The books were always most carefully and punctually returned, and in time Jacob Settle and I became quite friends. Once or twice as I crossed the moorland on Sundays I looked in on him; but on such occasions he was shy and ill at ease so that I felt diffident about calling to see him. He would never under any circumstances come into my own lodgings13.
One Sunday afternoon, I was coming back from a long walk beyond the moor11, and as I passed Settle's cottage stopped at the door to say 'How do you do?' to him. As the door was shut, I thought that he was out, and merely knocked for form's sake, or through habit, not expecting to get any answer. To my surprise, I heard a feeble voice from within, though what was said I could not hear. I entered at once, and found Jacob lying half-dressed upon his bed. He was as pale as death, and the sweat was simply rolling off his face. His hands were unconsciously gripping the bedclothes as a drowning man holds on to whatever he may grasp. As I came in he half arose, with a wild, hunted look in his eyes, which were wide open and staring, as though something of horror had come before him; but when he recognised me he sank back on the couch with a smothered14 sob15 of relief and closed his eyes. I stood by him for a while, quite a minute or two, while he gasped16. Then he opened his eyes and looked at me, but with such a despairing, woeful expression that, as I am a living man, I would have rather seen that frozen look of horror. I sat down beside him and asked after his health. For a while he would not answer me except to say that he was not ill; but then, after scrutinising me closely, he half arose on his elbow and said:
'I thank you kindly18, sir, but I'm simply telling you the truth. I am not ill, as men call it, though God knows whether there be not worse sicknesses than doctors know of. I'll tell you, as you are so kind, but I trust that you won't even mention such a thing to a living soul, for it might work me more and greater woe17. I am suffering from a bad dream.'
'A bad dream!' I said, hoping to cheer him; 'but dreams pass away with the light—even with waking.' There I stopped, for before he spoke19 I saw the answer in his desolate20 look round the little place.
'No! no! that's all well for people that live in comfort and with those they love around them. It is a thousand times worse for those who live alone and have to do so. What cheer is there for me, waking here in the silence of the night, with the wide moor around me full of voices and full of faces that make my waking a worse dream than my sleep? Ah, young sir, you have no past that can send its legions to people the darkness and the empty space, and I pray the good God that you may never have!' As he spoke, there was such an almost irresistible21 gravity of conviction in his manner that I abandoned my remonstrance22 about his solitary life. I felt that I was in the presence of some secret influence which I could not fathom23. To my relief, for I knew not what to say, he went on:
'Two nights past have I dreamed it. It was hard enough the first night, but I came through it. Last night the expectation was in itself almost worse than the dream—until the dream came, and then it swept away every remembrance of lesser24 pain. I stayed awake till just before the dawn, and then it came again, and ever since I have been in such an agony as I am sure the dying feel, and with it all the dread25 of tonight.' Before he had got to the end of the sentence my mind was made up, and I felt that I could speak to him more cheerfully.
'Try and get to sleep early tonight—in fact, before the evening has passed away. The sleep will refresh you, and I promise you there will not be any bad dreams after tonight.' He shook his head hopelessly, so I sat a little longer and then left him.
When I got home I made my arrangements for the night, for I had made up my mind to share Jacob Settle's lonely vigil in his cottage on the moor. I judged that if he got to sleep before sunset he would wake well before midnight, and so, just as the bells of the city were striking eleven, I stood opposite his door armed with a bag, in which were my supper, an extra large flask26, a couple of candles, and a book. The moonlight was bright, and flooded the whole moor, till it was almost as light as day; but ever and anon black clouds drove across the sky, and made a darkness which by comparison seemed almost tangible27. I opened the door softly, and entered without waking Jacob, who lay asleep with his white face upward. He was still, and again bathed in sweat. I tried to imagine what visions were passing before those closed eyes which could bring with them the misery28 and woe which were stamped on the face, but fancy failed me, and I waited for the awakening29. It came suddenly, and in a fashion which touched me to the quick, for the hollow groan30 that broke from the man's white lips as he half arose and sank back was manifestly the realisation or completion of some train of thought which had gone before.
'If this be dreaming,' said I to myself, 'then it must be based on some very terrible reality. What can have been that unhappy fact that he spoke of?'
