For Ned and I are out in the foulest11 night of that foul10 November, and Roan Charley beneath me makes brave use of his tired limbs to come the sooner at his own stable. And then the sound of Ned's voice speaking to his horse in some manner brings back to me a few incidents of our passing from my Lady Mary's withdrawing-room to this wet and pitiless night; things which at this time of writing I do not clearly nor directly recall, but merely remember that I did then recollect12; how His Highness had turned his back upon us, and departed in company of Mr. Bentinck and Count Schomberg; how Ned had sworn he would not leave his own house, saying they should hang him in the morning if they would; how M. de Rondiniacque and I had between us well-nigh forced him from the house; and how, with the Frenchman's help, I had gotten the two of us to horse; and how this good friend had, ere we left, said many things; but not one word of his could I recall.
So, having gathered out of my stupor13 the remnants of the nearer past, I was already again in my mind busily at work with divers14 plots and plannings to bring out of this dismal15 present a glorious and golden future. This change had been indeed brought to pass; nor was Dame16 Fate's change of front tedious of accomplishment17; but I feel it is due to any that reads me to confess at once that the passage from evil fortune to good was the work rather of the hand of God and the goodness of men, than brought about by any skill or wit of the poor maid that would gladly have foregone all merriment here and hereafter to see once more a smile on the lips of the man she loved.
I have said that the present was dismal; to my companion, indeed, it could be no otherwise; yet to me the awful gloom of disfavor and disgrace was somewhat lightened by a little throb19 of joy, trembling and intermittent20 indeed, but growing in force, and of decreasing interval21, as the horses swung, splashing through rain and mud, and their riders spoke22 never a word. I was a woman; and I was out alone in the darkest night of our two lives with the man who to me was all men since God gave me memory; I had him to myself, to cherish, to comfort, and, if it might be, to serve; what else should I do, but, woman-like, yearn23 over him with bowels24 of compassion25, and rejoice that I was the angler that should, if it pleased Heaven, fish his soul from the dark and turbid26 waters of despair?
At length—"Ned!" I cried, but had no answer; and again, "Ned! dear Ned!" with no better luck. So I pushed my horse over against his till our knees came together, and laid my hand on his arm. And then somehow I knew, dark as pitch though it was, that he turned his head to me.
"Though you be unhappy," I said, letting of set purpose the catch of a small sob27 come into my voice, "you do not need to flout28 your little friend. 'T is very like you think it all my fault, but all I could, since Philip left us, I have done,—all, I would say, that you would let me do."
"More!" he cried in answer; "you have done far more than I would have had you do; for I believe you did save my life. If I thank you now," he added, with great bitterness, "I do fear my words will lack the ring of truth."
"Nay29," I said, as coldly as I might, in hope to engage his interest, "there is but one owes thanks for that; and it is not you."
"Who then?" he asked, but languidly, as having little care for an answer.
"Who but the person," I replied, "in whose sole interest it was saved?"
"You speak in riddles30, lad," he said, and then at once burst into a very hearty31 laugh at his own mistake; at which my heart danced within me to a tune18 very sweet; for laughter was at least a step in the way I would have him walk. "My wits have gone browsing32 like sheep," he went on. "Life is sweet, I do suppose, and soon I shall thank you. Even now I feel the savor33 of it coming back to me. Let us push on," he said, and put spurs to his horse.
When I was once again by his side—"Ah!" he cried, "one is a man again with a horse between his knees."
"I do not know," I replied. "Was it for that you called me lad, Captain?"
And so for a mile or more we talked. There was indeed but a poor heart in what gaiety we used, but it served to lead at last to matter more important. And then I found his purpose was but to escort me in safety to my father's house, and himself pass on; whither, he would not say, and at length confessed he did not know. And I vowed35 in my heart he should go no further than Drayton, but bided36 my time. There followed, in a bad part of the way, a little silence. And now the rain, for some time slackening, ceased altogether, and a little pale light from the moon struggling through the clouds, we drew together again. This time it was Ned did break the silence, and his words showed me he had begun to review that night's work.
"That was bold juggling37 you did with His Highness and the sword, mistress," he said. "Wherefore did you break it?"
"Because I hold men should keep faith, even princes," I answered, "and I will make him fulfil his word, up to the hilt—I would say down to the point, which I keep until it is earned." And I felt for the fragment of His Highness's sword in the place where I had it safe hidden. And then I drew rein38 on Charley, catching39 at my comrade's rein with the other hand. "O Ned!" I cried, "how am I to do all this, if you will leave me? Take me and your story to my father, and among us we shall find a way."
