XXXV THE PHANTOM ARMY

 I can readily believe that war as performed by Messieurs our ancestors was quite good fun. You dressed up in feathers and hardware—like something between an Indian game-cock and a tank—and caracoled about the country on a cart-horse, kissing your hand to balconies and making very liberal expenses out of any fat (and unarmed) burgesses that happened along.

 

With the first frost you went into winter quarters—i.e. you turned into the most convenient castle and whiled away the dark months roasting chestnuts¹ at a log fire, entertaining the ladies with quips, conundrums² and selections on the harpsichord³ and vying⁴ with the jester in the composition of Limericks.

 

The profession of arms in those spacious⁵ days was both pleasant and profitable. Nowadays it is neither; it is a dreary⁶ mélange of mud, blood, boredom⁷ and blue-funk (I speak for myself).

 

Yet even it, miserable⁸ calamity⁹ that it is (or was), has produced its piquant¹⁰ situations, its high moments; and one manages to squeeze a sly smile out of it all, here and there, now and again.

 

I have heard the skirl of the Argyll and Sutherland battle-pipes in the Borghese Gardens and seen a Highlander¹¹ dance the sword-dance before applauding Rome. I have seen the love-locks of a matinée idol¹² being trimmed with horse-clippers (weep, O ye flappers of Suburbia!) and a Royal Academician set to whitewash¹³ a pig-sty. I have seen American aviators¹⁴ in spurs, Royal Marines a-horse, and a free-born Australian eating rabbit. All these things have I seen.

 

And of high moments I have experienced plenty of late, for it has been my happy lot to be in the front of the hunt that has swept the unspeakable Boche back off a broad strip of France and Belgium, and the memory of the welcome accorded to us, the first British, by the liberated¹⁵ inhabitants will remain with us until the last "Lights Out." The procedure was practically the same throughout.

 

There would come a crackle of wild rifle-fire from the front of a village; then, as we worked round to the flank, a dozen or so blue-cloaked Uhlans would scamper¹⁶ out of the rear and disappear at a non-stop gallop¹⁷ for home. In a second the street would be full of people, emptying out of houses and cellars, pressing about us, shaking hands, kissing us and our horses even, smothering¹⁸ us with flowers, cheering "Vivent les Anglais!", "Vive la France!" clamouring, laughing, crying, mad with joy.

 

Grandmères would appear at attic¹⁹ windows waving calico tricolours (hidden for four long years) while others plastered up tricolour hand-bills—"Hommage à nos Liberateurs," "God's blessing²⁰ unto Tommy."

 

However, touching²¹ and delightful²² though it all might be, it was not getting on with the war; this embarras des amis was saving the Uhlans' hide.

 

Furthermore, though I can bring myself to bear with a certain amount of embracing from attractive young things, I do not enjoy the salutations of unshorn old men; and when Mayors and Corporations got busy my native modesty²³ rebelled, and I would tear myself loose and, with my steed decorated from ears to croup with flowers, so that I looked more like a perambulating hot-house than a poor soldier-man, take up the pursuit once more.

 

In due course we came to the considerable town of X. All happened as before. As we popped in at one flank the bold Uhlan popped out at the other, and the townsfolk flooded the streets. I was dragged out of the saddle, kissed, pump-handled and cheered while my bewildered charger was led aside and festooned with pink roses. Tricolours appeared at every window; handbills of welcome were distributed broadcast. The Mayor and Corporation arrived at the double, and we struggled together for some moments while they rasped me with their stubbly beards. When the first ecstasies²⁴ had somewhat abated²⁵ I gathered my troop and prepared to move again.

 

"Whither away?" the Mayor enquired²⁶, a fine old veteran he, wearing two 1870 medals and the ribbon of the Legion.

 

"To Z.," said I.

 

"Ecoutez, donc," he warned. "They are waiting for you there in force, machine-guns and cannon²⁷."

