One day disturbed by her daughter’s persistent12 trilling of the latest coster song When I sees ’im I topple giddy, Lady Something gathered up her morning letters and stepped out upon the lawn.
Oh so formal, oh so slender towered the Cypress-trees against the rose-farded hills and diamantine waters of the lake. The first hint of Autumn was in the air; and over the gravel13 paths, and in the basins of the fountains, a few shed leaves lay hectically14 strewn already.
Besides an under-stamped missive, with a foreign postmark, from her Majesty15 the Queen of the Land of Dates beginning “My dear Gazel,” there was a line from the eloquent16, and moderately-victorious, young 145 barrister, engaged in the approaching suit with the Ritz: He had spared himself no pains he assured his client in preparing the defence, which was he said to be the respectability of Claridge’s.
“Why bring in Claridge’s? ...?” the Ambassadress murmured, prodding17 with the tip of her shoe a decaying tortoiseshell leaf; “but anyway,” she reflected, “I’m glad the proceedings18 fall in winter, as I always look well in furs.”
And mentally she was wrapped in leopard19 skins and gazing round the crowded court saluting20 with a bunch of violets an acquaintance here and there, as her eyes fell on Mrs Chilleywater seated in the act of composition beneath a cedar-tree.
Mrs Chilleywater extended a painful smile of welcome which revealed her pointed21 teeth and pale-hued gums, repressing, simultaneously22, an almost irresistible23 inclination24 to murder.
“No, dear; but these legal men will write....” 146
“He proposes pleading Claridge’s.”
“Claridge’s?”
“Its respectability.”
“Are hotels ever respectable,—I ask you. Though, possibly, the horridest are.”
“Natürlich; but do you know those cheap hotels where the guests are treated like naughty children?”
“No. I must confess I don’t,” the Ambassadress laughed.
“Ah, there you are....”
Lady Something considered a moment a distant gardener employed in tying Chrysanthemum28 blooms to little sticks.
“I’m bothered about a cook,” she said.
“And I, about a maid! I dismissed Ffoliott this morning—well I simply had to—for a figure salient.”
“So awkward out here to replace anyone; I’m sure I don’t know....” the Ambassadress replied, her eyes hovering29 tragically30 over the pantaloons strained to splitting point, of the stooping gardener. 147
“Life is a compound!” Lady Something defined it at last.
Mrs Chilleywater turned surprised. “Not even Socrates,” she declared, “said anything truer than that.”
“A compound!” Lady Something twittered again.
“I should like to put that into the lips of Delitsiosa.”
Mrs Chilleywater looked up.
“I’d forgotten you were there. Strange thing among the cedar-boughs,” she said.
“You may well ask ‘who’s Delitsiosa’!” he exclaimed.
“She is my new heroine,” Mrs Chilleywater replied, after a few quick little clutches at her hair.
“I trust you won’t treat her, dear, quite so shamefully34 as your last.”
The Authoress tittered. 148
“Delitsiosa is the wife of Marsden Didcote,” she said, “the manager of a pawn-shop in the district of Maida Vale, and in the novel he seduces35 an innocent seamstress, Iris36 Drummond, who comes in one day to redeem37 her petticoat (and really I don’t know how I did succeed in drawing the portrait of a little fool!) ... and when Delitsiosa, her suspicions aroused, can no longer doubt or ignore her husband’s intimacy38 with Iris, already engaged to a lusty young farmer in Kent—(some boy)—she decides to yield herself to the entreaties39 of her brother-in-law Percy, a junior partner in the firm, which brings about the great tussle40 between the two brothers on the edge of the Kentish cliffs. Iris and Delitsiosa—Iris is anticipating a babelet soon—are watching them from a cornfield, where they’re boiling a kettle for afternoon tea; and oh, I’ve such a darling description of a cornfield. I make you feel England!”
“No really, my dear,” Lady Something exclaimed.
“Harold pretends it would be wonderful, arranged as an Opera ... with duos and 149 things and a Liebestod for Delitzi towards the close.”
“No, no,” Mr Limpness protested: “What would become of our modern fiction at all if Victoria Gellybore Frinton gave herself up to the stage?”
“That’s quite true, strange thing among the cedar-boughs,” Mrs Chilleywater returned fingering the floating strings41 of the bandelette at her brow: “It’s lamentable42; yet who is there doing anything at present for English Letters...? Who among us to-day,” she went on peering up at him, “is carrying on the tradition of Fielding? Who really cares? I know I do what I can ... and there’s Madam Adrian Bloater, of course. But I can think of no one else;—we two.”
Mr Limpness rocked, critically.
“To be frank, neither can I. I’m very fond of Lilian Bloater, I adore her welt-bürgerliche nature, but I feel like you about her books; I cannot read them. If only she would forget Adrian; but she will thrust him headlong into all her work. 150 Have I ever drawn44 Harold? No. (Although many of the public seem to think so!) And please heaven, however great my provocation45 at times may be, I never shall!”
“And there I think you’re right,” the Ambassadress answered, frowning a little as the refrain that her daughter was singing caught her ear.
“And when I sees ’im
My heart goes BOOM!...
And I topple over;
I topple over, over, over,
All for Love!”
“I dreamt last night my child was on the Halls.”
“There’s no doubt, she’d dearly like to be.”
“Her Father would never hear of it!”
“And when she sees me
O, when she sees me—
(The voice slightly false was Harold’s)
Her heart goes BOOM!...
And she topples over;
She topples over, over, over,
All for Love!”
151
“There; they’ve routed Sir Somebody....”
“And when anything vexes46 him,” Lady Something murmured, appraising47 the Ambassador’s approaching form with a glassy eye, “he always, you know, blames me!”
