Chapter 12

 You know the screen stars, of course; but maybe you do not know those larger celestial¹ bodies, the dark and silent and invisible stars from which the shining ones derive² their energies. So, permit me to introduce you to T-S, the trade abbreviation for a name which nobody can remember, which even his secretaries have to keep typed on a slip of paper just above their machine—Tszchniczklefritszch. He came a few years ago from Ruthenia, or Rumelia, or Roumania—one of those countries where the consonants³ are so greatly in excess of the vowels⁴. If you are as rich as he, you call him Abey, which is easy; otherwise, you call him Mr. T-S, which he accepts as a part of his Americanization.

He is shorter than you or I, and has found that he can't grow upward, but can grow without limit in all lateral⁵ directions. There is always a little more of him than his clothing can hold, and it spreads out in rolls about his collar. He has a yellowish face, which turns red easily. He has small, shiny eyes, he speaks atrocious English, he is as devoid⁶ of culture as a hairy Ainu, and he smells money and goes after it like a hog⁷ into a swill-trough.

“Hello, everybody! Madame, vere's de old voman?

“She ees being dressed—”

“Vell, speed her up! I got no time. I got—Jesus Christ!”

“Yes, exactly,” said Mary Magna.

The great man of the pictures stood rooted to the spot. “Vot's dis? Some joke you people playin' on me?” He shot a suspicious glance from one to another of us.

“No,” said Mary, “he's real. Honest to God!”

“Oh! You bring him for an engagement. Vell, I don't do no business outside my office. Send him to see Lipsky in de mornin'.”

“He hasn't asked for an engagement,” said Mary.

“Oh, he ain't. Vell, vot's he hangin' about for? Been gittin' a permanent vave? Ha, ha, ha!”

“Cut it out, Abey,” said Mary Magna. “This is a gentleman, and you must be decent. Mr. Carpenter, meet Mr. T-S.”

“Carpenter, eh? Vell, Mr. Carpenter, if I vas to make a picture vit you I gotta spend a million dollars on it—you know you can't make no cheap skate picture fer a ting like dat, if you do you got a piece o' cheese. It'd gotta be a costume picture, and you got shoost as much show to market vun o' dem today as you got vit a pauper's funeral. I spend all dat money, and no show to git it back, and den⁸ you actors tink I'm makin' ten million a veek off you—”

“Cut it out, Abey!” broke in Mary. “Mr. Carpenter hasn't asked anything of you.”

“Oh, he ain't, hey? So dat's his game. Vell, he'll find maybe I can vait as long as de next feller. Ven he gits ready to talk business, he knows vere Eternal City is, I guess. Vot's de matter, Madame, you got dat old voman o' mine melted to de chair?”

“I'll see, I'll see, Meester T-S,” said Madame, hustling⁹ out of the room.

Mary came up to the great man. “See here, Abey,” she said, in a low voice, “you're making the worst mistake of your life. Apparently¹⁰ this man hasn't been discovered. When he is, you know what'll happen.”

“Vere doss he come from?”

“I don't know. Billy here brought him. I said he must have come out of a stained glass window in St. Bartholomew's Church.”

“Oho, ho!” said T-S.

“Anyhow, he's new, and he's too good to keep. The paper's 'll get hold of him sure. Just look at him!”

“But, Mary, can he act?”

“Act? My God, he don't have to act! He only has to look at you, and you want to fall at his feet. Go be decent to him, and find out what he wants.”

The great man surveyed the figure of the stranger appraisingly¹¹. Then he went up to him. “See here, Mr. Carpenter, maybe I could make you famous. Vould you like dat?”

“I have never thought of being famous,” was the reply.

“Vell, you tink of it now. If I hire you, I make you de greatest actor in de vorld. I make it a propaganda picture fer de churches, dey vould show it to de headens in China and in Zululand. I make you a contract fer ten years, and I pay you five hunded dollars a veek, vedder you vork or not, and you vouldn't have to vork so much, because I don't catch myself makin' a million dollar feature picture vit gawd amighty and de angels in it for no regular veekly releases. Maybe you find some cheap skate feller vit some vild cat company vot promise you more; but he sells de picture and makes over de money to his vife's brudders, and den he goes bust¹², and vere you at den, hey? Mary Magna, here, she tell you, if you git a contract vit old Abey, it's shoost like you got libbidy bonds. I make dat lovely lady a check every veek fer tirty-five hunded dollars, an' I gotta sign it vit my own hand, and I tell you it gives me de cramps¹³ to sign so much money all de time, but I do it, and you see all dem rings and ribbons and veils and tings vot she buys vit de money, she looks like a jeweler's shop and a toy-store all rolled into vun goin' valkin' down de street.”

