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CHAPTER XVIII A RETURN OF EGOISM
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 The last distribution of stores had just taken place—biscuits, haversack rations1, and iron rations. Cartridges3 too, fifteen packets a head; a pretty tough load, in addition to everything else. A lot of men were grousing4 about where they should put them.
The worst of it was that there was some surplus. The company commander who was passing said:
"You're not going to leave those behind, mind!"
I took two extra packets, and Guillaumin four. He remarked:
"This is the most necessary part of your equipment, you chaps, don't you make any mistake about that!"
He had few imitators. Playoust, who was prowling round, jeered5.
"For the Bosches? But my dear fellow you won't see any for six weeks!"
It was not at all encouraging. Lamalou happened to turn up, and as an old stager, at once exclaimed:
"Shove one along, and let's 'ave a look!"
He had formerly6 been in one of the flying columns in Morocco where the replenishment7 of ammunition8 was a difficulty. Guillaumin threw him a packet.
"Catch!"
The other caught it in mid9 air, then another, and[Pg 132] another, five, ten, fifteen. That doubled his load and he went on shouting.
"Another! And another! Just to make 'em dance!"
His example was decisive. Five minutes later there was nothing left of the heap.
"The creature knows how to make himself useful!" I thought. It was a pity he drank so much! He had just got into new and serious trouble. A scandal in a pub, as usual—the officer on rounds had reported him—he had been imprisoned—and the company sergeant-major was innocently congratulating himself upon having got rid of him!
But the captain got him out, and made a point of having a heart-to-heart talk with him. What could he have threatened him with? With leaving him at the dep?t I think. The other had to promise to be good, he reappeared triumphant10.
"A regular brick, the Captain."
Ravelli could not get over it.
At two o'clock I began to get ready; we were to start at four. I was fully11 equipped; nothing was missing. My pockets were stuffed with the endless little necessaries for which there was no room elsewhere: tooth-brush, medicine-case, string, pocket-knife, lighter12, electric torch. Bouillon had conscientiously13 tidied me up and cleaned my equipment. In consideration of what I owed him, I had tipped him ten francs. He hesitated. It was a large sum! I insisted upon his taking it. I did not like being indebted to people.
I was alone in our room. I had just slipped my swollen14 pack over my shoulder. My water-bottle[Pg 133] was lying on a shelf above me. I reached out my hand to take it. Ugh! it slipped out of my hand, and fell on to the tiles.
Damn—oh, damn. Supposing it leaked!
I ran to a tap and began to fill it.
Yes, there was no doubt about it. It was done for!
I was in despair. Nothing worse could have happened to me. I knew the incomparable value of a few drops of moisture at critical moments. When you are exhausted15 and choked by the sun and the dust, there is nothing like a drop of water on a piece of sugar, or a thimbleful of rum to revive you. And on a route march too you are sustained by the mere16 thought that you are carrying with you this source of refreshment17. And I who had taken such care, and was so pleased at having this clean well-corked water-bottle.... What odiously18 bad luck! My whole campaign seemed to me to be poisoned by it....
Bouillon arrived on the scene. Directly I had told him, distractedly, of my misfortune.
"Good heavens!" he said, "that it should 'appen just now! It's far too late to get it soldered19!"
I sighed. He looked round the room.
"W'y not sneak20 one?"
As I shrugged21 my shoulders. He continued:
"I'll undertake the job if yer like?"
"But how?"
"Oh, I'll get one from someone or other."
"You mustn't touch Guillaumin's things, mind."
"No, 'e's in the section. Wot abaht this one?"
"De Valpic's?"
"All right! Wait a minute!"
"But I say, he...?"
I hesitated.
[Pg 134]
"He would notice it! The cases are marked, look...."
"Don't you go an' worry yerself abaht that now! You've only got to change them! You go an' keep an eye on the door...."
I went and watched the corridor. I was consumed by a lively remorse22. But what did it matter! Each one must fend23 for himself! He would have to get out of the difficulty as best he could. After all there was nothing more usual in the regiment24 than these sly thefts. Why, someone had relieved me of one of my brushes only the day before yesterday! I blamed myself for my horrible selfishness, but I had practised it for so long. The opportunity was too tempting25! Anything rather than to suffer, hour after hour, from thirst or the fear of thirst! And did I not promise myself—hypocrite that I was—to share my ration2 of water with the comrade I had despoiled26?
