Slowly she took her way across the hard stretch of finely-kept grass which lay on the side of the house away from the wood. The green sward lay like a sea, dotted with huge trees, singly, or in clumps4 as islands. In its far-stretching stateliness there was something soothing5. She came back to the sound of the dressing-gong with a better strength to resist the trial before her. Well she knew her aunt would have something to say on the subject of her interference in Leonard Everard’s affairs.
Her fears were justified7, for when they had come into the drawing-room after dinner Miss Rowly began:
‘Why unwise, Auntie?’
‘Well, my dear, the world is censorious. And when a young lady, of your position and your wealth, takes a part in a young man’s affairs tongues are apt to wag. And also, dear, debts, young men’s debts, are hardly the subjects for a girl’s investigation8. Remember, that we ladies live very different lives from men; from some men, I should say, for your dear father was the best of men, and I should think that in all his life there was nothing which he would have wished concealed9. But, my dear, young men are less restrained in their ways than we are, than we have to be for our own safety and protection.’ The poor lady was greatly perturbed10 at having to speak in such a way. Stephen saw her distress11; coming over to her, she sat down and took her hand. Stephen had a very tender side to her nature, and she loved very truly the dear old lady who had taken her mother’s place and had shown her all a mother’s love. Now, in her loneliness and woe12 and fear, she clung to her in spirit. She would have liked to have clung to her physically13; to have laid her head on her bosom14, and have cried her heart out. The time for tears had not come. Hourly she felt more and more the weight that a shameful15 secret is to carry. She knew, however, that she could set her aunt’s mind at rest on the present subject; so she said:
‘I think you are right, Auntie dear. It would have been better if I had asked you first; but I saw that Leonard was in distress, and wormed the cause of it from him. When I heard that it was only debt I offered to help him. He is an old friend, you know, Auntie. We were children together; and as I have much more money than I can ever want or spend, I thought I might help him. I am afraid I have let myself in for a bigger thing than I intended; but as I have promised I must go on with it. I dare say, Auntie, that you are afraid that I may end by getting in love with him, and marrying him. Don’t you, dear?’ This was said with a hug and a kiss which gave the old lady delight. Her instinct told her what was coming. She nodded her head in acquiescence16. Stephen went on gravely:
‘Put any such fear out of your mind. I shall never marry him. I can never love him.’ She was going to say ‘could never love him,’ when she remembered.
‘Are you sure, my dear? The heart is not always under one’s own control.’
‘Quite sure, Auntie. I know Leonard Everard; and though I have always liked him, I do not respect him. Why, the very fact of his coming to me for money would make me reconsider any view I had formed, had nothing else ever done so. You may take it, Auntie dear, that in the way you mean Leonard is nothing to me; can never be anything to me!’ Here a sudden inspiration took her. In its light a serious difficulty passed, and the doing of a thing which had a fear of its own became easy. With a conviction in her tone, which in itself aided her immediate17 purpose, she said:
‘I shall prove it to you. That is, if you will not mind doing something which will save me an embarrassment18.’
‘You know I will do anything, my dearest, which an old woman can do for a young one!’ Stephen squeezed the mittened19 hand which she held as she went on:
‘As I said, I have promised to lend him some money. The first instalment is to be given him to-morrow; he is to call for it in the afternoon. Will you give it to him for me?’
‘Gladly, my dear,’ said the old lady, much relieved. Stephen continued:
‘One other thing, Auntie, I want you to do for me: not to think of the amount, or to say a word to me about it. It is a large sum, and I dare say it will frighten you a little. But I have made up my mind to it. I am learning a great deal out of this, Auntie dear; and I am quite willing to pay for my knowledge. After all, money is the easiest and cheapest way of paying for knowledge! Don’t you agree with me?’
Miss Rowly gulped20 down her disappointment. She felt that she ought not to say too much, now that Stephen had set aside her graver fears. She consoled herself with the thought that even a large amount of money would cause no inconvenience to so wealthy a woman as Stephen. Beyond this, as she would have the handing over of the money to Leonard, she would know the amount. If advisable, she could remonstrate21. She could if necessary consult, in confidence, with Harold. Her relief from her greater fear, and her gladness at this new proof of her niece’s confidence, were manifested in the extra affection with which she bade her good-night.
Stephen did not dare to breathe freely till she was quite alone; and as she lay quiet in her bed in the dark she thought before sleep came.
Her first feeling was one of thankfulness that immediate danger was swerving22 from her. Things were so shaping themselves that she need not have any fear concerning Leonard. For his own sake he would have to keep silent. If he intended to blackmail23 her she would have the protection of her aunt’s knowledge of the loan, and of her participation24 in it. The only weapon that remained to him was her letter; and that she would get from him before furnishing the money for the payment of his other debts.
These things out of the way, her thoughts turned to the matter of the greater dread25; that of which all along she had feared to think for a moment: Harold!
Harold! and her treatment of him!
The first reception of the idea was positive anguish26. From the moment he had left her till now there had been no time when a consideration of the matter was possible. Time pressed, or circumstances had interfered27, or her own personal condition had forbidden. Now, when she was alone, the whole awful truth burst on her like an avalanche28. Stephen felt the issue of her thinking before the thinking itself was accomplished29; and it was with a smothered30 groan31 that she, in the darkness, held up her arms with fingers linked in desperate concentration of appeal.