While I thus spoke, he realised that I was with him. It struck me as strange that he had no period of that doubt as to whether dream or reality surrounded him which commonly marks an expected environment of waking men. With a positive cry of joy, he seized my hand and held it in his two wet, trembling hands, as a frightened child clings on to someone whom it loves. I tried to soothe31 him:
'There, there! it is all right. I have come to stay with you tonight, and together we will try to fight this evil dream.' He let go my hand suddenly, and sank back on his bed and covered his eyes with his hands.
'Fight it?—the evil dream! Ah! no, sir, no! No mortal power can fight that dream, for it comes from God—and is burned in here;' and he beat upon his forehead. Then he went on:
'It is the same dream, ever the same, and yet it grows in its power to torture me every time it comes.'
'What is the dream?' I asked, thinking that the speaking of it might give him some relief, but he shrank away from me, and after a long pause said:
'No, I had better not tell it. It may not come again.'
There was manifestly something to conceal32 from me—something that lay behind the dream, so I answered:
'All right. I hope you have seen the last of it. But if it should come again, you will tell me, will you not? I ask, not out of curiosity, but because I think it may relieve you to speak.' He answered with what I thought was almost an undue33 amount of solemnity:
'If it comes again, I shall tell you all.'
Then I tried to get his mind away from the subject to more mundane34 things, so I produced supper, and made him share it with me, including the contents of the flask. After a little he braced35 up, and when I lit my cigar, having given him another, we smoked a full hour, and talked of many things. Little by little the comfort of his body stole over his mind, and I could see sleep laying her gentle hands on his eyelids36. He felt it, too, and told me that now he felt all right, and I might safely leave him; but I told him that, right or wrong, I was going to see in the daylight. So I lit my other candle, and began to read as he fell asleep.
By degrees I got interested in my book, so interested that presently I was startled by its dropping out of my hands. I looked and saw that Jacob was still asleep, and I was rejoiced to see that there was on his face a look of unwonted happiness, while his lips seemed to move with unspoken words. Then I turned to my work again, and again woke, but this time to feel chilled to my very marrow37 by hearing the voice from the bed beside me:
'Not with those red hands! Never! never!' On looking at him, I found that he was still asleep. He woke, however, in an instant, and did not seem surprised to see me; there was again that strange apathy38 as to his surroundings. Then I said:
'Settle, tell me your dream. You may speak freely, for I shall hold your confidence sacred. While we both live I shall never mention what you may choose to tell me.'
He replied:
'I said I would; but I had better tell you first what goes before the dream, that you may understand. I was a schoolmaster when I was a very young man; it was only a parish school in a little village in the West Country. No need to mention any names. Better not. I was engaged to be married to a young girl whom I loved and almost reverenced39. It was the old story. While we were waiting for the time when we could afford to set up house together, another man came along. He was nearly as young as I was, and handsome, and a gentleman, with all a gentleman's attractive ways for a woman of our class. He would go fishing, and she would meet him while I was at my work in school. I reasoned with her and implored40 her to give him up. I offered to get married at once and go away and begin the world in a strange country; but she would not listen to anything I could say, and I could see that she was infatuated with him. Then I took it on myself to meet the man and ask him to deal well with the girl, for I thought he might mean honestly by her, so that there might be no talk or chance of talk on the part of others. I went where I should meet him with none by, and we met!' Here Jacob Settle had to pause, for something seemed to rise in his throat, and he almost gasped for breath. Then he went on:
'Sir, as God is above us, there was no selfish thought in my heart that day, I loved my pretty Mabel too well to be content with a part of her love, and I had thought of my own unhappiness too often not to have come to realise that, whatever might come to her, my hope was gone. He was insolent41 to me—you, sir, who are a gentleman, cannot know, perhaps, how galling42 can be the insolence43 of one who is above you in station—but I bore with that. I implored him to deal well with the girl, for what might be only a pastime of an idle hour with him might be the breaking of her heart. For I never had a thought of her truth, or that the worst of harm could come to her—it was only the unhappiness to her heart I feared. But when I asked him when he intended to marry her his laughter galled44 me so that I lost my temper and told him that I would not stand by and see her life made unhappy. Then he grew angry too, and in his anger said such cruel things of her that then and there I swore he should not live to do her harm. God knows how it came about, for in such moments of passion it is hard to remember the steps from a word to a blow, but I found myself standing45 over his dead body, with my hands crimson46 with the blood that welled from his torn throat. We were alone and he was a stranger, with none of his kin3 to seek for him and murder does not always out—not all at once. His bones may be whitening still, for all I know, in the pool of the river where I left him. No one suspected his absence, or why it was, except my poor Mabel, and she dared not speak. But it was all in vain, for when I came back again after an absence of months—for I could not live in the place—I learned that her shame had come and that she had died in it. Hitherto I had been borne up by the thought that my ill deed had saved her future, but now, when I learned that I had been too late, and that my poor love was smirched with that man's sin, I fled away with the sense of my useless guilt47 upon me more heavily than I could bear. Ah! sir, you that have not done such a sin don't know what it is to carry it with you. You may think that custom makes it easy to you, but it is not so. It grows and grows with every hour, till it becomes intolerable, and with it growing, too, the feeling that you must for ever stand outside Heaven. You don't know what that means, and I pray God that you never may. Ordinary men, to whom all things are possible, don't often, if ever, think of Heaven. It is a name, and nothing more, and they are content to wait and let things be, but to those who are doomed48 to be shut out for ever you cannot think what it means, you cannot guess or measure the terrible endless longing49 to see the gates opened, and to be able to join the white figures within.
'And this brings me to my dream. It seemed that the portal was before me, with great gates of massive steel with bars of the thickness of a mast, rising to the very clouds, and so close that between them was just a glimpse of a crystal grotto50, on whose shining walls were figured many white-clad forms with faces radiant with joy. When I stood before the gate my heart and my soul were so full of rapture51 and longing that I forgot. And there stood at the gate two mighty52 angels with sweeping53 wings, and, oh! so stern of countenance54. They held each in one hand a flaming sword, and in the other the latchet, which moved to and fro at their lightest touch. Nearer were figures all draped in black, with heads covered so that only the eyes were seen, and they handed to each who came white garments such as the angels wear. A low murmur56 came that told that all should put on their own robes, and without soil, or the angels would not pass them in, but would smite57 them down with the flaming swords. I was eager to don my own garment, and hurriedly threw it over me and stepped swiftly to the gate; but it moved not, and the angels, loosing the latchet, pointed58 to my dress, I looked down, and was aghast, for the whole robe was smeared59 with blood. My hands were red; they glittered with the blood that dripped from them as on that day by the river bank. And then the angels raised their flaming swords to smite me down, and the horror was complete—I awoke. Again, and again, and again, that awful dream comes to me. I never learn from the experience, I never remember, but at the beginning the hope is ever there to make the end more appalling60; and I know that the dream does not come out of the common darkness where the dreams abide61, but that it is sent from God as a punishment! Never, never shall I be able to pass the gate, for the soil on the angel garments must ever come from these bloody62 hands!'
I listened as in a spell as Jacob Settle spoke. There was something so far away in the tone of his voice—something so dreamy and mystic in the eyes that looked as if through me at some spirit beyond—something so lofty in his very diction and in such marked contrast to his workworn clothes and his poor surroundings that I wondered if the whole thing were not a dream.
We were both silent for a long time. I kept looking at the man before me in growing wonderment. Now that his confession63 had been made, his soul, which had been crushed to the very earth, seemed to leap back again to uprightness with some resilient force. I suppose I ought to have been horrified64 with his story, but, strange to say, I was not. It certainly is not pleasant to be made the recipient65 of the confidence of a murderer, but this poor fellow seemed to have had, not only so much provocation66, but so much self-denying purpose in his deed of blood that I did not feel called upon to pass judgment67 upon him. My purpose was to comfort, so I spoke out with what calmness I could, for my heart was beating fast and heavily:
'You need not despair, Jacob Settle. God is very good, and His mercy is great. Live on and work on in the hope that some day you may feel that you have atoned68 for the past.' Here I paused, for I could see that deep, natural sleep this time, was creeping upon him. 'Go to sleep,' I said; 'I shall watch with you here and we shall have no more evil dreams tonight.'
He made an effort to pull himself together, and answered:
'I don't know how to thank you for your goodness to me this night, but I think you had best leave me now. I'll try and sleep this out; I feel a weight off my mind since I have told you all. If there's anything of the man left in me, I must try and fight out life alone.'
'I'll go tonight, as you wish it,' I said; 'but take my advice, and do not live in such a solitary way. Go among men and women; live among them. Share their joys and sorrows, and it will help you to forget. This solitude69 will make you melancholy70 mad.'
