He loved her without knowing it. She was for him, or so he believed, merely one delight in the infinite series of possible delights. But delight had assumed for him the form of Félicie, and, had he reflected more deeply upon the innumerable women whom he promised himself in the vast remainder of his newly begun life, he would have recognized that now they were all Félicies. He might at least have realized that, without having any intention of being faithful to her, he did not dream of being unfaithful, and that since she had given herself to him he had not desired any other woman. But he did not realize it.
[Pg 167]
On this occasion, however, standing2 in the bustling3 commonplace square, on seeing her no longer in the voluptuous4 shadow of night, nor under the caressing5 glimmer6 of the alcove7 which gave her naked form the delicious vagueness of a Milky8 Way, but in a harsh, diffused9 daylight, by the circumstantial illumination of a sunlight devoid10 of splendour and without shadows, which revealed beneath her veil her eyelids11 that were seared with tears, her pearly cheeks and roughened lips, he realized that he felt for this woman's flesh a profound and mysterious inclination12.
He did not question her. They exchanged only tender trivial phrases. And, as she was very hungry, he took her to lunch at a well-known cabaret whose name shone in letters of gold on one of the old houses in the square. They had their meal served in the winter-garden, whose rockery, fountain, and solitary13 tree were multiplied by mirrors framed in a green trellis. When seated at the table, consulting the bill of fare, they conversed14 with less restraint than heretofore. He told her that the emotions and worries of the past three days had unstrung his nerves, but he no longer thought about it, and it would be absurd to worry about the matter any further. She spoke15 to him of her health, complaining that she could not sleep, save for a restless slumber16 full of dreams. But she did not tell him what she saw [Pg 168] in those dreams, and she avoided speaking of the dead man. He asked her if she had not spent a tiring morning, and why she had gone to the cemetery17, a useless proceeding18.
Incapable19 of explaining to him the depths of her soul, submissive to rites20 and propitiatory21 ceremonies and incantations, she shook her head as if to say:
"Had to."
While those lunching at the adjoining tables were finishing their meal, they talked for a long time, both in subdued22 tones, while waiting to be served.
Robert had promised himself, had sworn indeed never to reproach Félicie for having had Chevalier for her lover, or even to ask her a single question in this connection. And yet, moved by some obscure resentment23, by an ebullition of ill-temper or natural curiosity, and also because he loved her too deeply to control himself, he said to her, with bitterness in his voice:
She was silent, and did not deny the fact. Not that she felt that it was henceforth useless to lie. On the contrary, she was in the habit of denying the obvious truth, and she had, of course, too much knowledge of men to be ignorant of the fact that, when in love, there is no lie, however clumsy, [Pg 169] which they cannot believe if they wish to do so. But on this occasion, contrary to her nature and habit, she refrained from lying. She was afraid of offending the dead. She imagined that in denying him she would be doing him a wrong, depriving him of his share, angering him. She held her peace, fearing to see him come and rest his elbows on the table, with his fixed25 smile and the hole in his head, and to hear him say in his plaintive26 voice. "Félicie, you surely cannot have forgotten our little room, in the Rue27 des Martyrs28?"
What he had become, for her, since his death, she could not have said, so alien was it to her beliefs, so contrary to her reason, and so antiquated29, ridiculous and obsolete30 did the words which would have expressed her feeling seem to her. But from some remote inherited instinct, or more likely from certain tales which she had heard in her childhood, she derived31 a confused idea that he was of the number of those dead who in the days of old were wont32 to torment33 the living, and were exorcised by the priests; for upon thinking of him she instinctively34 began to make the sign of the cross, and she checked herself only that she might not seem ridiculous.
Ligny, seeing her melancholy35 and distracted, blamed himself for his harsh and useless words, while at the very moment of reproaching himself [Pg 170] for them he followed them by others equally harsh and equally useless.
"And yet you told me it was not true!"
"Because, don't you see, I wanted it not to be true."
She added:
"Oh, my darling, since I've been yours, I swear to you that I've not belonged to anyone else. I don't claim any merit for this; I should have found it impossible."