In the twinkling of an eye Bouillon had dexterously27 drawn28 the two bottles out of their cloth cases, and effected the exchange.
"Nobody will ever be any the wiser!"
De Valpic came in soon after and noticed nothing.
I can hear the whistle. Quick march! We shook ourselves.... That was a never-to-be-forgotten moment.
I was in the rear of the section. I considered our column; expressions and attitudes at that moment imprinted29 themselves on my memory. Fifteen yards in front at the head of the section Guillaumin was marching along with his usual swing. I ran an eye over my half-sections. Here were Gaudéreaux and Trichet; there was Judsi, the buffoon30, giving an[Pg 135] imitation of the goose step; Lamalou with his képi à la Knut. Loriot, the man with the rupture31, gloomy and already dragging his leg along affectedly32; my corporals, Donnadieu, a little pale, sandy-haired man gripping the butt33 of his rifle convulsively. Bouguet, extremely fit, turning round to see that all his men were there.
It gave one the impression of a holiday parade. I have mentioned the windows decorated with bunting, the men's rifles and packs too were ornamented34 with little flags. And the flowers! In one section, Trichet, who was a gardener by trade, had procured35 great bundles of them. They had been distributed among the different half-sections. The other sergeants36 had been given roses or dahlias by their men. I had been forgotten, and when Bouillon, who was annoyed about it, had brought me some geraniums just as we were starting, I refused them with thanks! Quite unnecessary! I alone was clear-headed. You would have thought that I alone knew to what a sinister37 revel38 we were hastening.
Left! Right! We were all marching at the same pace, towards our mysterious destiny. For how many of us had Fate signed the order of arrest! I tried to pick out the first victims. Was it that block-head—Henry, I think, they called him—who would be picked up in a fortnight's time, with his leg or head torn off? A big dark fellow was laughing, showing his teeth in a huge guffaw39. I mentally put him down as not being one of those who would come back. This ghastly game fascinated me.
On getting to the main street we halted for a time and waited to take our place in the regiment. The bugles40 passed by.
[Pg 136]
Sol mi: Sol do!
La classe s'en va!
Then we followed the stream.
A line had formed three-deep along each pavement. All F——, all the neighbouring country was crowded there. Our departure effected the country even more than that of the regulars. These men from twenty-five to thirty years old were the married youth, who had taken root and founded a family. Drawn up in the doorways41, or leaning from the windows, women and children, with all their heart, were shouting:
"Long live the 3rd...!"
A territorial42 called out:
"Halloa boys? We're coming on the day after to-morrow!"
"Hm! At a safe distance!" Judsi retorted gaily43.
The men waved and smiled at their relations and friends who had come up, but nothing further; there was no chance of hanging behind, or falling out. Even Judsi soon gave up his tomfoolery; each one felt instinctively44 that a brave bearing would influence the people's confidence.
The clamour round us continued to increase:
"Long live France! Long live the 3rd...."
The distant voice of the bugles only reached us in snatches now, but we marched in step all the same. The collective excitement went to my head. I marched with my eye fixed45 in front of me, my rifle glued to my shoulder, a soldier among these soldiers.
When we got into the Avenue de la Gare, I caught sight of De Valpic, guide to the 2nd section. He had half-turned round, and was leaning to one side, with an anxious expression. I suddenly thought of his[Pg 137] water-bottle, filled just as we were leaving. Drops must be trickling46 from it now at every step.
I was ashamed of myself. I despised myself. If I did not go quite as far as to vow47 to make amends48 for this villainy—and how I should have set about it I do not know—at least I swore that it should be my last; yes, the very last.
I was going to be born anew, and quite different. My heart was beating more warmly. Carried away by the rapidity of the pace, uplifted by the untiring acclamations of the crowd, it seemed to me that I was out-distancing the man I had been.