'I will!' he answered, half unconsciously, for sleep was overmastering him.
I turned to go, and he looked after me. When I had touched the latch55 I dropped it, and, coming back to the bed, held out my hand. He grasped it with both his as he rose to a sitting posture71, and I said my goodnight, trying to cheer him:
'Heart, man, heart! There is work in the world for you to do, Jacob Settle. You can wear those white robes yet and pass through that gate of steel!'
Then I left him.
A week after I found his cottage deserted72, and on asking at the works was told that he had 'gone north', no one exactly knew whither.
Two years afterwards, I was staying for a few days with my friend Dr. Munro in Glasgow. He was a busy man, and could not spare much time for going about with me, so I spent my days in excursions to the Trossachs and Loch Katrine and down the Clyde. On the second last evening of my stay I came back somewhat later than I had arranged, but found that my host was late too. The maid told me that he had been sent for to the hospital—a case of accident at the gas-works, and the dinner was postponed73 an hour; so telling her I would stroll down to find her master and walk back with him, I went out. At the hospital I found him washing his hands preparatory to starting for home. Casually74, I asked him what his case was.
'Oh, the usual thing! A rotten rope and men's lives of no account. Two men were working in a gasometer, when the rope that held their scaffolding broke. It must have occurred just before the dinner hour, for no one noticed their absence till the men had returned. There was about seven feet of water in the gasometer, so they had a hard fight for it, poor fellows. However, one of them was alive, just alive, but we have had a hard job to pull him through. It seems that he owes his life to his mate, for I have never heard of greater heroism75. They swam together while their strength lasted, but at the end they were so done up that even the lights above, and the men slung76 with ropes, coming down to help them, could not keep them up. But one of them stood on the bottom and held up his comrade over his head, and those few breaths made all the difference between life and death. They were a shocking sight when they were taken out, for that water is like a purple dye with the gas and the tar10. The man upstairs looked as if he had been washed in blood. Ugh!'
'And the other?'
'Oh, he's worse still. But he must have been a very noble fellow. That struggle under the water must have been fearful; one can see that by the way the blood has been drawn77 from the extremities78. It makes the idea of the Stigmata possible to look at him. Resolution like this could, you would think, do anything in the world. Ay! it might almost unbar the gates of Heaven. Look here, old man, it is not a very pleasant sight, especially just before dinner, but you are a writer, and this is an odd case. Here is something you would not like to miss, for in all human probability you will never see anything like it again.' While he was speaking he had brought me into the mortuary of the hospital.
On the bier lay a body covered with a white sheet, which was wrapped close round it.
'Looks like a chrysalis, don't it? I say, Jack79, if there be anything in the old myth that a soul is typified by a butterfly, well, then the one that this chrysalis sent forth80 was a very noble specimen81 and took all the sunlight on its wings. See here!' He uncovered the face. Horrible, indeed, it looked, as though stained with blood. But I knew him at once, Jacob Settle! My friend pulled the winding82 sheet further down.
The hands were crossed on the purple breast as they had been reverently83 placed by some tender-hearted person. As I saw them my heart throbbed84 with a great exultation85, for the memory of his harrowing dream rushed across my mind. There was no stain now on those poor, brave hands, for they were blanched86 white as snow.
And somehow as I looked I felt that the evil dream was all over. That noble soul had won a way through the gate at last. The white robe had now no stain from the hands that had put it on.
