It may be that for many men four years of undergraduate life are not sufficient to make a college impress deep, or, to appearances, lasting4; but if in any measure it is real, that influence must tell, not only on the years immediately succeeding, but through the whole of life. The first fruits of a college education are more likely to be revealed in the attitude of mind towards the problems of life, as these present themselves when academic halls are vacated, than in any immediate5 accomplishment6. A consciousness of capacity without opportunity may be, and is too often, the first inheritance of many a man, whose intellect has been stimulated7 and whose zeal8 has been intensified9 by association with his fellows in the numerous relationships which undergraduate life affords, but who finds in the world a less ordered and less congenial arrangement. Probably for most men, the years immediately following the attainment of their academic or professional degrees are[36] the most critical, if not also the most painful, years of their lives.
To this phase of post-graduate experience Harper’s life was no exception, though undergraduate days were enjoyed by him to the full. In the summer of 1891, at the age of seventeen, he matriculated at the University of Toronto, from the Barrie Collegiate Institute, and he graduated from the university in June, 1895. He was, during the last three years of his undergraduate course, an honour student in the department of Political Science, and the class lists show that in the work of this department, especially in the subjects of political economy and political philosophy, he held a high place. His contemporaries at the university will always remember him as a man who entered in a whole-hearted way into what may be spoken of as the larger life of the university. He was a prominent member of the Literary and Scientific Society, and of his class society, and was always certain to be found an active participant in those events or movements of general[37] interest with which undergraduate life at a large university abounds10. While he was fond of books and might have been termed, at least during the latter half of each year, a conscientious11 student, it is doubtful if he did not get quite as much as, or more, out of association with his fellows, and from sharing in the spontaneous life of the college, than he did from the lecture room. A characteristic which distinguished12 him was a readiness to carry on with enthusiasm whatever he undertook, and this, combined with a nature intensely loyal to cause or friend, made him a strong man among men, and one whose support was sought because it could be counted upon. On the whole his disposition13 was social rather than individual, and his interests were diversified14 rather than particular. He was saved from the possible inimical effects of such a nature by an earnestness of purpose which kept him true to his responsibilities, while there can be little doubt that from it, in the broadening of his sympathies and in the understanding of men and their ways, he[38] gained much which was of infinite service to him in after years.
Measured by the standard of growth already hinted at, Harper may be said to have left the university with a consciousness that he was fitted by talent and inclination15 for work in some branch of the so-called higher professions, that it was in connection with the general, rather than the more exclusive, interests of society that his energies would find their freest play, and that not by theories, but by men, he could hope to be permanently16 attracted. He had already learned that he was capable of serious and sustained effort, and likely to find in work a satisfaction of his best desires; and he must have known that in his nature were possibilities of the noblest expressions of disinterested17 action. It was natural, therefore, that having made no definite choice of a future profession at the time of graduation, and having engaged temporarily in agency work which was not to his liking18, and towards which from the start he had not entertained any serious intentions, he should[39] have found much that tried his patience severely19, and at times caused him to experience periods of the most genuine depression. Fruitless attempts to obtain a start in journalism21 added for a while to his discouragements, so that the year and a half which followed graduation, though characterized by anything other than neglect or indifference22, and, as a matter of fact, made the occasion of an opportunity for increased reading and the preparation of a thesis which secured him a Master’s degree from the university, was nevertheless, so far as he could see at the time, to be remembered as of adversity rather than as of advance. In reality it was a testing time, and it served to prove the man.
In the pages of the journal which Harper commenced shortly after graduation, it is possible to discern the attitude of mind which he had towards the problem of life, as he thus encountered it upon the threshold. Revealing as they do the qualities of inherent worth in him who wrote them, these pages are deserving of more than passing reference.[40] Two characteristics they clearly disclose, a fearless integrity of heart and mind, and a disposition to philosophize, underlying23 each of which is a constant purpose of self-improvement, and a more than accepted belief in a definite moral order, and the ultimate triumph of right. Unconsciously he summed up the whole in the first paragraph he wrote:
“I am writing this record of my thoughts and actions in order that I may be better able to understand myself; to improve in that wherein I find myself wanting, and that some day I may be able to look back and find a rule of development or perhaps of life, with its assistance. I shall endeavour to be at least honest with myself, and hope that the use of this book may help me occasionally, to sever20 myself mentally from the associations of the world and retire within myself. My hope is that some day I may be able to become acquainted with my own individuality, and discover what is the first essential and object of my existence.
“I have not as yet settled upon a course in life. Several weapons lie before me which might be of use in the conflict with the world, and with[41] all of which I feel that I might soon familiarize myself. Which will enable me to achieve the greatest success? And by what standard shall I measure that success so as to discover whether it is real and after all worth striving for? Shall it be law, the ministry24, a business career, or journalism, or what? At one time I lean in one direction, and again in another. The result is an unsettled frame of mind which cannot be healthy, and which compels me to be constantly before the bar of my own judgment25. I find that the old idea of ‘individual aptitude’ means less than I formerly26 believed. One finds many specialized27 avocations28 before one, and it is a question of fashioning one’s self to suit one of them. Whether it be that the chosen profession does not employ all one’s faculties29, or requires more than one possesses, a certain amount of dissatisfaction is, I think, bound to result. It is necessary that a man be a philosopher, as well as a lawyer, or a carpenter, as the case may be, if he is to be happy. I flatter myself that I have a fair education (although I regret that I have not drawn30 from it as much as I might and should have), and some slight knowledge of men and their ways, but my choice is limited to those callings which do not[42] require a considerable initial capital. At the moment my leanings are towards journalism as most likely to give me self-satisfaction, and to aid me in the study of mankind—man.”