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1 rations c925feb39d4cfbdc2c877c3b6085488e     
定量( ration的名词复数 ); 配给量; 正常量; 合理的量
参考例句:
  • They are provisioned with seven days' rations. 他们得到了7天的给养。
  • The soldiers complained that they were getting short rations. 士兵们抱怨他们得到的配给不够数。
2 ration CAxzc     
n.定量(pl.)给养,口粮;vt.定量供应
参考例句:
  • The country cut the bread ration last year.那个国家去年削减面包配给量。
  • We have to ration the water.我们必须限量用水。
3 cartridges 17207f2193d1e05c4c15f2938c82898d     
子弹( cartridge的名词复数 ); (打印机的)墨盒; 录音带盒; (唱机的)唱头
参考例句:
  • computer consumables such as disks and printer cartridges 如磁盘、打印机墨盒之类的电脑耗材
  • My new video game player came with three game cartridges included. 我的新电子游戏机附有三盘游戏带。
4 grousing 88c0b4098f371f5c5465352bf7af01df     
v.抱怨,发牢骚( grouse的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • He's always grousing about the workload. 他总是抱怨工作量大。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The group are grousing about the service in the hotel restaurant. 旅游团对这家饭店餐厅的服务质量抱怨颇多。 来自互联网
5 jeered c6b854b3d0a6d00c4c5a3e1372813b7d     
v.嘲笑( jeer的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The police were jeered at by the waiting crowd. 警察受到在等待的人群的嘲弄。
  • The crowd jeered when the boxer was knocked down. 当那个拳击手被打倒时,人们开始嘲笑他。 来自《简明英汉词典》
6 formerly ni3x9     
adv.从前,以前
参考例句:
  • We now enjoy these comforts of which formerly we had only heard.我们现在享受到了过去只是听说过的那些舒适条件。
  • This boat was formerly used on the rivers of China.这船从前航行在中国内河里。
7 replenishment 44e87ded1f117890479f02f42e128295     
n.补充(货物)
参考例句:
  • Since the wartime population needed replenishment, pregnancies were a good sign. 最后一桩倒不失为好现象,战时人口正该补充。
  • Natural replenishment of this vast supply of underground water occurs very slowly. 靠自然补充大量地下水是十分缓慢的。
8 ammunition GwVzz     
n.军火,弹药
参考例句:
  • A few of the jeeps had run out of ammunition.几辆吉普车上的弹药已经用光了。
  • They have expended all their ammunition.他们把弹药用光。
9 mid doTzSB     
adj.中央的,中间的
参考例句:
  • Our mid-term exam is pending.我们就要期中考试了。
  • He switched over to teaching in mid-career.他在而立之年转入教学工作。
10 triumphant JpQys     
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的
参考例句:
  • The army made a triumphant entry into the enemy's capital.部队胜利地进入了敌方首都。
  • There was a positively triumphant note in her voice.她的声音里带有一种极为得意的语气。
11 fully Gfuzd     
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地
参考例句:
  • The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气,然后全部呼出。
  • They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。
12 lighter 5pPzPR     
n.打火机,点火器;驳船;v.用驳船运送;light的比较级
参考例句:
  • The portrait was touched up so as to make it lighter.这张画经过润色,色调明朗了一些。
  • The lighter works off the car battery.引燃器利用汽车蓄电池打火。
13 conscientiously 3vBzrQ     
adv.凭良心地;认真地,负责尽职地;老老实实
参考例句:
  • He kept silent,eating just as conscientiously but as though everything tasted alike. 他一声不吭,闷头吃着,仿佛桌上的饭菜都一个味儿。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She discharged all the responsibilities of a minister conscientiously. 她自觉地履行部长的一切职责。 来自《简明英汉词典》
14 swollen DrcwL     
adj.肿大的,水涨的;v.使变大,肿胀
参考例句:
  • Her legs had got swollen from standing up all day.因为整天站着,她的双腿已经肿了。
  • A mosquito had bitten her and her arm had swollen up.蚊子叮了她,她的手臂肿起来了。
15 exhausted 7taz4r     
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的
参考例句:
  • It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长,到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
  • Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。