In the pale moonlight I could see his pale face, and on it I read the bitterness and sorrow of a conflict that he deemed finished.
"Sweet mistress," he said, "you must not tempt1 me. This thing is the fault of no man, but the hand of fate is heavy upon me. Since we were children together, it is somewhere written that only in danger and disgrace may I meet you. I do believe that in your heart you know much that, but for what has happened this day to part us, I would say to you. I will not say it, and because I will not, I must leave you when I have brought you to your father. Do not urge me again."
"If all the world cried out upon Philippa," I replied, feeling in my heart as those must feel who take their lives in their hands to carry through some desperate enterprise, or to die in default of success, "and would have her guilty of all the crimes a woman could guiltily do, I would laugh them all to scorn while you held me innocent and dear."
"Comfort you might find in my faith," he said, "even as I find much in yours. But you would not company with me, nor let your name go with mine in men's mouths; and much less would you wed3 me before your name was cleared. It is perhaps the last time we shall speak together, little Phil, and my despair shall bring me one good thing: because I have no hope, I will tell you now very fully41 and frankly42 what has been in my mind to say since my weight on a horse's back was less than is now your own. When I left Oxford43 to come into the west in those days of Monmouth's trouble, my tongue was ready and my heart hot to tell you my love, and, having told, to ask yours, and with it the sweetest wife in all England. Now, I must tell and not ask. I say, then, Philippa, that I love you, that I shall love you, and that I have loved you, for how long it is hard to know, but truly I believe my love began when you sat in the dust and looked to me for comfort, stretching up your little arms, tremulous and appealing. Ah!" he cried, "with what an urgent and tender clinging they held me as we fled from pursuing Betty."
"I did then think, Ned," I murmured, "that the little horse had wings, and that we fled together from Betty and all troubles forever."
"It was only Betty then," he answered, with a little laugh that hurt me to hear.
"And it is no worse than Betty now, dear," I cried, "if you will but keep me with you. I have but just gotten you again. Three years is very long and lonesome. Do not leave me."
Our horses were standing44, and the moon showed me his face and the great struggle that there was in him between tenderness of love and insistence45 of duty. And I saw the softness die out of his countenance46, and the features grow set in resolve.
"I forget," he said, drawing the reins47 short through his fingers. "Let us press on; 't is six good miles yet to Drayton." At which his horse broke into a canter.
But, when Charley would have followed, I drew rein, kicked feet from stirrups, flung my right foot over his neck, and so slipped to ground; let slip the reins, and so sat me down forlorn by the roadside. So far I had acted of design, to the end that Ned should return, and I have my way to the full as the one price of proceeding48 further. But, when Roan Charley, having twice snuffed at my crouching49 figure, set off whinnying in pursuit of his fellow, I burst into tears wholly devoid50 of affectation, weeping for the loneliness that was my own making, and the stubbornness of a man's will that I could not break. And, the soft thud of hoofs51 on the wet and sandy road now seeming to die away with growing distance, I did begin to feel that the childish weapon I had taken in hand was indeed turned against myself. To set the coping on my misery52, there came a great and sudden gust53 of wind, and with it, across the moon, a thick storm-cloud, from which fell a driving slant54 of heavy rain, shutting out at once all sight and sound, as it were with a thick blanket of cold and turbid wetness; so that, drenched55 to the skin, I soon shivered as much from cold as from the sobs56 that shook my overwrought body. Now that he could no longer hear my voice, I found some dismal comfort in leaping to my feet and crying aloud on Ned to come back; and, even as I called, fell to running with weary and staggering feet, in pursuit of him I believed far away, until I pitched well-nigh headlong, not into his arms, for they were stretched wide, holding a horse in either hand, but upon his broad breast, where I soon laid my head; crying, as I clutched him by the shoulders, that he had left me too long, and frightened me.
"Why, Phil!" he answered, "I heard your nag57 following, and, even when he drew abreast58, it was not at once I knew you were not in the saddle." And here I felt his right arm move behind his back, to pass his horse's bridle7 to the left hand that already held Roan Charley's. "But when he pushed close," he continued, "and his swinging stirrup-iron struck my boot, I turned to find the voice and eyes I dreaded59 were no longer near. And then, sweetheart, the rain was upon us, and in the darkness it was little speed I could make returning, but must needs dismount and go gingerly, for fear of riding over you. How came he to throw you, Phil?"
