“I missed a dance this afternoon and a wonderful one this evening,” she crabbed2, taking off her outer raiment and donning a kimono, before lying on the bed to recuperate3. At Joy’s question of why she hadn’t stayed the house-party through, she batted an injured brown velvet4 orb5. “How could I, with Greg here and acting6 so awfully7 just because I wanted to go to Princeton for one day. He needn’t think I’d give up every evening to him—especially after the way he talked Thursday. I tell you, Joy, it’s awful to be in love. I never did such an inconvenient9 thing as I did when I fell in love with Greg.”
“Marvelous—simply marvelous. Princeton is the house-party girl’s Mecca. It’s mean of Greg to act so—it isn’t as if I could be asked to Princeton for many more years.”
Joy ran a scale, poising11 it neatly12 through the air and listening to the smoothness of tone. In the morning sun, music was more alive and satisfactory, even with no piano near. It was part of her—and little fluctuations13 of feeling were to be ignored, when she knew that all her being was absorbed in one great purpose. It had been silly of her to grow sentimental14 just because she had been doused15 in the atmosphere of sentiment. Inconsistently, she felt angry at Félicie.
“I can’t imagine being in love with a man and going off skating with a dozen others.”
“Oh, Joy, if you’re going to take Jerry’s side I shall just pass out!” wailed16 the lovely thing on the bed. “Being in love doesn’t stop you from wanting something new once in awhile.”
“Nothing seems to prevent anyone nowadays from going after a new sensation! Excitement-chasing! That’s what everyone’s doing!”
“It’s all very well for those who aren’t in love to theorize about what those who are in love should do. For all Jerry’s talk, I can’t see her giving up her ‘excitement-chasing’ for any man. Can you?”
The thought was a new one. What would happen if Jerry was given the opportunity to know this man so that the novelty would wear off? How would the Excitement-Eater stand a sustained love? She was silent in conjecture17, and Félicie, too lazy to voice the triumph she felt, closed her eyes and worked her face down into the pillow.
Joy and Jerry had tickets for an ?olian Hall concert that afternoon, and now Joy went alone. The throngs18 always pressing ahead on the streets, exhilarated her, and she watched the faces of the people that urged themselves along; faces with success or failure written more or less plainly upon them. Most women, she supposed, succeeded or failed by proxy19, as their husbands rose or fell in the foaming20 rapids of struggle. But there would be no such vicarious state for her! She was plunging21 directly into the rapids for herself, and some day she would walk in her own success.
She returned to the hotel in a fine enthusiasm, humming under her breath; the concert had been perfect. Her spirits were dashed, however, by the empty room. Félicie had gone out with Greg; Jerry had not returned. She would probably be alone until they assembled to take the midnight; they had decided22 when they came over, to go back Saturday night. To eat dinner all alone in New York! She was doing her hair without enthusiasm when the telephone bell rang. It was Jerry’s voice, eager and exultant23: “That you, Joy? I’m downstairs—— Thought I was going to desert you for dinner, did you? Just wanted to see if you were back yet. Be right up.”
She finished setting in her hairpins24 with a lightening of spirits, as the door rattled25 open and Jerry came dancing in.
“Was the concert good?” she cried. Spots of colour flaunted26 joy from either cheek; her lips were tremulous, crinkled into softness; her eyes were a battlefield of colour.
“Very good,” said Joy, and waited.
Jerry pulled off her hat and suit, and in her customary whirlwind was making preparations for an evening toilette. “Put on your best calico, Joy; we’re dining in state. Phil’s gone to get into his cocktail-and-demitasse, too.”
“Phil!”
“Yes, of course, Phil. Do you want to hear what happened, or don’t you? Are you keeping still because I’m shooting off my mouth, or——”
“I want to hear,” Joy said; “and when people want to hear, they generally keep still.”
And then it came, with the generosity27 that was Jerry’s.
“Well, it seems I always tell you everything from the pop of the pistol on through. When we went down in the lobby, he asked me where I wanted to go; and I said, ‘Hanley’s.’ He looked at me queerly on that. ‘What made you pick that out?’ he wanted to know.”
