Docchi regarded him levelly. "I don't expect active cooperation but I'd like to think you'll give us your word not to hinder us hereafter."
Cameron glared at the toaster. "I won't promise anything."
"We can chain him to Anti," suggested Jordan. "That will keep him out of trouble."
"We can put him in a spacesuit and lock his hands behind his back," said Jordan. "Like the old-fashioned straitjacket."
Cameron laughed loudly. "Go ahead."
Jordan juggled2 the toaster. "I can use this to weld with. Let's put him in a cabin and close the door, permanently3. I'll cut a slot to shove food in—a very narrow slot."
"Excellent. That's the solution. Cameron, do you want to reconsider your decision?"
Cameron shrugged4 blithely5. "They'll pick you up in a day or less anyway. I'm not compromising myself if I agree."
"It's good enough for me," declared Anti. "A doctor's word is as good as his oath—Hippocratic or hypocritic."
"Don't be cynical6, Anti. Doctors have an economic sense as well as the next person," said Docchi. He turned to Cameron. "You see, after Anti grew too massive for her skeletal structure, doctors reasoned she'd be most comfortable in the absence of gravity. That was in the early days, before successful ship gravity units were developed. They put her on an interplanetary ship and kept transferring her before each landing.
"But the treatment was troublesome—and expensive. So they devised a new method—the asteroid7 and the tank of acid. Not being aquatic8 by nature, Anti resented the change. She still does."
"Don't blame me for that," said Cameron. "I wasn't responsible."
"It was before your time," agreed Docchi. He frowned speculatively9 at the doctor. "I noticed it at the time but I had other things to think about. Tell me, why did you laugh when Jordan mentioned spacesuits?"
Cameron grinned broadly. "That was my project while you were busy with the robot."
"To do what? Jordan——"
But Jordan was already on his way. He was gone for some time, minutes that passed slowly.
"Well?" asked Docchi on Jordan's return. The question was hardly necessary; his face told the story.
"Cut to ribbons."
"All of them? Even the emergency pack?"
"That too. He knew where everything was. Nothing can be repaired."
"So who cares?" rumbled10 Anti. "We don't need spacesuits unless something happens and we have to go outside the ship."
"Exactly, Anti. How do we replace the defective11 tubes? From the outside, of course. By destroying the spacesuits Cameron made sure we can't."
Anti glowered12 at the doctor. "And I suppose you merely had our welfare at heart. Isn't that so, Cameron?"
"You can think anything you want. I did and I do," said Cameron imperturbably13. "Now be reasonable. We're still in the asteroid zone. In itself that's not dangerous. Without power to avoid stray rocks it can be very unpleasant. My advice is to contact the Medicouncil at once. They'll send a ship to take us in."
"Thanks, no. I don't like Handicap Haven14 as well as you," Anti said brusquely. She turned to Docchi. "Maybe I'm stupid for asking but what's so deadly about being in space without a spacesuit?"
"Cold. Lack of pressure. Lack of oxygen."
"Is that all? Nothing else?"
His voice was too loud; it seemed thunderous to him. "Isn't that enough?"
"Maybe not for me. I just wanted to be sure." She beckoned15 to Nona and together they went forward, where the spacesuits were kept. "Don't do anything drastic until I get back," she said as she left.
Cameron scowled16 puzzledly and started to follow until Jordan waved the toaster in front of him. "All right, I see it," he growled17, stopping and rubbing his chin. "There's nothing she can do. You know it as well as I do."
"Do I? Well, for once I'm inclined to agree with you," said Docchi. "But you never can tell with Anti. Sometimes she comes up with surprising things. She's not scientifically trained but she has a good mind, as good as her body once was."
"And how good was that?" asked Cameron ironically.
"Look it up in your records," said Jordan shortly. "We don't talk about it ourselves."
The women didn't come back soon, and when they did Cameron wasn't sure that the weird18 creature that floated into the control compartment19 with Nona was Anti. He looked again and saw shudderingly20 what she had done to herself. "You do need psychotherapy," he said bitingly. "When we get back it's the first thing I'll recommend. Can't you understand how fool-hardy you're being?"
"Be quiet," growled Jordan. "Anti, explain what you've rigged up. I'm not sure we can let you do it."
"Any kind of pressure will do as far as the outside of the body is concerned," answered Anti, flipping22 back the helmet. "Mechanical pressure is as satisfactory as air. I had Nona cut the spacesuit in strips and wind them around me, very hard. That will keep me from squishing out. Then I found a helmet that would cover my head when the damaged part was cut away. It won't hold much air pressure even taped tight to my skin. It doesn't have to as long as it's pure oxygen."
"So far it makes sense," admitted Docchi. "But what can you do about temperature?"
"Do you think I'm going to worry about cold?" asked Anti. "Me? Way down below all this flesh? Mountains and mountains of it?"
"I've heard enough," said Cameron, standing23 in front of Anti. "Now listen to me. Stop this nonsense and take off that childish rig. I can't permit you to ruin my career by deliberate suicide."
