MISS ANN AUSTIN came briskly into her little cupboard of a room at the back of the Evening Planet office. She hung up her hat and coat, opened her rolltop desk, put her small handbag carefully in a drawer, and looked at herself in a greenish mirror that hung secretly on a hook in the recess2 under the pigeonholes3. She took the rubber hood4 off her typewriter, poured three paper cupfuls of drinking water on the potted geranium on the windowledge, wound up the cheap clock on top of the desk, and moved it forward ten minutes to compensate5 for what it had lost during the night. Now she was ready for work. As she wound up the clock, the usual thought occurred to her—when would she be able to buy herself the handsome little wrist watch she coveted6? There were a lot of them in the jeweller's shop on Park Row, and she admired them every morning on her way to the office. But when one is supporting one's self and an invalid7 mother in an uptown apartment, and has to pay for a woman to come in during the day to lend a hand, all on fifty dollars a week, in an era of post-bellum prices, wrist watches have to wait. However, as Ann made the daily correction in her laggard8 clock she used to say to herself: “There's a better time coming.” She was not devoid9 of humour, you see.
Then the office boy would bring in the big pile of morning mail, grinning as he laid it on the pullout slide of her desk. He may be excused for grinning, because Ann was the kind of creature who would bring a smile to the surliest face. She was just a nice size, with a face that was both charming and sensible, and merry brown eyes (when it wasn't too close to the first of the month). Also, that pile of mail was rather amusing. Those letters, so many of them written on cheap pink or blue stationery10 and addressed in unsophisticated handwriting, were not directed to Miss Ann Austin, but to “Cynthia,” and the office boy knew pretty well the kind of messages that were in them. For Ann, under the pseudonym12 of “Cynthia,” conducted the Planet's department of Advice to the Lovelorn, and daily several score of puzzled or distracted beings bared their hearts to her. The pile of letters was growing bigger, too. The Planet, which was not a very flourishing paper just at that time, had started the Advice to the Lovelorn department a few months before, and had put Ann in charge of it because she had done so well writing sob13 stories. It was beginning to “pull” quite surprisingly as a circulation feature, especially since her smiling little picture, vignetted in a cut with a border of tiny hearts, had been put at the head of the column. Under the cut was the legend: “Cynthia, a Sympathetic Adviser14 in Matters of the Heart.” Ann didn't know whether to be pleased or not at the growing popularity of her feature. This was not quite the kind of thing she had hoped for when she entered the newspaper world. But—the more letters there were from the lovelorn, the sooner she might get that needed raise.
With a little sigh she got out her penknife, began slitting15 the envelopes, ceased to be Ann Austin and became Cynthia, the sage11 and gentle arbiter16 over her troubled parliament of love.
It was a task that required no small discretion17 and tact18, because Cynthia, whatever her private misgivings19, tried to perform it with some honest idealism. In the first place, the letters that were obviously merely humorous, or were amorous21 attempts to inveigle22 her into private correspondence, were discarded. Then the letters to be used in the next day's column had to be selected, and laid aside to be printed with her comment on the ethical23 or sociological problems involved. The remaining letters had all to be answered, and data noted24 down that would be useful in compiling the pamphlet “1001 Problems of Courtship” that the managing editor insisted on her preparing. He said it would be great circulation dope. Ann didn't care much for the managing editor, Mr. Sikes. He had a way of coming into her room, closing the door behind him, leaning over her desk, and saying: “Well, how's little Miss Cupid?” If it hadn't been for that habit of his, Ann would have spoken to him about a raise before now. But she had an uneasy feeling that it would not be pleasing to put herself in the position of asking him favours. She would have been still more disturbed if she had known that some of the boys in the city room used to talk about “Cupid and Sikey” when they saw him visit her room. They said it angrily, because Ann was a general office favourite. Even the coloured elevator man had brought his wooing problems to her one day, wanting to be reassured25 as to his technique.
It is all very well for you to scoff26, superior reader, but letters such as Ann had to read every morning bring an honest pang27 to an understanding heart; particularly when that heart is in collaboration29 with twenty-two years of bright, brown-eyed, high-spirited girlhood. Perhaps you don't realize how many of us are young and ignorant and at work in offices, and absorbed, out of working hours, in the universal passion. A good many make shift to be cynical30 and worldly-wise in public, but who knows how ravishingly sentimental31 we are in private? Some say that Doctor Freud didn't tell the half of it. As that waggish32 poet Keith Preston has remarked,
Love, lay thy phobias to rest,
We twain shall share, forever blest,
A complex built for two!
