidding farewell to his cousin and her mother, he took the early train homewards. The newsboy brought him a paper, and his eyes rested on the columns; but his thoughts centred on Fanny Euston and his last evening's conversation with her at the foot of the garden.
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1
wed
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| v.娶，嫁，与…结婚 | |
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philosophic
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| adj.哲学的，贤明的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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pretension
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| n.要求；自命，自称；自负 | |
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vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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6
conspired
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| 密谋( conspire的过去式和过去分词 )； 搞阴谋； （事件等）巧合； 共同导致 | |
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7
piazza
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| n.广场；走廊 | |
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flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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10
rustic
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| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
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arbor
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| n.凉亭；树木 | |
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12
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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13
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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14
alleging
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| 断言，宣称，辩解( allege的现在分词 ) | |
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15
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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16
flirtation
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| n.调情，调戏，挑逗 | |
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17
vapid
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| adj.无味的；无生气的 | |
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18
belle
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| n.靓女 | |
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19
moths
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| n.蛾( moth的名词复数 ) | |
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20
singe
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| v.(轻微地)烧焦；烫焦；烤焦 | |
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21
penetrate
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| v.透(渗)入；刺入，刺穿；洞察，了解 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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23
gibes
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| vi.嘲笑，嘲弄（gibe的第三人称单数形式） | |
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sarcasms
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，挖苦( sarcasm的名词复数 ) | |
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25
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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26
wince
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| n.畏缩，退避，（因痛苦，苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动；v.畏缩，退缩，退避 | |
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27
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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28
evasion
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| n.逃避，偷漏(税) | |
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29
chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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30
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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31
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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32
hisses
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| 嘶嘶声( hiss的名词复数 ) | |
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33
bantering
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| adj.嘲弄的v.开玩笑，说笑，逗乐( banter的现在分词 )；（善意地）取笑，逗弄 | |
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34
thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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35
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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36
tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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37
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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38
impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39
dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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41
presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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42
arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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43
esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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44
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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45
zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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46
cataract
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| n.大瀑布，奔流，洪水，白内障 | |
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47
pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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