"You and your stinking24 career," said Jordan disgustedly. "You don't know what success is and what it means to give it up. Stay out of this. We don't have to ask your permission to do anything." Cameron retreated from the toaster and Jordan turned to Anti. "Do you understand what the risk, is, Anti? You know that it may not work at all?"
"I've thought about it," said Anti. "On the other hand I've thought about the asteroid. I don't want to go back."
"We should have viewers outside," said Docchi. "One directly in back, one on each side. At least we'll know what's happening."
At the control panel Jordan began flipping levers. "They're out and working," he said at last. "Anti, go to the freight ramp25. Close your helmet and wait. I'll let the air out slowly. If everything doesn't work perfectly26 let me know on the helmet radio and I'll yank you in immediately. Once you're outside I'll give you further instructions. You'll find the tools and equipment that opens to space."
Once she was gone Jordan looked down at his legless body. "I hate to do this but we've got to be realistic about it."
"It's the only way we've got a chance," answered Docchi. "Anti's the only one who can do the job. And I think she'll survive."
Jordan adjusted a dial. "Cameron had better hope she will," he muttered. "He'll join her if she doesn't."
Docchi glanced hastily at the screen. Anti was hanging free in space, wrapped and strapped28 in strips torn from the supposedly useless spacesuits. And she was also enclosed in more flesh than any human had borne. The helmet was taped jauntily29 to her head and the oxygen cylinder30 was fastened to her back. And she lived.
"Fine," came the reply, faint and reedy. "The air's thin but it's pure."
"Cold?"
"Don't know. Don't feel it yet. Anyway it can't be worse than the acid. What do I do?"
Jordan gave her directions while the others watched. It required considerable effort to find the tools and examine the tubes for defectives32, to loosen the tubes in the sockets33 and pull them out, sending them spinning into space. It was still more difficult to replace them, though there was no gravity and Anti was held firmly to the hull34 by magnetics.
Anti had never been a technician of any kind. Cameron was sure of it. She was ignorant of the commonest terms, the simplest tool. She shouldn't have been able to do it. And yet she managed nicely, though she didn't know how. The explanation must be that she did know, that somewhere in her remote past, of which he was totally uninformed, she had had training which prepared her for this. Such contradiction was ridiculous. But there was rhythm to her motions, this giant shapeless creature whose bones would break with weight if she tried to stand at half gravity.
The whale plowing35 through the deeps and waves has the attraction of beauty. It can't be otherwise for any animal in an environment which it is suited to live in. And the human race had produced, haphazardly36, one unlikely person to whom interplanetary space was not alien. Anti was at last in her element.
"Now," said Jordan, keeping tension out of his voice though it was trembling in his hand. "Go back to the outside tool compartment. You'll find a lever near it. Pull. This will set the combustion37 cap in place."
"Done," said Anti when it was.
"That's all. Come in now."
She went slowly over the hull to the cargo38 ramp and while she did Jordan reeled in the viewers. The lock was no sooner closed to the outside and the air hissing39 into the intermediate space than he was there, waiting for the inner lock to open.
"Are you all right?" he asked gruffly.
She flipped40 back the helmet. There was frost on her eyebrows41 and her face was bright and red. "Why shouldn't I be? My hands aren't cold." She stripped off the heated gloves and waggled her fingers.
"I can't believe it," protested Cameron with more vehemence42 than he intended. "You should be frozen through."
"Why?" said Anti with gurgling laughter. "It's merely a matter of insulation43 and I have plenty of that. More than I want."
Shaking his head Cameron turned to Docchi. "When I was a boy I saw a film of a dancer. She did a ballet. I think it was called: Free Space-Free Life. Something like that. I can't say why but it came to my mind when Anti was out there. I hadn't thought of it in years."
He rubbed his hand over his forehead. "It fascinated me when I first saw it. I went to it again and again. When I grew older I found out a tragic44 thing had happened to the dancer. She was on a tour of Venus when the ship she was in was forced down. Searching parties were sent out but they didn't find anyone except her. And she had been struggling over a fungus45 plain for a week. You know what that meant. The great ballerina was a living spore46 culture medium."
"Shut up," said Jordan. "Shut up."
Cameron was engrossed47 in the remembrance and didn't seem to hear. "Naturally she died. I can't recall her name but I can't forget the ballet. And that's funny because it reminded me of Anti out there——"
"I told you to shut up!" Jordan exploded a fist in the doctor's face. If there had been more behind the blow than shoulders and a fragment of a body Cameron's jaw48 would have been broken. As it was he floated through the air and crashed against the wall.
Angrily he got to his feet. "I gave my word I wouldn't cause trouble. I thought the agreement worked both ways." He glanced significantly at the weapon Jordan carried. "Better keep that around all the time."
"I told you," said Jordan. "I told you more than once." After that he ignored the doctor, thrusting the weapon securely into his garment. He turned to Anti. "Very good," he said, his anger gone and his voice courtly. "An excellent performance. One of your best, Antoinette."