A complex built for two was the ambition of most of Ann's correspondents; but mainly her letters exhibited the seamy side of Love's purple mantle35. You see, when lovers are perfectly36 happy, they don't write to the papers about it. And when she pondered gravely over “Brokenhearted's” letter saying that she has just learned that a perfectly splendid fellow she is so infatuated with has a wife and three children in Detroit; or over “Puzzled's” inquiry37 as to whether she is “a bum38 sport” because she wouldn't let the dark young man kiss her good-night, she sometimes said to herself that Napoleon was right. Napoleon, you remember, remarked that Love causes more unhappiness than anything else in the world. And then she would turn to her typewriter, and put under “Puzzled's” inquiry:
No, “Puzzled,” do not let him kiss you unless you are betrothed39. If any one is a “bum sport” it is he for wanting to do so. If he “always kisses the girls good-night when he has had a good time,” he is not your sort. A man that does not respect a girl before marriage will certainly not respect her afterward40.
After she had typed these replies she always hastily took the paper out of her typewriter and tucked it away in her desk. She did not like the idea of Mr. Sikes coming in and reading it over her shoulder, as he had done once. That was the time she had used the quotation41 “Pains of Love are sweeter far than all other pleasures are” in answering “Desolate42.” The managing editor had repeated the verse in a way that both angered and alarmed her.
This particular morning, among the other letters was one that interested her both by the straightforward43 simplicity44 of its statement and by the clear, vigorous handwriting on sensible plain notepaper. It ran thus:
Dear Cynthia:
I am a young business man, very much in love, and I need your help. I have fallen in love with a girl who does not know me. I do not even know her name but I know her by sight, and I know where she works. She looks like the only one for me, but I don't want to do anything disrespectful. Would it be a mistake for me to call at her office and try to get a chance to meet her? Do you think she would be offended? She looks very adorable. Please tell me honestly what you think.
Respectfully yours,
Wearied by the maunderings of many idiotic46 flappers and baby vamps, this appeal attracted her. She put it into the column for the following day, writing underneath47 it:
You never can tell, “Sincerity”! It all depends upon you. If you are the right kind of man, she ought not to be offended. Why not take a chance? Faint heart never won fair lady.
It was trying enough, Ann used to think, to have to pore over the troubles of her lovelorn clients on paper; but the worst times were when they came to call on her at the office. Fortunately this did not happen very often, for the stricken maidens48 and young Lochinvars who make up the chief support of such columns as hers are safely and busily shut up among typewriters and filing cases during the daytime; their wounds do not begin to burn intolerably until about five-thirty p.m. But now and then some forlorn and baffled creature would find his or her way to “Cynthia” and ask her advice. She would listen sympathetically, apply such homely49 febrifuge as her inexperienced but wise heart suggested to her, and after the patient had gone she would add the case to her list of 1001 Problems. The material for the pamphlet was growing rapidly.
One morning, while the managing editor was in her room asking her how soon the booklet would be ready, the office boy brought in a card neatly50 engraved51 Mr. Arthur Caldwell. Now as a rule Cynthia did not see masculine visitors, because (after one or two trying experiences) she had found that they were inclined to transfer to her the heart that someone else had bruised52. But in this case she welcomed the caller because Mr. Sikes was being annoyingly facetious53. He had looked over her laboriously54 gathered data for the 1001 Problems, and had said: “Well, you're getting to be quite an experienced little girl in these matters, hey?” He had seemed disposed to linger on the topic with pleasure. Therefore Cynthia told the office boy to send Mr. Caldwell in, though the name meant nothing to her. Mr. Sikes went out, and the caller was introduced.
Mr. Caldwell proved to be a young man, quite as nice-looking as the collar-advertising young men without being so desperately55 handsome. Cynthia liked him from the first glance. There was something that seemed very genuine about his soft collar and his candid56, clean-shaven face and the little brown brief-case he carried. He had on brown woollen socks, too, she noticed, in one of those quick feminine observations. He seemed very embarrassed, and his face suddenly went ruby57 red.
“Is this Cynthia?” he said.
“Yes,” said Ann, pushing aside a mass of lovelorn correspondence, and wondering what the trouble could be.
“My name's Caldwell,” he said. “Look here, I suppose you'll think me an awful idiot, but I wanted to ask your advice. I—I wrote you a letter the other day, and your answer in the column made me think that perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me some help. I wrote that letter signed 'Sincerity'.”
He was obviously ill at ease, and Ann tried to help him out.
“I remember the letter perfectly,” she said. “Did you take my advice?”
“Well, I'm a bit uncertain about it,” he said.
