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Chapter XXXVIII False Dawn
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 “Just imagine—this night week I’ll be in Avonlea—delightful1 thought!” said Anne, bending over the box in which she was packing Mrs. Rachel Lynde’s quilts. “But just imagine—this night week I’ll be gone forever from Patty’s Place—horrible thought!”
“I wonder if the ghost of all our laughter will echo through the maiden2 dreams of Miss Patty and Miss Maria,” speculated Phil.
Miss Patty and Miss Maria were coming home, after having trotted3 over most of the habitable globe.
“We’ll be back the second week in May” wrote Miss Patty. “I expect Patty’s Place will seem rather small after the Hall of the Kings at Karnak, but I never did like big places to live in. And I’ll be glad enough to be home again. When you start traveling late in life you’re apt to do too much of it because you know you haven’t much time left, and it’s a thing that grows on you. I’m afraid Maria will never be contented4 again.”
“I shall leave here my fancies and dreams to bless the next comer,” said Anne, looking around the blue room wistfully—her pretty blue room where she had spent three such happy years. She had knelt at its window to pray and had bent5 from it to watch the sunset behind the pines. She had heard the autumn raindrops beating against it and had welcomed the spring robins6 at its sill. She wondered if old dreams could haunt rooms—if, when one left forever the room where she had joyed and suffered and laughed and wept, something of her, intangible and invisible, yet nonetheless real, did not remain behind like a voiceful memory.
“I think,” said Phil, “that a room where one dreams and grieves and rejoices and lives becomes inseparably connected with those processes and acquires a personality of its own. I am sure if I came into this room fifty years from now it would say ‘Anne, Anne’ to me. What nice times we’ve had here, honey! What chats and jokes and good chummy jamborees! Oh, dear me! I’m to marry Jo in June and I know I will be rapturously happy. But just now I feel as if I wanted this lovely Redmond life to go on forever.”
“I’m unreasonable7 enough just now to wish that, too,” admitted Anne. “No matter what deeper joys may come to us later on we’ll never again have just the same delightful, irresponsible existence we’ve had here. It’s over forever, Phil.”
“What are you going to do with Rusty8?” asked Phil, as that privileged pussy9 padded into the room.
“I am going to take him home with me and Joseph and the Sarah-cat,” announced Aunt Jamesina, following Rusty. “It would be a shame to separate those cats now that they have learned to live together. It’s a hard lesson for cats and humans to learn.”
“I’m sorry to part with Rusty,” said Anne regretfully, “but it would be no use to take him to Green Gables. Marilla detests10 cats, and Davy would tease his life out. Besides, I don’t suppose I’ll be home very long. I’ve been offered the principalship of the Summerside High School.”
“Are you going to accept it?” asked Phil.
“I—I haven’t decided11 yet,” answered Anne, with a confused flush.
Phil nodded understandingly. Naturally Anne’s plans could not be settled until Roy had spoken. He would soon—there was no doubt of that. And there was no doubt that Anne would say “yes” when he said “Will you please?” Anne herself regarded the state of affairs with a seldom-ruffled complacency. She was deeply in love with Roy. True, it was not just what she had imagined love to be. But was anything in life, Anne asked herself wearily, like one’s imagination of it? It was the old diamond disillusion12 of childhood repeated—the same disappointment she had felt when she had first seen the chill sparkle instead of the purple splendor13 she had anticipated. “That’s not my idea of a diamond,” she had said. But Roy was a dear fellow and they would be very happy together, even if some indefinable zest14 was missing out of life. When Roy came down that evening and asked Anne to walk in the park every one at Patty’s Place knew what he had come to say; and every one knew, or thought they knew, what Anne’s answer would be.
“Anne is a very fortunate girl,” said Aunt Jamesina.
“I suppose so,” said Stella, shrugging her shoulders. “Roy is a nice fellow and all that. But there’s really nothing in him.”
“That sounds very like a jealous remark, Stella Maynard,” said Aunt Jamesina rebukingly15.
“It does—but I am not jealous,” said Stella calmly. “I love Anne and I like Roy. Everybody says she is making a brilliant match, and even Mrs. Gardner thinks her charming now. It all sounds as if it were made in heaven, but I have my doubts. Make the most of that, Aunt Jamesina.”
