DEPLORABLE EFFECTS UPON HER ORIGINALLY NOBLE NATURE—THE CONFLICT IN HER
MIND—HER FINAL OPPOSITION1 TO MY LEARNING TO READ—TOO LATE—SHE HAD
GIVEN ME THE INCH, I WAS RESOLVED TO TAKE THE ELL—HOW I PURSUED
MY EDUCATION—MY TUTORS—HOW I COMPENSATED2 THEM—WHAT PROGRESS I
MADE—SLAVERY—WHAT I HEARD SAID ABOUT IT—THIRTEEN YEARS OLD—THE
SHERIDAN, PITT AND FOX—KNOWLEDGE EVER INCREASING—MY EYES
OPENED—LIBERTY—HOW I PINED FOR IT—MY SADNESS—THE DISSATISFACTION OF
BOTH.
I lived in the family of Master Hugh, at Baltimore, seven years, during which time—as the almanac makers5 say of the weather—my condition was variable. The most interesting feature of my history here, was my learning to read and write, under somewhat marked disadvantages. In attaining6 this knowledge, I was compelled to resort to indirections by no means congenial to my nature, and which were really humiliating to me. My mistress—who, as the reader has already seen, had begun to teach me was suddenly checked in her benevolent7 design, by the strong advice of her husband. In faithful compliance8 with this advice, the good lady had not only ceased to instruct me, herself, but had set her face as a flint against my learning to read by any means. It is due, however, to my mistress to say, that she did not adopt this course in all its stringency9 at the first. She either thought it unnecessary, or she lacked the depravity indispensable to shutting me up in[119] mental darkness. It was, at least, necessary for her to have some training, and some hardening, in the exercise of the slaveholder’s prerogative10, to make her equal to forgetting my human nature and character, and to treating me as a thing destitute11 of a moral or an intellectual nature. Mrs. Auld12—my mistress—was, as I have said, a most kind and tender-hearted woman; and, in the humanity of her heart, and the simplicity13 of her mind, she set out, when I first went to live with her, to treat me as she supposed one human being ought to treat another.
It is easy to see, that, in entering upon the duties of a slaveholder, some little experience is needed. Nature has done almost nothing to prepare men and women to be either slaves or slaveholders. Nothing but rigid14 training, long persisted in, can perfect the character of the one or the other. One cannot easily forget to love freedom; and it is as hard to cease to respect that natural love in our fellow creatures. On entering upon the career of a slaveholding mistress, Mrs. Auld was singularly deficient15; nature, which fits nobody for such an office, had done less for her than any lady I had known. It was no easy matter to induce her to think and to feel that the curly-headed boy, who stood by her side, and even leaned on her lap; who was loved by little Tommy, and who loved little Tommy in turn; sustained to her only the relation of a chattel16. I was more than that, and she felt me to be more than that. I could talk and sing; I could laugh and weep; I could reason and remember; I could love and hate. I was human, and she, dear lady, knew and felt me to be so. How could she, then, treat me as a brute17, without a mighty18 struggle with all the noble powers of her own soul. That struggle came, and the will and power of the husband was victorious19. Her noble soul was overthrown20; but, he that overthrew21 it did not, himself, escape the consequences. He, not less than the other parties, was injured in his domestic peace by the fall.
