“The same.”
“I say, dash it, you’re frightfully late, you know.[p. 88] I told you to be here at twelve sharp. It’s nearly twelve past.”
“You wrong me,” said Psmith. “I arrived here precisely2 at twelve. Since when, I have been standing3 like Patience on a monument. . . .”
“Like what?”
“Let it go,” said Psmith. “It is not important.”
“I asked you to wear a pink chrysanthemum4. So I could recognise you, you know.”
“I am wearing a pink chrysanthemum. I should have imagined that that was a fact that the most casual could hardly have overlooked.”
“That thing?” The other gazed disparagingly5 at the floral decoration. “I thought it was some kind of cabbage. I meant one of those little what-d’you-may-call-its that people do wear in their button-holes.”
“Carnation, possibly?”
“Carnation! That’s right.”
Psmith removed the chrysanthemum and dropped it behind his chair. He looked at his companion reproachfully.
“If you had studied botany at school, comrade,” he said, “much misery6 might have been averted7. I cannot begin to tell you the spiritual agony I suffered, trailing through the metropolis8 behind that shrub9.”
Whatever decent sympathy and remorse10 the other might have shown at these words was swept away in the shock resultant on a glance at his watch. Not for an instant during this brief return of his to London had Freddie Threepwood been unmindful of his father’s stern injunction to him to catch the twelve-fifty train back to Market Blandings. If he missed it, there would be the deuce of a lot of unpleasantness, and unpleasantness in the home was the one thing Freddie wanted to avoid nowadays; for, like a prudent11 convict in a prison, he[p. 89] hoped by exemplary behaviour to get his sentence of imprisonment12 at Blandings Castle reduced for good conduct.
“Good Lord! I’ve only got about five minutes. Got to talk quick. . . . About this thing. This business. That advertisement of yours.”
“Ah, yes. My advertisement. It interested you?”
“Was it on the level?”
“Assuredly. We Psmiths do not deceive.”
Freddie looked at him doubtfully.
“You know, you aren’t a bit like I expected you’d be.”
“In what respect,” inquired Psmith, “do I fall short of the ideal?”
“It isn’t so much falling short. It’s—oh, I don’t know . . . Well, yes, if you want to know, I thought you’d be a tougher specimen13 altogether. I got the impression from your advertisement that you were down and out and ready for anything, and you look as if you were on your way to a garden-party at Buckingham Palace.”
“Ah!” said Psmith, enlightened. “It is my costume that is causing these doubts in your mind. This is the second time this morning that such a misunderstanding has occurred. Have no misgivings14. These trousers may sit well, but, if they do, it is because the pockets are empty.”
“Are you really broke?”
“As broke as the Ten Commandments.”
“I’m hanged if I can believe it.”
“Suppose I brush my hat the wrong way for a moment?” said Psmith obligingly. “Would that help?”
His companion remained silent for a few moments. In spite of the fact that he was in so great a hurry and that every minute that passed brought nearer the moment when he would be compelled to tear himself away and make a dash for Paddington Station, Freddie[p. 90] was finding it difficult to open the subject he had come there to discuss.
“Look here,” he said at length, “I shall have to trust you, dash it.”
“You could pursue no better course.”
“It’s like this. I’m trying to raise a thousand quid . . .”
“I regret that I cannot offer to advance it to you myself. I have, indeed, already been compelled to decline to lend a gentleman who claimed to be an old friend of mine so small a sum as a fiver. But there is a dear, obliging soul of the name of Alistair MacDougall who . . .”
“Good Lord! You don’t think I’m trying to touch you?”
“That impression did flit through my mind.”
“Oh, dash it, no. No, but—well, as I was saying, I’m frightfully keen to get hold of a thousand quid.”
“So am I,” said Psmith. “Two minds with but a single thought. How do you propose to start about it? For my part, I must freely confess that I haven’t a notion. I am stumped15. The cry goes round the chancelleries, ‘Psmith is baffled!’”
“I say, old thing,” said Freddie plaintively16, “you couldn’t talk a bit less, could you? I’ve only got about two minutes.”
“I beg your pardon. Proceed.”
“It’s so dashed difficult to know how to begin the thing. I mean, it’s all a bit complicated till you get the hang of it. . . . Look here, you said in your advertisement that you had no objection to crime.”
Psmith considered the point.
“Within reason—and if undetected—I see no objection to two-pennorth of crime.”
“Well, look here . . . look here . . . Well, look[p. 91] here,” said Freddie, “will you steal my aunt’s diamond necklace?”
“Steal your aunt’s necklace?” he said indulgently.
“Yes.”
“You do not think she might consider it a liberty from one to whom she has never been introduced?”
What Freddie might have replied to this pertinent18 question will never be known, for at this moment, looking nervously19 at his watch for the twentieth time, he observed that the hands had passed the half-hour and were well on their way to twenty-five minutes to one. He bounded up with a cry.
“I must go! I shall miss that damned train!”
“And meanwhile . . . ?” said Psmith.
The familiar phrase—the words “And meanwhile” had occurred at least once in every film Freddie had ever seen—had the effect of wrenching20 the latter’s mind back to the subject in hand for a moment. Freddie was not a clear-thinking young man, but even he could see that he had left the negotiations21 suspended at a very satisfactory point. Nevertheless, he had to catch that twelve-fifty.
“Write and tell me what you think about it,” panted Freddie, skimming through the lobby like a swallow.
“You have unfortunately omitted to leave a name and address,” Psmith pointed22 out, following him at an easy jog-trot.
In spite of his hurry, a prudence23 born of much movie-seeing restrained Freddie from supplying the information asked for. Give away your name and address and you never knew what might happen.
“I shall count the minutes,” said Psmith courteously25.
“Where?” inquired the man, not unreasonably27.
“Eh? Oh, Paddington.”
The cab whirled off, and Psmith, pleasantly conscious of a morning not ill-spent, gazed after it pensively28 for a moment. Then, with the feeling that the authorities of Colney Hatch or some kindred establishment had been extraordinarily29 negligent30, he permitted his mind to turn with genial31 anticipation32 in the direction of lunch. For, though he had celebrated33 his first day of emancipation34 from Billingsgate Fish Market by rising late and breakfasting later, he had become aware by now of that not unpleasant emptiness which is the silent luncheon-gong of the soul.
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1
throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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chrysanthemum
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| n.菊，菊花 | |
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disparagingly
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| adv.以贬抑的口吻，以轻视的态度 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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metropolis
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| n.首府；大城市 | |
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shrub
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| n.灌木，灌木丛 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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imprisonment
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| n.关押，监禁，坐牢 | |
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specimen
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| n.样本，标本 | |
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misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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15
stumped
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| 僵直地行走，跺步行走( stump的过去式和过去分词 )； 把（某人）难住； 使为难； （选举前）在某一地区作政治性巡回演说 | |
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plaintively
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| adv.悲哀地，哀怨地 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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pertinent
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| adj.恰当的；贴切的；中肯的；有关的；相干的 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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wrenching
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| n.修截苗根，苗木铲根（铲根时苗木不起土或部分起土）v.（猛力地）扭( wrench的现在分词 )；扭伤；使感到痛苦；使悲痛 | |
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21
negotiations
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| 协商( negotiation的名词复数 )； 谈判； 完成（难事）； 通过 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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chauffeur
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| n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机；v.为…开车 | |
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unreasonably
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| adv. 不合理地 | |
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pensively
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| adv.沉思地，焦虑地 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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negligent
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| adj.疏忽的；玩忽的；粗心大意的 | |
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genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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