Roy asked Anne to marry him in the little pavilion on the harbor shore where they had talked on the rainy day of their first meeting. Anne thought it very romantic that he should have chosen that spot. And his proposal was as beautifully worded as if he had copied it, as one of Ruby16 Gillis’ lovers had done, out of a Deportment of Courtship and Marriage. The whole effect was quite flawless. And it was also sincere. There was no doubt that Roy meant what he said. There was no false note to jar the symphony. Anne felt that she ought to be thrilling from head to foot. But she wasn’t; she was horribly cool. When Roy paused for his answer she opened her lips to say her fateful yes. And then—she found herself trembling as if she were reeling back from a precipice17. To her came one of those moments when we realize, as by a blinding flash of illumination, more than all our previous years have taught us. She pulled her hand from Roy’s.
“Oh, I can’t marry you—I can’t—I can’t,” she cried, wildly.
Roy turned pale—and also looked rather foolish. He had—small blame to him—felt very sure.
“What do you mean?” he stammered18.
“I mean that I can’t marry you,” repeated Anne desperately19. “I thought I could—but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?” Roy asked more calmly.
“Because—I don’t care enough for you.”
A crimson20 streak21 came into Roy’s face.
“So you’ve just been amusing yourself these two years?” he said slowly.
“No, no, I haven’t,” gasped22 poor Anne. Oh, how could she explain? She COULDN’T explain. There are some things that cannot be explained. “I did think I cared—truly I did—but I know now I don’t.”
“You have ruined my life,” said Roy bitterly.
“Forgive me,” pleaded Anne miserably23, with hot cheeks and stinging eyes.
Roy turned away and stood for a few minutes looking out seaward. When he came back to Anne, he was very pale again.
“You can give me no hope?” he said.
Anne shook her head mutely.
“Then—good-bye,” said Roy. “I can’t understand it—I can’t believe you are not the woman I’ve believed you to be. But reproaches are idle between us. You are the only woman I can ever love. I thank you for your friendship, at least. Good-bye, Anne.”
“Good-bye,” faltered24 Anne. When Roy had gone she sat for a long time in the pavilion, watching a white mist creeping subtly and remorselessly landward up the harbor. It was her hour of humiliation25 and self-contempt and shame. Their waves went over her. And yet, underneath26 it all, was a queer sense of recovered freedom.
She slipped into Patty’s Place in the dusk and escaped to her room. But Phil was there on the window seat.
“Wait,” said Anne, flushing to anticipate the scene. “Wait til you hear what I have to say. Phil, Roy asked me to marry him-and I refused.”
“You—you REFUSED him?” said Phil blankly.
“Yes.”
“Anne Shirley, are you in your senses?”
“I think so,” said Anne wearily. “Oh, Phil, don’t scold me. You don’t understand.”
“I certainly don’t understand. You’ve encouraged Roy Gardner in every way for two years—and now you tell me you’ve refused him. Then you’ve just been flirting27 scandalously with him. Anne, I couldn’t have believed it of YOU.”
“I WASN’T flirting with him—I honestly thought I cared up to the last minute—and then—well, I just knew I NEVER could marry him.”
“I suppose,” said Phil cruelly, “that you intended to marry him for his money, and then your better self rose up and prevented you.”
“I DIDN’T. I never thought about his money. Oh, I can’t explain it to you any more than I could to him.”
“Well, I certainly think you have treated Roy shamefully,” said Phil in exasperation28. “He’s handsome and clever and rich and good. What more do you want?”
“I want some one who BELONGS in my life. He doesn’t. I was swept off my feet at first by his good looks and knack29 of paying romantic compliments; and later on I thought I MUST be in love because he was my dark-eyed ideal.”
“I am bad enough for not knowing my own mind, but you are worse,” said Phil.
“I DO know my own mind,” protested Anne. “The trouble is, my mind changes and then I have to get acquainted with it all over again.”
“Well, I suppose there is no use in saying anything to you.”
“There is no need, Phil. I’m in the dust. This has spoiled everything backwards30. I can never think of Redmond days without recalling the humiliation of this evening. Roy despises me—and you despise me—and I despise myself.”
“You poor darling,” said Phil, melting. “Just come here and let me comfort you. I’ve no right to scold you. I’d have married Alec or Alonzo if I hadn’t met Jo. Oh, Anne, things are so mixed-up in real life. They aren’t clear-cut and trimmed off, as they are in novels.”
“I hope that NO one will ever again ask me to marry him as long as I live,” sobbed31 poor Anne, devoutly32 believing that she meant it.