"You should have seen me when I was good," said Anti. The frost had melted from her eyebrows and was trickling49 down her cheek. She left with Jordan.
Cameron remained behind. It was too bad about his ambition. He knew now he was never going to be the spectacular success he'd once envisioned—not after this escape from Handicap Haven. He'd done all he could to prevent it but it wouldn't count with the Medicouncil that he had good intentions. Still, he'd be able to practice somewhere; doctors were always necessary. There were worse fates—suppose he had to abandon medicine altogether?
Think of the ballerina he'd been talking about—she hadn't died as the history tapes indicated. That much was window dressing50; people were supposed to believe it because it was preferable to the truth. It would have been better for that woman if she hadn't lived on. By now he had recalled her name: Antoinette.
And now it was Anti. He could have found it out by checking the records—if Handicap Haven kept that particular information on file. He was suddenly willing to bet that it wasn't there. He felt his jaw, which ached throbbingly. He deserved it. He hadn't really been convinced that they were people too.
"We'll stick to the regular lanes," decided51 Docchi. "I think we'll get closer. They've no reason to suspect we're heading toward Earth. Mars is more logical, or one of the moons of Jupiter, or another asteroid. I'm sure they don't know what we're trying to do."
Jordan shifted uneasily. "I'm against it. They'll pick us up before we have a chance to do anything."
"There's nothing to distinguish us from an ordinary Earth to Mars rocket. We have a ship's registry on board. Use it. Take a ship that's in our general class and thereafter we'll be that ship. If Traffic blips us, and I don't think they will unless we try to land, we'll have a recording52 ready. Something like this: 'ME 21 zip crackle 9 reporting. Our communication is acting53 up. We can't hear you, Traffic.'
"That's quite believable in view of the age and condition of our ship. Don't overdo54 the static effects but repeat it with suitable variations and I don't think they'll bother us."
"You seem worried," said Anti as she came in.
Docchi didn't turn around. "Yeah."
"What's the matter, won't it work?"
"Sure. There are too many ships. They can't pick us out among so many. Anyway they're not looking for us around Earth. They don't really know why we took the rocket and escaped."
"Then why so much concern? Once we're near Earth we won't need much time."
His face was taut56 and tired. "I thought so too, in the beginning. Things have changed. The entire Solar Police force has been alerted for us."
"So the Solar Police really want us? But I still don't understand why that changes a thing."
"Look, Anti. We planned to bypass the Medicouncil and take our case directly to the Solar Government. But if they want us as badly as the radio indicates they're not going to be sympathetic. Not at all.
"And if they're not, if the Solar Government doesn't support us all the way, we'll never get another chance. Hereafter there'll be guards everywhere on the asteroid. They'll watch us even when we sleep."
"Well?" said Anti. She seemed trimmer and more vigorous. "We considered it might turn out this way, didn't we? Let's take the last step first."
Docchi raised his head. "Go to the ultimate authority? The Solar Government won't like it."
"They won't, but there's nothing they can do about it."
"Don't be sure. They can shoot us down. When we stole the ship we automatically became criminals."
"I know, but they'll be careful, especially after we make contact. How would it look if we were blown to bits in front of their eyes, in a billion homes?"
"It is to me."
"Then it is to me," said Docchi. "I suggest we start getting ready."
Anti scrutinized58 him carefully. "Maybe we ought to fix you up."
"With fake arms and a cosmetikit? No. They'll have to take us as we are, unpretty, even repulsive59."
"That's a better idea. I hadn't thought of the sympathy angle."
"Not sympathy—reality. It means too much to us. I don't want them to approve of us as handsome unfortunates and then have them change their minds when they discover what we're really like."
Sitting in silence, Docchi watched her go. She at least would benefit. Dr. Cameron apparently60 hadn't noticed that the exposure to extreme cold had done more to inhibit61 her unceasing growth than the acid bath. She probably would never get back to her former size but some day, if the cold treatment were properly investigated, she might be able to stand at normal gravity. For her there was hope. The rest of them had to keep on pretending that there was.
He examined the telecom. They were getting closer. No longer a point of light, Earth was a perceptible disc. He could see the outline of oceans, the shapes of land and the shadows of mountains, the flat ripple62 where prairies and plains were; he could imagine people. This was home—once.
Jordan came in. "The radio tape is rigged up. I haven't had to use it yet. But we have a friend trailing along behind us, an official friend."
"Has he blipped at us?"
"When I left he hadn't. He keeps hanging on."
"Is he overtaking us?"
"He'd like to."
"Don't let him."
"With this bag of bolts?"
"Shake it apart if you have to," said Docchi impatiently. "How soon can you slide into a broadcast orbit?"
Jordan furrowed63 his forehead. "I didn't think we'd planned on that this time. It was supposed to be our last resort."
"Anti and I have talked it over. We agree that this is our last chance. Now's the time to speak up if you've got any objections."
"I've been listening to the police calls," said Jordan thoughtfully. "No, I guess I haven't got any objection. Not with a heavy cruiser behind us. None at all."