Oh, if she could only take back one hour of her life, well she knew what that hour would be! Even that shameful time with Leonard on the hill-top seemed innocuous beside the degrading remembrance of her conduct to the noble friend of her whole life.
Sadly she turned over in her bed, and with shut eyes put her burning face on the pillow, to hide, as it were, from herself her abject32 depth of shame.
Leonard lounged through the next morning with what patience he could. At four o’clock he was at the door of Normanstand in his dogcart. This time he had a groom33 with him and a suitcase packed for a night’s use, as he was to go on to London after his interview with Stephen. He had lost sight altogether of the matter of Stephen’s letter, or else he would have been more nervous.
He was taken into the blue drawing-room, where shortly Miss Rowly joined him. He had not expected this. His mental uneasiness manifested itself in his manner, and his fidgeting was not unobserved by the astute34 old lady. He was disconcerted; ‘overwhelmed’ would better have described his feelings when she said:
‘Miss Norman is sorry she can’t see you to-day as she is making a visit; but she has given me a message for you, or rather a commission to discharge. Perhaps you had better sit down at the table; there are writing materials there, and I shall want a receipt of some sort.’
‘Stephen did not say anything about a receipt!’ The other smiled sweetly as she said in a calm way:
‘But unfortunately Miss Norman is not here; and so I have to do the best I can. I really must have some proof that I have fulfilled my trust. You see, Mr. Everard, though it is what lawyers call a “friendly” transaction, it is more or less a business act; and I must protect myself.’
Leonard saw that he must comply, for time pressed. He sat down at the table. Taking up a pen and drawing a sheet of paper towards him, he said with what command of his voice he could:
‘What am I to write?’ The old lady took from her basket a folded sheet of notepaper, and, putting on her reading-glasses, said as she smoothed it out:
‘I think it would be well to say something like this—“I, Leonard Everard, of Brindehow, in the Parish of Normanstand, in the County of Norcester, hereby acknowledge the receipt from Miss Laetitia Rowly of nine hundred pounds sterling35 lent to me in accordance with my request, the same being to clear me of a pressing debt due by me.’
When he had finished writing the receipt Miss Rowly looked it over, and handing it back to him, said:
‘Now sign; and date!’ He did so with suppressed anger.
She folded the document carefully and put it in her pocket. Then taking from the little pouch36 which she wore at her belt a roll of notes, she counted out on the table nine notes of one hundred pounds each. As she put down the last she said:
‘Miss Norman asked me to say that a hundred pounds is added to the sum you specified37 to her, as doubtless the usurers would, since you are actually behind the time promised for repayment38, require something extra as a solatium or to avoid legal proceedings39 already undertaken. In fact that they would “put more salt on your tail.” The expression, I regret to say, is not mine.’
Leonard folded up the notes, put them into his pocket-book, and walked away. He did not feel like adding verbal thanks to the document already signed. As he got near the door the thought struck him; turning back he said:
‘May I ask if Stephen said anything about getting the document?’
‘I beg your pardon,’ she said icily, ‘did you speak of any one?’
‘Miss Norman, I meant!’ Miss Rowly’s answer to this came so smartly that it left an added sting. Her arrow was fledged with two feathers so that it must shoot true: her distrust of him and his own impotence.
‘Oh no! Miss Norman knows nothing of this. She simply asked me to give you the money. This is my own doing entirely40. You see, I must exercise my judgment41 on my dear niece’s behalf. Of course it may not be necessary to show her the receipt; but if it should ever be advisable it is always there.’
He looked at her with anger, not unmixed with admiration42, as, bowing rather lower than necessary, he went out of the door, saying sotto voce, between his teeth:
‘When my turn comes out you go! Neck and crop! Quick! Normanstand isn’t big enough to hold us both!’
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1
ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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2
grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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3
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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4
clumps
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| n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声 | |
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5
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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7
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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9
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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10
perturbed
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| adj.烦燥不安的v.使（某人）烦恼，不安( perturb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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12
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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13
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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14
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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15
shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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16
acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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17
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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18
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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19
mittened
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| v.（使）变得潮湿，变得湿润( moisten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
gulped
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| v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的过去式和过去分词 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住 | |
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21
remonstrate
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| v.抗议，规劝 | |
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22
swerving
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| v.（使）改变方向，改变目的( swerve的现在分词 ) | |
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23
blackmail
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| n.讹诈，敲诈，勒索，胁迫，恫吓 | |
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24
participation
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| n.参与，参加，分享 | |
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25
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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26
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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27
interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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28
avalanche
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| n.雪崩，大量涌来 | |
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29
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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30
smothered
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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31
groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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32
abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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33
groom
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| vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁 | |
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34
astute
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| adj.机敏的，精明的 | |
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35
sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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36
pouch
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| n.小袋，小包，囊状袋；vt.装...入袋中，用袋运输；vi.用袋送信件 | |
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37
specified
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| adj.特定的 | |
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38
repayment
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| n.偿还，偿还款；报酬 | |
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39
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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40
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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41
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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42
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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