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Chapter 17
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The letter, Amanda saw, had been written on the same notebook paper that Paul had used to write the note. Noticing that her hands were trembling slightly, Amanda laid them flat on the table.

Then, with a deep breath, she lowered her gaze.

Dear Adrienne,

As I sit here, I realize that I don’t even know how I’m supposed to begin a letter like this. After all, we’ve never met, and though I know of you through my father, it’s not the same. Fart of me wishes I was able to do this in per-son, but due to my injuries, I couldn’t leave just yet. So here I am, struggling for words, and wondering if anything I write will mean anything at all.

I’m sorry that I didn’t call, but then, I decided1 that it wasn’t going to be any easier to hear what I have to say.

I’m still trying to make sense of it myself, and that’s part of the reason I’m writing.

I know my father told you about me, but I think it’s im-portant that you know our history from my perspective. My hope is that it’ll give you a good idea of the man who loved you.

You have to understand that when I was growing up, I didn’t have a father. Yes, he lived in the house; yes, he provided for my mom and me; but he was never around, unless it was to reprimand me about the B I’d received on a report card. I remember that when I was a kid, my school had a science fair that I participated in every year, and from kindergarten through eighth grade, my father never made it once. He never took me to a baseball game, or played catch in the yard, or even went with me on a bike ride. He mentioned that he’d told you some of this, but believe me when I tell you that it was worse than he probably made it seem. When I left for Ecuador, I honestly remember hoping that I’d never see him again.

Then, of all things, he decided to come here, to be with me. You have to understand that deep down, there’d al-ways been an arrogance2 about my father that I’d grown to detest3, and I figured he was coming down because of that. I could imagine him suddenly trying to act like a father, dishing out advice that I didn’t need or want. Or reorga-nizing the clinic to make it more efficient, or coming up with brilliant ideas to make the place more livable for us. Or even calling in some debts owed to him over the years to bring a whole crew of young volunteer physicians to

work at the clinic, all the while making sure the entire press corps4 back home knew exactly who was responsible for all the good deeds. My father had always loved to see his name in print, and he was acutely aware of what good publicity5 could do for him and his practice. By the time he arrived, I was actually thinking of packing my bags and going home, leaving him behind. I had a dozen responses lined up for just about anything I thought he might say. Apology? A little late for that. Good to see you? Wish I could say the same. I think we should talk? I don’t think that would be a good idea, Instead, all he said was, “Hey,” and when he saw my expression, he simply nod-ded and walked away. That was our only contact during the first week he was there.

It didn’t get much better right away. For months, I kept expecting him to revert6 to his old ways, and I watched for it, ready to call him on it. But he never did. He never complained about the work or the conditions, he offered suggestions only when asked directly, and though he never took credit for it, the director finally admitted that my fa-ther had been the one who supplied the new medicines and equipment we’d desperately7 needed, though he’d insisted that his gift remain anonymous8.

What I think I most appreciated was that he didn’t pre-tend we were something we weren’t. For months, we weren’t friends and I didn’t regard him as a father, yet he never tried to change my mind about those things. He didn’t pressure me in any way, and I think that’s when I began to let my guard down about him.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my father had changed, and little by little, I began to think there was something about him that was worth a second chance. And though I know he’d made some changes before he met you, you were the main reason he became the person he did. Before he met you, he was trying to find something. After you came along, he’d already found it.

My father talked about you all the time, and I can only imagine how many letters he must have sent you. He loved you, but I’m sure you know that. What you might not know is that before you came along, I’m not entirely9 con-vinced that he knew what loving someone meant. My fa-ther had accomplished10 a lot of things in his life, but I’m certain he would have traded it all for a lifetime with you instead. Considering he was married to my mother, it isn’t easy for me to write this, but I thought you’d want to know. And part of me knows that he would be pleased at the thought that I understood how much you meant to him.

Somehow, you changed my father, and because of you, I wouldn’t trade this last year for anything. I don’t know how you did it, but you made my father into a man that I miss already. You saved him, and by doing so, I guess that in a way, you saved me as well.

He was at the outreach clinic in the mountains because of me, you know. It was absolutely terrible that night. It hail been raining for days, roads everywhere washing out in the mud. When I radioed the main clinic to say that I couldn’t make it hack11 because my Jeep wouldn’t start, and that a major mudslide was imminent12, he was the one who

commandeered another Jeep—over the director’s frantic13 protests—to try to reach me. My dad came to save me, and when I saw it was him sitting behind the wheel, I think it was the first time I’d ever thought of him in that way. Until that point, he’d always been my father, but not my dad, if you know what I mean.

We made it out just in rime14. Within minutes, we heard the roar as the side of the mountain gave way, de-stroying the outreach clinic instantly, and I remember that we glanced at each other then, unable to believe how close it had been.

I wish I could tell you what went wrong after that, but I can’t. He was driving carefully and we’d almost made it back. I could even see the lights from the clinic in the val-ley below, But suddenly, the Jeep started to skid15 as we rounded a sharp curve, and the next thing I knew, we were off the road and tumbling down the mountain.

Other than breaking my arm and several ribs16, I was okay, but I knew immediately that my dad wasn’t. I re-member screaming at him to hold on, that I’d go get help, but he grabbed my hand and held me in place. I think even he knew it was almost over, and he wanted me to stay with him.

Then, this man who had just saved my life asked me to forgive him.

