The road is now the private property of the authorities of Newnham, and a new wing connecting the old and the new halls will be built across the road, and the jealous walls that shut out the grounds from masculine eyes will be thrown down,[Pg 193] and the old dusty lane will be covered with smooth, green turf, and it will be a thoroughfare no longer for the foot of man to pass over.
Perhaps they will restore again the old fortifications. There was a Roman camp here once, and a battle ditch running all the way to Grantchester. Every inch of ground here is classic, and strewn with remains2 of those old Romans who brought us all the gentler arts. Perhaps they brought the Muses3 with them and planted them at Newnham?
There was an old Roman dug up the other day, four feet beneath the surface, a noble skeleton, six feet six in length. The whole earth teems4 with ancient coins and pottery5 and Roman relics6. They will have to build a museum in the new wing to preserve the 'finds' that are unearthed7 in digging its foundations.
Lucy was quite indifferent to the Romans. She would rather, if she had had the choice, have met one of their old ghosts in the lane than one of the Dons of Newnham taking her morning walk. She looked fearfully up and down the road when[Pg 194] she got outside the gate, but there were only some Selwyn men going down to the bathing sheds; there was not a girl in sight.
Wyatt Edgell was walking up and down the path flicking8 at the sweetbriar hedge as he passed, and his eyes were looking down on the ground. He was so lost in thought that he did not see Lucy till he heard her little cry, and she ran to meet him.
'Oh!' she cried, a little pale and breathless, 'how is the Master? Is he worse this morning?'
'Not worse,' he said; 'at least, I hope not worse, but I fear not better. When I inquired at the lodge10 when the gates were opened at six o'clock, they told me the Master had had a very disturbed night, that he had not slept at all, but that he did not appear to be in any pain. Your cousin has been up with him all night, and Mrs. Rae.'
'I was sure she would not leave him,' said the girl, the tears filling her eyes. She was thinking of the anguish11 in that kind old face when the Master slipped through her feeble arms. 'I think[Pg 195] I ought to go over at once and relieve her; she must be worn out.'
Lucy didn't stay to think. She walked back to St. Benedict's with the undergraduate who had brought her the news; she didn't even stay to fetch her gloves. She walked down by his side in the morning sunshine, just as she had hurried out of her room, with a ridiculous little tennis-cap on her head and her ungloved hands. Two Newnham girls who were returning from an early—a very early—walk looked shocked, as well they might be, and some rude Selwyn men whistled as they passed. They were only jealous that she was not taking a morning walk with them.
Lucy found the watchers still up when they reached the lodge. Mrs. Rae would not be persuaded to lie down, and she was looking dreadfully tired and worn out. She looked ten years older, Lucy thought, this morning, and her poor face was as white as her hair. Mary looked pale, too. Perhaps it was the air of that close room that was still darkened; and there was a shade of anxiety[Pg 196] under her eyes, but she would not own to being tired. She could stay up a week, if necessary.
The Master had fallen into a doze12; but Lucy's light footstep or the whisper of their voices reached him, and he woke up when she came in. Lucy went over to him and laid her warm, moist hand on his, and the touch seemed to revive him.
'Is the milking over?' he asked, turning upon her his pale-blue eyes with that strange brightness in them that is peculiar13 to the very old. 'I have heard the cows lowing all night for the calves14. You have taken the calves away?'
'It is Lucy, uncle,' she said, stroking his hand softly—'little Lucy, not Lucy's mother——' She was going to say 'grandmother,' but she thought 'mother' would humour his fancy best.
'Yes, yes: I know you, my dear. I have been watching for you all the night. You must not go away again for so long; they don't understand me here as you do. Where's Dick?'
'He is gone, uncle,' she said softly. She did not like to say that he was dead.
[Pg 197]
'Gone? Where is he gone? He was here just now. Is he in the field or in the barn? Send him to me when he comes in, my dear.'
Lucy turned away pale and trembling. She could not bear it; he did not recognise her in the least.
The Tutor came in while she was there, and went over to the bed; but the Master took him for Dick—the brother who had died fifty years ago.
His eyes lighted up when the Tutor came in, and with a strange, eager interest he asked him questions about the crops and the farm. All the later associations of his life had quite faded from his memory, and he had gone back to the scenes and faces of his youth.