Shorn of the sombre, betailed attire48, so indispensable for the town-duties of a functionary49, Sir Somebody, while rusticating50, usually wore a white-twill jacket, and black multi-pleated pantaloons; while for headgear, he would favour a Mexican sugar-loaf, or green-draped pugaree: “He looks half-Irish,” Lady Something would sometimes say.
“Infernal Bedlam,” he broke out: “the house is sheer pandemonium51.”
“I found it so too, dear,” Lady Something agreed; “and so,” she added, removing a fallen tree-bug tranquilly52 from her hair, “I’ve been digesting my letters out here upon the lawn.”
“And no doubt,” Sir Somebody murmured, fixing the placid53 person of his wife, with a keen psychological glance: “you succeed, my dear, in digesting them?” 152
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“...” the Ambassador displayed discretion54.
“We’re asked to a Lion hunt in the Land of Dates; quite an entreating55 invitation from the dear Queen—; really most pressing and affectionate, but Princess Elsie’s nuptial56 negotiations57 and this pending Procès with the Ritz, may tie us here for some time.”
“Ah Rosa.”
“Why these constant moans? ...? A clairvoyant58 once told me I’d ‘the bump of Litigation’—a cause célèbre unmistakably defined; so it’s as well, on the whole, to have it over.”
“And quite probably; had your statement been correct——”
The Ambassadress gently glowed
“Oh Rosa, Rosa....”
“And if you doubt it at all, here is an account direct from the Ritz itself,” her Excellency replied, singling out a letter from among the rest: “It is from dear old 153 General Sir Trotter-Stormer. He says: ‘I am the only guest here. I must say, however, the attendance is beyond all praise, more soigné and better than I’ve ever known it to be, but after what you told me, dear friend, I feel distinctly uncomfortable when the hour for bye-bye comes!’”
“Pish; what evidence, pray, is that?”
“I regard it as of the very first importance! Sir Trotter admits—a distinguished61 soldier admits, his uneasiness; and who knows, he is so brave about concealing62 his woes—his two wives left him!—what he may not have patiently and stoically endured?”
“Less I am sure, my dear, than I of late in listening sometimes to you.”
The Ambassador turned away.
“She should no more be trusted with ink than a child with firearms!” he declared, addressing himself with studious indirectness to a garden-snail.
Lady Something blinked.
“Life is a compound,” she murmured again. 154
“Particularly for women!” the Authoress agreed.
“Ah, well,” the Ambassadress majestically64 rose: “I must be off and issue household orders; although I derive65 hardly my usual amount of enjoyment66 at present, I regret to say, from my morning consultations67 with the cook....”
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1
villa
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| n.别墅，城郊小屋 | |
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clement
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| adj.仁慈的；温和的 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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cocktails
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| n.鸡尾酒( cocktail的名词复数 )；餐前开胃菜；混合物 | |
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tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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6
pending
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| prep.直到，等待…期间；adj.待定的；迫近的 | |
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fretting
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| n. 微振磨损 adj. 烦躁的, 焦虑的 | |
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chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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9
writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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10
twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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12
persistent
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| adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的 | |
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gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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hectically
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majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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16
eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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17
prodding
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| v.刺，戳( prod的现在分词 )；刺激；促使；（用手指或尖物）戳 | |
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18
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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19
leopard
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| n.豹 | |
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20
saluting
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| v.欢迎，致敬( salute的现在分词 )；赞扬，赞颂 | |
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21
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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24
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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suavely
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26
defender
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| n.保卫者，拥护者，辩护人 | |
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27
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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chrysanthemum
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| n.菊，菊花 | |
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29
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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30
tragically
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| adv. 悲剧地，悲惨地 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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32
smothered
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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slippered
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| 穿拖鞋的 | |
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shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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35
seduces
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| 诱奸( seduce的第三人称单数 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
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36
iris
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| n.虹膜，彩虹 | |
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37
redeem
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| v.买回，赎回，挽回，恢复，履行（诺言等） | |
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38
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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39
entreaties
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| n.恳求，乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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40
tussle
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| n.&v.扭打，搏斗，争辩 | |
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41
strings
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| n.弦 | |
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42
lamentable
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| adj.令人惋惜的，悔恨的 | |
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43
demurred
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| v.表示异议，反对( demur的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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44
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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45
provocation
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| n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因 | |
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46
vexes
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| v.使烦恼( vex的第三人称单数 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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47
appraising
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| v.估价( appraise的现在分词 )；估计；估量；评价 | |
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48
attire
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| v.穿衣，装扮[同]array；n.衣着；盛装 | |
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49
functionary
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| n.官员；公职人员 | |
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50
rusticating
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| v.罚（大学生）暂时停学离校( rusticate的现在分词 )；在农村定居 | |
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51
pandemonium
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| n.喧嚣，大混乱 | |
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52
tranquilly
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| adv. 宁静地 | |
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53
placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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54
discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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55
entreating
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的现在分词 ) | |
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56
nuptial
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| adj.婚姻的，婚礼的 | |
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57
negotiations
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| 协商( negotiation的名词复数 )； 谈判； 完成（难事）； 通过 | |
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58
clairvoyant
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| adj.有预见的；n.有预见的人 | |
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59
swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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60
impenitently
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| adv.不知悔改地 | |
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61
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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62
concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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63
detailed
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| adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的 | |
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64
majestically
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| 雄伟地； 庄重地； 威严地； 崇高地 | |
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65
derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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66
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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67
consultations
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| n.磋商（会议）( consultation的名词复数 )；商讨会；协商会；查找 | |
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