 

I intimated that nevertheless I must go and have a look-see, at any rate, and so rode out of town, the vast crowd accompanying us to the outskirts²⁸, cheering, shouting advice, warnings and blessings²⁹. In sight of Z. we shed our floral tributes and, debouching off the highway into the open, worked forwards on the look-out for trouble.

 

It came. A dozen pip-squeaks shrilled³⁰ overhead to cause considerable casualties among some neighbouring cabbages, and shortly afterwards rifle-fire opened from outlying cottages. I swung round and tried for an opening to the north, but a couple of machine-guns promptly³¹ gave tongue on that flank. Another flock of pip-squeaks kicked up the mould in front of us and some fresh rifles and machine-guns joined in. Too hot altogether.

 

I was just deciding to give it best and cut for cover when all hostile fire suddenly switched off, and a few minutes later I beheld³² light guns on lorries, machine-guns in motor-cars and Uhlans on horses stampeding out of the village by all roads east.

 

The day was mine. Yip, Yip! Bonza! Skoo-kum! Hurroosh! Nevertheless I was properly bewildered, for it was absurd to suppose that an overwhelming force of heavily-armed Huns could have been bluffed³³ out of a strong position by the merest handful of unsupported cavalry³⁴. Manifestly absurd!

 

I turned about, and in so doing my eye lit on the poplar-lined highway from X., and I understood. Along the road poured the hordes³⁵ of an advancing army, advancing in somewhat irregular column of route, with banners flying. The head of the column was not a mile distant. The Infantry³⁶ must be on my heels, thought I. Stout³⁷ marching! I grabbed up my glasses, took a long look and bellowed³⁸ with laughter. It was not the Infantry at all; it was the liberated population of X., headed by the Mayor and Corporation, come out to see the fun, the grandmères and grandpères, the girls and boys, the dogs and babies, marching, hobbling, skipping, toddling³⁹ down the pave, waving their calico tricolours and singing the Marseillaise. I thought of the Boche fleeing eastward⁴⁰ with the fear of God in his soul, and rolled about in my saddle drunk with joy.

The End

1 chestnuts   

n.栗子( chestnut的名词复数 )；栗色；栗树；栗色马

参考例句：

• A man in the street was selling bags of hot chestnuts. 街上有个男人在卖一包包热栗子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Talk of chestnuts loosened the tongue of this inarticulate young man. 因为栗子，正苦无话可说的年青人，得到同情他的人了。 来自汉英文学 - 中国现代小说

2 conundrums   

n.谜，猜不透的难题，难答的问题( conundrum的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• After all the conundrums of Hungary, the second Turkish Grand Prix promises much. 继匈牙利站所有猜不透的事之后，第二届土耳其大奖赛许诺了太多。 来自互联网
• I see conundrums, dilemmas, quandaries, impasses, gnarly thickets of fateful possibility with no obvious way out. 眼看问题经纬万端，进退两难、入困境，死路一条，盘根错节的命定可能性，但找不到明显的出路。 来自互联网

3 harpsichord   

n.键琴（钢琴前身）

参考例句：

• I can tune the harpsichord as well as play it.我会弹奏大键琴，同样地，我也会给大键琴调音。
• Harpsichord music is readily playable.古钢琴音乐可以随时演奏。

4 vying   

adj.竞争的；比赛的

参考例句：

• California is vying with other states to capture a piece of the growing communications market.为了在日渐扩大的通讯市场分得一杯羹，加利福尼亚正在和其他州展开竞争。
• Four rescue plans are vying to save the zoo.4个拯救动物园的方案正争得不可开交。

5 spacious   

adj.广阔的，宽敞的

参考例句：

• Our yard is spacious enough for a swimming pool.我们的院子很宽敞，足够建一座游泳池。
• The room is bright and spacious.这房间很豁亮。

6 dreary   

adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的

参考例句：

• They live such dreary lives.他们的生活如此乏味。
• She was tired of hearing the same dreary tale of drunkenness and violence.她听够了那些关于酗酒和暴力的乏味故事。