“I just wanted to explain to you a little more fully1, and see what you think. You see I happened to see this girl one day, going into her office. I suppose the idea about love at first sight is all exploded, but I had a hunch58 as soon as I saw her that——Oh, well, that I would like to know her. I've seen her going in and out of the building, but she has never seen me, never even heard of me. I don't know any one who can introduce me to her, and I can't just walk up to her and tell her I'm crazy about her. They don't do that except in Shakespeare. I don't know much about girls and I thought maybe you could suggest some way in which I could meet her without frightening her.”
Ann pondered. She liked the young man's way of putting his problem, and it was plain from his genuine embarrassment59 that he was sincere.
“I'd love to help you, if I could,” she said. “It seems to me that the only way to go about it is to arrange some business with the firm she works for, and try to meet her that way. Couldn't that be done?”
“She's secretary to one of the big bugs60 in the Telephone Company,” he said. “I'm in the publishing business. I don't see any way in which I could fake up a business connection there. The worst of it is, there may be a dozen fellows in love with her already, for all I know. I suppose I might get a job with the Telephone Company, but by the time I had worked up far enough to have an excuse for going into the vice-president's office where she works, someone else might have married her.” He laughed, a boyish, ingratiating chuckle61.
“It does seem pretty hard,” said Ann. “I don't know what to say.” She had a mental picture of the unknown fair one, going in and out of the big Telephone Company's building on Dey Street, unaware62 of the admiring glances of this bashful admirer. “I'll bet the men she knows aren't half as nice as he is,” she said to herself.
“I happen to know that she reads your column,” said Caldwell. “I suppose there isn't any way I could get in touch with her through that?”
“If there's any legitimate63 way I can help,” Ann said, “I'll be glad to. But I hardly see what I can do.”
“Well, thanks awfully,” he said. “If I get a chance to meet her, will you let me come in again and tell you about it? Perhaps you would let me mention your name as a reference, in regard to my respectability I mean?”
“Surely you can give her better references than that? You see, I don't know so very much about you, Mr. Caldwell.”
“In matters like this,” he said, “I guess you're the Big Authority. And by the way, do you ever do any book reviewing? I work for Fawcett and Company, the publishers, and we'd like immensely to have your comment on some of our love stories. Can I send you some books?”
“I can't promise to review them,” said Ann, rather pleased, because this seemed to her a way to earn a little extra money. “But I'll speak to the literary editor, and we'll see.”
“Suppose I send them to your home address,” said Caldwell. “I know what a newspaper office is, if I send them here someone else might snitch them. Give me your street number, and you'll be spared the trouble of taking them home to read.”
“That's very kind of you,” said Ann. “Miss Ann Austin, 527 West 150th Street. Well, you let me know what happens about your fair lady. I wish you all sorts of luck!”
When Arthur Caldwell got outside the office, he looked down Park Row to where the great Telephone Building rose up behind the brown silhouette64 of St. Paul's.
“Caldwell,” he said to himself, “you're an infernal liar65! But it pays! I'll figure out some way. While there's life there's dope.”
“Ann Austin!” he said. “By George, she's a queen.”
II
It is not the purpose of this tale to tell in detail how Arthur Caldwell laid siege to Ann Austin. He was a cautious man, and for some time he contented67 himself by presenting occasional reports of his progress with the damsel of the Telephone Company. Ann, in her friendly and unselfish way, was delighted to hear, a few days later, that he had met his ideal. Then, averring68 that he needed further counsel, Arthur persuaded her to have lunch with him one day; and Ann, convinced that the young man was in love with someone else, saw no reason why this should not be done. Perhaps it was a little odd that at their various meetings they should have talked so much of themselves, their ambitions, the books they had been reading, and so on; and so little of the Telephone lady. But surely it was strictly69 a matter of business that Arthur should send Miss Austin some of Fawcett's novels, for her to review in the Planet; and equally a professional matter that he should discuss with her her opinion of them. And then came the day when Arthur called up to say that things were going so well with the Telephone lady that he wanted Cynthia to meet her; and would she join them in St. Paul's Churchyard at half-past twelve? Ann, with just a curious little unanalyzed twinge in her heart, agreed to do so.
But when she reached the bench in the graveyard70, where a bright autumn sunshine filled the clearing among those tremendous buildings, Arthur was there alone.
“Where's Alice?” said Ann, innocently—for such was the name Arthur had always given the lady of the Telephone Company.
“She couldn't come,” he said. “But I want to show you her picture.”
They sat down on the bench, and he took out of his pocket a copy of the noon edition of the Planet. He turned to the feature page, and displayed the little cut of Cynthia at the head of the Lovelorn column.
“There,” he said, stoutly71 (though his heart was tremulous within him), “there, you adorable little thing, there she is.”
It would be pleasant to linger over this scene, but, as I have just said, this is not our denouement72, but only an incident. Ann, shot through with delicious pangs73 of doubt and glory and anger, asked for explanations.
