As for me, I was alone. I was leaving nothing behind me. So much the better; I was glad of it. I[Pg 73] was starting on the great adventure, with an entirely4 open mind, in the r?le of an on-looker.
The two staircases were barricaded5. Only one entrance was open, reserved for soldiers carrying their railway warrants in their hands. I followed the stream. We climbed the slope. From the road below passers-by made us signs of encouragement. I noted6 the quick sprightly7 steps of most of my companions. Mine were rather slower but firm and decided8 nevertheless. I unconsciously adopted the gait of a man who means to see the thing through.
I should, I thought, see nearly all my contemporaries in the regiment9 turning up at this meeting-place. I rejoiced at the thought of spying out, on each one's forehead, the reflection of his private feelings.
The comrades of my twenty-first year! There is no age at which a life lived in common is responsible for forming more attachments10 than this one, but I was among those who had made the fewest friends during those ten months. I had had a room to myself in town, while many of them agreed to share with two or three others. I was considered a bore; a report which I had started, a state of affairs which I exploited, in order to escape endless fatigues11. Beyond that I was neither liked nor disliked. They mistrusted my coldly mystifying disposition12, they envied me the calm insolence13 with which I defied my non-commissioned officers. When the time came for separation, and the exchange of addresses, I did as the others did; without any illusions; nobody would bother to look me up, I felt sure. I was mistaken. Someone did come: Guillaumin.
He was a grotesquely14 ugly chap, with a great thick red nose, short-sighted eyes, and a hoarse16 voice. A[Pg 74] chatter-box, energetic and obliging, loved and chaffed by everyone. What should he do but get the idea into his head of keeping in touch with all those he had considered good fellows down there! And he had almost succeeded in doing so. He was the living index which one need only consult for information on the fate of all the old lot in our platoon. He dropped in to see me from time to time, on his way from the office where he vegetated17 as a clerk. We dined together on those evenings, and for him, I deserted18 Laquarrière, who, having caught sight of him one day, did not spare me his sarcasms19 on my grotesque15 "regimental friend."
I arrived in the station. It was swarming20 with reservists leaving to rejoin their regiment. Not many faces that I recognised. One already felt lost, and groups were formed instinctively21.
The first one I shook hands with was Laraque, the handsome Laraque, whose rosy22 shaven face and marked features, prepossessing and imperious at the same time, gave him simultaneously23 the air of a Roman Emperor or of a ballad24 prince.
"Killing, oh rather. Got your ticket?"
"What do you imagine! I think they might give us a free trip!"
His tone showed me where I was. I could see that it was going to be the proper thing to take everything as a joke. Not to show one's feelings in any way.... Good! We should see how long that would last! I should have my revenge as an on-looker.
Faron joined us, the son of the professor at the Sorbonne. He himself was a barrister, thin, energetic,[Pg 75] and impenetrable. He buried himself in his newspapers. Then Holveck small and witty26. He had just started a bank, with a branch in New York. Ladmiraut, an old Normalien with a puffy face and thick, hanging lips, an erudite pedant27 and a simple soul who used to be the picked target for all the practical jokes. Big Denais, the finished type of the don't-care-a-blow-for-any-one shover. Fortin, who had taken a degree in history, a lecturer and public speaker, not long returned from Germany, and already in search of a public.
It was a very lively scene. All meeting and recognising and calling to one another.
"Helloa Miquel, is that you?"
"What a nice surprise!"
"No! it must be a put-up job!"
They were all here, all going to fight. But with what will, I could not yet decide.
Our train, the 7:16, was almost due. Laraque dragged me away towards the platform, out of breath and purple in the face, his hat and eye-glass on one side. He wiped his damp forehead and shiny nose.
"Do you know what delayed me?"
We did not listen to his story, he realised it, and cut it short.
"And ... what about the old lot?"
I mentioned some names and expressed my surprise at not seeing Boutet.
"Oh, I say ... that's the limit," said Laraque.
He laughed, but I felt that it was only half in fun.
Guillaumin continued:
"I came across little Frémont outside."
[Pg 76]
"Oh!"
"He couldn't tear himself away from his wife."
"What, Frémont married?"
"Yes, rather, six weeks ago."
Just think of that. The idea amused me. He had been the youngest in the platoon, enlisting29 at the age of eighteen, though he did not look more than sixteen. He was as beardless and fresh as a girl and scared at first by the round oaths in the barrack-room ... and now he was married!
"What's his wife like?"
"Also quite young. They're like two children! She wants to go to F—— with him."
The journey lasted just four hours.