7 boredom   

n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊

参考例句：

• Unemployment can drive you mad with boredom.失业会让你无聊得发疯。
• A walkman can relieve the boredom of running.跑步时带着随身听就不那么乏味了。

8 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

9 calamity   

n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件

参考例句：

• Even a greater natural calamity cannot daunt us. 再大的自然灾害也压不垮我们。
• The attack on Pearl Harbor was a crushing calamity.偷袭珍珠港(对美军来说)是一场毁灭性的灾难。

10 piquant   

adj.辛辣的，开胃的，令人兴奋的

参考例句：

• Bland vegetables are often served with a piquant sauce.清淡的蔬菜常以辛辣的沙司调味。
• He heard of a piquant bit of news.他听到了一则令人兴奋的消息。

11 highlander   

n.高地的人，苏格兰高地地区的人

参考例句：

• They call him the highlander, he is Rory McLeod! 他们叫他寻事者，他是罗瑞·麦克劳德！ 来自互联网

12 idol   

n.偶像，红人，宠儿

参考例句：

• As an only child he was the idol of his parents.作为独子，他是父母的宠儿。
• Blind worship of this idol must be ended.对这个偶像的盲目崇拜应该结束了。

13 whitewash   

v.粉刷，掩饰；n.石灰水，粉刷，掩饰

参考例句：

• They tried hard to whitewash themselves.他们力图粉饰自己。
• What he said was a load of whitewash.他所说的是一大堆粉饰之词。

14 aviators   

飞机驾驶员，飞行员( aviator的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Analysis on Sickness Status of 1149 Aviators during Recuperation. 飞行员1149例疗养期间患病情况分析。
• In America the whole scale is too big, except for aviators. 在美国整个景象的比例都太大了，不过对飞行员来说是个例外。

15 liberated   

a.无拘束的，放纵的

参考例句：

• The city was liberated by the advancing army. 军队向前挺进，解放了那座城市。
• The heat brings about a chemical reaction, and oxygen is liberated. 热量引起化学反应，释放出氧气。

16 scamper   

v.奔跑，快跑

参考例句：

• She loves to scamper through the woods of the forest.她喜欢在森林里的树林中穿梭嬉戏。
• The flash sent the foxes scampering away.闪光惊得狐狸四处逃窜。

17 gallop   

v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔；飞速发展

参考例句：

• They are coming at a gallop towards us.他们正朝着我们飞跑过来。
• The horse slowed to a walk after its long gallop.那匹马跑了一大阵后慢下来缓步而行。

18 smothering   

（使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的现在分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制

参考例句：

• He laughed triumphantly, and silenced her by manly smothering. 他胜利地微笑着，以男人咄咄逼人的气势使她哑口无言。
• He wrapped the coat around her head, smothering the flames. 他用上衣包住她的头，熄灭了火。

19 attic   

n.顶楼，屋顶室

参考例句：

• Leakiness in the roof caused a damp attic.屋漏使顶楼潮湿。
• What's to be done with all this stuff in the attic?顶楼上的材料怎么处理？

20 blessing   

n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿

参考例句：

• The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
• A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。

21 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

22 delightful   

adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的

参考例句：

• We had a delightful time by the seashore last Sunday.上星期天我们在海滨玩得真痛快。
• Peter played a delightful melody on his flute.彼得用笛子吹奏了一支欢快的曲子。

23 modesty   

n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素

参考例句：

• Industry and modesty are the chief factors of his success.勤奋和谦虚是他成功的主要因素。
• As conceit makes one lag behind,so modesty helps one make progress.骄傲使人落后，谦虚使人进步。

24 ecstasies   

狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 )； 出神； 入迷； 迷幻药

参考例句：

• In such ecstasies that he even controlled his tongue and was silent. 但他闭着嘴，一言不发。
• We were in ecstasies at the thought of going home. 一想到回家，我们高兴极了。