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1 delightful 6xzxT     
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的
参考例句:
  • We had a delightful time by the seashore last Sunday.上星期天我们在海滨玩得真痛快。
  • Peter played a delightful melody on his flute.彼得用笛子吹奏了一支欢快的曲子。
2 maiden yRpz7     
n.少女,处女;adj.未婚的,纯洁的,无经验的
参考例句:
  • The prince fell in love with a fair young maiden.王子爱上了一位年轻美丽的少女。
  • The aircraft makes its maiden flight tomorrow.这架飞机明天首航。
3 trotted 6df8e0ef20c10ef975433b4a0456e6e1     
小跑,急走( trot的过去分词 ); 匆匆忙忙地走
参考例句:
  • She trotted her pony around the field. 她骑着小马绕场慢跑。
  • Anne trotted obediently beside her mother. 安妮听话地跟在妈妈身边走。
4 contented Gvxzof     
adj.满意的,安心的,知足的
参考例句:
  • He won't be contented until he's upset everyone in the office.不把办公室里的每个人弄得心烦意乱他就不会满足。
  • The people are making a good living and are contented,each in his station.人民安居乐业。
5 bent QQ8yD     
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的
参考例句:
  • He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
  • We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
6 robins 130dcdad98696481aaaba420517c6e3e     
n.知更鸟,鸫( robin的名词复数 );(签名者不分先后,以避免受责的)圆形签名抗议书(或请愿书)
参考例句:
  • The robins occupied their former nest. 那些知更鸟占了它们的老窝。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • Benjamin Robins then entered the fray with articles and a book. 而后,Benjamin Robins以他的几篇专论和一本书参加争论。 来自辞典例句
7 unreasonable tjLwm     
adj.不讲道理的,不合情理的,过度的
参考例句:
  • I know that they made the most unreasonable demands on you.我知道他们对你提出了最不合理的要求。
  • They spend an unreasonable amount of money on clothes.他们花在衣服上的钱太多了。
8 rusty hYlxq     
adj.生锈的;锈色的;荒废了的
参考例句:
  • The lock on the door is rusty and won't open.门上的锁锈住了。
  • I haven't practiced my French for months and it's getting rusty.几个月不用,我的法语又荒疏了。
9 pussy x0dzA     
n.(儿语)小猫,猫咪
参考例句:
  • Why can't they leave my pussy alone?为什么他们就不能离我小猫咪远一点?
  • The baby was playing with his pussy.孩子正和他的猫嬉戏。
10 detests 37b235c8289f2557252c2fb26768fa22     
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的第三人称单数 )
参考例句:
  • My brother detests having to get up early. 我兄弟极讨厌早起,又不得不早起。 来自辞典例句
  • The LORD detests differing weights, and dishonest scales do not please him. 两样的法码,为耶和华所憎恶。诡诈的天平,也为不善。 来自互联网
11 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
12 disillusion HtTxo     
vt.使不再抱幻想,使理想破灭
参考例句:
  • Do not say anything to disillusion them.别说什么叫他们泄气的话。
  • I'd hate to be the one to disillusion him.我不愿意成为那个让他幻想破灭的人。
13 splendor hriy0     
n.光彩;壮丽,华丽;显赫,辉煌
参考例句:
  • Never in his life had he gazed on such splendor.他生平从没有见过如此辉煌壮丽的场面。
  • All the splendor in the world is not worth a good friend.人世间所有的荣华富贵不如一个好朋友。
14 zest vMizT     
n.乐趣;滋味,风味;兴趣
参考例句:
  • He dived into his new job with great zest.他充满热情地投入了新的工作。
  • He wrote his novel about his trip to Asia with zest.他兴趣浓厚的写了一本关于他亚洲之行的小说。
15 rebukingly 4895f4487f702128d7bd9649f105aec8     
参考例句:
  • The assassin, gazing over the wizard's head, did not answer. GARETH smote Hugh rebukingly. 刺客没有应声,眼睛望向巫师头顶上方。盖利斯狠狠的抽了他一下以示惩戒。
16 ruby iXixS     
n.红宝石,红宝石色
参考例句:
  • She is wearing a small ruby earring.她戴着一枚红宝石小耳环。
  • On the handle of his sword sat the biggest ruby in the world.他的剑柄上镶有一颗世上最大的红宝石。
17 precipice NuNyW     
n.悬崖,危急的处境
参考例句:
  • The hut hung half over the edge of the precipice.那间小屋有一半悬在峭壁边上。
  • A slight carelessness on this precipice could cost a man his life.在这悬崖上稍一疏忽就会使人丧生。
18 stammered 76088bc9384c91d5745fd550a9d81721     
v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He stammered most when he was nervous. 他一紧张往往口吃。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • Barsad leaned back in his chair, and stammered, \"What do you mean?\" 巴萨往椅背上一靠,结结巴巴地说,“你是什么意思?” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记
19 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地
参考例句:
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
20 crimson AYwzH     
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色
参考例句:
  • She went crimson with embarrassment.她羞得满脸通红。
  • Maple leaves have turned crimson.枫叶已经红了。
21 streak UGgzL     
n.条理,斑纹,倾向,少许,痕迹;v.加条纹,变成条纹,奔驰,快速移动
参考例句:
  • The Indians used to streak their faces with paint.印第安人过去常用颜料在脸上涂条纹。
  • Why did you streak the tree?你为什么在树上刻条纹?