“And do you mean to say there never was any Alice, the beautiful Telephone blonde?” she said. “What a fraud you are!”
“Of course not,” he said. “You dear, delightful74 innocent, I just had to cook up some excuse for coming up to see you. And you can't be angry with me now, Ann, because in your own answer to Sincerity's letter you said the girl ought not to be offended. You told me to take a chance! Just think what self-control I had, that first time I came up to see you, not to blurt75 out the truth.” And then he tore off a scrap76 of margin77 from the newspaper and measured her finger for a ring.
III
There were happy evenings that winter, when Ann, after finishing her stint78 at the office, would hasten up their rendezvous79 at Piazza's little Italian table d'hote. Here, over the minestrone soup and the spaghetti and that strong Italian coffee that seems to have a greenish light round the edges of the liquid (and an equally greenish taste), they would discuss their plans and platitudes80, just as lovers always have and always will. As for Ann, the light of a mystical benevolence81 shone in her as she conned82 her daily pile of broken hearts in the morning mail. More than ever she felt that she, who had seen the true flame upon the high altar, had a duty to all perplexed83 and random84 followers85 of the gleam who had gone astray in their search. Aware more keenly that the troubled appeals of “Tearful” and “Little Pal,” however absurd, were the pains of genuine heartache, she became more and more tender in her comments, and her correspondence grew apace. Now that she knew that her job need not go on forever she tried honestly to run the column with all her might. How stern she was with the flirt86 and the vamp and the jilt; how sympathetic with the wounded on Love's great battle-field. “Great stuff, great stuff!” Mr. Sikes would cry, in his coarse way, and complimented her on the increasing “kick” of her department. Knowing that he attributed the accelerated pulse of the Lovelorn column to mere20 cynicism on her part, she did not dare wear her ring in the office for fear of being joked about it. She used to think sadly that because she had made sympathy with lovers a matter of trade, she herself, now she was in love, could hope for no understanding. Although she hardly admitted it, she longed for the day when she could drop the whole thing.
One evening Arthur met her at Piazza's, radiant. He was going off on a long business trip for his publishing house, and they had promised him a substantial raise when he returned. They sat down to dinner together in the highest spirits. Arthur, in particular, was in a triumphant87 mood: the publishing world, it seemed, lay under his feet.
“Great news, hey?” he said. “We'll be able to get married in the spring, and you can kick out of that miserable88 job.”
“But, Arthur,” she said, “you know I have to take care of Mother. Don't you think it would be wiser if I went on with the work for a while, until your next raise comes? It would help a good deal, and we'd be able to put a little away for a rainy day.”
“What?” he said. “Do you think I'm going to have my wife doing that lovelorn stuff in the paper every day? It'd make me a laughing stock if it ever got out. No, sir! I haven't said much about it, because I knew it couldn't be helped; but believe me, honey, that isn't the right kind of job for you. I've often wondered you didn't feel that yourself.”
Ann was a little nettled89 that he should put it that way. Whatever her private distaste for the Lovelorn column, it had served her well in a difficult time, and had paid the doctor's bills at home. And she knew how much honest devotion she had put into the task of trying to give helpful counsel.
“At any rate,” she said, “it was through the column that we first met.”
What evil divinity sat upon Arthur's tongue that he could not see this was the moment for a word of tenderness? But a young man flushed with his first vision of business success, the feeling that now nothing can prevent him from “making good,” is likely to be obtuse90 to the finer shades of intercourse91.
“Of course, dear, I could see you were different from the usual sob sister of the press,” he said. “I could see you didn't really fall for that stuff. It's because I love you so, I want to get you out of that cheap, degrading sensational92 work. Most of those letters you get are only fakes, anyway. I think Love ought to be sacred, not used as mere circulation bait for a newspaper.”
Ann was a high-spirited girl, and this blunt criticism touched her in that vivid, quivering region of the mind where no woman stops to reason. But she made an honest attempt to be patient.
“But, Arthur,” she said; “there's nothing really cheap and degraded in trying to help others who haven't had the same advantages we have. I know a lot of the letters I print are silly and absurd, but not more so than some of the books you publish.”
“Now, listen,” he said, loftily, “we won't quarrel about this. I don't want you to go on with the job, that's all. It isn't fair to you. You may take the work seriously, and put all sorts of idealism into it, but it's not the right kind of job for a refined girl. How about the men in the office? I'll bet I know what they think of it. They probably think it's a devil of a good joke, and laugh about it among themselves. Don't you think I've seen that managing editor leering at you? That sort of thing cheapens a girl among decent men. Every Lovelace in town feels he has a right to send you mash-notes, I guess.”
Ann was furious.