They came together in the control compartment. "I don't want a focus exclusively on me," Docchi was saving. "Nor on Nona either, though I know she's most acceptable. To a world of perfect and beautiful people we may look strange but they must see us as we are. We have to avoid the family portrait effect."
"Samples," suggested Anti.
"In a sense we are, yes. A lot depends on whether they accept those samples."
For the first time Cameron began to realize what they were attempting. "Wait," he said urgently. "You're making a mistake. You've got to listen to me."
"We've got to do this and we've got to do that," said Jordan. "I'm getting tired of it. Can't you understand we're giving orders now?"
"That's right," said Docchi. "Jordan, see that Cameron stays out of the transmitting angle and doesn't interrupt. We've come too far to let him influence us."
"Sure. If he makes a sound I'll melt the teeth out of his mouth." Jordan held the toaster against his side, away from the telecom but aimed at Cameron.
The doctor wanted to break in but the weapon, though small, was very real. And Jordan was ready to use it. That was the only justification64 for his silence, that and the fact they'd learn anyway.
"Ready?" said Docchi.
"Flip21 the switch and we will be. I've hooked everything on. They can't help themselves. They've got to listen."
The rocket slipped out of the approach lanes. It spun65 down, stem tubes pulsing brightly, falling toward Earth in a tight trajectory66. Down, down; the familiar planet was very large.
"Citizens of the solar system, everyone on Earth," began Docchi. "This is an unscheduled broadcast. We're using the emergency bands because for us it is an emergency. I said we, and you want to know who we are. Look at us. Accidentals—that's all we can be.
"We're not pretty. We know it. But there are other things more important. Accomplishment67, contribution to progress. And though it may seem unlikely to you there are contributions we can make—if we're permitted to do so.
"But shut away on a little asteroid we're denied our rights. All we can do is exist in frustration68 and boredom69, kept alive whether we want to be or not. And yet we can help you as you've helped us—if we're allowed to. You can't go to the stars yet, but we can. And ultimately, through what we learn, you'll be able to.
"You've listened to experts who say it can't be done, that rockets are too slow and that the crew would die of old age before they got back. They're almost right, but accidentals are the exception. Ordinary people would die but we won't. The Medicouncil has all the facts—they know what we are—and still they refuse us."
At the side of the control compartment Cameron moved to protest. Jordan glanced at him, imperceptibly waggling the weapon. Cameron stopped, the words unspoken.
"Biocompensation," continued Docchi evenly as if nothing had occurred. "Let me explain what it means in case information on it has been suppressed. The principle of biocompensation has long been a matter of conjecture70. This is the first age in which medical techniques are advanced enough to explore it. Every cell and organism tends to survive as an individual and a species. Injure it and it strives for survival according to the extent of damage. If it can it will heal the wound and live on in its present state. Otherwise it propagates almost immediately. You can verify this by forgetting to water the lawn and watch how soon it goes to seed.
"Humans aren't plants, you say. And yet the principle applies. Accidentals are people who have been maimed and mutilated almost past belief. And our bodies have had the assistance of medical science, real medical science. Everyone knows how, after certain illnesses, immunity71 to that disease can be acquired. And more than blood fractions are involved in the process. For us blood was supplied as long as we needed it, machines did our breathing, kidneys replaced, hearts furnished, glandular72 products in exact minute quantities, nervous and muscular systems regenerated—and our bodies responded. They had to respond or none of us would be here today. And such was the extremity74 of the struggle—so close did we come to it that we gained practical immunity to—death."
Sweat ran down Docchi's face. He longed for hands to wipe it away.
"Most accidentals are nearly immortal75. Not quite of course; we may die four or five hundred years from now. Meanwhile there is no reason why we can't be explorers for you. Rockets are slow. You'd die before you got to Alpha Centauri and back. We won't. Time means nothing to us.
"Perhaps better faster rockets will be devised after we leave. You may get there before we do. We don't mind. We will have tried to repay you the best way we know how and that will satisfy us."
With an effort Docchi smiled. The instant he did so he felt it was a mistake, one he couldn't call back. Even to himself it seemed more like a snarl76.
"You know where we're kept—that's more polite than saying imprisoned77. We don't call it Handicap Haven. Our name for it is: Junkpile. And we're junkmen. Do you know how we feel?
"I don't know how you can persuade the Medicouncil to let us man an expedition to the stars. We've appealed and appealed and they've always turned us down. Now that we've let you know it's up to you. Our future as humans is at stake. Settle it with your conscience. When you go to sleep think of us out there on the junkpile."
"I don't want to bother you," said Jordan. "What'll we do about these?"
Docchi glanced at the telecom. The ships were uncomfortably close and considerably79 more numerous than the last time he had looked. "Take evasive action," he said wearily. "Swing close to Earth and use the planet's gravity to give us a good fast sendoff. We can't let them take us until people have a chance to make their feelings known."
"Now that you've finished I want to discuss it with you," said Cameron. There was an odd tone to his voice.