He loved you, Adrienne. Please don’t ever forget that. Despite the short time you spent with him, he adored you, and I’m terribly sorry for your loss. When things are hard, as they are for me, fall back on the knowledge that not only would he have done the same thing for you that he did

for me, but because of you, I was given the chance to get

to know, and love, my dad.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you.

Mark Flanner

Amanda lowered the letter to the table. It was almost dark in the kitchen now, and she could hear the sound of her own breath. Her mother had stayed in the living room, alone with her thoughts, and Amanda folded the letter, thinking of Paul now, thinking of her mother, and, oddly, thinking of Brent.

With effort, she could recall that Christmas so many years ago—how quiet her mother had been, the smiles that always seemed a little forced, the unexplained tears that they’d all assumed had something to do with their father.

And, through it all, she had said nothing.

Despite the fact that her mother and Paul hadn’t had the years together that she’d had with Brent, Amanda knew with sudden certainty that Paul’s death had struck her mother with the same intensity17 that Amanda experienced when sitting beside Brent’s bed for the very last time—with one difference.

Unlike her, her mother hadn’t been given the chance to say good-bye.

When she heard the muted sounds of her daughter’s sobs18, Adrienne turned from the window in the living room

and made her way to the kitchen. Amanda looked up in si-lence, her eyes filled with unspoken anguish19.

Adrienne stood without moving, watching her daugh-ter, then finally opened her arms. Instinctively20 Amanda rose, trying and failing to stop her tears, and mother and daughter stood in the kitchen, holding each other for a long, long time.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
2 arrogance pNpyD     
n.傲慢,自大
参考例句:
  • His arrogance comes out in every speech he makes.他每次讲话都表现得骄傲自大。
  • Arrogance arrested his progress.骄傲阻碍了他的进步。
3 detest dm0zZ     
vt.痛恨,憎恶
参考例句:
  • I detest people who tell lies.我恨说谎的人。
  • The workers detest his overbearing manner.工人们很讨厌他那盛气凌人的态度。
4 corps pzzxv     
n.(通信等兵种的)部队;(同类作的)一组
参考例句:
  • The medical corps were cited for bravery in combat.医疗队由于在战场上的英勇表现而受嘉奖。
  • When the war broke out,he volunteered for the Marine Corps.战争爆发时,他自愿参加了海军陆战队。
5 publicity ASmxx     
n.众所周知,闻名;宣传,广告
参考例句:
  • The singer star's marriage got a lot of publicity.这位歌星的婚事引起了公众的关注。
  • He dismissed the event as just a publicity gimmick.他不理会这件事,只当它是一种宣传手法。
6 revert OBwzV     
v.恢复,复归,回到
参考例句:
  • Let us revert to the earlier part of the chapter.让我们回到本章的前面部分。
  • Shall we revert to the matter we talked about yesterday?我们接着昨天谈过的问题谈,好吗?
7 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地
参考例句:
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
8 anonymous lM2yp     
adj.无名的;匿名的;无特色的
参考例句:
  • Sending anonymous letters is a cowardly act.寄匿名信是懦夫的行为。
  • The author wishes to remain anonymous.作者希望姓名不公开。
9 entirely entirely     
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
  • His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。
10 accomplished UzwztZ     
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的
参考例句:
  • Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
  • Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。
11 hack BQJz2     
n.劈,砍,出租马车;v.劈,砍,干咳
参考例句:
  • He made a hack at the log.他朝圆木上砍了一下。
  • Early settlers had to hack out a clearing in the forest where they could grow crops.早期移民不得不在森林里劈出空地种庄稼。
12 imminent zc9z2     
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的
参考例句:
  • The black clounds show that a storm is imminent.乌云预示暴风雨即将来临。
  • The country is in imminent danger.国难当头。
13 frantic Jfyzr     
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的
参考例句:
  • I've had a frantic rush to get my work done.我急急忙忙地赶完工作。
  • He made frantic dash for the departing train.他发疯似地冲向正开出的火车。
14 rime lDvye     
n.白霜;v.使蒙霜
参考例句:
  • The field was covered with rime in the early morning.清晨地里覆盖着一层白霜。
  • Coleridge contributed the famous Rime of the Ancient Mariner.柯勒律治贡献了著名的《老水手之歌》。
15 skid RE9yK     
v.打滑 n.滑向一侧;滑道 ,滑轨
参考例句:
  • He braked suddenly,causing the front wheels to skid.他突然剎车,使得前轮打了滑。
  • The police examined the skid marks to see how fast the car had been travelling.警察检查了车轮滑行痕迹,以判断汽车当时开得有多快。
16 ribs 24fc137444401001077773555802b280     
n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 );(船或屋顶等的)肋拱;肋骨状的东西;(织物的)凸条花纹
参考例句:
  • He suffered cracked ribs and bruising. 他断了肋骨还有挫伤。
  • Make a small incision below the ribs. 在肋骨下方切开一个小口。
17 intensity 45Ixd     
n.强烈,剧烈;强度;烈度
参考例句:
  • I didn't realize the intensity of people's feelings on this issue.我没有意识到这一问题能引起群情激奋。
  • The strike is growing in intensity.罢工日益加剧。
18 sobs d4349f86cad43cb1a5579b1ef269d0cb     
啜泣(声),呜咽(声)( sob的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • She was struggling to suppress her sobs. 她拼命不让自己哭出来。
  • She burst into a convulsive sobs. 她突然抽泣起来。
19 anguish awZz0     
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼
参考例句:
  • She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时,她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
  • The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。
20 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》


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