I have before me as I write a newspaper article by Robert Blatchford, a great writer and great man. He is dealing3 with the subject of "Love and Marriage," and his doctrine4 is summed up in the following sentences: "There is a difference between loving a woman and falling in love with her. The love one falls into is a sweet illusion. But that fragrant5 dream does not last. In marriage there are no fairies."
This expresses one of the commonest ideas in the world. Passionate love is one thing, and marriage is another and different thing, and it is no more possible to reconcile them than to mix oil and water. Our notions of "romantic" love took their rise in the Middle Ages, from the songs and narratives6 of the troubadours, and this whole tradition was based upon the glorification7 of illegitimate and extra-marital love. That tradition has ruled the world of art ever since, and rules it today. I do not exaggerate when I say that it is the conventional view of grand opera and the drama, of moving pictures and novels, that impassioned and thrilling love is found before marriage, and is found in adultery and in temptations to adultery, but is never found in marriage. I have a pretty varied8 acquaintance with the literature of the world, and I have sat and thought for quite a while, without being able to recall a single portrait of life which contradicts this thesis; and certainly anyone familiar with literature could name ten thousand novels and dramas and grand operas which support the thesis.
English and American Puritanism have beaten the tradition down to this extent: the novelist portrays9 the glories and thrills of young love, and carries it as far as the altar and the orange blossoms and white ribbons and showers of rice—and stops. He leaves you to assume that this delightful11 rapture12 continues forever after; but he does not attempt to show it to you—he would not dare attempt to show it, because the general experience of men and women in marriage would make him ridiculous. So he runs away from the issue; if he tells you a story of married life, it is a story of a "triangle"—the thrills of love imperiling marriage, and either crushed out, or else wrecking13 the lives of the victims. Such is the unanimous testimony14 of all our arts today, and I submit it as evidence of the fact that there must be something vitally wrong with our marriage system.
Personally, I am prepared to go as far as the extreme sex-radical in the defense15 of love and the right to love. I believe that love is the most precious of all the gifts of life. I accept its sanctions and its authority. I believe that it is to be cherished and obeyed, and not to be run away from or strangled in the heart. I believe that it is the voice of nature speaking in the depths of us, and speaking from a wisdom deeper than we have yet attained17, or may attain16 for many centuries to come. And when I say love, I do not mean merely affection. I do not mean merely the habit of living in the same home, which is the basis of marriage as Blatchford describes it. What I mean is the love of the poets and the dreamers, the "young love" which is thrill and ecstasy18, a glorification and a transfiguration of the whole of life. I say that, far from giving up this love for marriage, it is the true purpose of marriage to preserve this love and perpetuate19 it.
To save repetition and waste of words, let us agree that from now on when I use the word love, I mean the passionate love of those who are "in love." I believe that it is the right of men and women to be "in love," and that there is no true marriage unless they are "in love," and stay "in love." I believe that it is possible to apply reason to love, to learn to understand love and the ways of love, to protect it and keep it alive in marriage. Blatchford writes the sentence, "Matrimony cannot be all honeymoon20." I answer that assuredly it can be, and if you ask me how I know, I tell you that I know in the only way we really know anything—because I have proven it in my own life. I say that if men and women would recognize the perpetuation21 of the honeymoon as the purpose of marriage, and would devote to that end one-hundredth part of the intelligence and energy they now devote to the killing22 of their fellow human beings in war, we might have an end to the wretched "romantic tradition" which makes the most sacred emotion of the human heart into a sneak-thief skulking23 in the darkness, entering our lives by back alleys24 and secret stairways—while greed and worldly pomp, dullness and boredom25, parade in by the front entrance.
In the first place, what is love—young love, passionate love, the love of those who "fall in"? I know a certain lady, well versed26 in worldly affairs, who says that it is at once the greatest nonsense and the deadliest snare27 in the world. This lady was trained as a "coquette"; she, and all the young ladies she knew, made it their business to cause men to fall in love with them, and their prestige was based upon their skill in that art. So to them "love" was a joke, and men "in love" were victims, whether ridiculous or pitiable. To this I answer that I know nothing in life that cannot be "faked"; but an imitation has value only as it resembles something that is real, and that has real value.
I am aware that it is possible for a society to be so corrupted28, so given up to the admiration29 of imitations, of the paint and powder and silk-stocking-clad-ankle kind of love, that true and genuine love interest, with its impulse to self-sacrifice and self-consecration, is no longer felt or understood. I am aware that in such a society it is possible for even the very young to be so sophisticated that what they take to be love is merely vanity, the worship of money, and the grace and charm which the possession of money confers. I have known girls who were "head over heels" in love, and thought it was with a man, when quite clearly they were in love with a dress suit or a social position. In such a society it is hard to talk about natural emotions, and deep and abiding30 and disinterested31 affections.
Nevertheless, amid all the false conventions, the sham32 glories and cowardices of our civilization, there abides33 in the heart the craving34 for true love, and the idea of it leaps continually into flame in the young. In spite of the ridicule35 of the elders, in spite of blunders and tragic36 failures, in spite of dishonesties and deceptions—nevertheless, it continues to happen that out of a thousand maidens37 the youth finds one whose presence thrills him with a new and terrible emotion, whose lightest touch makes him shiver, almost makes his knees give way.