Perceiving that alarm had brought back all his tenderness, for here his right arm came round my neck in an embrace most sweet and full of protection, I cast to the winds my facile repentance60 for the trick I had played him, and answered him thus, using what remnant of dignity I could muster61: "'T was not my good Charley that did cast me off, Ned. But when I found you would not heed62 my prayers; when I found that for some fancy of what the world should say of us you would again leave me alone, with, this time, perhaps, no hope of a return; when I thought how bitter three years of waiting have proved for a half-fledged maid, and perceived how much worse a thing were waiting without hope or limit for a woman grown, I dismounted and sat me down by the roadside. For I said I would never return to Drayton to see go out again into the night, alone and unhappy, the man that has saved our honor, giving to us out of the abundance of his own." And I waited for him, but even yet he would not speak. "What! will you shame me, Ned?" I cried. "Must I even say more? Then I here solemnly vow34 that unless you now say to me all—ask of me all that you would were you now as famous as Marshal Schomberg, and as high in favor as Mr. William Bentinck, I will not budge63 from this spot." This, with voice and bearing no doubt vastly heroical, I said. But, fearing it yet insufficient64, I added shudderingly65, in a manner I have since thought most humorously bathetical: "And I almost die for cold."
Now, scarce even for my children, can I set down very particularly what followed. But there was much rain, and now two arms about me, and my head lay where it is not yet tired of lying, while my lover let flow in words the passion of his love that had so long been pent and dammed up in his heart. And I remember that when he kissed me, there came between his lips and mine a patch of mud, cast there doubtless by the feet of his horse in his flight from me; and also that we laughed together like children with no sorrow upon them, as he did try in the dark to wipe it away with his handkerchief, and how some of the soil did get in my mouth as I laughed. So strong in memory is often a little matter of this nature that when, not two days back from the time I sit here writing, being abroad with Colonel Royston to see some sport with Sir Giles Blundell's hounds, I received full in the teeth a hoof-shaped clod of earth, I was, for all the pain and discomfort66 of it, translated at once from the free air and pale, sweet winter sun back to that foul and bitter night and its dear core of love, red and glowing with the fire that shall comfort and illumine us both to the end of our days.
Now, how long we stood there, how long we talked, and how long we were silent I do not know. But Dame Nature the stepmother had become Mother Nature our friend; and wind, cold, and wet were but the veil she cast kindly67 to wrap our sacred hour in holier secrecy68. And when again a little light showed from the moon, of course it was the woman that cried: "Why, Ned! where are the horses?"
I will not dwell on the labor69 to pursue and catch our nags70. The charger, at length responding to a cry his master used, was caught, mounted, and ridden in chase of Roan Charley. So I was again for a while left solitary71, but in a state of mind how different! Not now did I sit forlorn with my feet in the ditch, but tramped cheerily forward; for I had his promise not to leave me again, but to lay the whole matter before Sir Michael, and to abide72 by his advice. For Ned, notwithstanding the anguish73 of his disgrace, did in his modesty74 set so low a price on the action which had procured75 it, that I think it had not yet become clear to him how wholly my very just and most noble-minded father must be engaged to counsel all things in the interest of Philip's savior.
It was not long before I encountered all three returning to meet me, truant76 Charley grown reluctant and rebellious77. And thence into Drayton village the way seemed short indeed. Only twice did Ned refer to his misfortune and the anger of His Highness of Orange; once, in saying it was strange a single night should hold the greatest joy and the greatest sorrow he had known; and again, when I said many hard things of the Prince, he would not hear me, saying he was not to blame; and then he asked me did I note the last words of M. de Rondiniacque as he bade us farewell. 'T was that gentleman's opinion, it appeared, that the Prince was in his heart not sorry to find in my importunity78 good occasion to avoid the scandal that must arise from a court-martial held upon an officer whose family was so well known in the neighborhood at present occupied by his army. M. de Rondiniacque had added, moreover, that he believed His Highness's anger much exacerbated79 by a lurking80 doubt as to the substantial guilt40 of one he had hitherto highly esteemed81. All this I must have heard as one in a dream, and the narration82 of it now furnished me with material for the more sober thoughts that occupied the almost unbroken silence of our passage from the village of Drayton to the house.