“‘Let’s walk over,’ I said. ‘I want to stop at a place on the Avenue.’ As we went down Forty-Second Street, I rained a loose line of chatter29 along. I told you to-day would be my turn to talk. We got to Charlette’s before I had stuck in any background. When I saw the good old grey-silk-curtained windows, I began to get a bit shaky. But I turned to him and said: ‘We got to the end—rather sudden, last night. Men don’t like to work back, but you know—and intimated as much—that women are different that way.’ He opened the door for me, looking sort of at sea, and we came in. ‘All I ask of you,’ I said, ‘is to stand here and watch me.’ ‘The last part is something I can never omit,’ he said.
“You know Charlette’s—never many customers floating around, but oh, how they do bleed ’em when they come! I breezed forward, and the first person I ran into was Fanchon O’Brien. She tucked me into her flesh Georgette waist with a few motherly kisses, and the next minute somebody had passed the glad word and cutters, basters, fitters and designers came out and fell around me. I won’t go into details of Old Home Week at Charlette’s. When I broke away, Phil followed me to the door and on the other side I didn’t give him a chance to speak.
“‘Did you see all the poor little rats hailing me as a kindred soul?’ I said. ‘I worked in that place from twelve years old up, from messenger-girl to designer. I was a poor little rat when I started—but when I finished, I was pretty proud of myself.’ I looked up at him, and he was looking at me, sort of scowling30, as if to make everything add up right,—but not one bit changed. ‘I should think you would be proud,’ he said. ‘I am proud of you—I shall be prouder when I can realise it more fully8.’ He didn’t say anything till we got over to Hanley’s. Then he took in the name again as we went in. ‘Hanley’s!’ he said. ‘Funny——’ He didn’t say anything more and I let him look at me till we got put in our places by a waiter. Then I said: ‘You’ve forgotten what was to me one of the most important points in the Brushwood Boy. The little kid he met in the theatre who supplied the foundation of his dreams—was the same person as the woman he found. The girl had grown up; but she was the same one; she had been the kid.’
“Joy, he said nothing for two or three minutes steady, till the waiter came and he told him to bring anything, but get out. Then he said—‘I—see now! The valiance and potential beauty I saw in the spirit of the little girl who brought me back to myself—the shining hardness of the cabaret singer, whom I pitied as drawn31 in and around by her past and inevitable32 future environment—I discarded that hardness, and all that went with it, and built on the valiance and beauty. And you were discarding and building in reality—as I, with all the idiotic33 finality of a man, never thought you could!’
“Joy—I didn’t think I’d built. Before—he thought I was worse than I was. Last night, seeing me ooze34 around his sister’s drawing room, he thought I was better than I am. I began to tell him this, and he stopped me.
“When I first knew you—I knew you were better than I,’ he said. ‘As I see you now, you have all but put yourself beyond me. I have led a life of which I am ashamed; the dusty corners of which no one shall ever know, or try to sweep out. You have led a life of which you can say you are not ashamed; a life of striving against odds35, from which you came out on top; a life of which to be proud.
“Joy—I was ashamed at that. For since the war—you know how I’ve been—Building, he thought! When I’d just been growing into the ways of his world. Excitement-Eating! That was the main thing I’d been growing on. I began to tell him—and he wouldn’t let me. ‘What has happened is not mine now. It is for what is to be that I plead. With your future mine, and mine yours, you can help me to forget the years we might not have esteemed36 so lightly.’”
Jerry had finished, at the same time that she had snapped the last catch together in her green evening gown—the same green sequin affair that she had worn that terrible night they had looked for Sarah. . . .
“Well—and then what happened the rest of the afternoon?” Joy drew out from lungs that had been deserted37 of breath.
“I’ve told you more than I shall ever tell anybody. The rest is mine—that and—this!”
Jerry flaunted her left hand before her. On the third finger was a tiny platinum38 circlet, so small that it had melted into the white of her hand at a distance, as gold could not have done. “I’ve tried to thrust it down your throat a thousand ways, but you would keep looking at my face and a thousand other unimportant things!”
Joy sank back upon the bed, her whole being a rag of dumfounderment. “Jerry!”