If you will recall what I have written about instinct and reason, you will know that I am not a blind worshipper of our ancient mother nature. I am not humble38 in my attitude toward her, but perfectly39 willing to say when I know more than she does. On the other hand, when I know nothing or next to nothing, I am shy of contradicting my ancient mother, and disposed to give respectful heed40 to her promptings. One of the things about which we know almost nothing at present is the subject of eugenics. We are only at the beginning of trying to find out what matings produce the best offspring. Meantime, we ought to consider those indications which nature gives us, just as we consider her advice about what food to eat and what rest to take.
It is not my idea that science will ever take men and women and marry them in cold blood, as today we breed our cattle. What I think will happen is that young men and women will meet one another, as they do at present, and will find the love impulse awakening41; they will then submit their love to investigation42, as to whether they should follow that impulse, or should wait. In other words, I do not believe that science will ever do away with the raptures43 of love, but will make itself the servant of these raptures, finding out what they mean, and how their precious essence may be preserved.
I perfectly understand that the begetting44 of children is not the only purpose of love. The children have to be reared and trained, which means that a home has to be founded, and the parents have to learn to co-operate. They have to have common aims in life, and temperaments45 sufficiently46 harmonious47 so that they can live in the house together without tearing each other's eyes out. This means that in any civilized48 society all impulses of love have to be subjected to severe criticism. I intend, before long, to show just how I think parents and guardians49 should co-operate with young people in love; to help them to understand in advance what they are doing, and how it may be possible for them to make their love permanent and successful. For the moment I merely state, to avoid any possible misunderstanding, that I am the last person in the world to favor what is called "blind" love, the unthinking abandonment to an impulse of sex passion. What I am trying to show is that the passionate impulse, the passionate excitement of the young couple, is the material out of which love and marriage are made. Passion is a part of us, and a fundamental part. If we do not find a place for it in marriage, it will seek satisfaction outside of marriage, and that means lying, or the wrecking of the marriage, or both.
Passion is what gives to love and marriage its vitality50, its energy, its drive; in fact, it gives these qualities to the whole character. It is a vivifying force, transfiguring the personality, and if it is crushed and repressed, the whole life of that person is distorted. Yet it is a fact which every physician knows, that millions of women marry and live their whole lives without ever knowing what passionate gratification is. As a consequence of this, millions of men take it for granted that there are "good" women and "bad" women, and that only the latter are interesting. This, of course, is simply one of the abnormalities caused by the supplanting51 of love by money as a motive52 in marriage. Love becomes a superfluity and a danger, and all the forces of society, including institutionalized religion, combine to outlaw53 it and drive it underground. Or we might say that they lock it in a dungeon54—and that the supreme55 delight of all the painters, poets, musicians, dramatists and novelists of all climes and all periods of history, is to portray10 the escape of the "young god" from these imprisonments. The story is told in six words of an old English ballad56: "Love will find out the way!"
Is it not obvious that there must be something vitally wrong with our institutions and conventions in matters of sex, when here exists this eternal war between our moralists and our artists? Why not make up our minds what we really believe; whether it is true that poets are, as Shelley said, "the unacknowledged legislators of mankind," or whether they are, as Plato declared, false teachers and seducers of the young. If they are the latter, let us have done with them, let us drive them from the state, together with lovers and all other impassioned persons. But if, on the other hand, it is truth the poets tell about life, then let us take the young god out of his dungeon, and bring him into our homes by the front door, and cast out the false gods of vanity and greed and worldly prestige which now sit in his place.
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1
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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narratives
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| 记叙文( narrative的名词复数 )； 故事； 叙述； 叙述部分 | |
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glorification
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| n.赞颂 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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portrays
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| v.画像( portray的第三人称单数 )；描述；描绘；描画 | |
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portray
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| v.描写，描述；画(人物、景象等) | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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wrecking
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| 破坏 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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defense
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| n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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perpetuate
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| v.使永存，使永记不忘 | |
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honeymoon
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| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
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perpetuation
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| n.永存，不朽 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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skulking
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| v.潜伏，偷偷摸摸地走动，鬼鬼祟祟地活动( skulk的现在分词 ) | |
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alleys
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| 胡同，小巷( alley的名词复数 )； 小径 | |
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boredom
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| n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊 | |
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versed
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| adj. 精通，熟练 | |
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snare
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| n.陷阱，诱惑，圈套；（去除息肉或者肿瘤的）勒除器；响弦，小军鼓；vt.以陷阱捕获，诱惑 | |
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corrupted
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| （使）败坏( corrupt的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）腐化； 引起（计算机文件等的）错误； 破坏 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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abiding
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| adj.永久的，持久的，不变的 | |
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disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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sham
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| n./adj.假冒(的)，虚伪(的) | |
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abides
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| 容忍( abide的第三人称单数 )； 等候； 逗留； 停留 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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42
investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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43
raptures
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| 极度欢喜( rapture的名词复数 ) | |
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44
begetting
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| v.为…之生父( beget的现在分词 )；产生，引起 | |
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45
temperaments
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| 性格( temperament的名词复数 )； （人或动物的）气质； 易冲动； （性情）暴躁 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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harmonious
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| adj.和睦的，调和的，和谐的，协调的 | |
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civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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guardians
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| 监护人( guardian的名词复数 )； 保护者，维护者 | |
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vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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51
supplanting
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| 把…排挤掉，取代( supplant的现在分词 ) | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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outlaw
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| n.歹徒，亡命之徒；vt.宣布…为不合法 | |
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dungeon
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| n.地牢，土牢 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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ballad
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| n.歌谣，民谣，流行爱情歌曲 | |
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