22 gasped e6af294d8a7477229d6749fa9e8f5b80     
v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要
参考例句:
  • She gasped at the wonderful view. 如此美景使她惊讶得屏住了呼吸。
  • People gasped with admiration at the superb skill of the gymnasts. 体操运动员的高超技艺令人赞叹。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
23 miserably zDtxL     
adv.痛苦地;悲惨地;糟糕地;极度地
参考例句:
  • The little girl was wailing miserably. 那小女孩难过得号啕大哭。
  • It was drizzling, and miserably cold and damp. 外面下着毛毛细雨,天气又冷又湿,令人难受。 来自《简明英汉词典》
24 faltered d034d50ce5a8004ff403ab402f79ec8d     
(嗓音)颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 ); 支吾其词; 蹒跚; 摇晃
参考例句:
  • He faltered out a few words. 他支吾地说出了几句。
  • "Er - but he has such a longhead!" the man faltered. 他不好意思似的嚅嗫着:“这孩子脑袋真长。”
25 humiliation Jd3zW     
n.羞辱
参考例句:
  • He suffered the humiliation of being forced to ask for his cards.他蒙受了被迫要求辞职的羞辱。
  • He will wish to revenge his humiliation in last Season's Final.他会为在上个季度的决赛中所受的耻辱而报复的。
26 underneath VKRz2     
adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面
参考例句:
  • Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
  • She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣,里面套着一条连衣裙。
27 flirting 59b9eafa5141c6045fb029234a60fdae     
v.调情,打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • Don't take her too seriously; she's only flirting with you. 别把她太当真,她只不过是在和你调情罢了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • 'she's always flirting with that new fellow Tseng!" “她还同新来厂里那个姓曾的吊膀子! 来自子夜部分
28 exasperation HiyzX     
n.愤慨
参考例句:
  • He snorted with exasperation.他愤怒地哼了一声。
  • She rolled her eyes in sheer exasperation.她气急败坏地转动着眼珠。
29 knack Jx9y4     
n.诀窍,做事情的灵巧的,便利的方法
参考例句:
  • He has a knack of teaching arithmetic.他教算术有诀窍。
  • Making omelettes isn't difficult,but there's a knack to it.做煎蛋饼并不难,但有窍门。
30 backwards BP9ya     
adv.往回地,向原处,倒,相反,前后倒置地
参考例句:
  • He turned on the light and began to pace backwards and forwards.他打开电灯并开始走来走去。
  • All the girls fell over backwards to get the party ready.姑娘们迫不及待地为聚会做准备。
31 sobbed 4a153e2bbe39eef90bf6a4beb2dba759     
哭泣,啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 ); 哭诉,呜咽地说
参考例句:
  • She sobbed out the story of her son's death. 她哭诉着她儿子的死。
  • She sobbed out the sad story of her son's death. 她哽咽着诉说她儿子死去的悲惨经过。
32 devoutly b33f384e23a3148a94d9de5213bd205f     
adv.虔诚地,虔敬地,衷心地
参考例句:
  • She was a devoutly Catholic. 她是一个虔诚地天主教徒。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • This was not a boast, but a hope, at once bold and devoutly humble. 这不是夸夸其谈,而是一个即大胆而又诚心、谦虚的希望。 来自辞典例句


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