She lay still asleep in her bed while Gregory prepared himself for his journey. He trod in stockinged feet upon the boards of the bedroom, throwing articles of clothing into a carpet bag, and stopping to glance at his wife who, with her hair loose on the pillow around her small face, looked like some fragile child, and like a child’s too was the shape of her limbs beneath the thin covering of blanket. She lay sleeping; her lips parted. Gregory had purposely not roused her. It was her undoubted business to go downstairs, light the fire, and get him some breakfast, but he would forego the meal sooner than watch her moving about the house he was that day abandoning. He did not wish to carry away the picture of her at her familiar tasks, in which, he imagined, she would so soon be watched by another. In his fancy he pictured Morgan entering the house as soon as he, Gregory, had safely left it. Would they 235breakfast delightedly together? or would the fear of Silas counsel prudence1? Again, as many times before, he was upon the point of renouncing2 his journey. He looked at Nan with his fists clinched3, a storm of hatred4 and possession tearing him. His placid5 inward life, running as smoothly6 as the machines with which it was always occupied, had been disturbed lately, disturbed with a violence he would not have suspected; he was troubled and resentful, directing his resentment7 particularly against Nan who had brought this disturbance8 upon him. He glared at her as she lay asleep. He thought angrily that he should be allowed to live as a privileged designer of engines, not drawn9 into the fury of domestic calamity10. His nature, once roused, held elements so harsh and intolerant, he knew, that it fitted him all too well for a part in such a calamity. Had he been aloof11, indifferent ... ah! how he coveted12 that gift of indifference13. He had it not; he was too much of a Dene. So he dressed himself, packed his bag, and brooded resentment over Nan. She slept on; breathing softly; unconscious.
He was ready, but for his coat. He stood in his shirt sleeves looking at Nan and wondering whether he should wake her or slip away to the station with 236no farewell. Then he bent14 down and slid his arm beneath the pillow, lifting her bodily towards him. She woke with a cry, to find Gregory’s face near hers as he knelt on the floor. It was very fortunate that he could not hear the cry, which, at first merely startled, changed to horror as she recognised him. His sardonic16 smile and her widened eyes were terribly close; their two faces, by reason of their nearness, seemed large to one another. She pushed with both hands against his chest, struggling silently; only half awake, she had not the wisdom not to struggle; now, she knew only his distastefulness. He held her, hardened to a cold fury by her resistance. He could see all her muscles exerted in the effort to get rid of him; even the corners of her mouth were drawn tight, and her eyes were fixed17 on him in concentration. She could not plead with him, as she could have with another man; their strife18 must be soundless; she pushed, and twisted herself within his grasp, both quite in vain, then, relaxing, she lay quiet, with his arm still beneath her. She stared up at him. She knew, and was terrified by, the expression in his eyes. He drew his hand from beneath her and sketched19 a rapid phrase on his fingers, at the same time moving towards her. She 237answered vehemently20 in the same manner, her arms pitifully slight and delicate as the loose nightgown fell back from them, and the fingers racing21 in gesticulation. His whole face darkened as he read; she saw that an angry obstinacy22 was taking possession of him. She tried to escape from the opposite side of her bed, but he seized her again, holding her down, determined23, revengeful, and unshaken by pity. She sought wildly in her mind for some means of release, finding none, when she heard Calthorpe’s voice calling for Gregory beneath the window.