"Later," said Docchi. "Save it. I'm going to sleep. Jordan, wake me if anything happens. And remember you don't have to listen to this fellow if you don't want to."
Jordan nodded contemptuously. "I know what he's like. He's got nothing to say to me."
Nona, leaning against the panel, paid no attention to any of them. She seemed to be listening to something nobody else could hear, she, to whom sound had no meaning. Docchi's body sagged80 as he went out. Her perpetual air of wondering search for something she could never have was not new but it was no more bearable because of that.
And while Docchi slept the race went on against a slowly changing backdrop of stars and planets. Only the darkness remained the same; it was immutable81. The little flecks82 of light that edged nearer hour after hour didn't seem cheerful to Jordan. His lips were fixed83 in a thin hard line. His expression didn't alter. Presently, long after Earth was far behind, he heard Docchi come in again.
"I've been thinking about it," said Cameron. "Nice speech."
"Yeah." Docchi glanced at the screen. The view didn't inspire comment.
Cameron was standing at the threshold. "I may as well tell you," he said reluctantly. "I tried to stop the broadcast as soon as I found out what was going on. You wouldn't listen."
He came on into the control compartment. Nona was huddled84 in a seat, her face blankly incurious. Anti was absent, replenishing the acid for her robe. "Do you know why the Medicouncil refused to let you go?"
"Get to the point."
"Damn it, I am," said Cameron, sweating. "The Centauri group contains several planets, just how many we're not sure. From what we know of cosmology there's a good chance intelligent life exists there, probably not far behind us in technical development. Whoever goes there will be our representatives to an alien race. What they look like isn't important; it's their concern. But our ambassadors have to meet certain minimum standards. It's an important occasion, our future relations rest on. Damn it—don't you see our ambassadors must at least appear to be human beings?"
"You're wrong," said Cameron. "You're so wrong. I'm not speaking for myself. I'm a doctor. The medicouncilors are doctors. We graft86 on or regenerate73 legs and arms and eyes. The tools of our trade are blood and bones and intestines87. We know very well what people look like from the inside. We're well aware of the thin borderline that separates normal men and women from accidentals.
"Can't you still understand what I'm saying? They're perfect, everybody's perfect. Too much so. They can't tolerate small blemishes88. More money is spent for research on acne than to support the whole asteroid. They rush to us with wrinkles and dandruff. Health, or the appearance of it, has become a fetish. You may think the people you appealed to are sympathetic but what they feel is something else."
"What are you driving at?" said Docchi in a low voice.
"Just this: if it were up to the Medicouncil you'd be on your way to the Centauris. It isn't. The decision wasn't made by us. Actually it came directly from the Solar Government. And the Solar Government never acts contrary to public opinion."
Docchi turned away, his face wrinkled in distaste. "I didn't think you had the nerve to stand there and say that."
"I didn't want to. But you've got to know the truth." Cameron twisted his head uncomfortably. "You're not far from Earth. You can still pick up the reaction to your broadcast. Try it and see."
Jordan looked at Docchi who nodded imperceptibly. "We may as well," said Docchi. "It's settled now, one way or the other. Nothing we can do will change it."
Jordan searched band after band, eagerly at first. His enthusiasm died and still the reaction never varied89. Private citizen or public figure, man or woman, the indignation was concealed90 but nevertheless firm and unmistakable. There was no doubt accidentals were unfortunate but they were well taken care of. There was no need to trade on deformity; the era of the freak show had passed and it never would return.
"Turn it off," said Docchi at last.
"Now what?" he said.
"Why fight it?" said the doctor. "Go back to the asteroid. It'll be forgotten."
"Not by us," said Docchi dully. "But there doesn't seem to be any choice. It would have been better if we had tried to work through the Medicouncil. We misjudged our allies."
"We knew you had," said Cameron. "We thought we'd let you go on thinking as you did. It gave you something to hope for, allowed you to feel you weren't alone. The trouble was that your discontent carried you further than we thought it could."
"We did get somewhere," Docchi said. His lethargy seemed to lift somewhat as he contemplated92 what they'd achieved. "And there's no reason we have to stop. Jordan, contact the ships behind us. Tell them we've got Cameron on board. A hostage. Play him up as their man. Basically he's not bad. He's not against us as much as the rest are."
Anti came into the compartment. Cheerfulness faded from her face. "What's the matter?"
"Jordan'll tell you. I want to think."
Docchi closed his eyes and his mind to the whispered consultation93 of Anti and Jordan, to the feeble ultimatum94 to the ships behind them. The rocket lurched slightly though the vibration95 from the exhaust did not change. There was no cause for alarm, the flight of a ship was never completely steady. Minor96 disturbances97 no longer affected98 Docchi.
When he had it straightened out in his mind he looked around. "If we were properly fueled and provisioned I would be in favor of heading for Alpha or Proxima. Maybe even Sirius. Distance doesn't matter since we don't care whether we come back." It was plain he wasn't expending99 much hope. "But we can't make it with the small fuel reserve we have. If we can lose the ships behind us we may be able to hide until we can steal fuel and food."