Like the young of animals, she had need of gaiety. The wine, which shone in her glass like liquid amber37, was a joy to her eyes, and she moistened her tongue with it with luxurious38 pleasure. She took an interest in the dishes set before her, and especially in the pommes de terre soufflées, like golden blisters39. Next she watched the people lunching at the tables in the dining-room, attributing to them, according to their appearance, ridiculous opinions or grotesque40 passions. She noticed the ill-natured glances which the women directed toward her, and the efforts of the men to appear handsome and important. And she gave utterance41 to a general reflection:
"Robert, have you noticed that people are never natural? They do not say a thing because they think it. They say it because they think it is what [Pg 171] they ought to say. This habit makes them very wearisome. And it is extremely rare to find anyone who is natural. You, you are natural."
"Well, I don't think I'm guilty of posing."
"You pose like the rest. But you pose in your own character. I can see perfectly42 well when you are trying to surprise and impress me."
She spoke to him of himself and, led back by an involuntary train of thought to the tragedy enacted43 at Neuilly, she inquired:
"Did your mother say anything to you?"
"No."
"Yet she must have known."
"It is probable."
"Are you on good terms with her?"
"Why, yes!"
"They say she is still very beautiful, your mother, is it so?"
He did not answer her and sought to change the conversation. He did not like Félicie to speak to him of his mother, or to turn her attention to his family. Monsieur and Madame de Ligny enjoyed the highest consideration in Parisian society. Monsieur de Ligny, a diplomatist by birth and by profession, was in himself a person worthy44 of the greatest consideration. He was so even before his birth, by virtue45 of the diplomatic services which his ancestors had rendered to France. His great-grandfather [Pg 172] had signed the surrender of Pondicherry to England. Madame de Ligny lived with her husband on the most correct terms. But, although she had no money of her own, she lived in great style, and her gowns were one of the greatest glories of France. She received intimate visits from an ex-Ambassador. His age, his position, his opinions, his titles, and his great fortune made the connection respectable. Madame de Ligny kept the ladies of the Republic at arm's length, and, when the spirit moved her, gave them lessons in decorum. She had nothing to fear from the opinion of the fashionable world. Robert knew that she was looked upon with respect by people in society. But he was continually dreading46 that, in speaking of her, Félicie might fail to do so with all the needful reserve. He feared lest, not being in society, she might say that which had better have been left unsaid. He was wrong; Félicie knew nothing of the private life of Madame de Ligny; moreover, had she known of it, she would not have blamed her. The lady inspired her with a naive47 curiosity and an admiration48 mingled49 with fear. Since her lover was unwilling50 to speak to her of his mother, she attributed his reserve to a certain aristocratic arrogance51, even to a lack of consideration, for her, at which the pride of the freewoman and the plebeian52 was up in arms. She was wont to say to him tartly53:
[Pg 173]
"I'm perfectly free to speak of your mother." The first time she had added: "Mine is just as good as yours." But she had realized that the remark was vulgar, and she had not repeated it.
The dining-room was now empty. She looked at her watch, and saw that it was three o'clock.
"I must be off," she said. "La Grille is being rehearsed this afternoon. Constantin Marc ought to be at the theatre already. There's another queer fellow for you! He boasts that when he's in the Vivarais he ruins all the women. And yet he is so shy that he daren't even talk to Fagette and Falempin. I frighten him. It amuses me."
She was so tired that she had not the courage to rise.
"Isn't it queer? They are saying everywhere that I'm engaged for the Fran?ais, it's not true. There's not even a question of it. Of course, I can't remain indefinitely where I am. In the long run one would get besotted there. But there is no hurry. I have a great part to create in La Grille. We shall see after that. What I want is to play comedy. I don't want to join the Fran?ais and then to do nothing."
Suddenly, gazing in front of her with eyes full of terror, she flung herself backwards54, turned pale, and uttered a shrill55 scream. Then her eyelids fluttered, and she murmured that she could not breathe.
[Pg 174]
Robert loosened her jacket, and moistened her temples with a little water.
She spoke.