II
She was saved, he had gone, flinging on his coat and snatching his carpet-bag, but for long she remained trembling and fearing his return. She shuddered24 at intervals25 as she remembered their struggle, conducted in that horrible silence; their antagonism26 had been so condensed; none of it could slip away in words. She could still feel where his fingers had gripped into her flesh. If Calthorpe had not come! Now, now, they were on the road to Spalding; she was alone in the house, she was to breakfast with Silas and Linnet. Her shudders27 of horror gave 238place to the sweet shivering she knew when she thought of Linnet, an etherealised desire, a trembling of her spirit more than of her body, a going out towards a young and fit companion, who by a refinement28 of perfection was also a lover. Gradually she ceased to think of Gregory, and lost herself in the other thought, lying propped29 up on her pillow with an unconscious smile of heavenly happiness in her eyes and upon her lips. She rose presently, and in the same dream started to dress, delighting in the touch of the cold water she splashed over her throat and arms. The puritanical30 neatness of each garment, and the fibre of her laundered31 linen32, likewise satisfied her as she became clothed. She had noticed how, without any exaggeration of fancy, small physical experiences were intensified33 of late,—colours were brighter, the song of birds more ringing, her flesh more sensitive to the touch, and in looking at people she had observed how the pores of their skin were distinct, or the firm planting of eyelashes, and sweep of eyebrow,—all these things, that were foolishly unimportant, but that added a vividness to daily life. She was in every detail more keenly alive; her nostrils34 dilated35 to smell the air, and she touched the sill of the window, where the wood 239was faintly warm under the sun, with a sense of comradeship. She moved, too, with a difference; her tread became resilient; her foot was springy as it poised36 upon the ground. Her small head carried itself with a light elasticity37 in the air, and she was actually conscious of the soft mass of her hair that caressed38 the nape of her neck as she turned her head. She had a wish for woods and cornlands; to sit in the roots of a tree beside a brook39, allowing the water to eddy40 between her staying fingers; to bathe her body in a lake or in the surf of the sea. So, in loving one man, one loved the whole company of earth? Love was illimitable indeed, if it conferred that privilege, a wider thing than mere15 absorption in a fellow-being that was a creature, after all, of limitations as narrow as any other.
III
They were alone, the three of them, the absence of Gregory so startlingly unprecedented41 that despite Silas’s presence she obtained a foretaste of complete and sudden solitude42 with Linnet. She was admitted, she, the starved, to a feast of dominion43. She found herself translated into a world where she, most marvellously, 240was the object of reverence44 and solicitude45, and under this warmth of spoiling her natural grace expanded even beyond the anticipation46 of his delight. Aware that those ten days were but a reprieve47, she gave herself up to making the most of them,—in so far as was consistent with the narrow rulings of her conscience. Linnet, exasperated48 at times, but ruefully submissive always, acknowledged and obeyed her imperious orders. She was very happy in her control of him; all the happier, perhaps in the knowledge that she owed it solely49 to the consent of his chivalry50, without which (O exquisite51 danger!) her security would, like glass, be shivered.
There was, unforgettably, Silas. Silas proclaiming himself a friend, but, nevertheless, remaining a spy, a jailer. Silas who seemed to come upon them with a queer noiselessness; who cried, “Well?” over their shoulders, and who then, suddenly swooping52 down upon them, swept with his hands to learn whether they were sitting close together, or apart. They were always apart. Angered, he would say, “Well?” again, this time with a forced benevolence53 in his voice; and sometimes he would amuse himself by walking along between them, hilarious54, taking an arm of each. This method of surprising them, this 241sham benevolence, this reasonless hilarity55, struck cold terror into Nan as something indefinably sinister56. Once, too, when she met Silas tapping his way over the cobbles towards the letter-box, on the envelope which he carried in his hand she read the name and address of Gregory. (Silas had adapted with delight this method of communication. He rubbed his hands together when he thought of Gregory, in Birmingham, tearing the flap open and scanning the lines of those able, indefinite letters.) But at other times she was puzzled by the hungry interest with which he questioned her, and in which her ear did not detect the usual unalloyed malignity57, but rather a wistfulness, a desire to be admitted to a lovely secret, a genuine craving58 for participation59, however humble60, however incomplete, and beggarly upon the fringe of riches. At such times an eagerness crept into his face, as he bent forward to question her, his hands hanging loosely interlaced between his knees, the strong cords of his throat standing61 out in sculptural masses of light and shadow; words came from him almost timidly, as though he feared to presume or to give offence, but must nevertheless urge his examination, irresistibly62 tempted63 and allured64. Nan, who sat sewing, looked 242into his face with wonderment. Experience taught her mistrust, but instinct taught her a heart-searching pity. There was always that same feeling which she had for Silas, which she could not explain, and which nothing,—no dread65, no premonition, no knowledge,—could permanently66 destroy. It reawakened always at the sound of his yearning67 voice. Once it led her to put her fingers on his forehead, “How much you’ve missed!”