“Well, you're the only one I ever paid any attention to,” she said, blazing at him. “I'm sorry you think I've cheapened myself. I guess I have, by letting you interfere93 with my affairs.”
She slipped the ring from her finger, and thrust it at him. Arthur saw, too late, what he had done. She listened in scornful silence to his miserable attempts to console her, which were doubly handicapped by the old waiter hovering94 near. She was still adamant95 while he took her up town. The only thing she said was when she reached the door of her apartment.
“I don't want you to cheapen yourself. You needn't come any more.”
By this time Arthur also was thoroughly96 angry. The next morning he went away on his business trip, realizing for the first time that he who has the pass key to a human heart treads among dangerous explosives.
IV
How different the little room in the Planet office looked to Ann when she returned, with a sick heart, to her work the next morning. Everything was just the same—the geranium on its windowledge, that seemed to survive both the eddying97 hot air from the steampipes beneath it and the daily douche of iced drinking water; the noisily ticking inaccurate98 little clock; the dusty typewriter. All were the same, and there was the pile of morning letters from Love's battered99 henchmen. To office boy and casual reporter Ann herself seemed the usual cheerful charmer with her crisp little white collar and dark, alluring100 hair. Her swift, capable hands sped over the pile of letters, slitting the envelopes and sorting the outcries into some classification of her own. Outwardly nothing had altered, but everything seemed to have lost its meaning. What a desolate emptiness gaped101 beneath the firm routine of her daily life. She was struck by the irony102 of the fact that the only one in the office who seemed to notice that something was amiss was the one person whom she disliked—Mr. Sikes. He came in about something or other, and then stayed, looking at her intently.
“You look sick,” he said. “What's the matter, is the love feast getting on your nerves?”
With a queer twitching103 at the corners of her mouth, she forced herself to say some trifling104 remark. He leaned over her and put his hand on hers. She caught the strong cigarry whiff of his clothes, which sickened her.
“Too much love in the abstract,” he said, insinuatingly105. “What you need is a little love in the concrete.”
If he—or any one—had spoken tenderly to her, she would have burst into tears. But the boorishness106 of his words was just the tonic107 she needed. She looked at him with flashing eyes, and was about to say: “Keep to some topic you understand.” Then she dared not say it, for now she could not run the risk of losing her job. She faced him steadily109, in angry silence. He left the room, and the little green-tarnished mirror under the pigeonholes saw tears for the first time.
The irony of her position moved her cruelly when she began her task of dealing110 with the correspondents. Here she was, giving helpful, cheery advice, posing as all-wise in these matters, when her own love affair had come so miserably111 to grief. In the ill-written scrawls112 on scented113 and scalloped paper she could hear an echo of her own suffering. “Hopeless” and “Uncertain” and “Miss Eighteen” got very tender replies that day. And how she laid the lash108 upon “Beau Brummel” and “Disillusioned,” those self-assured young men, who had chosen that mail to contribute their views on the flirtatious114 and unreliable qualities of modern girls.
The bitterness of her paradoxical task became dulled as the days went on, but there were other troubles, too, to bother her. Her mother, quick and querulous to detect unhappiness, fell into one of her nervous spells, and the doctor had to be called in again. The woman-by-the-day got blood-poisoning in her arm, and could not come. The landlord gave notice of a coming raise in rent. A fat letter came from Arthur, and in a flush of passion she destroyed it unread. If it hadn't been such a fat letter, she said to herself, it wouldn't have annoyed her so to see it. But she wasn't going to wade116 through pages of explanation of just what he had meant. She was still cut to the quick when she remembered the cavalier and easy way in which he had scoffed117 at her work. And then, as time went by, she found herself moving into a new mood—no longer one of exaggerated tenderness toward her clients, but a feeling almost cynical. “They're all fools, just as I am,” she said.
One morning she found on her desk a note from the managing editor:
Dear Miss Cupid:
We've made some changes in our budget, and I've been authorized118 to fatten119 your envelope $15 a week. I'm glad to do this, because the Lovelorn stuff is going big. Just keep kidding them along and everything will be fine. Maybe some day we can syndicate it. Hope this will cheer you up, don't look so blue at your friends.
Sikes.
There had been a time when the tone and phrasing of this note might have seemed offensive, but in the numbness120 of despondency Ann had felt lately, it was a fine burst of rosy121 warmth. Thank God, she said to herself, something has broken my way at last! She wondered if she had been mistaken in Sikes, after all? Perhaps he was really a friend of hers, and she had misunderstood his odd ways.
That day at noon she went down to the cashier's department to cash a small check. There was no one in the cage, but in the adjoining compartment122, behind a wall of filing cases, she could hear two girls talking. One of them said:
“I see Sikes has put through a raise for Lovelorn. Pretty soft for her, hey?”