“Mrs. Philip Lancaster—and hurry up and put on some rouge39! I don’t want to keep my husband waiting!”
“But—but why—how—where——”
“We tossed the subject back and forth40 at luncheon41. We figured we’d been without each other long enough. After lunch we walked up to the nearest jewelry42 store and got this ring. I wouldn’t let him get a big one, or anything but this one. He’s poor, you know, Joy—the Lancasters are all poor. That is, he calls it poor, but now that he’s got me he’s going to work—you know he’s supposed to be a lawyer—and that combined with his income and my little Charlette block ought to keep us passing the buck43 along. We got married with a special license44, at the Little Church Around the Corner——” Jerry spoke45 with the calmness of excitement at white heat—“and before going off on our honeymoon—we thought we’d take you to our wedding dinner. You see, if it hadn’t been for you I’d have still been excitement-eating—and he’d still be cynicing it around.”
The telephone rang, and Jerry darted46 to it. “Yes! Yes, this is Mrs. Lancaster! Yes, we’re coming, Phil!” The name was all endearments47 shaped in one. Jerry turned to hurry Joy with her last touches, and Joy, in a state of coma48 almost bordering on collapse49, followed Jerry’s eager footsteps to the elevator and down into the lobby. Jerry’s husband was waiting for them, fierily50 handsome in evening dress, and at least ten years younger than he had seemed last night. Last night!—It seemed so far away. Joy could not even stammer51 much, but Jerry and Phil did not notice lack of anything, and swept her into the dining room.
“Let me see,” said Phil; “it’s the first time I’ve seen my wife in evening dress.”
“Second!” said Jerry swiftly. “I wore one at Hanley’s, two years ago!”
“Oh, but that was a costume!”
Their words were stupid, inconsequential, in the face of Joy sitting there. Their eyes were speaking to each other, saying so much that Joy dared not look. And just last night——
“I wonder what Mabel will say,” she ventured. They paid to her remark the tribute of polite inattention.
“I owe Jerry to you,” said Jerry’s husband; “but I don’t intend to pay you.”
Of course—Jerry was leaving her now! Leaving her and the apartment—alone! She considered this bleak52 fact, all through the course. At last, breaking in upon the conversation of eyes, she said: “What will you do with the apartment, Jerry?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Jerry. “The lease will be up in July. Why don’t you stay in it till then? Phil and I are going to live in his apartment here, until we get a house in the suburbs, so I shan’t be moving out my stuff for some time.”
To stay in the apartment—with the ghost of Sarah in curl-papers and wrapper whining53 through the kitchenette—and the purple kimono and pink mules54 gone from everywhere. . . . She did not bring the thought to the surface of the table. “You two in the suburbs!” she exclaimed instead, in faint derision.
Jerry hardly smiled. People in love always lost their sense of humour, but you wouldn’t think Jerry——
“Apartment life would merely be existing for us,” said Phil. “We are going to live.”
Their eyes trembled together in close embrace. . . . Joy hurried through her dessert; the others had made no pretense55 of eating. Their appetite was as if they had just come in from luncheon. All three were regarding the meal as a more or less disagreeable formality to be gotten through with as quickly as possible. But when they had finished, they grew embarrassed at their haste, and everyone tried to be jovial56, lingering over the coffee.
“Last night at this time,” said Phil, “I was telling our cousin just why I didn’t like younger or older women.”
“And looking at Jerry,” added Joy.
“And looking at Jerry,” he said gravely, repeating the performance.
“If you don’t like younger or older women, where do I come in?” Jerry demanded.
At length they rose, and Joy went with Jerry while Jerry threw everything into her suitcase and crushed it shut.
“It won’t be anything but so-long,” said Jerry; “I’ll be coming over to Boston soon to get the rest of my wardrobe.”
“I’ll send it to you.”
“No—I’ll want to come. . . . Joy—you’ve been the only real girl friend I ever had—and now you’ve given me everything that there is to hang onto in this world.”
She said good-bye to them by the elevator downstairs, and watched them vanish through the same revolving58 doors that Jerry had helped speed around so merrily—was it only two days ago? They walked together as if they were still in an expectant dream . . . in a sort of awed59 breathlessness.