We had scrambled30 into one of the "commandeered" carriages which within a few days would take us on to the scene of action.
We were gay with a gaiety in some cases spontaneous but for the most part, assented31 to, though neither forced nor painful. Magnificent inconsequence! And the delight of meeting again like schoolboys at the beginning of the October term.
At certain moments we touched lightly upon some subject of serious discussion. England?... Oh yes! England!... Some facetious32 remark soon put an end to it. Holveck turned to Guillaumin:
"You'll have to do away with your eye-glass."
"Why?"
"Because of the splinters ... if you get a bullet in your eye!"
This sally raised a general laugh. Through the open windows our gaze roved over the countryside. It was a little depressing no doubt. This war! How[Pg 77] many would set eyes on this landscape again next year!... But let's hope for the best whatever happens. After all, it simply meant that man?uvres would last rather longer than usual!... This state of affairs would not last for ever; two or three months, six at the most! and it would be all over!... and Philoppon, the fair-haired dandy who had been brought to the station in a car by his people, already had visions of next winter, which he expected to spend as usual on the Riviera.
"I tell you what, you chaps, I shall see an extraordinary improvement in it after the war, what!"
On our arrival we went straight to the barracks.
The weather was stormy. In crossing F—— I was reminded of our former route marches.... Our platoon heading the battalion33. The company commander gave us as guide a great lout34 of a sergeant35 who kept up a stream of invectives. All the world and his wife were at the windows. Left—Right! Left—Right! Our pace quickened going up the hill, and we had to hang on to each other in order to keep our intervals36. What an effort it was, weighed down, and with the muscles of the thigh37 contracted, and those of the calf38 aching, to cover the last lap.
I called these things to mind now all the more easily because I again found myself struggling with my pack on the same ascent39. I was perspiring40, and already tired and depressed41. And then in those days I had the buoyancy and the enthusiasm of youth, and facing these trials I used to say to myself, "It's got to be gone through!" I had the feeling that I was buying repose42 for the rest of my life.
What a sigh I had heaved when my time was up.[Pg 78] I had thought my period of physical constraint43, the most trying of all, over and done with!... And now I had got to go through it all over again.... Worse even than that. The hardest part by far still awaited me!... How I loathed44 in advance the bitter hardships to come, the defilades at the double, the tramps across the ploughed fields under the crushing weight of the pack, all the cursed, humiliating, bodily subjection.
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1
swarm
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| n.(昆虫)等一大群；vi.成群飞舞；蜂拥而入 | |
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2
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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3
bourgeois
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| adj./n.追求物质享受的(人)；中产阶级分子 | |
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4
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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5
barricaded
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| 设路障于，以障碍物阻塞( barricade的过去式和过去分词 )； 设路障[防御工事]保卫或固守 | |
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6
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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7
sprightly
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| adj.愉快的，活泼的 | |
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8
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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9
regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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10
attachments
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| n.（用电子邮件发送的）附件( attachment的名词复数 )；附着；连接；附属物 | |
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11
fatigues
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| n.疲劳( fatigue的名词复数 )；杂役；厌倦；（士兵穿的）工作服 | |
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12
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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13
insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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14
grotesquely
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| adv. 奇异地,荒诞地 | |
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15
grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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16
hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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17
vegetated
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| v.过单调呆板的生活( vegetate的过去式和过去分词 )；植物似地生长；（瘤、疣等）长大 | |
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18
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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19
sarcasms
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，挖苦( sarcasm的名词复数 ) | |
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20
swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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21
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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22
rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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24
ballad
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| n.歌谣，民谣，流行爱情歌曲 | |
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25
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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26
witty
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| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
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pedant
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| n.迂儒；卖弄学问的人 | |
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28
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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29
enlisting
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| v.（使）入伍， （使）参军( enlist的现在分词 )；获得（帮助或支持） | |
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30
scrambled
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| v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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31
assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32
facetious
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| adj.轻浮的，好开玩笑的 | |
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33
battalion
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| n.营；部队；大队(的人) | |
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34
lout
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| n.粗鄙的人；举止粗鲁的人 | |
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35
sergeant
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| n.警官，中士 | |
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36
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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37
thigh
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| n.大腿；股骨 | |
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38
calf
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| n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮 | |
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39
ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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40
perspiring
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| v.出汗，流汗( perspire的现在分词 ) | |
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41
depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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42
repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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43
constraint
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| n.(on)约束，限制；限制(或约束)性的事物 | |
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44
loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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45
vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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46
overdo
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| vt.把...做得过头，演得过火 | |
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