“She'll have to give value received, I guess,” said the other. “Sikes figures if he puts that over for her, she'll fall for him. She's been stalling him for quite a while, but I suppose he's got her fixed123 now.”
She fled, aghast, ran down to another floor so as not to be seen, and took the elevator. Out on the street she walked mechanically along Park Row and found herself opposite St. Paul's. She wandered in and sat down on a bench. It was a chilly124 day, and the churchyard was nearly empty.
So this was Sikes's friendliness125; and she, utterly126 innocent even in thought, was already the subject of vulgar office gossip. For the first time there broke in upon her, with bitter force, the knowledge that no matter how easy it may be to counsel others, few of us are wise in our own affairs.
Pitiable paradox115: she, the “sympathetic adviser in matters of the heart,” had made shipwreck127 of her own happiness. How right Arthur had been, and how childish and mad she, to reject his just instinct. It was true: she had made use of Love for mere newspaper circulation; and now Love had died between her hands. Well, this was the end. No matter what happened, she could not go on with the job. Cold and trembling with nervousness, she returned to her desk, to finish her column for the next day.
On her typewriter lay some letters, which had come in while she was out. She opened one, and read.
Dear Cynthia:
I am in great trouble, please help me. I am in love with a fellow and know he is all right and we would be very happy together. We were engaged to be married, and everything was lovely. But he objected to the work I was doing, said it was not a good job for a girl and that I ought to give it up. I knew he was right, but the way he said it made me mad. I guess I am hot-tempered and stubborn—anyway, I told him to mind his own business, and he went away. Now I am heart-broken, because I love him and I know he loves me. Tell me what to do.
Jessie.
Ann sat looking at the cheap blue paper with the initial J gaudily129 embossed upon it in gilt130. In the sprawling131 lines of unlettered handwriting she saw an exact parallel to her own unhappy rupture132 with Arthur. How much more clearly we can see the answer in others' tangles133 than in our own! Jessie, with her pathetic pretentious134 gilt initial, knew that she had been in the wrong, and was brave enough to want to make amends135. And she—had she not been less true to Love than Jessie? Her false pride and obstinacy136 had brought their own punishment. Seeing the situation through Jessie's eyes, she could read her duty plain. Arthur, no doubt, was through with her forever, but she must play the game no less.
She put Jessie's letter at the head of the Lovelorn column for the next day. Under it she wrote:
Certainly, dear Jessie, if you feel you were in the wrong, you ought to take the first step toward making up. Probably he was tactless in criticizing you, but I am sure he only did it because he had your true interest at heart. So write him a nice letter and be happy together. Your friend Cynthia hopes it will all come out all right, because she has seen other cases like this where false pride caused great suffering. If he is the right man, he will love you all the more after he gets your letter.
Ann sent up her copy to the composing room, and then going to a telephone booth she called up Fawcett and Company and asked for Mr. Caldwell.
“Mr. Caldwell's not here any longer,” said the girl.
“Serves me right,” said Ann to herself. “Can you tell me where I can find him?” she asked, wondering how it was that one so miserable could still speak in such a pleasant and apparently137 unconcerned tone of voice.
The Fawcett operator switched her to another wire.
“I'm sorry,” said a stenographer138, “Mr. Fawcett left here about two weeks ago. He's got a job out of town—in Boston, I think. I can find out for you in the morning if you'll call again.”
“Never mind,” said Ann.
She had a horror of facing Mr. Sikes in her present wretchedness, so before she went home she wrote him a note, resigning her job, and asking permission to leave as soon as possible.
The next day she had to nerve herself to face his protests, and the friendly remarks of all the staff when the news spread. It was a hideous139 ordeal140, but she managed to get through it smiling. But by evening she was inwardly a wreck128. In her present mood, she had an instinctive141 longing142 to revisit the shabby little restaurant where she and Arthur had spent so many happy hours. She knew it would give her pain; but she felt that pain was what she needed—sharp, clean, insistent143 pain to ease the oppression and disgust of what she had been through. Remorse144, she felt, is surgical145 in action: it cuts away foul146 tissues of the mind. She could not, without preparatory discipline, face her mother's outcry at hearing she had given up her job.
V
In the crisp blue evening air the bright front of Piazza's café shone with a warm and generous lustre147. From sheer force of habit, her heart lightened a little as she climbed the stairs and entered the familiar place, where festoons of red and green paper decoration criss-crossed above the warm, soup-flavoured, tobacco-fogged room. There was a clatter148 of thick dishes and a clamour of talk.