"A priest! I saw a priest. He was in his surplice. His lips were moving, but no sound came from them. He looked at me."
He tried to comfort her.
"Come now, my darling, how can you suppose that a priest, a priest in his surplice, would show himself in a restaurant?"
She listened obediently, and allowed herself to be persuaded.
"You are right, you are right, I know it well enough."
In that little head of hers illusions were soon dispelled56. She was born two hundred and thirty years after the death of Descartes, of whom she had never heard; yet, as Dr. Socrates would have said, he had taught her the use of reason.
Robert met her at six o'clock after the rehearsal57, under the arcades58 of the Odéon, and drove away with her in a cab.
"Where are we going?" she inquired.
He hesitated a little.
"You would not care to go back to our house out there?"
She cried out at the suggestion.
"Oh no! I couldn't! Oh, heavens, never!"
He replied that he had thought as much; that he would try to find something else: a little ground-floor flat in Paris; that in the meantime, just for to-day, they would content themselves with a chance abode59.
She gazed at him with fixed, heavy eyes, drew him violently towards her, scorching60 his neck and ear with the breath of her desire. Then her arms fell away from him, and she sank back beside him, dejected and relaxed.
When the cab stopped, she said:
"You will not be vexed61 with me, will you, my own Robert, at what I am going to say? Not to-day—to-morrow."
She had considered it necessary to make this sacrifice to the jealous dead.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
throng
|
|
| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
standing
|
|
| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
bustling
|
|
| adj.喧闹的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
voluptuous
|
|
| adj.肉欲的，骄奢淫逸的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
caressing
|
|
| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
glimmer
|
|
| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
alcove
|
|
| n.凹室 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
milky
|
|
| adj.牛奶的，多奶的；乳白色的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
diffused
|
|
| 散布的，普及的，扩散的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
devoid
|
|
| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
eyelids
|
|
| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
inclination
|
|
| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
solitary
|
|
| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
conversed
|
|
| v.交谈，谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
slumber
|
|
| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
cemetery
|
|
| n.坟墓，墓地，坟场 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
proceeding
|
|
| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
incapable
|
|
| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
rites
|
|
| 仪式，典礼( rite的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
propitiatory
|
|
| adj.劝解的；抚慰的；谋求好感的；哄人息怒的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
subdued
|
|
| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
resentment
|
|
| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
formerly
|
|
| adv.从前，以前 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
fixed
|
|
| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
plaintive
|
|
| adj.可怜的，伤心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
rue
|
|
| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
martyrs
|
|
| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
antiquated
|
|
| adj.陈旧的，过时的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
obsolete
|
|
| adj.已废弃的，过时的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
derived
|
|
| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
wont
|
|
| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
torment
|
|
| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
instinctively
|
|
| adv.本能地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
melancholy
|
|
| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
fervently
|
|
| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
amber
|
|
| n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
luxurious
|
|
| adj.精美而昂贵的；豪华的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
blisters
|
|
| n.水疱( blister的名词复数 )；水肿；气泡 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
grotesque
|
|
| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
utterance
|
|
| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
perfectly
|
|
| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
enacted
|
|
| 制定（法律），通过（法案）( enact的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
worthy
|
|
| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
virtue
|
|
| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
dreading
|
|
| v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
naive
|
|
| adj.幼稚的，轻信的；天真的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
admiration
|
|
| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
mingled
|
|
| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
unwilling
|
|
| adj.不情愿的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
arrogance
|
|
| n.傲慢，自大 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
plebeian
|
|
| adj.粗俗的；平民的；n.平民；庶民 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
tartly
|
|
| adv.辛辣地，刻薄地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
backwards
|
|
| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
shrill
|
|
| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
dispelled
|
|
| v.驱散，赶跑( dispel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
rehearsal
|
|
| n.排练，排演；练习 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
arcades
|
|
| n.商场( arcade的名词复数 )；拱形走道（两旁有商店或娱乐设施）；连拱廊；拱形建筑物 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
abode
|
|
| n.住处，住所 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
scorching
|
|
| adj. 灼热的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
vexed
|
|
| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |