"A man has to be born a detective," he said, as he fell over a wheelbarrow at the side of the road; "for without great natural gifts he cannot attain3 to preeminence4, as it were, in his profession. I was born a detective, and would have beaten any of those fellows from Irish Yard or Welsh Yard or Scotland Yard, or whatever they call it.
"Queer I never thought of it before, but that was always the trouble with me; I've been too modest," he added, as he climbed over the fence to pick up his hat, which a limb had knocked off; "but when this robbery at the Misses Perkinpine's occurred, instead of relying on my own brains I must send for Mr. Carter, and was worried half to death because he didn't come.
[Pg 205]
"I s'pose he found the task was too gigantic for him, so he wouldn't run the risk of failure. Then for the first time I sot down and begun to use my brains. It didn't take me long to work the thing out; it came to me like a flash, as it always does to men of genius—confound that root; it's ripped the toe of my shoe off."
But Archie was so elevated in the region of conceit5 and self-satisfaction that he could not be disturbed by the petty annoyances6 of earth; he strode along the road with his chest thrust forward and his head so high in air that it was no wonder his feet tripped and bothered him now and then.
"I don't see any use of delaying the blow," he added, as he approached his home; "it will make a sensation to-morrow when the exposure is made. The New York papers will be full of it and they will send their reporters to interview me. They'll print a sketch7 of my life and nominate me for governor, and the illustrated8 papers will have my picture, and my wife Betsey will find what a man of genius her husband—ah! oh! I forgot about that post!"
He was recalled to himself by a violent collision with the hitching-post in front of his own house, and picking up his hat and waiting until he could gain full command of his breath, he entered the bosom9 of his family fully10 resolved to "strike the blow" on the morrow, which should make him famous throughout the country.
With the rising of the sun he found himself feeling more important than ever. Swallowing his breakfast hastily and looking at his bruised11 knuckles12, he bade his[Pg 206] family good-by, telling his wife if anybody came after him they should be told that the constable had gone away on imperative13 business.
With this farewell Archie went to the depot14, boarded the cars and started for the country town of Walsingham, fifty miles distant. He bought a copy of a leading daily, and after viewing the scenery for several miles, pretended to read, while he gave free rein15 to his imagination and drew a gorgeous picture of the near future.
"To-morrow the papers will be full of it," he said, not noticing that several were smiling because he held the journal upside down, "and they'll want to put me on the force in New York. They've got to pay me a good salary if they get me—that's sartin."
Some time after he drew forth a couple of legal documents, which he read with care, as he had read them a score of times. They were correctly-drawn papers calling for the arrest of two certain parties.
"The warrants are all right," mused16 the officer, as he replaced them carefully in the inside pocket of his coat, "and the two gentlemen—and especially one of them—will open his eyes when I place my hand on his shoulder and tell him he is wanted."
A couple of hours later, the constable left the cars at the town of Walsingham, which was in the extreme corner of the county that also held Tottenville, and walked in his pompous17 fashion toward that portion where Colonel Bandman's menagerie and circus were making ready for the usual display.
It was near the hour of noon, and the regular street[Pg 207] parade had taken place, and the hundreds of people from the country were tramping back and forth, crunching18 peanuts, eating lunch and making themselves ill on the diluted19 stuff sold under the name of lemonade.
The constable paid scarcely any heed20 to these, but wended his way to the hotel, where he inquired for Colonel Bandman, the proprietor21 of the establishment which was creating such an excitement through the country.
Archie was told that he had just sat down to dinner, whereupon he said he would wait until the gentleman was through, as he did not wish to be too severe upon him. Then the officer occupied a chair by the window on the inside, and feeling in his pockets, to make sure the warrants were there, he kept an eye on the dining-room, to be certain the proprietor did not take the alarm and get away.
After a long time Colonel Bandman, a tall, well-dressed gentleman, came forth, hat in hand, and looked about him, as if he expected to meet some one.
"Are you the gentleman who was inquiring for me?" he asked, advancing toward the constable, who rose to his feet, and with all the impressiveness of manner which he could assume, said, as he placed his hand on his shoulder:
"Colonel James Bandman, you are my prisoner!"
The other donned his hat, looked somewhat surprised, as was natural, and with his eyes fixed22 on the face of the constable, asked:
"On what charge am I arrested?"
[Pg 208]
"Burglary."
"Let me see the warrant."
"Oh, that's all right," said Mr. Jackson, drawing forth a document from his pocket and opening it before him; "read it for yourself."
The colonel glanced at it for a moment, and said with a half smile:
"My name is not mentioned there; that calls upon you to arrest Thomas Gibby, who is my ticket agent."
"Oh, ah—that's the wrong paper; here's the right one."
With which he gave Colonel James Bandman the pleasure of reading the document, which, in due and legal form, commanded Archibald Jackson to take the gentleman into custody23.
"Certainly, certainly, sir; I will accompany you before a magistrate27 who will fix your bail25. Where can I find Mr. Gibby?"
"I will bring him, if you will excuse me for a minute."
"No you don't; I'll stay with you, please; we'll go together; I don't intend you shall slip through my fingers."
The colonel was evidently good-natured, for he only laughed and then, allowing the officer to take his arm, started for the dining-room, but unexpectedly met the individual whom they wanted in the hall.
[Pg 209]
When Gibby had been made acquainted with the business of the severe-looking official he was disposed to get angry, but a word and a suggestive look from Colonel Bandman quieted him, and the two walked with the officer in the direction of a magistrate.
"I've got this thing down fine on you," ventured Mr. Jackson, by way of helping29 them to a feeling of resignation, "the proofs of the nefarious30 transaction in which you were engaged being beyond question."
Colonel Bandman made no answer, though his companion muttered something which their custodian31 did not catch. As they walked through the street they attracted some attention, but it was only a short distance to the magistrate's office, where the official listened attentively32 to the complaints. When made aware of its character he turned smilingly toward the chief prisoner and said:
"Well, colonel, what have you to say to this?"
"I should like to ask Mr. Jackson on what grounds he bases his charge of burglary against me."
"The house of the Misses Perkinpine, near Tottenville, in this county, was robbed of a lot of valuable silver plate and several hundred dollars in money on Monday night last. It was the night before the circus showed in that town. Fortunately for the cause of justice the two parties were seen and identified, especially the one who did the actual robbing. A bright young boy, who is very truthful33, saw the robber at his work, identified him as the ungrateful wretch34 who was given his supper by the two excellent ladies, whom he basely[Pg 210] robbed afterward35. The description of the pretended tramp corresponds exactly with that of Colonel Bandman—so closely, indeed, that there can be no mistake about him. The account of his confederate is not so full, but it is sufficient to identify him as Mr. Gibby, there. When I was assured beyond all mistake that they were the two wretches36 I took out them warrants in proper form, as you will find, and I now ask that they may be held to await the action of the grand jury."
Having delivered himself of this rather grandiloquent37 speech, Mr. Jackson bowed to the court and stepped back to allow the accused to speak.
Colonel Bandman, instead of doing so, turned to the magistrate and nodded for him to say something. That official, addressing himself to the constable, asked:
"You are certain this offense was committed on last Monday evening?"
"There can be no possible mistake about it."
"And it was done by these two?"
"That is equally sartin."
"If one is guilty both are; if one is innocent so is the other?"
"Yes, sir; if you choose to put it that way."
"It becomes my duty to inform you then, Mr. Jackson, that Colonel Bandman has not been out of the town of Walsingham for the past six weeks; he is an old schoolmate of mine, and on last Monday night he stayed in my house with his wife and daughter. This complaint is dismissed, and the best thing you can do is to hasten home by the next train. Good day, sir."
[Pg 211]
Archie wanted to say something, but he could think of nothing appropriate, and, catching38 up his hat, he made haste to the station where he boarded the cars without a ticket. He was never known to refer to his great mistake afterward unless some one else mentioned it, and even then the constable always seemed anxious to turn the subject to something else.
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1
constable
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| n.(英国)警察，警官 | |
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2
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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3
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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4
preeminence
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| n.卓越,杰出 | |
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5
conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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annoyances
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| n.恼怒( annoyance的名词复数 )；烦恼；打扰；使人烦恼的事 | |
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7
sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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8
illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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9
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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10
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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11
bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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12
knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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13
imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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14
depot
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| n.仓库，储藏处；公共汽车站；火车站 | |
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15
rein
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| n.疆绳，统治，支配；vt.以僵绳控制，统治 | |
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16
mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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17
pompous
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
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18
crunching
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| v.嘎吱嘎吱地咬嚼( crunch的现在分词 )；嘎吱作响；（快速大量地）处理信息；数字捣弄 | |
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19
diluted
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| 无力的，冲淡的 | |
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20
heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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21
proprietor
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| n.所有人；业主；经营者 | |
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22
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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23
custody
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| n.监护，照看，羁押，拘留 | |
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24
offense
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| n.犯规，违法行为；冒犯，得罪 | |
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25
bail
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| v.舀（水），保释；n.保证金，保释，保释人 | |
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bailable
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| adj.可保释的，可交保的 | |
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27
magistrate
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| n.地方行政官，地方法官，治安官 | |
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28
vigilant
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| adj.警觉的，警戒的，警惕的 | |
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29
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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30
nefarious
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| adj.恶毒的，极坏的 | |
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31
custodian
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| n.保管人，监护人；公共建筑看守 | |
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32
attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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33
truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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34
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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35
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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36
wretches
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| n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 )；可怜的人；恶棍；坏蛋 | |
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37
grandiloquent
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| adj.夸张的 | |
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38
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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