"What'll we do with doc?" said Jordan. He too was infected with defeat.
"We'll have to raid an unguarded outpost, a small mining asteroid is our best bet. We'll leave him there."
"Yeah," said Jordan listlessly. "A good idea, if we can run away from our personal escort. Offhand100 I don't think we can. They hesitated when I told them we had Cameron but they didn't drop back. Look."
He looked himself and, unbelievingly, looked again. He blinked rapidly but the screen could report only what there was.
"They're gone," he said, his voice breaking with excitement.
Almost instantly Docchi was at his side. "No, they're still following but they're very far behind." Even as he looked the pursuing ships shrank visibly, steadily101 losing ground.
"What's the relative speed?" said Jordan. He looked at the dials, tapped them, pounded on them, but the speed wouldn't change. If it hadn't been confirmed by the screen he'd have said that the needles were stuck or the instruments were completely unreliable.
"What did you do with the rockets?" demanded Docchi.
"That's a foolish question. What could I do? We were already at top speed for this piece of junk."
And there was no way to explain the astonishing thing that had happened. They were all in the control compartment, Cameron, Anti, Jordan and himself. Nona was there too, sitting huddled up, head resting in her arms. There was no explanation at all, unless—Docchi scanned all the instruments again. That was when he first noticed it.
Power was pouring into the gravity drive. The useless, or at least long unused dial was indicating unheard of consumption. "The gravity drive is working," Docchi said.
"Nonsense," said Anti. "I don't feel the weight."
"You don't and won't," said Docchi. "The gravity drive was installed to propel the ship. When it was proved unsatisfactory for that purpose it was converted, which was cheaper than removing it.
"The difference between the drive and ordinary gravity is slight but important. An undirected general field produces weight effects inside the ship. That's for passenger comfort. A directed field, outside it, will drive it. You can have one or the other but not both."
"But I didn't turn on the drive," said Jordan in bewilderment. "It wouldn't work for more than a few seconds if I did. That's been proven."
"I'd agree with you except for one thing. It is working, has been working and shows no sign of stopping." Docchi stared speculatively at Nona. She was curled up but she wasn't resting. Her body was too tense. "Get her attention," he said.
Jordan gently touched her shoulder. She opened her eyes but she wasn't looking at them. On the panel the needle of a once useless dial rose and fell.
"What's the matter with the poor dear?" asked Anti. "She's shaking."
"Let her alone," said Docchi. "Let her alone if you don't want to return to the asteroid." No one moved. No one said anything. Minutes passed and the ancient ship creaked and quivered and ran away from the fastest rockets in the system.
"I think I can explain it," said Docchi at last, frowning because he couldn't quite. There were things that still eluded102 him. "Part of the gravity generating plant—in a sense the key component—is an electronic computer, capable of making all the calculations and juggling103 the proportion of power required to produce directed or undirected gravity continuously. In other words a brain, a complex mechanical intelligence. But it was an ignorant intelligence and it couldn't see why it should perform ad infinitum a complicated and meaningless routine. It couldn't see why and because it couldn't very simply it refused to do so.
"It was something like Nona. She's deaf, can't speak, can't communicate in any way. Like it she has a very high potential intelligence and also, in the very same way, she's had difficulty grasping the facts of her environment. Differently though, she does have some contact with people and she has learned something. How much she knows is uncertain but it's far beyond what psychologists credit her with. They just can't measure her type of knowledge."
"Yeah," said Jordan dubiously. "I'll agree about Nona. But what is she doing?"
"If there were two humans you'd call it telepathy," said Docchi. It upset his concepts too. A machine was a machine—a tool to be used. How could there ever be rapport104? "One intelligence is electronic, the other organic. You'll have to dream up your own term because the only thing I can think of is extra sensory105 perception. It's ridiculous but that's what it is."
Jordan smiled and flexed106 his arms. Under the shapeless garment muscles rippled107. "To me it makes sense," he said. "The power was always there but they didn't know what to do with it." The smile broadened. "It couldn't have fallen into better hands. We can use the power, or rather Nona can."
"Power?" said Anti, rising majestically108. "If you mean by that what it sounds like, I don't care for it. All I want is just enough to take us to Centauri."
"You'll get there," said Docchi. "A lot of things seem clearer now. In the past why did the drive work so poorly the further out it got? I don't think anyone investigated this aspect but if they had I'm sure they'd have found that the efficiency was inversely109 proportional to the square of the distance from the sun.
"It's what you'd expect from a deaf, blind, mass sensitive brain, the gravity computer. It wouldn't be aware of the stars. To it the sun would seem the center of the universe and it would no more leave the system than our remote ancestors would think of stepping off the edge of a flat world.
"And now that it knows differently the drive ought to work anywhere. With Nona to direct it, even Sirius isn't far."
"What are you thinking about, doc?" said Jordan carelessly. "If I were you I'd be figuring a way to get off the ship. Remember we're going faster than man ever went before." He chuckled. "Unless, of course, you like our company and don't want to leave."