Joy suddenly knew that, of all lots in life, the lot of the looker-on, the passive spectator, was the hardest. To see worlds of glory pass, which she had to tell herself were not for her. She packed her bag, checked out and climbed on the midnight as soon as it was open. Félicie came at the last minute, with Greg carrying her suitcase into the train and then stopping for a prolonged farewell while the train was moving. The three girls had engaged a section, one to sleep in the upper and two on the lower, and she was astonished to find Joy alone in the lower with the upper pushed back out of the way.
“Hello,” said Joy sourly. Félicie’s but-lately-kissed beauty was annoying. . . . “Where’s Jerry?” Félicie demanded, crawling inside and emptying her suitcase over Joy in the process.
“Married!” Joy snapped, and turned over to look out of the window at the lights of New York they were leaving behind.
“Married!” Félicie sank down in the midst of the out-heaval of hairpins and lingerie, cold cream jars and silk stockings. Then weakly she articulated Jerry’s epitaph: “I always said that girl would do anything!”
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1
anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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2
crabbed
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| adj.脾气坏的；易怒的；（指字迹）难辨认的；（字迹等）难辨认的v.捕蟹( crab的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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3
recuperate
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| v.恢复 | |
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4
velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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orb
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| n.太阳；星球；v.弄圆；成球形 | |
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6
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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7
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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8
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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9
inconvenient
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| adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的 | |
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10
stifled
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| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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11
poising
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| 使平衡( poise的现在分词 )； 保持（某种姿势）； 抓紧； 使稳定 | |
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12
neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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13
fluctuations
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| 波动，涨落，起伏( fluctuation的名词复数 ) | |
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14
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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15
doused
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| v.浇水在…上( douse的过去式和过去分词 )；熄灯[火] | |
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16
wailed
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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17
conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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18
throngs
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| n.人群( throng的名词复数 )v.成群，挤满( throng的第三人称单数 ) | |
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19
proxy
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| n.代理权，代表权；（对代理人的）委托书；代理人 | |
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20
foaming
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| adj.布满泡沫的；发泡 | |
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21
plunging
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| adj.跳进的，突进的v.颠簸( plunge的现在分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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22
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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23
exultant
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| adj.欢腾的，狂欢的，大喜的 | |
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24
hairpins
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| n.发夹( hairpin的名词复数 ) | |
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25
rattled
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| 慌乱的，恼火的 | |
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26
flaunted
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| v.炫耀，夸耀( flaunt的过去式和过去分词 )；有什么能耐就施展出来 | |
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27
generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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28
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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29
chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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30
scowling
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| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的现在分词 ) | |
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31
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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32
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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33
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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34
ooze
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| n.软泥，渗出物；vi.渗出，泄漏；vt.慢慢渗出，流露 | |
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35
odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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36
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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37
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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38
platinum
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| n.白金 | |
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39
rouge
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| n.胭脂，口红唇膏；v.(在…上)擦口红 | |
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40
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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41
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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42
jewelry
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| n.（jewllery）（总称）珠宝 | |
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43
buck
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| n.雄鹿，雄兔；v.马离地跳跃 | |
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44
license
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| n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许 | |
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45
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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46
darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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47
endearments
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| n.表示爱慕的话语，亲热的表示( endearment的名词复数 ) | |
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48
coma
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| n.昏迷，昏迷状态 | |
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49
collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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50
fierily
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| 如火地，炽热地，猛烈地 | |
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51
stammer
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| n.结巴，口吃；v.结结巴巴地说 | |
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52
bleak
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| adj.(天气)阴冷的；凄凉的；暗淡的 | |
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53
whining
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| n. 抱怨，牢骚 v. 哭诉，发牢骚 | |
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54
mules
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| 骡( mule的名词复数 )； 拖鞋； 顽固的人； 越境运毒者 | |
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55
pretense
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| n.矫饰，做作，借口 | |
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56
jovial
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| adj.快乐的，好交际的 | |
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57
immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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58
revolving
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| adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想 | |
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59
awed
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| adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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