16 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
17 refreshment RUIxP     
n.恢复,精神爽快,提神之事物;(复数)refreshments:点心,茶点
参考例句:
  • He needs to stop fairly often for refreshment.他须时不时地停下来喘口气。
  • A hot bath is a great refreshment after a day's work.在一天工作之后洗个热水澡真是舒畅。
18 odiously db872913b403542bebc7e471b5d8fcd7     
Odiously
参考例句:
  • Your action so odiously is very strange. 你的行为如此恶劣是很奇怪的。 来自辞典例句
19 soldered 641d7a7a74ed6d1ff12b165dd1ac2540     
v.(使)焊接,焊合( solder的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • Three lead wires are soldered to the anchor terminals. 在固定接线端子上焊有三根导线。 来自辞典例句
  • He soldered the broken wires together. 他将断了的电线焊接起来。 来自辞典例句
20 sneak vr2yk     
vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝);偷偷摸摸做;n.潜行;adj.暗中进行
参考例句:
  • He raised his spear and sneak forward.他提起长矛悄悄地前进。
  • I saw him sneak away from us.我看见他悄悄地从我们身边走开。
21 shrugged 497904474a48f991a3d1961b0476ebce     
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • Sam shrugged and said nothing. 萨姆耸耸肩膀,什么也没说。
  • She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 她耸耸肩,装出一副无所谓的样子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
22 remorse lBrzo     
n.痛恨,悔恨,自责
参考例句:
  • She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。
  • He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。
23 fend N78yA     
v.照料(自己),(自己)谋生,挡开,避开
参考例句:
  • I've had to fend for myself since I was 14.我从十四岁时起就不得不照料自己。
  • He raised his arm up to fend branches from his eyes.他举手将树枝从他眼前挡开。
24 regiment JATzZ     
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制
参考例句:
  • As he hated army life,he decide to desert his regiment.因为他嫌恶军队生活,所以他决心背弃自己所在的那个团。
  • They reformed a division into a regiment.他们将一个师整编成为一个团。
25 tempting wgAzd4     
a.诱人的, 吸引人的
参考例句:
  • It is tempting to idealize the past. 人都爱把过去的日子说得那么美好。
  • It was a tempting offer. 这是个诱人的提议。
26 despoiled 04b48f54a7b2137afbd5deb1b50eb725     
v.掠夺,抢劫( despoil的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • They despoiled the villagers of their belongings. 他们夺走了村民的财物。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The victorious army despoiled the city of all its treasures. 得胜的军队把城里的财宝劫掠一空。 来自辞典例句
27 dexterously 5c204a62264a953add0b63ea7a6481d1     
adv.巧妙地,敏捷地
参考例句:
  • He operates the machine dexterously. 他操纵机器动作非常轻巧。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • How dexterously he handled the mite. 他伺候小家伙,有多么熟练。 来自辞典例句
28 drawn MuXzIi     
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的
参考例句:
  • All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
  • Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。
29 imprinted 067f03da98bfd0173442a811075369a0     
v.盖印(imprint的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • The terrible scenes were indelibly imprinted on his mind. 那些恐怖场面深深地铭刻在他的心中。
  • The scene was imprinted on my mind. 那个场面铭刻在我的心中。 来自《简明英汉词典》
30 buffoon UsJzg     
n.演出时的丑角
参考例句:
  • They pictured their manager as a buffoon.他们把经理描绘成一个小丑。
  • That politician acted like a buffoon during that debate.这个政客在那场辩论中真是丑态百出。
31 rupture qsyyc     
n.破裂;(关系的)决裂;v.(使)破裂
参考例句:
  • I can rupture a rule for a friend.我可以为朋友破一次例。
  • The rupture of a blood vessel usually cause the mark of a bruise.血管的突然破裂往往会造成外伤的痕迹。
32 affectedly b0b372cd6c69ee567b4c879f652354ea     
参考例句:
  • Two people affectedly bashful half talent says: "Without. " 两人扭捏了半天才说:“没有。” 来自互联网