"We've got to do some figuring ourselves," said Docchi. "There's no use heading where there are no stars. We'd better determine our destination."
"A good idea," said Jordan, hoisting110 himself up to the charts. He busied himself with interminable calculations. Gradually his flying fingers slowed and his head bent111 lower over the work. Finally he stopped, his arms hanging slack.
"Got it?"
"Yeah," said Jordan. "There." Dully he punched the telecom selector and a view took shape on the screen. In the center glimmered112 a tiny world, a fragment of a long exploded planet. The end of their journey was easily recognizable.
It was Handicap Haven.
"We're not going voluntarily," he said, his voice flat and spent. "That's where the Medicouncil wants us. We forgot about the monitor system. When Nona activated114 the gravity drive it was indicated at some central station. All the Medicouncil had to do was take the control away from Nona."
"We thought we were running away from the ships," said Anti. "We were, but only to beat them back to the junkpile."
"Yeah," said Docchi. "Nona doesn't know it yet."
"Well, it's over. We did our best. There's no use crying about it." Yet she was. Anti passed by the girl, patting her gently. "It's all right, darling. You tried to help us."
Jordan followed her from the compartment. Cameron remained, coming over to Docchi. "Everything isn't lost," he said awkwardly. "The rest of you are back where you started but at least Nona isn't."
"Do you think she'll benefit?" asked Docchi. "Someone will, but it won't be Nona."
"You're wrong. Suddenly she's become important."
"So is a special experimental machine. Very valuable but totally without rights or feelings. I don't imagine she'll like her new status."
Silence met silence. It was the doctor who turned away. "You're sick with disappointment," he said thickly. "Irrational115, you always are when you glow. I thought we could talk over what was best for her but I can see it's no use. I'll come back when you're calmer."
Docchi glared sightlessly after him. Cameron was the only normal who was aware that it was Nona who controlled the gravity drive. All the outside world realized was that it was in operation—that at last it was working as originally intended. If they should dispose of Cameron—
He shook his head. It wouldn't solve anything. He could fool them for a while, pretend that he was responsible. But in the end they'd find out. Nona wasn't capable of deception—and they'd be very insistent116 with a discovery of this magnitude.
She looked up and smiled. She had a right to be happy. Until now she had been alone as few people ever are. But the first contact had been made and however unsatisfactory—what could the limited electronic mind say?—in other circumstances it might have presaged117 better days. She didn't know she was no less a captive than the computer.
Abruptly118 he turned away. At the telecom he stopped and methodically kicked it apart, smashing delicate tubes into powder. Before he left he also demolished119 the emergency radio. The ship was firmly in the grip of the monitor and it would take them back. There was nothing they had to do. All that remained for him was to protect Nona as long as he could. The Medicouncil would start prying120 into her mind soon enough. He hoped they'd find what they were after without too much effort. For her sake he hoped they would.
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1
wince
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| n.畏缩，退避，（因痛苦，苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动；v.畏缩，退缩，退避 | |
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2
juggled
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| v.歪曲( juggle的过去式和过去分词 )；耍弄；有效地组织；尽力同时应付（两个或两个以上的重要工作或活动） | |
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3
permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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5
blithely
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| adv.欢乐地，快活地，无挂虑地 | |
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6
cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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asteroid
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| n.小行星；海盘车(动物) | |
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aquatic
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| adj.水生的，水栖的 | |
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speculatively
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| adv.思考地，思索地；投机地 | |
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10
rumbled
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| 发出隆隆声，发出辘辘声( rumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 轰鸣着缓慢行进； 发现…的真相； 看穿（阴谋） | |
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11
defective
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| adj.有毛病的，有问题的，有瑕疵的 | |
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12
glowered
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| v.怒视( glower的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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13
imperturbably
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| adv.泰然地，镇静地，平静地 | |
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14
haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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15
beckoned
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| v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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scowled
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| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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17
growled
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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19
compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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20
shudderingly
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21
flip
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| vt.快速翻动；轻抛；轻拍；n.轻抛；adj.轻浮的 | |
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22
flipping
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| 讨厌之极的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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24
stinking
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| adj.臭的，烂醉的，讨厌的v.散发出恶臭( stink的现在分词 )；发臭味；名声臭；糟透 | |
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25
ramp
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| n.暴怒，斜坡，坡道；vi.作恐吓姿势，暴怒，加速；vt.加速 | |
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26
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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27
waddled
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| v.（像鸭子一样）摇摇摆摆地走( waddle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
strapped
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| adj.用皮带捆住的，用皮带装饰的；身无分文的；缺钱；手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词)；用皮带抽打；包扎；给…打绷带 | |
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29
jauntily
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| adv.心满意足地；洋洋得意地；高兴地；活泼地 | |
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30
cylinder
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| n.圆筒，柱(面)，汽缸 | |
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31
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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32
defectives
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| 次品 | |
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33
sockets
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| n.套接字，使应用程序能够读写与收发通讯协定(protocol)与资料的程序( Socket的名词复数 )；孔( socket的名词复数 )；（电器上的）插口；托座；凹穴 | |
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34
hull
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| n.船身；(果、实等的)外壳；vt.去(谷物等)壳 | |
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35
plowing
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| v.耕( plow的现在分词 )；犁耕；费力穿过 | |
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36
haphazardly
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| adv.偶然地，随意地，杂乱地 | |
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37
combustion
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| n.燃烧；氧化；骚动 | |
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38
cargo
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| n.(一只船或一架飞机运载的)货物 | |
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39
hissing
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| n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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40
flipped
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| 轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥 | |
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41
eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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42
vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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43
insulation
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| n.隔离；绝缘；隔热 | |
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44
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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45
fungus
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| n.真菌，真菌类植物 | |
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46
spore
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| n.(无花植物借以繁殖的)孢子，芽胞 | |
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47
engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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48
