CHAPTER VII. THE EXAMINATION OF THE PARSON.

 The "examining board" had the good luck to come upon the Parson in a secluded¹ spot near the Observatory². The Parson had left the library for a walk, his beloved Dana under his arm and the cyathophylloid coral in one of his pockets. The "committee" made a rush at him.

 

"Mr. Stanard?" inquired the lord high, etc.

 

Mr. Stanard bowed in his grave, serious way, his knees stiff, and his head bobbing in unison³ with his flying coat tails.

 

"Mr. Stanard, I have been sent by the Army Board to read the inclosed notice to you. Ahem!"

 

Mr. Stanard peered at the speaker. His mustache fooled the Parson, and the Parson bowed meekly⁴.

 

Once more the cadet took out the official envelope and with a preliminary flourish and several "ahems!" began to read:

 

"United States Military Academy, West Point, June 20th. Cadet Peter Stanard, of Boston, Massachusetts,[Pg 67] it has just been ascertained⁵, was admitted to the duties of conditional⁶ cadet through an error of the examining board. A re-examination of Cadet Stanard is hereby ordered to be conducted immediately under the charge of the—ahem!—superintendent⁷ of ordnance⁸, in the Observatory Building. By order of the Academy Board. Ahem!"

 

Now, if Cadet Peter Stanard had been a cadet just a little longer he would never have been taken in by that device, for Cadet Peter Stanard was no fool. But as it was, he did not see that the order was absurd.

 

He went.

 

Again the procession started with the same comments as before; this time, however, the door was not locked, and the party entered, sought out another room where stood several solemn cadets at attention, respectfully saluting⁹ the superintendent of ordnance, ex-lord high.

 

"Cadet Stanard," said the latter, "take a chair. Here is pencil and paper. What is that book there. Geology? Well, give it to me until afterward¹⁰. Now, Mr. Stanard, here are ten questions which the board expects you to answer. These are general questions—that is, they are upon no particular subject. The board desires to test your[Pg 68] general stock of information, the—ahem!—breadth, so to speak, of your intellectual horizon. Now you will be allowed an hour to answer them. And since I have other duties in the meantime, I shall leave you, trusting to your own honor to use no unfair means. Mr. Stanard, good-day."

 

Mr. Stanard rose, bobbed his head and coat tails and sat down. The superintendent marched out, the cadets after him. The victim heard a key turn in the door; the Parson glanced at the first question on the paper—

 

"I. When are cyathophylloid corals to be found in fossiliferous sandstone of Tertiary origin?"

 

"By the bones of a Megatherium!" cried the Parson, "The very thing I was looking for myself and couldn't find."

 

And forthwith he seized his pencil, and, without reading further, wrote a ten minutes' discourse¹¹ upon his own researches in that same line.

 

"That's the best I can do," said he, wiping his brow. "Now for the next."

 

"II. Name any undiscovered island in the Pacific Ocean."

 

[Pg 69]The Parson knitted his brows in perplexity and reread the question.

 

"Undiscovered," he muttered. "Undiscovered! Surely that word is undiscovered. U-m-yes! But if an island is undiscovered how can it have any name? That must be a mistake."

 

In perplexity, the Parson went on to the next one.

 

"III. If a dog jumps three feet at a jump, how many jumps will it take him to get across a wall twelve feet wide?"

 

"IV. In what year did George Washington stop beating his mother?"

 

A faint light had begun to dawn upon Stanard's mind; his face began to redden with indignation.

 

"V. What is strategy in warfare¹²? Give an example. If you were out of ammunition¹³ and didn't want the enemy to know it, would it be strategy to go right on firing?"

 

"VI. If three cannibals eat one missionary¹⁴, how many missionaries¹⁵ will it take to eat the three cannibals?"

 

"VII. If a plebe's swelled¹⁶ head shrinks at the rate of three inches a day, how many months will it be before it fits his brains?"

 

[Pg 70]And Stanard seized the paper, tore it across the middle and flung it to the floor in disgust. Then he made for the door.

 

"There's going to be a fight!" he muttered. "I swear it by the Seven Hills of Rome!"

 

The Parson's blood was boiling with righteous indignation; he had "licked" those same cadets before, or some of them, and he meant to do it again right now. But when he reached the door he halted for a moment to listen to a voice he heard outside.

 

"I tell you I cannot do it! Bless my soul!"—the Parson recognized the sound. "I tell you I have lost enough weight already. I can't run again. Now, I'll go home first. Bless my soul!"

 

"Oho!" said the Parson. "So they got poor Indian in this thing, too. Um—this is something to think over."

 

With his usual meditative¹⁷ manner he turned and took his seat again, carefully pulling up his trousers and moving his coat tails as he did so. Clearing his throat, he began to discuss the case with himself.

 

"It is obvious, very obvious, that my condition will in no way be ameliorated by creating a suspicion in trying to make a forceful exit through that locked door.

 

[Pg 71]"It would be a more efficacious method, I think, in some way to manage to summon aid. Perhaps it would be well to endeavor to leave in secret."

 

And with this thought in mind he went to the window.

 

"It would appear," he said, gravely, as he took in the situation, "that the 'high-thundering, Olympian Zeus' smiles propitiously¹⁸ upon my plan."

 

And with this classic remark he stuck one long shank out of the window, followed it with another just as long, and stood upon the cornice over the door of the building, which chanced to be in reach. From there he half slid, half tumbled to the ground, arose, arranged his necktie carefully, gazed about him solemnly to hear if any one had seen him, and finally set out at a brisk pace for barracks, taking great, long strides, swinging his great, long arms, and talking sagely¹⁹ to himself in the meanwhile.