25 abated   

减少( abate的过去式和过去分词 )； 减去； 降价； 撤消（诉讼）

参考例句：

• The worker's concern about cuts in the welfare funding has not abated. 工人们对削减福利基金的关心并没有减少。
• The heat has abated. 温度降低了。

26 enquired   

打听( enquire的过去式和过去分词 )； 询问； 问问题； 查问

参考例句：

• He enquired for the book in a bookstore. 他在书店查询那本书。
• Fauchery jestingly enquired whether the Minister was coming too. 浮式瑞嘲笑着问部长是否也会来。

27 cannon   

n.大炮，火炮；飞机上的机关炮

参考例句：

• The soldiers fired the cannon.士兵们开炮。
• The cannon thundered in the hills.大炮在山间轰鸣。

28 outskirts   

n.郊外，郊区

参考例句：

• Our car broke down on the outskirts of the city.我们的汽车在市郊出了故障。
• They mostly live on the outskirts of a town.他们大多住在近郊。

29 blessings   

n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福

参考例句：

• Afflictions are sometimes blessings in disguise. 塞翁失马，焉知非福。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• We don't rely on blessings from Heaven. 我们不靠老天保佑。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

30 shrilled   

（声音）尖锐的，刺耳的，高频率的( shrill的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Behind him, the telephone shrilled. 在他身后，电话铃刺耳地响了起来。
• The phone shrilled, making her jump. 电话铃声刺耳地响起，惊得她跳了起来。

31 promptly   

adv.及时地，敏捷地

参考例句：

• He paid the money back promptly.他立即还了钱。
• She promptly seized the opportunity his absence gave her.她立即抓住了因他不在场给她创造的机会。

32 beheld   

v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟

参考例句：

• His eyes had never beheld such opulence. 他从未见过这样的财富。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The soul beheld its features in the mirror of the passing moment. 灵魂在逝去的瞬间的镜子中看到了自己的模样。 来自英汉文学 - 红字

33 bluffed   

以假象欺骗，吹牛( bluff的过去式和过去分词 )； 以虚张声势找出或达成

参考例句：

• Hung-chien bluffed, "You know perfectly well yourself without my telling you." 鸿渐摆空城计道：“你心里明白，不用我说。”
• In each case the hijackers bluffed the crew using fake grenades. 每一个案例中，劫机者都用了假手榴弹吓唬机组人员。

34 cavalry   

n.骑兵；轻装甲部队

参考例句：

• We were taken in flank by a troop of cavalry. 我们翼侧受到一队骑兵的袭击。
• The enemy cavalry rode our men down. 敌人的骑兵撞倒了我们的人。

35 hordes   

n.移动着的一大群( horde的名词复数 )；部落

参考例句：

• There are always hordes of tourists here in the summer. 夏天这里总有成群结队的游客。
• Hordes of journalists jostled for position outside the conference hall. 大群记者在会堂外争抢位置。 来自《简明英汉词典》

36 infantry   

n.[总称]步兵(部队)

参考例句：

• The infantry were equipped with flame throwers.步兵都装备有喷火器。
• We have less infantry than the enemy.我们的步兵比敌人少。

38 bellowed   

v.发出吼叫声，咆哮（尤指因痛苦）( bellow的过去式和过去分词 )；（愤怒地）说出（某事），大叫

参考例句：

• They bellowed at her to stop. 他们吼叫着让她停下。
• He bellowed with pain when the tooth was pulled out. 当牙齿被拔掉时，他痛得大叫。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

39 toddling   

v.（幼儿等）东倒西歪地走( toddle的现在分词 )；蹒跚行走；溜达；散步

参考例句：

• You could see his grandson toddling around in the garden. 你可以看到他的孙子在花园里蹒跚行走。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She fell while toddling around. 她摇摇摆摆地到处走时摔倒了 来自辞典例句

40 eastward   

adv.向东；adj.向东的；n.东方，东部

参考例句：

• The river here tends eastward.这条河从这里向东流。
• The crowd is heading eastward,believing that they can find gold there.人群正在向东移去，他们认为在那里可以找到黄金。