The Tutor turned away from the bed with a sigh. He had waited for this half his life. He had looked forward so long as he could remember to being Master of St. Benedict's, and now, when it seemed within his grasp, he turned from it with a sigh. What was it, after all, this shadow he was[Pg 198] grasping? Wealth, honour, position, it would all slip through his hands by-and-by, as it had slipped through the hands of the old scholar on the bed: all, everything, that had taken a lifetime—a long lifetime—to gain, would slip away, and there would be nothing left but old memories. Everything would fail; and he would go back to the old humble15 time, and the dear faces—if happily he had dear faces to go back to. There would be nothing left—nothing that he could carry away with him—but those old tender memories.
The Tutor turned away from the bed and went out of the room. On the landing outside he saw Lucy sitting in the window-seat weeping. The tears were in his own eyes, and he could not trust himself to speak. He went over, and took Lucy's hand, and drew her towards him.
'Oh,' she murmured through her tears, 'he does not know me the least bit. He thinks I am his brother Dick's wife.'
'And he takes me for Dick,' said the Tutor, with an involuntary smile, pressing the little warm hand[Pg 199] he held. 'We shall all come to it, my dear, some day—to the vanishing-point, where everything slips away from us but the memories of our youth. Well for us at that time if we have nothing but innocent memories of kindly16 deeds and loving faces—if we have no regrets, no sorrow, no remorse17! Perhaps it is the happiest lot to have the slate18 wiped clean of all the storms and passions of later years, and to go back at the last, and to take away with us only the memory of the old innocent early days.'
He was a good deal moved. He might have committed dreadful crimes since the days of his innocent youth, instead of being a grave, sober, reverend Tutor of a college.
'I don't think, even if his life is prolonged, that his mind will ever be clear again. I fear it has gone, quite gone. Perhaps it is better so: he will pass away happier; he will have no regrets; he will leave nothing behind.'
[Pg 200]
Lucy sat sobbing20 in the window-seat. If she had been older she would not have wept so freely: the young have so many tears to spare.
'There is nothing to regret,' he said tenderly, bending over the hand he still held. 'The dear Master has lived his life—a good life, and, I think, a happy one—and he will exchange it for a better and a happier. We have only to concern ourselves about those who are left—Mrs. Rae and your cousin. They must stay with us, Lucy; they must make the lodge their home. You must let them understand, dear'—here the Senior Tutor really pressed Lucy's hand, that he had held all the time he had been talking to her, and she had never once thought of drawing it away: he would have taken her in his arms, but the servants were coming up and down stairs—'you must let them quite understand,' he went on, 'that their home is here with us. I am sure we shall do everything to make them happy.'
Lucy hadn't the least idea what he meant.
She would have stayed at the lodge and taken[Pg 201] her share of the nursing night and day, but the Tutor would not hear of it.
'You have got your work to do, my dear,' he said. He called her 'my dear' now quite naturally. 'You have all your work cut out before you to be ready for the examinations in June. You can't afford to risk breaking down for the sake of doing work that any woman can do. A trained nurse from Addenbroke's will do all, and more than all, you three dear anxious women together.'
He sent in a nurse from Addenbroke's during the morning, and Cousin Mary and the Master's wife were turned out of the room. It was quite time the Master's wife was turned out of the room, or there would have been two to nurse instead of one.
The nurse who had been sent from Addenbroke's Hospital to nurse the Master was the little fluffy21 nurse that had been brought by her brother to Wyatt Edgell's rooms after that miserable22 folly23, and had kept his secret.
If Lucy didn't like trusting a foolish young man[Pg 202] she knew nothing about to this flighty nurse, she was much more unwilling24 to trust this valuable life in her hands. She watched with mistrust, and a certain dull glow of impatience25, this little bit of a creature turn the Master's wife out of the room, and reverse everything that had been done under Cousin Mary's directions.
The nurse from Addenbroke's pulled up the blinds and threw open the windows, and let in the balmy air of the sweet May morning, that everybody had been so anxious to keep out; and she threw off the heavy quilts, and took away the pillows, and did everything according to the latest fashion in nursing. If people do not choose to get well when all this is done for them, it is their own fault, and not the fault of the system.
Before Lucy went back to Newnham she went into the little room—her own room till she had left it for Newnham—where the Master's wife had gone to lie down to rest. She had chosen this room because it was near the Master's, and she would be within call.
[Pg 203]
Lucy insisted on undressing her and putting her to bed, and perjuring26 herself with fibs of the deepest dye to set her mind at rest.
'I never thought he would go before me,' the dear old soul murmured, when Lucy was undressing her. 'I always thought I should go first; and it has been such a comfort to me to think that Mary could fill my place so well. And now to think that he should be called away first!'