And again,
“As to myself, during the past week or two, the spirit of unrest, to which I have referred as characteristic of my mind, has been intensified in proportion as I have withdrawn31 myself more and more from the insurance business. One thought is ever staring me in the face. It is the question which has been before me for so long. What are you going to do? I shall certainly have to ‘make a break’ before long, since the state of affairs is preying32 upon my mind and upon my ambition and self-esteem. To-night we have some friends coming in, a minister from the country and his wife. They will probably ask me what am I going to do? I am sick of that question.”
And on the first of January, 1897,
“For over three months I have not made a single entry in this book, and this for the reason that I have had little that is hopeful or pleasant[43] to write about. I have been in constant dread33 of the effect upon my mind of the forced inactivity to which I am subject, for the uncongenial work at which I have been plodding34 away has been of little use as an intellectual training. At times, encouraged by the appreciation35 which I have been able to give to some of the sublime36 thoughts of master-minds, or by the words of such friends as ——, I have been quite hopeful as to my future usefulness, but on both my thoughts and my humours, I can see the fatal traces of repeated disappointments. Of course the life that I have been living has not been without its advantages. Some of many too hastily conceived ideas have been swept away, and withal, sympathies have been aroused within me which might never have come to me under other circumstances. Furthermore, the fact that the time when I must enter the struggle for existence on my own behalf has been postponed37, has led me to think less and less of the mean dishonest methods which are so generally adopted by some of our so-called successful men and used as a means of reaching their petty successes. The fact that these opinions had been forced upon me, may, it is true, prevent me from ever being what the world considers a successful[44] man, but if the moral stamina38 is within me I hope they will enable me to realize the high ideal of my existence.
“But now as to the thoughts which the New Year brings with it. Last night as I listened to the tolling39 of the midnight bell at the Church of England, as it rang out the old year and rang in the new, the future was none too encouraging to me. It was with a feeling of bitterness that I took out a note-book and wrote the words, ‘January 1, 1897, and still on the market.’ But as I sit now and gaze into the future, I think I was a little unfair. I have been filling a position of usefulness to a degree. I do not think I have lost in moral force, while I think I have gained in knowledge and love of my fellow men; while the fact that I have been compelled to drop some ideas which I have held has proven to me both that my tendency is towards an honest desire for truth, and that I have still much to learn. I look forward to the coming year with hope, although I have still much of the bitter feeling which has been preying upon me all year, causing me many wakeful nights and forcing me to call out at times when the feeling was intensified, that, with Burke, mine was a case of ‘Nitor in adversum.’
“One thing more. Although for years my mind has had a decidedly sceptical tone in[45] matters of religion, I feel that in the past year I have come more into sympathy with the work of our religious bodies. This is no doubt largely due to a sympathy with the ends which they have in view, but probably, also, in great measure to my growing belief in God, although my idea of the Deity41 is more correctly expressed in the words of Matthew Arnold than in some of the accepted creeds42. For all these things I feel grateful, and my greatest hope as I sat in the church during the first moments of the New Year was—my greatest hope as I write these words is, that I may have the inclination and the power to cut off from my life those things which tend to make it less beautiful, less good, and less useful, and that, if living when the bells toll40 in the New Year of 1898, I may be able to recognize in myself a better, a stronger and a purer man.”
Though it has been left to others to trace through the pages of his diary the rule of development and of life therein disclosed, it will hardly be said that the first hope expressed was denied, and that Harper did not realize, even in the brief day he was allowed, “the first essential and object of his existence.”
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1
attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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dwarfs
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| n.侏儒，矮子（dwarf的复数形式）vt.（使）显得矮小（dwarf的第三人称单数形式） | |
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3
instils
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| v.逐渐使某人获得（某种可取的品质），逐步灌输( instil的第三人称单数 ) | |
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4
lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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5
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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6
accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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7
stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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zeal
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| n.热心，热情，热忱 | |
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9
intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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abounds
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| v.大量存在，充满，富于( abound的第三人称单数 ) | |
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11
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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12
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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13
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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14
diversified
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| adj.多样化的，多种经营的v.使多样化，多样化( diversify的过去式和过去分词 )；进入新的商业领域 | |
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15
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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16
permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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17
disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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sever
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| v.切开，割开；断绝，中断 | |
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journalism
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| n.新闻工作，报业 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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23
underlying
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| adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的 | |
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24
ministry
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| n.(政府的)部；牧师 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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26
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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specialized
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| adj.专门的，专业化的 | |
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28
avocations
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| n.业余爱好，嗜好( avocation的名词复数 )；职业 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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30
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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31
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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32
preying
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| v.掠食( prey的现在分词 )；掠食；折磨；（人）靠欺诈为生 | |
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33
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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plodding
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| a.proceeding in a slow or dull way | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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37
postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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38
stamina
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| n.体力；精力；耐力 | |
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39
tolling
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| [财]来料加工 | |
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40
toll
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| n.过路(桥)费；损失，伤亡人数；v.敲(钟) | |
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41
deity
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| n.神，神性；被奉若神明的人(或物) | |
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42
creeds
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| （尤指宗教）信条，教条( creed的名词复数 ) | |
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