It was now more than an hour past midnight, so that it was with no little surprise we beheld83, through the ill-closed hangings of the windows, the great hall bright with candles and fire. As he lifted me, now well-nigh crippled with fatigue84, from the saddle, I prayed Ned to enter quickly and engage whom he should find for a moment in talk, while I slipped quietly by to the refuge of my chamber85. In the morning I had trifled with the fancy that it were better to be born a man; now I knew it was best of all to be a woman; and thus I had no mind, while I could still by some sense of lingering contact mark the places where my lover's kisses had fallen, to be seen in the garb86 I wore by any man or woman whatsoever87. And Ned, acting88 most comfortably in accordance with my desire, I was soon fast in the haven89 of my room, of whose door I did that night but once again draw the bolt; and even then I do think it was rather from desire of the food and the posset that she carried, than from any need of her company, that I admitted Prudence90; and of the torrent91 of questions with which my ears were assailed92 as she tenderly waited on me, I answered few and heeded93 none. I would have been alone to think of Ned, and of the change of so strange a sweetness that I now began to discover in myself. I was indeed in that temper of mind wherein a maid will find even the object of her thought a hindrance94 to the right management of her thinking; and so I got very quickly to bed, feigning95 sleep to escape little Prue's chatter96, the while I hugged to my breast the memories of the journey homeward; cherishing the sweetest fragments for a perpetual possession.
But feigning passed very soon into reality, and the last I recall of that night is my dreamy watching of Prudence, as she busied herself, with a bearing of no little pique97, in hanging out poor Rupert's clothes before the great fire, and muttering dark sayings of the folk that had secrets, and how, if that were the way of it, she could, nay, would, keep her own to herself.
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1
tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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nib
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| n.钢笔尖；尖头 | |
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wed
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| v.娶，嫁，与…结婚 | |
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rhythmic
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| adj.有节奏的，有韵律的 | |
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jingle
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| n.叮当声，韵律简单的诗句；v.使叮当作响，叮当响，押韵 | |
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bridles
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| 约束( bridle的名词复数 )； 限动器； 马笼头； 系带 | |
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bridle
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| n.笼头，束缚；vt.抑制，约束；动怒 | |
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discordant
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| adj.不调和的 | |
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squeaking
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| v.短促地尖叫( squeak的现在分词 )；吱吱叫；告密；充当告密者 | |
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10
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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foulest
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| adj.恶劣的( foul的最高级 )；邪恶的；难闻的；下流的 | |
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12
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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stupor
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| v.昏迷；不省人事 | |
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divers
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| adj.不同的；种种的 | |
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dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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dame
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| n.女士 | |
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accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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intermittent
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| adj.间歇的，断断续续的 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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yearn
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| v.想念；怀念；渴望 | |
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bowels
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| n.肠，内脏，内部；肠( bowel的名词复数 )；内部，最深处 | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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turbid
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| adj.混浊的，泥水的，浓的 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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flout
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| v./n.嘲弄，愚弄，轻视 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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riddles
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| n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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browsing
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| v.吃草( browse的现在分词 )；随意翻阅；（在商店里）随便看看；（在计算机上）浏览信息 | |
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savor
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| vt.品尝，欣赏；n.味道，风味；情趣，趣味 | |
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vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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vowed
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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bided
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| v.等待，停留( bide的过去式 )；居住；等待；面临 | |
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juggling
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| n. 欺骗, 杂耍(=jugglery) adj. 欺骗的, 欺诈的 动词juggle的现在分词 | |
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rein
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| n.疆绳，统治，支配；vt.以僵绳控制，统治 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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insistence
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| n.坚持；强调；坚决主张 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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reins
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| 感情，激情； 缰( rein的名词复数 )； 控制手段； 掌管； （成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的）保护带 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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crouching
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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50
devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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51
hoofs
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| n.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的名词复数 )v.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的第三人称单数 ) | |
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52
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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54
slant
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| v.倾斜，倾向性地编写或报道；n.斜面，倾向 | |
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55
drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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56
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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nag
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| v.(对…)不停地唠叨；n.爱唠叨的人 | |
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abreast
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| adv.并排地；跟上(时代)的步伐，与…并进地 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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60
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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budge
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| v.移动一点儿；改变立场 | |
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insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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shudderingly
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discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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nags
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| n.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的名词复数 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责v.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的第三人称单数 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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truant
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| n.懒惰鬼，旷课者；adj.偷懒的，旷课的，游荡的；v.偷懒，旷课 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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importunity
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| n.硬要，强求 | |
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exacerbated
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| v.使恶化，使加重( exacerbate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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narration
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| n.讲述，叙述；故事；记叙体 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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garb
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| n.服装，装束 | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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heeded
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的过去式和过去分词 )；变平，使（某物）变平( flatten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hindrance
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| n.妨碍，障碍 | |
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feigning
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| 假装，伪装( feign的现在分词 )； 捏造（借口、理由等） | |
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chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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pique
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| v.伤害…的自尊心，使生气 n.不满，生气 | |
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