She nodded, and followed him down the narrow aisle150. There was the little table, in the corner under the stair, where they had always sat. A man was there, reading a newspaper.... Her heart felt very strange, as though it had dropped a long way below its usual place. It was Arthur, and he was smiling at her as though nothing had happened. He was getting up. . . he was shaking hands with her. . . how natural it all seemed!
Like all really great crises, it was over in a flash. She found herself sitting at the little table, taking off her gloves in the most casual fashion. Arthur was whispering outrageous151 things. How fine it is that everybody talks so loud in Italian table d'h?tes, and the waiters crash the dishes round so recklessly!
Arthur's talk seemed to be in two different keys, partly for the benefit of old Tonio, the waiter, and partly for her alone.
“Well, here you are! I wondered how soon you'd get here.... Have you forgiven me, dearest?. . . Do you want some minestrone?. . . Why didn't you answer my letters, brownest eyes? . . . Yes, and some of the near-beer.. . . Darling, it was all my fault. I wrote to tell you so. Didn't you get my letter?”
After all, at such times there isn't much explaining done, A happy reconciliation152 is the magic of a moment, and no explanations are necessary. The trouble just drops away, and life begins again from the last kind thing that was said. All Ann could do was whisper:
“No, Arthur—it was I who was wrong. I—I've given up the Lovelorn.”
And then, after a sudden moisture of eye on both sides, the steaming minestrone came on in its battered leaden tureen from which the silver plating disappeared long ago, and under pretense153 of serving her soup Arthur stretched out his hand. She put out hers to meet it, and found the ring slipped deftly154 back on her finger.
“But, Arthur,” she said, presently, “I thought you were out of town.”
“I was,” he said. “I've got a new job, with King and Company in Boston. A good job, too, we can be married right away, and you don't need to worry.”
“Well, how did you happen to come here tonight? You didn't know I was going to be here. I didn't know it myself until an hour or so ago.”
“Perhaps I willed you to come, who knows?” he said, gaily155. “Have you been advising lovers all this while, and didn't know that they always haunt the scenes of former felicity? I've been in town several days, and came here every night.”
He produced a copy of the Evening Planet which he had been reading when she came in.
“I had a special reason for thinking you might come here to-night,” he said. “This afternoon I read your column, and I saw Jessie's letter and your answer. What you said made me think that perhaps you might be willing to forgive me.” Ann, once more safely enthroned on the shining glory of her happiness, felt that she could afford to tease him just a little.
“Ah,” she said, “so you admit that some of those letters people write me are genuine, and that the answers do some good?”
He smiled at her and laid his hand over the ring, which outglittered even the most newly nickeled of Piazza's cutlery.
“Yes, honey,” he said. “I admit it. And I knew that Jessie's letter was genuine, because I wrote it myself.”
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1
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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recess
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| n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处） | |
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pigeonholes
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| n.鸽舍出入口( pigeonhole的名词复数 )；小房间；文件架上的小间隔v.把…搁在分类架上( pigeonhole的第三人称单数 )；把…留在记忆中；缓办；把…隔成小格 | |
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hood
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| n.头巾，兜帽，覆盖；v.罩上，以头巾覆盖 | |
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compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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coveted
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| adj.令人垂涎的；垂涎的，梦寐以求的v.贪求，觊觎(covet的过去分词)；垂涎；贪图 | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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laggard
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| n.落后者；adj.缓慢的，落后的 | |
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devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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10
stationery
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| n.文具；(配套的)信笺信封 | |
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sage
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| n.圣人，哲人；adj.贤明的，明智的 | |
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12
pseudonym
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| n.假名，笔名 | |
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13
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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14
adviser
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| n.劝告者，顾问 | |
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15
slitting
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| n.纵裂（缝）v.切开，撕开( slit的现在分词 )；在…上开狭长口子 | |
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arbiter
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| n.仲裁人，公断人 | |
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17
discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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18
tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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19
misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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20
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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22
inveigle
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| v.诱骗 | |
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ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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24
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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25
reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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26
scoff
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| n.嘲笑，笑柄，愚弄；v.嘲笑，嘲弄，愚弄，狼吞虎咽 | |
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27
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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28
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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29
collaboration
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| n.合作，协作；勾结 | |
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30
cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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31
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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32
waggish
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| adj.诙谐的，滑稽的 | |
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33
inhibit
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| vt.阻止，妨碍，抑制 | |
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34
taboo
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| n.禁忌，禁止接近，禁止使用；adj.禁忌的；v.禁忌，禁制，禁止 | |
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35
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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36
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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38
bum
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| n.臀部；流浪汉，乞丐；vt.乞求，乞讨 | |
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39
betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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40
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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41
quotation
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| n.引文，引语，语录；报价，牌价，行情 | |
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42
desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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43
straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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44
simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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45
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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46
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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47
underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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48
maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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49
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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50
neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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51
engraved
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| v.在（硬物）上雕刻（字，画等）( engrave的过去式和过去分词 )；将某事物深深印在（记忆或头脑中） | |
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52
bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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53
facetious
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| adj.轻浮的，好开玩笑的 | |
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54
laboriously
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| adv.艰苦地；费力地；辛勤地；（文体等）佶屈聱牙地 | |
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55
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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56
candid
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| adj.公正的，正直的；坦率的 | |
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57
ruby
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| n.红宝石，红宝石色 | |
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58
hunch
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| n.预感，直觉 | |
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59
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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60
bugs
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| adj.疯狂的，发疯的n.窃听器( bug的名词复数 )；病菌；虫子；[计算机]（制作软件程序所产生的意料不到的）错误 | |
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61
chuckle
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| vi.／n.轻声笑，咯咯笑 | |
