SYNTAX FOR CYNICS

 A GRAMMAR OF THE FEMININE LANGUAGE

 

 

The feminine language consists of words placed one after another with extreme rapidity, with intervals¹ for matinees. The purpose of this language is (1) to conceal², and (2) to induce, thought. Very often, after the use of a deal of language, a thought will appear in the speaker's mind. This, while desirable, is by no means necessary.

 

 

Woman teacher holding book and pointer standing³ by a world globe

 

 

THOUGHT cannot be defined, but it is instinctively⁴ recognized even by those unaccustomed to it.

 

PARTS OF SPEECH: There are five parts of feminine speech—noun, pronoun, adjective, verb and interjection.

 

THE NOUN is the name of something to wear, or somebody who furnishes something to wear, or a place where something is to be worn. E.g., hat, husband, opera. Feminine nouns are always singular.

 

THE PRONOUN is I.

 

ADJECTIVES: There are only four feminine adjectives—adorable, cute, sweet, horrid⁵. These are all modified on occasion by the adverb perfectly⁶.

 

THE VERBS are of two kinds—active and passive. Active verbs express action; passive verbs express passion. All feminine verbs are irregular and imperative⁷.

 

INTERJECTIONS: There are two interjections—Heavens! and Gracious! The masculine language is much richer in interjections.

 

DECLENSION: There are three ways of feminine declining, (1) to say No; (2) to say Yes and mean No; (3) to say nothing.

 

CONJUGATION: This is what happens to a verb in the course of conversation or shopping. A verb begins the day quite innocently, as the verb go in the phrase to go to town. When it gets to the city this verb becomes look, as, for instance, to look at the shop windows. Thereafter its descent is rapid into the form purchase or charge. This conjugation is often assisted by the auxiliary⁸ expression a bargain. About the first of the following month the verb reappears in the masculine vocabulary in a parallel or perverted⁹ form, modified by an interjection.

 

CONVERSATION in the feminine language consists of language rapidly vibrating or oscillating between two persons. The object of any conversation is always accusative, e.g., "Mrs. Edwards has no taste in hats." Most conversations consist of an indeterminate number of sentences, but sometimes it is difficult to tell where one sentence ends and the next begins. It is even possible for two sentences to overlap¹⁰. When this occurs the conversation is known as a dialogue. A sentence may be of any length, and is concluded only by the physiological¹¹ necessity of taking breath.

 

SENTENCES: A sentence may be defined as a group of words, uttered in sequence, but without logical connection, to express an opinion or an emotion. A number of sentences if emitted without interruption becomes a conversation. A conversation prolonged over an hour or more becomes a gossip. A gossip, when shared by several persons, is known as a secret. A secret is anything known by a large and constantly increasing number of persons.

 

LETTERS: The feminine language, when committed to paper, with a stub pen and backhanded chirography, is known as a letter. A letter should if possible, be written on rose or lemon colored paper of a rough and flannely texture¹², with scalloped edges and initials embossed in gilt¹³. It should be written with great rapidity, containing not less than ten exclamation¹⁴ points per page and three underlined adjectives per paragraph. The verb may be reserved until the postscript¹⁵.

 

Generally speaking, students of the feminine language are agreed that rules of grammar and syntax are subject to individual caprice and whim¹⁶, and it is very difficult to lay down fixed¹⁷ canons. The extreme rapidity with which the language is used and the charm and personal magnetism¹⁸ of its users have disconcerted even the most careful and scientific observers. A glossary¹⁹ of technical terms and idioms in the feminine language would be a work of great value to the whole husband world, but it is doubtful if any such volume will ever be published.

1 intervals   

n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息

参考例句：

• The forecast said there would be sunny intervals and showers. 预报间晴，有阵雨。
• Meetings take place at fortnightly intervals. 每两周开一次会。

2 conceal   

v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽

参考例句：

• He had to conceal his identity to escape the police.为了躲避警方，他只好隐瞒身份。
• He could hardly conceal his joy at his departure.他几乎掩饰不住临行时的喜悦。

3 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

4 instinctively   

adv.本能地

参考例句：

• As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近，她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 horrid   

adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的

参考例句：

• I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。
• The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃，她咽不下去。

6 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

7 imperative   

n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的

参考例句：

• He always speaks in an imperative tone of voice.他老是用命令的口吻讲话。
• The events of the past few days make it imperative for her to act.过去这几天发生的事迫使她不得不立即行动。

8 auxiliary   

adj.辅助的，备用的

参考例句：

• I work in an auxiliary unit.我在一家附属单位工作。
• The hospital has an auxiliary power system in case of blackout.这家医院装有备用发电系统以防灯火管制。

9 perverted   

adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 )；腐蚀；败坏；使堕落

参考例句：

• Some scientific discoveries have been perverted to create weapons of destruction. 某些科学发明被滥用来生产毁灭性武器。
• sexual acts, normal and perverted 正常的和变态的性行为

10 overlap   

v.重叠，与…交叠；n.重叠

参考例句：

• The overlap between the jacket and the trousers is not good.夹克和裤子重叠的部分不好看。
• Tiles overlap each other.屋瓦相互叠盖。

11 physiological   

adj.生理学的，生理学上的

参考例句：

• He bought a physiological book.他买了一本生理学方面的书。
• Every individual has a physiological requirement for each nutrient.每个人对每种营养成分都有一种生理上的需要。

12 texture   

n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理

参考例句：

• We could feel the smooth texture of silk.我们能感觉出丝绸的光滑质地。
• Her skin has a fine texture.她的皮肤细腻。

13 gilt   

adj.镀金的；n.金边证券

参考例句：

• The plates have a gilt edge.这些盘子的边是镀金的。
• The rest of the money is invested in gilt.其余的钱投资于金边证券。

14 exclamation   

n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词

参考例句：

• He could not restrain an exclamation of approval.他禁不住喝一声采。
• The author used three exclamation marks at the end of the last sentence to wake up the readers.作者在文章的最后一句连用了三个惊叹号，以引起读者的注意。

15 postscript   

n.附言，又及；(正文后的)补充说明

参考例句：

• There was the usual romantic postscript at the end of his letter.他的信末又是一贯的浪漫附言。
• She mentioned in a postscript to her letter that the parcel had arrived.她在信末附笔中说包裹已寄到。

16 whim   

n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想

参考例句：

• I bought the encyclopedia on a whim.我凭一时的兴致买了这本百科全书。
• He had a sudden whim to go sailing today.今天他突然想要去航海。

17 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

18 magnetism   

n.磁性，吸引力，磁学

参考例句：

• We know about magnetism by the way magnets act.我们通过磁铁的作用知道磁性是怎么一回事。
• His success showed his magnetism of courage and devotion.他的成功表现了他的胆量和热诚的魅力。

19 glossary   

n.注释词表；术语汇编

参考例句：

• The text is supplemented by an adequate glossary.正文附有一个详细的词汇表。
• For convenience,we have also provided a glossary in an appendix.为了方便，我们在附录中也提供了术语表。