In the shadow of your eyes,
As the seeker sees the gold
In the shadow of the stream.
Three Shadows.
There is a legend which says that September is the month of the fading leaf. Townsmen may fancy so, looking at their own starved avenues, which begin to shrivel and strip themselves as early as July; but in the country the massive woods (except that an elm here and there hangs out a single crocus-yellow spray) keep the somber1 green of late summer to the very end of the month. Then, as the days pass, first the lime "strips to the cold and standeth naked above her yellow attire2." The horse-chestnuts on some night of frost let drop all their fans in a rustling3 heap. The woodland paths are crisp with fawn-colored oak leaves. Last of all, in mid-November, the elms loosen to the wind and the rain those faint clouds of green and greenish-gold which have rounded the shape of their limbs, till all the wet meadows are strewn with them; and it is winter.
At Rochehaut it was September still, late September. Gardiner, at leisure after the summer rush, had been to his bank at Bouillon, and, instead of returning by the vicinal, had chosen to walk back over the hills through Botassart. This route brought him past the crucifix. He had not been there since the grand explosion, and it cost him an effort to go back; but he refused to be sentimental4, or allow a beautiful thing to be spoiled for him by fancies. There he lay then on the grass, smoking and dreaming.
It seemed long, long since that summer night; so long[Pg 114] that he could look back now, on it and on Dorothea, as part of the past. Heavens! how she had hurt him! There was that time as a boy, when he tumbled waist-deep into a vat5 of scalding liquid at some chemical works; he could compare his feelings only to that violent assault of pain. Yes, she had hurt him abominably6; the pain of his crushed hand had been by contrast a relief and a distraction7. But the wound was on the surface; and, though he scarcely knew it himself, already it was beginning to heal. There was no poison in it. His passion for Dorothea had been effectually cauterized8; he thought of her now without either resentment9 or desire. He was profoundly sorry; sorrier for Dorothea O'Connor than even for Mrs. Trent. This pity, oddly enough, confirmed him in impenitence10. "I did her a good turn when I cleared that fellow out of her road," he said to himself with inverted11 satisfaction. "If he'd lived long enough for her to find him out, there'd have been la de Dios es Cristo!"
Three days of pale still sunshine had closed in threatening gloom. The grassy12 hill of the crucifix was burnt putty-color; the hill of forests opposite was olive-somber; the valley fumed13 with tawny14 vapors15, breathing down from the gloom of the sky, and up from the dark current of the river. All was still, grave, overcast16, till the sun found his sunset crevice17 in the clouds and split them, overflowing18 in long lines of liquid gold between iron-heavy bars. Splendid transparent19 fan-rays of light and dark alternate streamed up the sky; they rimmed20 vague forms of mist with burning wire, they filled the empty blue with bronze and golden vapors; the whole vault21 of heaven was on fire, the wet brown hills flamed back responsive glory.
Gardiner, susceptible22 to every earth influence, found his senses flooded with that golden exhilaration. Vague mists of thought took shape in its light; he knew now that that name on the lintel of the farm was not a mere23 coincidence. When he first saw the Bellevue, "Why, I've been here before," he had said to himself, with a thrill of startled recognition. And now, "I belong here," he added, half aloud,[Pg 115] with a touch of solemnity, as though the spoken word must be irrevocable. Old ties were dear; but he knew in his heart, his body knew, that the wild Semois down there in the valley was more to him than the Darenth of his boyhood. This was his home.
Bringing his dazzled eyes to earth, he saw that a figure had detached itself from the orchards24 of the Bellevue, and was slowly mounting the hill. One person only would climb like that, with so many divagations to avoid steep places, and so many halts to admire the view—or could it be to get her breath? It was Lettice.
Since his accident, now five weeks ago, Gardiner had seen a good deal of Miss Smith. His hand had been unexpectedly troublesome; indeed he was only now beginning to use it. Meantime he had made use of Lettice as his amanuensis, repaying her services by refusing to allow her to settle her bill. "No, I am not going to take that money," he said, energetically nodding towards the pile of notes she had deposited on his table. "I'll pitch it into the fire if you leave it there. Also I shall wire to town for a regular secretary. Pick it up and take it away." Lettice did not like it in the very least; but very slowly and very stubbornly she did pick the money up and return it to her purse. Nor was her temper soothed25 when Gardiner looked at her direct, with a glint in his eye, and added, "I know you wind Denis round your little finger, but I am not Denis. Two can play at being obstinate26, savez-vous?" Still, she continued to act as his secretary; until by the end of the month she knew his methods and his business almost as well as he did himself.
It was after this episode that she began to play with him, admitting him to rank as an intimate; and that he began to discover what it was that Denis loved in those velvet27 touches. But he was more uncertain than Denis—he was not to be run by formula; he would turn unexpectedly, and parry, and strike back. Once or twice, too, especially at first, when he was acting28 the urbane29 and cheerful host, he found her eyes fixed30 upon him. They were instantly [Pg 116]withdrawn; but he knew she knew he was suffering, and oddly enough he did not resent it. Oddly, be it understood, because Gardiner was by no means fond of sympathy. His instinct when hard hit was to cover up the wound and keep it hidden from the world, and especially from his friends. Yet it seemed he did not mind Lettice. And now, though he saw she was making for the crucifix, to disturb his regal solitude31, he did not stir.