'Who said he would go first?' Lucy said in her reassuring27 manner. 'He is not at all likely to go before you, you poor dear! If you had been yourself, he would not have fallen. You had no strength left, so he slipped through your poor arms. You hadn't the strength of a baby. Anyone can see how you have been failing lately, and you think it is the Master.'
'And you think it was my fault he fell—that the weakness was not in him?' the poor trembling old creature asked eagerly. She was so anxious to believe Lucy, and the faint colour flushed up under her white skin.
[Pg 204]
'Of course it was. The doctor will not tell you it was, because he doesn't want to frighten you. Anyone can see that you are much weaker than the Master.'
There really seemed some truth in what Lucy said. The Master's wife was trembling all over like a leaf—she couldn't have got into bed without Lucy's help; but she was trembling with joy.
'God bless you, my dear!' she said, when the girl went away. 'You have made me so happy!'
Lucy went back to Newnham with a heavy heart. It seemed as if everything were slipping away from her. It is so hard for the young to realize the great change. She felt dimly that it was not far off—that this was, indeed, the beginning of the end. Anyone could have seen that.
But it was not the personal sorrow of it that moved her; there was a deeper pathos28 than death in the fidelity29 of the dear woman who clung to the old Master with a love stronger than death itself.[Pg 205] She could not but think of the look of relief on the old tired face as she walked back to Newnham.
The girls remarked that Lucy looked pale at Hall—that is, those who took any interest in her. Pamela Gwatkin never looked her way. She sat at the 'High,' among the Dons; she never condescended30 to look down the hall to the table where the freshers sat.
Capability31 Stubbs came into her room after Hall, as she sat trying to work, and brought her in a cup of tea. The tea was very grateful to Lucy's overwrought nerves: it was the only thing that was nice about Miss Stubbs. Pamela Gwatkin had given her a cup of tea once or twice, but it tasted of tooth-powder. She had packed the tea and the tooth-powder in a biscuit-tin when she came up, and the lid had got off the tooth-powder box, and it had got mixed up with the tea. It would not have been political economy to have thrown it away.
'Nice scandal you've been making in the college!' observed Miss Stubbs cheerfully, as she handed Lucy the teacup. She had only brought a teacup;[Pg 206] she considered saucers superfluous32, unless one happened to be a kitten.
'Scandal!' said Lucy, aghast. 'What scandal have I been making?'
'With a Selwyn man!' said Lucy with fine scorn. 'As if I should elope with a Selwyn man! If it had been St. Benedict's it would have been different.'
'Or Hall?' suggested Miss Stubbs, who was rumoured to have a cousin at Trinity Hall, or to know a girl who had.
'Ye—es; even Hall would have been better. Who set the ball rolling—Newnham Assurance?'
Lucy was much too angry with Pamela to call her by her name.
'No, it wasn't Assurance. She took the other side. She said if you were going to run away with—with a man, you would have had the self-respect to stop and put your gloves on first.'
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1
shortcut
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| n.近路，捷径 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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muses
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的第三人称单数 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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4
teems
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| v.充满( teem的第三人称单数 )；到处都是；（指水、雨等）暴降；倾注 | |
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5
pottery
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| n.陶器，陶器场 | |
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relics
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| [pl.］n.遗物，遗迹，遗产；遗体，尸骸 | |
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7
unearthed
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| 出土的（考古） | |
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8
flicking
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的现在分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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augured
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| v.预示，预兆，预言( augur的过去式和过去分词 )；成为预兆；占卜 | |
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10
lodge
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| v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆 | |
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11
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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doze
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| v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐 | |
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13
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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14
calves
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| n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子，腓；腿肚子( calf的名词复数 )；牛犊；腓；小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 )；（冰川）崩解；生（小牛等），产（犊）；使（冰川）崩解 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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18
slate
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| n.板岩，石板，石片，石板色，候选人名单；adj.暗蓝灰色的，含板岩的；vt.用石板覆盖，痛打，提名，预订 | |
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19
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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fluffy
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| adj.有绒毛的，空洞的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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24
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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25
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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26
perjuring
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| v.发假誓，作伪证( perjure的现在分词 ) | |
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reassuring
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| a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的 | |
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28
pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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29
fidelity
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| n.忠诚，忠实；精确 | |
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30
condescended
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| 屈尊，俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 )； 故意表示和蔼可亲 | |
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31
capability
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| n.能力；才能；(pl)可发展的能力或特性等 | |
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superfluous
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| adj.过多的，过剩的，多余的 | |
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rumoured
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| adj.谣传的；传说的；风 | |
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