"Just what I was saying to these gentlemen."
"You don't know when they ought to get here?"
"We know nothing about it, sir."
"Have you any left from last night...?"
The saleswoman looked through the rows.
"Not a single one, sir."
I left the station, thinking what a sell! I had hardly gone a hundred yards before I heard myself called.
"Halloa there! Signor Dreher!"
I turned round:
"Oh! It's you!"
"I say, pretty bad, the news, what!"
"Really, let's hear it?"
"I've just glanced through the Tribune de Lausanne. Berlin announces that war is imminent1; Austria is mobilising; they say we're going to do the same thing."
"No?"
I was dumbfounded for a moment; then, "Oh come! You'll see that affairs will settle themselves yet."
He shook his head:
"It's quite true; nobody wants to fight. What[Pg 12] about you, would it convey anything to you to go and get your skin punctured2?"
"Those are all journalists' tales! As copy is scarce in summer, they start rumours4 of tension, of possible rupture5, at this season, every year...."
"Suppose it should be serious, this time...?"
"Nonsense! Can you see the French and Germans breaking each other's heads ... for Serbia?"
We followed the dusty road, ascending6 from Ballaigues; then in the high path to La Ferrière, I persuaded my companion to bear me company on the way to Jougne.
Cipollina was the only Frenchman of my age whom I had met at the hotel. He was a dark-haired youth, slight and elegant, with refined features, but a crooked7 nose, a blemish8 which, according to Jeannine, gave him an expression of incredible falseness. The ladies had not allowed him to meddle9 with them at all; the cold manner in which they had acknowledged his greetings sometimes made me ill at ease, as I was a friend of his.
A friend! Well, hardly. But for Laquarrière I had no intimate friend, and no wish for any; I made use of Cipollina to fill up the intervals10 when convention forbade my intruding11 upon the Landrys.
His society, moreover, was not devoid12 of interest. He had travelled so much, rubbed up against so many people, seen so many things. Having entered, at the age of fourteen, a big silk firm managed by one of his uncles, whose counting houses were to be found all over the world, he had been successively a sojourner13 in very varied14 latitudes15, from Colombo to Boston, from Rio Janeiro to Yokohama. An intelligent observer, he owed to his wanderings and to his early contact[Pg 13] with the different races of merchants, a dry and caustic16 turn of mind not unakin to my own. Thence sprang our speedy understanding, which resembled real harmony, without either of us feeling much liking17 or esteem18 for the other. As cynics we agreed in our scornful verdicts on others and on ourselves. I must say that he did not flatter himself that he was in any way an intellectual. Each time I sketched19 some generalisation, or laid the foundations of a system, he escaped me, sneering20:
"Oh, that's literature."
"Yes."
"Shall you see them again in Paris?"
"Before that perhaps. They expect to come back here."
"I thought you were going to leave?"
"I don't know now. That will depend!"
He gave a little laugh which annoyed me.
"Oh, so things are getting on?"
"What's getting on?"
"Your schemes."
"What schemes?"
"To do with the girl of course."
"My dear fellow, after all I've said to you on that subject!"
"It's possible to change one's mind."
"No. It would never even enter my head to change my mind about that."
[Pg 14]
I summed up, in a few words, one of my favourite theses: marriage in our state of civilisation25 is an absurdity26; it would be ridiculous to chain oneself for the rest of one's life to a woman—and such a woman, a girl, a creature still in germ, who had revealed nothing of her secret. It would certainly need an artlessness to which I was no longer susceptible27, or a faculty28 for enthusiasm still more extinct in me. Each time a friend told me of his happy engagement I gazed at him in astonishment29 as at a being fallen from another planet. I concluded:
"This little Landry girl is right enough to flirt30 with in the holidays! She's not displeasing31 or stupid, but I beg you to believe that there is nothing, and never will be anything between us...."
Had I convinced him? He continued after a moment's silence.
"They say ... she's well off!"
He protested:
"My dear chap, you're very much like the rest of the world!"
"No ambitions?"
"None."