She had not seen him. She plodded32 on without looking up, and presently was hidden in a fold of the hill. When she emerged again, it was within ten yards of the crucifix and that lazy, smiling figure. She stopped short; one could almost hear her spirit say "Oh!" though her lips were silent. Her first impulse obviously was to beat a retreat (Gardiner chuckled33, he had known it would be!), but she thought better of it, and came on. After surveying the heap of stones, she chose the one comfortable place, settled herself, and got out the inevitable34 green tablecloth35. Lettice made great play with that tablecloth.
Since she would not speak, Gardiner did.
"I didn't know you'd found your way up here."
"Why, you told me about it yourself."
"Do you like it better than your wood pile in the forest?"
Lettice paused in the act of threading her needle to look round on the brown and gold of hills and woods and sky. "Yes," said she; and if she had raved36 for an hour she could have expressed no more. Comfortable silence fell between them. Lettice stitched, and Gardiner smoked, and in the west the sunset flared37 in citron, amber38, saffron, bronze, and a thousand shades of glory. In the east a scroll39 of cloud reared dazzling sunny heights of snow against dazzling blue. Lettice's needle slackened; it came to a standstill.
"Penny for your thoughts," said Gardiner.
"I haven't any."
"I thought you were composing a poem."
Insults of insults! Lettice looked volumes of reproach. "I was not," said she.
"But you do write poetry."
[Pg 117]
"Who told you so?"
"Who do you suppose? Denis has told me quite a lot about you. Hasn't he told you a lot about me?"
"Yes; but it wasn't all of it true."
Gardiner burst out laughing. "Well, that is good! How do you know?"
"Oh, it's, it's—it's obvious," said Lettice, with an exasperated40 wave of the hand to help out her meaning. She began to sew very fast. Gardiner contemplated41 her with a broad smile; but presently it faded, and he turned over and lay plucking at the grass.
"Did Miss O'Connor leave her address with you?"
Lettice shook her head.
"She went off in such a hurry!"
Gardiner opened his mouth to speak, and checked himself for a garrulous42 fool. He did not know why he had mentioned Dorothea at all. A moment later the impulse came again, and he found himself, to his surprise, telling Lettice the very thing he had decided43 not to mention. "Rather a queer thing about that young lady," he remarked lightly. "I found out—to be exact, she hurled44 the fact in my teeth—that she wasn't a Miss, and that O'Connor wasn't her name. She was a widow—a Mrs. Trent."
"Mrs. Trent? What, the, the—"
"Oh, you know about her, do you? Yes, the Mrs. Trent of Easedale. She's firmly persuaded that I killed her husband. I believe she came over here simply and solely45 in order to worm some sort of confession46 out of me."
He stopped, amazed at himself. Then he looked at Lettice. If deep unaffected interest can pull confidences out of a man, here was his excuse. Why, she was all eyes and ears!
"So that was it!" she said. "That was who she was!"
"You don't mean to tell me you knew about this before?"
"No, no, not her name. But I knew she didn't much like you."
"The dickens you did! Did she say so?"
"No, I, I—I sort of gathered it."
[Pg 118]
"I begin to think what Denis said about you was true," Gardiner remarked after a pause.
"What did Denis say about me?"
"That you could see through a flight of stairs and a deal door."
"I don't know what you mean."
"You wouldn't, it's out of Dickens," said Gardiner, with a laugh which hid considerable perturbation. So she had guessed that, had she, before he knew it himself? What was there she did not guess? He began to feel helplessly transparent. Yet again he was surprised to find he did not hate her for intruding47. Lettice could pick her way among sensibilities like a cat among china, and she neither misunderstood nor misjudged. There were episodes in his life which he would have been ashamed to show to Denis. He could have shown them every one to Lettice, unmarried girl though she was, and with no experience of the rough and tumble of life. Somehow one never thought of Lettice as a girl. He looked up at her. She had dropped her work and sat motionless, her eyes fixed on the sunset. In nature as in human nature, Lettice looked to the limit of sight, and beyond, to the city of God. It was that distant view which gave her the perspective for things near. While Gardiner was making these reflections, she turned her head suddenly and surprised him with a question:
"Does Denis know about Mrs. Trent?"
"I should say not. I haven't told him."
"I think you'd better."
It was so unlike Lettice to offer advice that he stared in surprise.
"Why?"
"He ought to know."
"I don't want to go into that business again," said Gardiner. "He did hate it all so desperately—no, I don't want to rake it up again. Nor do I see any necessity. What does it matter?"
"Would you mind if I told him?"
"Why the dickens are you so keen?"
[Pg 119]
She hesitated. She found it chronically48 hard to put her thoughts into speech, and in this case there were reservations to be made. Gardiner took the words out of her mouth.
"You don't mean you think she'd go for him too?"
Lettice nodded. "She meant to get a confession out of one or the other of you."
"Oh, my Lord!" said Gardiner, and caught himself up. "But if there's nothing to confess?"