点击收听单词发音
1 embodied | |
v.表现( embody的过去式和过去分词 );象征;包括;包含 | |
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2 tolerance | |
n.宽容;容忍,忍受;耐药力;公差 | |
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3 kin | |
n.家族,亲属,血缘关系;adj.亲属关系的,同类的 | |
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4 accurately | |
adv.准确地,精确地 | |
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5 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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6 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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7 implicitly | |
adv. 含蓄地, 暗中地, 毫不保留地 | |
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8 shunned | |
v.避开,回避,避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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9 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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10 tar | |
n.柏油,焦油;vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于 | |
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11 moor | |
n.荒野,沼泽;vt.(使)停泊;vi.停泊 | |
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12 mutual | |
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的 | |
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13 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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14 smothered | |
(使)窒息, (使)透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 ); 覆盖; 忍住; 抑制 | |
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15 sob | |
n.空间轨道的轰炸机;呜咽,哭泣 | |
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16 gasped | |
v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要 | |
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17 woe | |
n.悲哀,苦痛,不幸,困难;int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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18 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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19 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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20 desolate | |
adj.荒凉的,荒芜的;孤独的,凄凉的;v.使荒芜,使孤寂 | |
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21 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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22 remonstrance | |
n抗议,抱怨 | |
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23 fathom | |
v.领悟,彻底了解 | |
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24 lesser | |
adj.次要的,较小的;adv.较小地,较少地 | |
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25 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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26 flask | |
n.瓶,火药筒,砂箱 | |
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27 tangible | |
adj.有形的,可触摸的,确凿的,实际的 | |
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28 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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29 awakening | |
n.觉醒,醒悟 adj.觉醒中的;唤醒的 | |
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30 groan | |
vi./n.呻吟,抱怨;(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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31 soothe | |
v.安慰;使平静;使减轻;缓和;奉承 | |
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32 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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33 undue | |
adj.过分的;不适当的;未到期的 | |
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34 mundane | |
adj.平凡的;尘世的;宇宙的 | |
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35 braced | |
adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 );撑牢;使自己站稳;振作起来 | |
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36 eyelids | |
n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 );眼睛也不眨一下;不露声色;面不改色 | |
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37 marrow | |
n.骨髓;精华;活力 | |
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38 apathy | |
n.漠不关心,无动于衷;冷淡 | |
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39 reverenced | |
v.尊敬,崇敬( reverence的过去式和过去分词 );敬礼 | |
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40 implored | |
恳求或乞求(某人)( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41 insolent | |
adj.傲慢的,无理的 | |
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42 galling | |
adj.难堪的,使烦恼的,使焦躁的 | |
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43 insolence | |
n.傲慢;无礼;厚颜;傲慢的态度 | |
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44 galled | |
v.使…擦痛( gall的过去式和过去分词 );擦伤;烦扰;侮辱 | |
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45 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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46 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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47 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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48 doomed | |
命定的 | |
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49 longing | |
n.(for)渴望 | |
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50 grotto | |
n.洞穴 | |
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51 rapture | |
n.狂喜;全神贯注;着迷;v.使狂喜 | |
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52 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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53 sweeping | |
adj.范围广大的,一扫无遗的 | |
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54 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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55 latch | |
n.门闩,窗闩;弹簧锁 | |
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56 murmur | |
n.低语,低声的怨言;v.低语,低声而言 | |
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57 smite | |
v.重击;彻底击败;n.打;尝试;一点儿 | |
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58 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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59 smeared | |
弄脏; 玷污; 涂抹; 擦上 | |
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60 appalling | |
adj.骇人听闻的,令人震惊的,可怕的 | |
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61 abide | |
vi.遵守;坚持;vt.忍受 | |
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62 bloody | |
adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染 | |
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63 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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64 horrified | |
a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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65 recipient | |
a.接受的,感受性强的 n.接受者,感受者,容器 | |
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66 provocation | |
n.激怒,刺激,挑拨,挑衅的事物,激怒的原因 | |
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67 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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68 atoned | |
v.补偿,赎(罪)( atone的过去式和过去分词 );补偿,弥补,赎回 | |
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69 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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70 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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71 posture | |
n.姿势,姿态,心态,态度;v.作出某种姿势 | |
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72 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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73 postponed | |
vt.& vi.延期,缓办,(使)延迟vt.把…放在次要地位;[语]把…放在后面(或句尾)vi.(疟疾等)延缓发作(或复发) | |
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74 casually | |
adv.漠不关心地,无动于衷地,不负责任地 | |
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75 heroism | |
n.大无畏精神,英勇 | |
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76 slung | |
抛( sling的过去式和过去分词 ); 吊挂; 遣送; 押往 | |
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77 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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78 extremities | |
n.端点( extremity的名词复数 );尽头;手和足;极窘迫的境地 | |
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79 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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80 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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81 specimen | |
n.样本,标本 | |
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82 winding | |
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈 | |
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83 reverently | |
adv.虔诚地 | |
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84 throbbed | |
抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 ); (心脏、脉搏等)跳动 | |
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85 exultation | |
n.狂喜,得意 | |
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86 blanched | |
v.使变白( blanch的过去式 );使(植物)不见阳光而变白;酸洗(金属)使有光泽;用沸水烫(杏仁等)以便去皮 | |
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