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62
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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63
legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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64
silhouette
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| n.黑色半身侧面影，影子，轮廓；v.描绘成侧面影，照出影子来，仅仅显出轮廓 | |
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65
liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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66
meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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67
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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68
averring
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| v.断言( aver的现在分词 )；证实；证明…属实；作为事实提出 | |
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69
strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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70
graveyard
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| n.坟场 | |
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71
stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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72
denouement
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| n.结尾，结局 | |
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73
pangs
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| 突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛 | |
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74
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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75
blurt
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| vt.突然说出，脱口说出 | |
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76
scrap
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| n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废 | |
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77
margin
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| n.页边空白；差额；余地，余裕；边，边缘 | |
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78
stint
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| v.节省，限制，停止；n.舍不得化，节约，限制；连续不断的一段时间从事某件事 | |
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79
rendezvous
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| n.约会，约会地点，汇合点；vi.汇合，集合；vt.使汇合，使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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80
platitudes
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| n.平常的话，老生常谈，陈词滥调( platitude的名词复数 )；滥套子 | |
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81
benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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82
conned
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| adj.被骗了v.指挥操舵( conn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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83
perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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84
random
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| adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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85
followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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86
flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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87
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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88
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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89
nettled
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| v.拿荨麻打，拿荨麻刺（nettle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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90
obtuse
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| adj.钝的；愚钝的 | |
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91
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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92
sensational
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| adj.使人感动的，非常好的，轰动的，耸人听闻的 | |
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93
interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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94
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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95
adamant
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| adj.坚硬的，固执的 | |
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96
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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97
eddying
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| 涡流，涡流的形成 | |
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98
inaccurate
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| adj.错误的，不正确的，不准确的 | |
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99
battered
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| adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损 | |
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100
alluring
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| adj.吸引人的，迷人的 | |
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101
gaped
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| v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的过去式和过去分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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102
irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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103
twitching
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| n.颤搐 | |
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104
trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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105
insinuatingly
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106
boorishness
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107
tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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108
lash
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| v.系牢；鞭打；猛烈抨击；n.鞭打；眼睫毛 | |
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109
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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110
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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111
miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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112
scrawls
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| 潦草的笔迹( scrawl的名词复数 ) | |
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113
scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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flirtatious
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| adj.爱调情的，调情的，卖俏的 | |
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paradox
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| n.似乎矛盾却正确的说法；自相矛盾的人(物) | |
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wade
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| v.跋涉，涉水；n.跋涉 | |
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scoffed
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| 嘲笑，嘲弄( scoff的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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authorized
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| a.委任的，许可的 | |
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fatten
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| v.使肥，变肥 | |
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numbness
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| n.无感觉，麻木，惊呆 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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127
shipwreck
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| n.船舶失事，海难 | |
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wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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gaudily
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| adv.俗丽地 | |
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gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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sprawling
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| adj.蔓生的，不规则地伸展的v.伸开四肢坐[躺]( sprawl的现在分词 )；蔓延；杂乱无序地拓展；四肢伸展坐着（或躺着） | |
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rupture
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| n.破裂；(关系的)决裂；v.(使)破裂 | |
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tangles
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| （使）缠结， （使）乱作一团( tangle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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pretentious
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| adj.自命不凡的，自负的，炫耀的 | |
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amends
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| n. 赔偿 | |
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obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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stenographer
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| n.速记员 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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insistent
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| adj.迫切的，坚持的 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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surgical
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| adj.外科的，外科医生的，手术上的 | |
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foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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outrageous
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| adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的 | |
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reconciliation
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| n.和解，和谐，一致 | |
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pretense
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| n.矫饰，做作，借口 | |
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deftly
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| adv.灵巧地，熟练地，敏捷地 | |
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gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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