A flash went over Lettice's face. Was it conceivable that she had guessed even that last thing? No, it wasn't, Gardiner decided hastily, that was beyond her, she couldn't possibly know. For an instant he thought of telling her himself, but caution, habit, above all self-derision held him back. He blurt49 out that damaging truth to a chance acquaintance? He wasn't such a fool!—All this passed through his mind in the instant between his question and her reply.
"Well, she didn't give you much of a time while she was trying to find out, did she?"
"No; but—oh, she couldn't try that game on again, it would be too beastly low down, with a man like Denis! Besides, he isn't taking any, he simply hates women.... Look here, tell me exactly what you know, do you mind? What makes you so certain she meant to go for him?"
Lettice drew a long breath. Her explanation, when it came, ran clear and straight. Indeed, her thought was always lucid50; it was the words that failed.
"It was that last day before she went. She began by telling me about herself and how unhappy she had been; and then she let out that there was some man she hated; and then she began asking questions about you and Denis, coupling you together, do you see?—but so that you couldn't help guessing it was you she'd been talking about. One thing she asked was whether Denis would tell a lie to save a friend. And then Denis himself came up, and they talked flying; and she said she should go to Bredon some day and see the aeroplanes."
"You think she really meant business?"
[Pg 120]
"Yes, I do."
"Pleasant," said Gardiner, tugging51 at his mustache, with a sort of hard restraint. "If she exploits Denis as she did me, he'll enjoy himself. Yes, I shall be very much obliged if you'll write to him. He'll take it better from you than from me."
"I wish I'd known before," said Lettice, folding up her work.
"Oh, it's all right so far, she hasn't turned up at Bredon yet. I heard from Denis this morning."
"Yes, but don't you see if she did go she'd be sure to tell him not to tell you?"
He did see, and felt sick. It cost him an effort to lie still. But he pulled himself together; that last secret, at least, she should not read. What to say, then? He would not confess, but equally he would not lie to her. He found something which was neither lie, confession, nor equivocation52, but a piece of plain fact.
"If she ever does get hold of the truth about Trent, she'll be uncommonly53 sorry she tried to find out."
Then he discovered that Lettice was neither looking at nor thinking of him.
"I hope she won't get it out of Denis," she said. "I hope you'll be in time to prevent that."
The words were mild; the spirit, not so. Gardiner was shamed out of his self-absorption. He saw Lettice's love for her cousin, roused in his defense54; and he saw, too, with her, Denis tricked into betraying his friend. Why, he would never forgive himself!
"My Lord, yes!" he said with unexpected gravity. "That would be a worse business than anything she's done or could do to me."
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1
somber
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| adj.昏暗的，阴天的，阴森的，忧郁的 | |
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attire
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| v.穿衣，装扮[同]array；n.衣着；盛装 | |
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rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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5
vat
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| n.(=value added tax)增值税，大桶 | |
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6
abominably
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| adv. 可恶地，可恨地，恶劣地 | |
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7
distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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8
cauterized
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| v.（用腐蚀性物质或烙铁）烧灼以消毒( cauterize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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9
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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10
impenitence
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| n.不知悔改，顽固 | |
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inverted
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| adj.反向的，倒转的v.使倒置，使反转( invert的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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12
grassy
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| adj.盖满草的；长满草的 | |
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fumed
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| 愤怒( fume的过去式和过去分词 )； 大怒； 发怒； 冒烟 | |
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14
tawny
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| adj.茶色的，黄褐色的；n.黄褐色 | |
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15
vapors
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| n.水汽，水蒸气，无实质之物( vapor的名词复数 )；自夸者；幻想 [药]吸入剂 [古]忧郁（症）v.自夸，（使）蒸发( vapor的第三人称单数 ) | |
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16
overcast
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| adj.阴天的，阴暗的，愁闷的；v.遮盖，（使）变暗，包边缝；n.覆盖，阴天 | |
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17
crevice
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| n.(岩石、墙等)裂缝；缺口 | |
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overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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rimmed
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vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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susceptible
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| adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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orchards
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| （通常指围起来的）果园( orchard的名词复数 ) | |
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25
soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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26
obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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urbane
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| adj.温文尔雅的，懂礼的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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32
plodded
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| v.沉重缓慢地走（路）( plod的过去式和过去分词 )；努力从事；沉闷地苦干；缓慢进行（尤指艰难枯燥的工作） | |
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chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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tablecloth
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| n.桌布，台布 | |
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raved
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| v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 )；愤怒地说；咆哮；痴心地说 | |
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37
Flared
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| adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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amber
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| n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的 | |
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scroll
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| n.卷轴，纸卷；(石刻上的)漩涡 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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garrulous
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| adj.唠叨的，多话的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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hurled
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| v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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intruding
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| v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的现在分词)；把…强加于 | |
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chronically
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| ad.长期地 | |
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49
blurt
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| vt.突然说出，脱口说出 | |
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lucid
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| adj.明白易懂的，清晰的，头脑清楚的 | |
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51
tugging
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| n.牵引感v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的现在分词 ) | |
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52
equivocation
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| n.模棱两可的话，含糊话 | |
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53
uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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defense
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| n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩 | |
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