  • The officials don't accept people's petition, if they do, they just affectedly. 这些官员不会接受人民的请愿,如果他们会接受,那也只是在做作而已。 来自互联网
33 butt uSjyM     
n.笑柄;烟蒂;枪托;臀部;v.用头撞或顶
参考例句:
  • The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。
  • He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。
34 ornamented af417c68be20f209790a9366e9da8dbb     
adj.花式字体的v.装饰,点缀,美化( ornament的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The desk was ornamented with many carvings. 这桌子装饰有很多雕刻物。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She ornamented her dress with lace. 她用花边装饰衣服。 来自《简明英汉词典》
35 procured 493ee52a2e975a52c94933bb12ecc52b     
v.(努力)取得, (设法)获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 );拉皮条
参考例句:
  • These cars are to be procured through open tender. 这些汽车要用公开招标的办法购买。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • A friend procured a position in the bank for my big brother. 一位朋友为我哥哥谋得了一个银行的职位。 来自《用法词典》
36 sergeants c7d22f6a91d2c5f9f5a4fd4d5721dfa0     
警官( sergeant的名词复数 ); (美国警察)警佐; (英国警察)巡佐; 陆军(或空军)中士
参考例句:
  • Platoon sergeants fell their men in on the barrack square. 排长们在营房广场上整顿队伍。
  • The recruits were soon licked into shape by the drill sergeants. 新兵不久便被教育班长训练得象样了。
37 sinister 6ETz6     
adj.不吉利的,凶恶的,左边的
参考例句:
  • There is something sinister at the back of that series of crimes.在这一系列罪行背后有险恶的阴谋。
  • Their proposals are all worthless and designed out of sinister motives.他们的建议不仅一钱不值,而且包藏祸心。
38 revel yBezQ     
vi.狂欢作乐,陶醉;n.作乐,狂欢
参考例句:
  • She seems to revel in annoying her parents.她似乎以惹父母生气为乐。
  • The children revel in country life.孩子们特别喜欢乡村生活。
39 guffaw XyUyr     
n.哄笑;突然的大笑
参考例句:
  • All the boys burst out into a guffaw at the joke.听到这个笑话,男孩子们发出一阵哄笑。
  • As they guffawed loudly,the ticket collector arrived.他们正哈哈大笑的时候,检票员到了。
40 bugles 67a03de6e21575ba3e57a73ed68d55d3     
妙脆角,一种类似薯片但做成尖角或喇叭状的零食; 号角( bugle的名词复数 ); 喇叭; 匍匐筋骨草; (装饰女服用的)柱状玻璃(或塑料)小珠
参考例句:
  • Blow, bugles, blow, set the wild echoes flying. "响起来,号角,响起来,让激昂的回声在空中震荡"。
  • We hear the silver voices of heroic bugles. 我们听到了那清亮的号角。
41 doorways 9f2a4f4f89bff2d72720b05d20d8f3d6     
n.门口,门道( doorway的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • The houses belched people; the doorways spewed out children. 从各家茅屋里涌出一堆一堆的人群,从门口蹦出一群一群小孩。 来自辞典例句
  • He rambled under the walls and doorways. 他就顺着墙根和门楼遛跶。 来自辞典例句
42 territorial LImz4     
adj.领土的,领地的
参考例句:
  • The country is fighting to preserve its territorial integrity.该国在为保持领土的完整而进行斗争。
  • They were not allowed to fish in our territorial waters.不允许他们在我国领海捕鱼。
43 gaily lfPzC     
adv.欢乐地,高兴地
参考例句:
  • The children sing gaily.孩子们欢唱着。
  • She waved goodbye very gaily.她欢快地挥手告别。
44 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
45 fixed JsKzzj     
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的
参考例句:
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
46 trickling 24aeffc8684b1cc6b8fa417e730cc8dc     
n.油画底色含油太多而成泡沫状突起v.滴( trickle的现在分词 );淌;使)慢慢走;缓慢移动
参考例句:
  • Tears were trickling down her cheeks. 眼泪顺着她的面颊流了下来。
  • The engine was trickling oil. 发动机在滴油。 来自《简明英汉词典》
47 vow 0h9wL     
n.誓(言),誓约;v.起誓,立誓
参考例句:
  • My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿,每星期日都去做礼拜。
  • I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。
48 amends AzlzCR     
n. 赔偿
参考例句:
  • He made amends for his rudeness by giving her some flowers. 他送给她一些花,为他自己的鲁莽赔罪。
  • This country refuses stubbornly to make amends for its past war crimes. 该国顽固地拒绝为其过去的战争罪行赔罪。


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