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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49
trickling
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| n.油画底色含油太多而成泡沫状突起v.滴( trickle的现在分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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50
dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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51
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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52
recording
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| n.录音，记录 | |
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53
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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54
overdo
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| vt.把...做得过头，演得过火 | |
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55
dubiously
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| adv.可疑地，怀疑地 | |
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56
taut
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| adj.拉紧的，绷紧的，紧张的 | |
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57
chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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58
scrutinized
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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59
repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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60
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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61
inhibit
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| vt.阻止，妨碍，抑制 | |
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62
ripple
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| n.涟波，涟漪，波纹，粗钢梳；vt.使...起涟漪，使起波纹； vi.呈波浪状，起伏前进 | |
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63
furrowed
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| v.犁田，开沟( furrow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64
justification
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| n.正当的理由；辩解的理由 | |
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65
spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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66
trajectory
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| n.弹道，轨道 | |
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67
accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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68
frustration
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| n.挫折，失败，失效，落空 | |
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69
boredom
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| n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊 | |
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70
conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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71
immunity
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| n.优惠；免除；豁免，豁免权 | |
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72
glandular
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| adj.腺体的 | |
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73
regenerate
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| vt.使恢复，使新生；vi.恢复，再生；adj.恢复的 | |
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74
extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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75
immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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76
snarl
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| v.吼叫，怒骂，纠缠，混乱；n.混乱，缠结，咆哮 | |
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77
imprisoned
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| 下狱，监禁( imprison的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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78
rimmed
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| adj.有边缘的，有框的v.沿…边缘滚动；给…镶边 | |
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79
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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80
sagged
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| 下垂的 | |
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81
immutable
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| adj.不可改变的，永恒的 | |
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82
flecks
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| n.斑点，小点( fleck的名词复数 )；癍 | |
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83
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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84
huddled
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| 挤在一起（huddle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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85
rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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86
graft
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| n.移植，嫁接，艰苦工作，贪污；v.移植，嫁接 | |
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87
intestines
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| n.肠( intestine的名词复数 ) | |
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88
blemishes
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| n.（身体的）瘢点( blemish的名词复数 )；伤疤；瑕疵；污点 | |
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89
varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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90
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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91
numbly
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| adv.失去知觉，麻木 | |
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92
contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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93
consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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94
ultimatum
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| n.最后通牒 | |
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95
vibration
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| n.颤动，振动；摆动 | |
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96
minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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97
disturbances
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| n.骚乱( disturbance的名词复数 )；打扰；困扰；障碍 | |
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98
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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99
expending
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| v.花费( expend的现在分词 )；使用（钱等）做某事；用光；耗尽 | |
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100
offhand
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| adj.临时，无准备的；随便，马虎的 | |
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101
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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102
eluded
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| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
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103
juggling
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| n. 欺骗, 杂耍(=jugglery) adj. 欺骗的, 欺诈的 动词juggle的现在分词 | |
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rapport
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| n.和睦，意见一致 | |
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sensory
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| adj.知觉的，感觉的，知觉器官的 | |
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106
flexed
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| adj.[医]曲折的，屈曲v.屈曲( flex的过去式和过去分词 )；弯曲；（为准备大干而）显示实力；摩拳擦掌 | |
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107
rippled
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| 使泛起涟漪（ripple的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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108
majestically
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| 雄伟地； 庄重地； 威严地； 崇高地 | |
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inversely
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| adj.相反的 | |
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hoisting
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| 起重，提升 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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112
glimmered
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| v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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114
activated
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| adj. 激活的 动词activate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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115
irrational
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| adj.无理性的，失去理性的 | |
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116
insistent
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| adj.迫切的，坚持的 | |
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117
presaged
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| v.预示，预兆( presage的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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118
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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119
demolished
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| v.摧毁( demolish的过去式和过去分词 )；推翻；拆毁（尤指大建筑物）；吃光 | |
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120
prying
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| adj.爱打听的v.打听，刺探（他人的私事）( pry的现在分词 )；撬开 | |
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