“Mr. Carpenter was just scolding me for that,” said Mary. “I've an idea if you pay him a salary, he'll feed it to the poor.”

“If I pay it,” said T-S, “it's his, and he can feed it to de dicky-birds if he vants to. Vot you say, Mr. Carpenter?”

I was waiting with curiosity to hear what he would say; but at that moment the door from the “maternity-room” was opened, and the voice of Madame Planchet broke in: “Here she ees!” And the flesh-mountain appeared, with the two caryatids supporting her.

1 celestial   

adj.天体的；天上的

参考例句：

• The rosy light yet beamed like a celestial dawn.玫瑰色的红光依然象天上的朝霞一样绚丽。
• Gravity governs the motions of celestial bodies.万有引力控制着天体的运动。

2 derive   

v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自

参考例句：

• We derive our sustenance from the land.我们从土地获取食物。
• We shall derive much benefit from reading good novels.我们将从优秀小说中获得很大好处。

3 consonants   

n.辅音，子音( consonant的名词复数 )；辅音字母

参考例句：

• Consonants are frequently assimilated to neighboring consonants. 辅音往往被其邻近的辅音同化。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Vowels possess greater sonority than consonants. 元音比辅音响亮。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

4 vowels   

n.元音，元音字母( vowel的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Vowels possess greater sonority than consonants. 元音比辅音响亮。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Note the various sounds of vowels followed by r. 注意r跟随的各种元音的发音。 来自超越目标英语 第3册

5 lateral   

adj.侧面的，旁边的

参考例句：

• An airfoil that controls lateral motion.能够控制横向飞行的机翼。
• Mr.Dawson walked into the court from a lateral door.道森先生从一个侧面的门走进法庭。

6 devoid   

adj.全无的，缺乏的

参考例句：

• He is completely devoid of humour.他十分缺乏幽默。
• The house is totally devoid of furniture.这所房子里什么家具都没有。

7 hog   

n.猪；馋嘴贪吃的人；vt.把…占为己有，独占

参考例句：

• He is greedy like a hog.他像猪一样贪婪。
• Drivers who hog the road leave no room for other cars.那些占着路面的驾驶员一点余地都不留给其他车辆。

8 den   

n.兽穴；秘密地方；安静的小房间，私室

参考例句：

• There is a big fox den on the back hill.后山有一个很大的狐狸窝。
• The only way to catch tiger cubs is to go into tiger's den.不入虎穴焉得虎子。

9 hustling   

催促（hustle的现在分词形式）

参考例句：

• Our quartet was out hustling and we knew we stood good to take in a lot of change before the night was over. 我们的四重奏是明显地卖座的， 而且我们知道在天亮以前，我们有把握收入一大笔钱。
• Men in motors were hustling to pass one another in the hustling traffic. 开汽车的人在繁忙的交通中急急忙忙地互相超车。

10 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

11 appraisingly   

adv.以品评或评价的眼光

参考例句：

• He looked about him appraisingly. 他以品评的目光环视四周。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• She sat opposite him on the bench and studied him-wryly, appraisingly, curiously. 她坐在他对面的凳子上，仔细打量着他--带着嘲笑、揣摩和好奇的神情。 来自辞典例句

12 bust   

vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部

参考例句：

• I dropped my camera on the pavement and bust it. 我把照相机掉在人行道上摔坏了。
• She has worked up a lump of clay into a bust.她把一块黏土精心制作成一个半身像。

13 cramps   

n. 抽筋, 腹部绞痛, 铁箍 adj. 狭窄的, 难解的 v. 使...抽筋, 以铁箍扣紧, 束缚

参考例句：

• If he cramps again let the line cut him off. 要是它再抽筋，就让这钓索把它勒断吧。
• "I have no cramps." he said. “我没抽筋，"他说。