IV
Gregory had been so suddenly and so completely withdrawn70! She adapted herself without bewilderment to the new order. She became as a girl, betrothed71 to Linnet. Their relationship had all the innocence72 of a betrothal73. Her past life might have been blotted74 out, the future so far distant (down a vista75 of ten days!) as to be, for all practical purposes, negligible. She could have drawn from this a proof that the violence of the years lived between 243Gregory and Silas had made upon her being only a mark such as might be soon effaced76. She, the true Nan, had slipped away from violence, because violence was so unalterably alien to her. The lesson of violence was a lesson she might provisionally learn, but would never long remember. She went out now to meet the condition she had always wanted: the secure tenderness, the settlement, once and for all, in her choice; she was not one who would demand variety upon the face of existence. Variety! she had had it; excitement, uncertainty77, passion, and the weight of failure all around her, reckless because resigned; she had had all that, compressed within the limits of an iron circle; those were not the things she wanted. The things she wanted were the things that Linnet could give her.
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1
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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renouncing
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的现在分词 )；宣布放弃；宣布与…决裂；宣布摒弃 | |
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clinched
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| v.（尤指两人）互相紧紧抱[扭]住( clinch的过去式和过去分词 )；解决（争端、交易），达成（协议） | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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smoothly
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| adv.平滑地，顺利地，流利地，流畅地 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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aloof
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| adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的 | |
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coveted
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| adj.令人垂涎的；垂涎的，梦寐以求的v.贪求，觊觎(covet的过去分词)；垂涎；贪图 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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15
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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sardonic
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| adj.嘲笑的，冷笑的，讥讽的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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strife
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| n.争吵，冲突，倾轧，竞争 | |
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sketched
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| v.草拟（sketch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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24
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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25
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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26
antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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27
shudders
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| n.颤动，打颤，战栗( shudder的名词复数 )v.战栗( shudder的第三人称单数 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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28
refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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puritanical
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| adj.极端拘谨的；道德严格的 | |
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31
laundered
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| v.洗（衣服等），洗烫（衣服等）( launder的过去式和过去分词 )；洗（黑钱）（把非法收入改头换面，变为貌似合法的收入） | |
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32
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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33
intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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34
nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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35
dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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36
poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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elasticity
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| n.弹性，伸缩力 | |
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38
caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39
brook
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| n.小河，溪；v.忍受，容让 | |
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40
eddy
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| n.漩涡，涡流 | |
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41
unprecedented
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| adj.无前例的，新奇的 | |
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42
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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43
dominion
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| n.统治，管辖，支配权；领土，版图 | |
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44
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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45
solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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46
anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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47
reprieve
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| n.暂缓执行（死刑）；v.缓期执行；给…带来缓解 | |
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48
exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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49
solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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50
chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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51
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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52
swooping
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| 俯冲，猛冲( swoop的现在分词 ) | |
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53
benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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54
hilarious
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| adj.充满笑声的，欢闹的；[反]depressed | |
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hilarity
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| n.欢乐；热闹 | |
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56
sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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57
malignity
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| n.极度的恶意，恶毒；（病的）恶性 | |
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58
craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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participation
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| n.参与，参加，分享 | |
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60
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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61
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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63
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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64
allured
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| 诱引，吸引( allure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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67
yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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69
sloppy
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| adj.邋遢的，不整洁的 | |
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70
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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71
betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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72
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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73
betrothal
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| n. 婚约, 订婚 | |
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74
blotted
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| 涂污( blot的过去式和过去分词 )； （用吸墨纸）吸干 | |
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vista
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| n.远景，深景，展望，回想 | |
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76
effaced
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| v.擦掉( efface的过去式和过去分词 )；抹去；超越；使黯然失色 | |
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77
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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78
sarcasms
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，挖苦( sarcasm的名词复数 ) | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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