At his look of unbelief I set myself to sing the praises of the dilettante's life I was leading. Some question he asked led me to go into certain details to illustrate34 the way in which everything had always gone well with me.
I had not drifted for long when my legal studies were over. An old family friend, the manager of the Abyssinian Railway Company, had asked me to become his[Pg 15] private secretary. I accepted the post. Another had soon fallen vacant, that of General Secretary. Suggested as a stop-gap, I had acquitted35 myself to everyone's satisfaction. I was good at interviewing visitors, and wrote with a certain amount of style. My appointment was confirmed. The business was a sound one, when the time for exploitation came, it would be excellent. I had put some capital into it. I had not much work, only four hours a day to put in. I earned ample to live on. What more could I have wished for?
Cipollina slyly urged me to enumerate36 what he called my positive joys. I demurred37, none too good-naturedly.
"We have so few tastes in common."
But, privately38, I invoked39 my customary amusements: dinner in a restaurant on the boulevards, where I used to meet Laquarrière: it was there that we exchanged our stock of ill-natured sallies: then there would be bridge, poker41, or billiards42: and often a theatre, though it did not appeal to us much; from time to time a boxing match, or on Sunday, in the Parc des Princés, a sensational43 football tie. These last shows held the most interest for me. They reminded me of the still recent time when I myself excelled in these games, and I still continued, though somewhat irregularly, to frequent a school of physical culture.
I had scratched sentiment out of my life once and for all. Paris offers an inexhaustible fund of sensual attractions to those possessed44 of time and money. I had both, but I dreaded45 nothing so much as being tied to one person, and as I also detested46 the flat period of preliminary gallantries, I came to content myself with a wise and banal47 voluptuousness48. More restricted[Pg 16] still was the balance-sheet of family obligations and satisfactions. I would not have missed dining with my father on Sunday evening. At long intervals I wrote a few lines on a card to my married brother, an officer at St. Mihiel.
I have spoken of my dilettantism49: the word gratified my vanity and was just, in the main, as certain artistic50 tendencies distinguished51 me from the herd52 of vulgar pleasure-seekers. I read a great deal. I bought novels and philosophies, and had a weakness for pretty editions. I made a point of being well up in matters concerning painting and music. I owned some admirable eighteenth-century prints, a small series by Daumier, an oil-painting by Pissarro. I vaguely53 cherished the hope of making a sort of collection of which my friends would one day be jealous. That was all. I might ransack54 my mind indefinitely but I should not find a possibility of joy beyond these few instances.
Oh! this reckoning. I had made it so often, anxious to ascertain55 what I loved, and what I was worth. I generally congratulated myself on the fact that an equal balance was maintained between the desires and pleasures. Why did everything taste so flat to-day, I thought. What beauty is incarnate56 to me? What virtue57 worthy58 of existence? What was I good for? Might I not have been eliminated without loss to others or even to myself?
This impression did not last long. I smiled. What was I worrying about? To proclaim oneself happy was to be happy. I could do it. I was never anything but an object of envy. A doubt crossed my mind, however. Certain moralists, I thought, consider life bearable only when supported by some passion. I only know of two: Love? With all her train of folly[Pg 17] and suffering. Her victims are spoken of more than all else. Real good fortune to be emancipated59 from it. Ambition? Is not this insatiable by its very nature? There are so few chief parts, and all great destinies go hand-in-hand with an assurance which I lacked ... and then, did I not appreciate the highest pinnacle60 of fortune at its paltry61 worth! Did not true wisdom lie in admitting that one is nothing but a man lost in the mass of men, to order one's life so as to glide62 in peace through this indifferent term, lacking a morrow; without cherishing a thousand longings63 above one's state, or na?vely spurring oneself to sterile64 enthusiasms?
I pondered over these familiar reflections for my comfort. To my surprise the shadow of melancholy65 which had hovered66 over my head did not dissipate so easily. I had difficulty in picturing to myself without bitterness and fatigue67 my life to come, similar to millions of others, void of deep sorrows as of sublime68 joys, this dreary69 life which in ten years or in forty would end in solitude70, sickness, and suffering, in the clutches of that cursed enemy, Boredom71, whose first treacherous72 onslaught I thought I could feel....