 

"When the other two members of our—ahem!—alliance are made aware of the extraordinary condition of affairs," he muttered, "I think that I am justified²⁰ in my hypothesis when I say there will be some excitement."

 

There was.

 

1 secluded   

adj.与世隔绝的；隐退的；偏僻的v.使隔开，使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词)

参考例句：

• Some people like to strip themselves naked while they have a swim in a secluded place. 一些人当他们在隐蔽的地方游泳时，喜欢把衣服脱光。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• This charming cottage dates back to the 15th century and is as pretty as a picture, with its thatched roof and secluded garden. 这所美丽的村舍是15世纪时的建筑，有茅草房顶和宁静的花园，漂亮极了，简直和画上一样。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 observatory   

n.天文台，气象台，瞭望台，观测台

参考例句：

• Guy's house was close to the observatory.盖伊的房子离天文台很近。
• Officials from Greenwich Observatory have the clock checked twice a day.格林威治天文台的职员们每天对大钟检查两次。

3 unison   

n.步调一致，行动一致

参考例句：

• The governments acted in unison to combat terrorism.这些国家的政府一致行动对付恐怖主义。
• My feelings are in unison with yours.我的感情与你的感情是一致的。

4 meekly   

adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地

参考例句：

• He stood aside meekly when the new policy was proposed. 当有人提出新政策时，他唯唯诺诺地站 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He meekly accepted the rebuke. 他顺从地接受了批评。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 ascertained   

v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The previously unidentified objects have now been definitely ascertained as being satellites. 原来所说的不明飞行物现在已证实是卫星。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I ascertained that she was dead. 我断定她已经死了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 conditional   

adj.条件的，带有条件的

参考例句：

• My agreement is conditional on your help.你肯帮助我才同意。
• There are two forms of most-favored-nation treatment:conditional and unconditional.最惠国待遇有两种形式:有条件的和无条件的。

7 superintendent   

n.监督人，主管，总监；(英国)警务长

参考例句：

• He was soon promoted to the post of superintendent of Foreign Trade.他很快就被擢升为对外贸易总监。
• He decided to call the superintendent of the building.他决定给楼房管理员打电话。

8 ordnance   

n.大炮，军械

参考例句：

• She worked in an ordnance factory during the war.战争期间她在一家兵工厂工作。
• Shoes and clothing for the army were scarce,ordnance supplies and drugs were scarcer.军队很缺鞋和衣服，武器供应和药品就更少了。

9 saluting   

v.欢迎，致敬( salute的现在分词 )；赞扬，赞颂

参考例句：

• 'Thank you kindly, sir,' replied Long John, again saluting. “万分感谢，先生。”高个子约翰说着又行了个礼。 来自英汉文学 - 金银岛
• He approached the young woman and, without saluting, began at once to converse with her. 他走近那年青女郎，马上就和她攀谈起来了，连招呼都不打。 来自辞典例句

10 afterward   

adv.后来；以后

参考例句：

• Let's go to the theatre first and eat afterward. 让我们先去看戏，然后吃饭。
• Afterward,the boy became a very famous artist.后来，这男孩成为一个很有名的艺术家。

11 discourse   

n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述

参考例句：

• We'll discourse on the subject tonight.我们今晚要谈论这个问题。
• He fell into discourse with the customers who were drinking at the counter.他和站在柜台旁的酒客谈了起来。

12 warfare   

n.战争(状态)；斗争；冲突

参考例句：

• He addressed the audience on the subject of atomic warfare.他向听众演讲有关原子战争的问题。
• Their struggle consists mainly in peasant guerrilla warfare.他们的斗争主要是农民游击战。

13 ammunition   

n.军火，弹药

参考例句：

• A few of the jeeps had run out of ammunition.几辆吉普车上的弹药已经用光了。
• They have expended all their ammunition.他们把弹药用光。

14 missionary   

adj.教会的，传教(士)的；n.传教士

参考例句：

• She taught in a missionary school for a couple of years.她在一所教会学校教了两年书。
• I hope every member understands the value of missionary work. 我希望教友都了解传教工作的价值。

15 missionaries   

n.传教士( missionary的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Some missionaries came from England in the Qing Dynasty. 清朝时，从英国来了一些传教士。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The missionaries rebuked the natives for worshipping images. 传教士指责当地人崇拜偶像。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

16 swelled   

增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情）

参考例句：

• The infection swelled his hand. 由于感染，他的手肿了起来。
• After the heavy rain the river swelled. 大雨过后，河水猛涨。

17 meditative   

adj.沉思的，冥想的

参考例句：

• A stupid fellow is talkative;a wise man is meditative.蠢人饶舌，智者思虑。
• Music can induce a meditative state in the listener.音乐能够引导倾听者沉思。

18 propitiously   

参考例句：

19 sagely   

adv. 贤能地，贤明地

参考例句：

• Even the ones who understand may nod sagely. 即使对方知道这一点，也会一本正经地点头同意。
• Well, that's about all of the sagely advice this old grey head can come up with. 好了，以上就是我这个满头银发的老头儿给你们的充满睿智的忠告。

20 justified   

a.正当的，有理的

参考例句：

• She felt fully justified in asking for her money back. 她认为有充分的理由要求退款。
• The prisoner has certainly justified his claims by his actions. 那个囚犯确实已用自己的行动表明他的要求是正当的。