Boston, April 15th, 1840.—Afternoon.
Belovedest—since writing this word, I have made a considerable pause; for, dearest, my mind has no activity to-day. I would fain sit still, and let thoughts, feelings, and images of thee, pass before me and through me, without my putting them into words, or taking any other trouble about the matter. It must be that thou dost not especially and exceedingly need a letter from me; else I should feel an impulse and necessity to write. I do wish, most beloved wife, that there were some other method of communing with thee at a distance; for really this is not a natural one to thy husband. In truth, I never use words, either with the tongue or pen, when I can possibly express myself in any other way;—and how much, dearest, may be expressed without the utterance1 of a word! Is there not a volume in many of our glances?—even in a 173 pressure of the hand? And when I write to thee, I do but painfully endeavor to shadow into words what has already been expressed in those realities. In heaven, I am very sure, there will be no occasion for words;—our minds will enter into each other, and silently possess themselves of their natural riches. Even in this world, I think, such a process is not altogether impossible—we ourselves have experienced it—but words come like an earthy wall betwixt us. Then our minds are compelled to stand apart, and make signals of our meaning, instead of rushing into one another, and holding converse2 in an infinite and eternal language. Oh, dearest, have [not] the moments of our oneness been those in which we were most silent? It is our instinct to be silent then, because words could not adequately express the perfect concord3 of our hearts, and therefore would infringe4 upon it. Well, ownest, good bye till tomorrow, when perhaps thy husband will feel a necessity to use even such a wretched medium as words, to tell thee how he loves thee. No words can tell it now.
April 15th. Afternoon.—Most dear wife, never was thy husband gladder to receive a letter from thee than to-day. And so thou didst perceive that I was rather out of spirits on Monday. 174 Foolish and faithless husband that I was, I supposed that thou wouldst not take any notice of it; but the simple fact was, that I did not feel quite so well as usual; and said nothing about it to thee, because I knew thou wouldst desire me to put off my departure, which (for such a trifle) I felt it not right to do—and likewise, because my Dove would have been naughty, and so perhaps have made herself ten times as ill as her husband. Dearest, I am quite well now—only very hungry; for I have thought fit to eat very little for two days past; and I think starvation is a remedy for almost all physical evils. You will love Colonel Hall, when I tell you that he has not let me do a ... (few words missing) ... and even to-day he has sent me home to my room, although I assured him that I was perfectly5 able to work. Now, dearest, it thou givest thyself any trouble and torment6 about this past indisposition of mine, I shall never dare to tell thee about my future incommodities; but if I were sure thou wouldst estimate them at no more than they are worth, thou shouldst know them all, even to the slightest prick7 of my finger. It is my impulse to complain to thee in all griefs, great and small; and I will not check that impulse, if thou wilt8 sympathise reasonably, 175 as well as most lovingly. And now, ownest wife, believe that thy husband is well;—better, I fear, than thou, who art tired to death, and hast even had the headache. Naughtiest, dost thou think that all the busts9 in the world, and all the medallions and other forms of sculpture, would be worth creating at the expence of such weariness and headaches to thee. I would rather that thy art should be annihilated10, than that thou shouldst always pay this price for its exercise. But perhaps, when thou hast my bosom11 to repose12 upon, thou wilt no longer feel such overwhelming weariness. I am given thee to repose upon, that so my most tender and sensitivest little Dove may be able to do great works.
And dearest, I do by no means undervalue thy works, though I cannot estimate all thou hast ever done at the price of a single throb13 of anguish14 to thy belovedest head. But thou has achieved mighty15 things. Thou hast called up a face which was hidden in the grave—hast re-created it, after it was resolved to dust—and so hast snatched from Death his victory. I wonder at thee, my beloved. Thou art a miracle thyself, and workest miracles. I would not have believed it possible to do what thou hast done—to restore the lineaments of the 176 dead so perfectly that even she who loved him so well can require nothing more;—and this too, when thou hadst hardly known his living face. Thou couldst not have done it, unless God had helped thee. This surely was inspiration, and of the holiest kind, and for one of the holiest purposes.
Dearest, I shall long to see thee exceedingly next Saturday; but having been absent from duty for two or three days past it will not be right for me to ask any more time so soon. Dost thou think it would?
How naughty was thy husband to waste the first page of this letter in declaiming against the blessed art of writing! I do not see how I could live without it;—thy letters are my heart's food; and oftentimes my heart absolutely insists upon pouring itself out on paper, for thy perusal16. In truth, if the heart would do all the work, I should probably write to thee the whole time of my absence; but thou knowest that the co-operation of the hand and head are indispensable; and they, not being able to comprehend the infinite necessity of the heart's finding utterance, are sometimes sluggish17.
April 17th.—Before breakfast.—Ownest, I am perfectly well this morning. Dost thou love me? 177 Dearest, expect not another letter till Tuesday. Is thy weariness quite gone?
Thine Ownest, Ownest Husband.
Miss Sophia A. Peabody,
Care of Dr. N. Peabody,
Salem, Mass.
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1
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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3
concord
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| n.和谐；协调 | |
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4
infringe
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| v.违反，触犯，侵害 | |
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5
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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6
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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7
prick
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| v.刺伤，刺痛，刺孔；n.刺伤，刺痛 | |
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8
wilt
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| v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱 | |
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busts
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| 半身雕塑像( bust的名词复数 )； 妇女的胸部； 胸围； 突击搜捕 | |
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10
annihilated
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| v.（彻底）消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 )；使无效；废止；彻底击溃 | |
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11
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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12
repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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13
throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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14
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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15
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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16
perusal
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| n.细读，熟读；目测 | |
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17
sluggish
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| adj.懒惰的，迟钝的，无精打采的 | |
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