We had just crossed the frontier, and were skirting some meagre plantations73 of firs hanging to the ridge40. My companion had begun to talk to me of Japan: he never allowed himself to be carried away by his enthusiasm but he admired this warlike and trading nation, at last recovered after the necessary trial, gifted with a colossal74 power of expansion, and who, one of these days would take Indo-China from us at a move. He added:
"My dear fellow, the prestige of France in the Far East has declined to such an extent that in order to[Pg 18] do business we have to pose as an English firm. Out there I called myself Smith."
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1
imminent
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| adj.即将发生的，临近的，逼近的 | |
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punctured
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| v.在（某物）上穿孔( puncture的过去式和过去分词 )；刺穿（某物）；削弱（某人的傲气、信心等）；泄某人的气 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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rumours
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| n.传闻( rumour的名词复数 )；风闻；谣言；谣传 | |
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rupture
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| n.破裂；(关系的)决裂；v.(使)破裂 | |
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ascending
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| adj.上升的，向上的 | |
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crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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blemish
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| v.损害；玷污；瑕疵，缺点 | |
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meddle
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| v.干预，干涉，插手 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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intruding
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| v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的现在分词)；把…强加于 | |
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12
devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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sojourner
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| n.旅居者，寄居者 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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latitudes
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| 纬度 | |
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caustic
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| adj.刻薄的，腐蚀性的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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19
sketched
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| v.草拟（sketch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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sneering
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| 嘲笑的，轻蔑的 | |
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21
dubbed
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| v.给…起绰号( dub的过去式和过去分词 )；把…称为；配音；复制 | |
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22
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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23
deign
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| v. 屈尊, 惠允 ( 做某事) | |
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24
vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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25
civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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27
susceptible
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| adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的 | |
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28
faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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29
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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30
flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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31
displeasing
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| 不愉快的，令人发火的 | |
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32
tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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33
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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34
illustrate
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| v.举例说明，阐明；图解，加插图 | |
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35
acquitted
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| 宣判…无罪( acquit的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（自己）作出某种表现 | |
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36
enumerate
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| v.列举，计算，枚举，数 | |
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37
demurred
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| v.表示异议，反对( demur的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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39
invoked
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| v.援引( invoke的过去式和过去分词 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求 | |
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40
ridge
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| n.山脊；鼻梁；分水岭 | |
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41
poker
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| n.扑克；vt.烙制 | |
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billiards
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| n.台球 | |
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43
sensational
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| adj.使人感动的，非常好的，轰动的，耸人听闻的 | |
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44
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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45
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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46
detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47
banal
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| adj.陈腐的，平庸的 | |
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48
voluptuousness
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| n.风骚，体态丰满 | |
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49
dilettantism
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| n.业余的艺术爱好，浅涉文艺，浅薄涉猎 | |
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50
artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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51
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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52
herd
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| n.兽群，牧群；vt.使集中，把…赶在一起 | |
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53
vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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54
ransack
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| v.彻底搜索，洗劫 | |
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55
ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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56
incarnate
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| adj.化身的，人体化的，肉色的 | |
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57
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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58
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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59
emancipated
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| adj.被解放的，不受约束的v.解放某人（尤指摆脱政治、法律或社会的束缚）( emancipate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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60
pinnacle
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| n.尖塔，尖顶，山峰；(喻)顶峰 | |
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paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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62
glide
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| n./v.溜，滑行；(时间)消逝 | |
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63
longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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64
sterile
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| adj.不毛的，不孕的，无菌的，枯燥的，贫瘠的 | |
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65
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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66
hovered
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| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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67
fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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68
sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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69
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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70
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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71
boredom
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| n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊 | |
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72
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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73
plantations
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| n.种植园，大农场( plantation的名词复数 ) | |
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74
colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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75
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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76
decadence
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| n.衰落，颓废 | |
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