When I went into their family, it was the abode22 of happiness and contentment. The mistress of the house was a model of affection[120] and tenderness. Her fervent23 piety24 and watchful25 uprightness made it impossible to see her without thinking and feeling—“that woman is a Christian26.” There was no sorrow nor suffering for which she had not a tear, and there was no innocent joy for which she did not a smile. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and comfort for every mourner that came within her reach. Slavery soon proved its ability to divest27 her of these excellent qualities, and her home of its early happiness. Conscience cannot stand much violence. Once thoroughly28 broken down, who is he that can repair the damage? It may be broken toward the slave, on Sunday, and toward the master on Monday. It cannot endure such shocks. It must stand entire, or it does not stand at all. If my condition waxed bad, that of the family waxed not better. The first step, in the wrong direction, was the violence done to nature and to conscience, in arresting the benevolence29 that would have enlightened my young mind. In ceasing to instruct me, she must begin to justify30 herself to herself; and, once consenting to take sides in such a debate, she was riveted31 to her position. One needs very little knowledge of moral philosophy, to see where my mistress now landed. She finally became even more violent in her opposition to my learning to read, than was her husband himself. She was not satisfied with simply doing as well as her husband had commanded her, but seemed resolved to better his instruction. Nothing appeared to make my poor mistress—after her turning toward the downward path—more angry, than seeing me, seated in some nook or corner, quietly reading a book or a newspaper. I have had her rush at me, with the utmost fury, and snatch from my hand such newspaper or book, with something of the wrath32 and consternation33 which a traitor34 might be supposed to feel on being discovered in a plot by some dangerous spy.
Mrs. Auld was an apt woman, and the advice of her husband, and her own experience, soon demonstrated, to her entire satisfaction, that education and slavery are incompatible35 with each other. When this conviction was thoroughly established, I was[121] most narrowly watched in all my movements. If I remained in a separate room from the family for any considerable length of time, I was sure to be suspected of having a book, and was at once called upon to give an account of myself. All this, however, was entirely36 too late. The first, and never to be retraced37, step had been taken. In teaching me the alphabet, in the days of her simplicity and kindness, my mistress had given me the “inch,” and now, no ordinary precaution could prevent me from taking the “ell.”
Seized with a determination to learn to read, at any cost, I hit upon many expedients38 to accomplish the desired end. The plea which I mainly adopted, and the one by which I was most successful, was that of using my young white playmates, with whom I met in the streets as teachers. I used to carry, almost constantly, a copy of Webster’s spelling book in my pocket; and, when sent of errands, or when play time was allowed me, I would step, with my young friends, aside, and take a lesson in spelling. I generally paid my tuition fee to the boys, with bread, which I also carried in my pocket. For a single biscuit, any of my hungry little comrades would give me a lesson more valuable to me than bread. Not every one, however, demanded this consideration, for there were those who took pleasure in teaching me, whenever I had a chance to be taught by them. I am strongly tempted39 to give the names of two or three of those little boys, as a slight testimonial of the gratitude40 and affection I bear them, but prudence41 forbids; not that it would injure me, but it might, possibly, embarrass them; for it is almost an unpardonable offense43 to do any thing, directly or indirectly44, to promote a slave’s freedom, in a slave state. It is enough to say, of my warm-hearted little play fellows, that they lived on Philpot street, very near Durgin & Bailey’s shipyard.
Although slavery was a delicate subject, and very cautiously talked about among grown up people in Maryland, I frequently talked about it—and that very freely—with the white boys. I[122] would, sometimes, say to them, while seated on a curb45 stone or a cellar door, “I wish I could be free, as you will be when you get to be men.” “You will be free, you know, as soon as you are twenty-one, and can go where you like, but I am a slave for life. Have I not as good a right to be free as you have?” Words like these, I observed, always troubled them; and I had no small satisfaction in wringing46 from the boys, occasionally, that fresh and bitter condemnation47 of slavery, that springs from nature, unseared and unperverted. Of all consciences let me have those to deal with which have not been bewildered by the cares of life. I do not remember ever to have met with a boy, while I was in slavery, who defended the slave system; but I have often had boys to console me, with the hope that something would yet occur, by which I might be made free. Over and over again, they have told me, that “they believed I had as good a right to be free as they had;” and that “they did not believe God ever made any one to be a slave.” The reader will easily see, that such little conversations with my play fellows, had no tendency to weaken my love of liberty, nor to render me contented48 with my condition as a slave.
When I was about thirteen years old, and had succeeded in learning to read, every increase of knowledge, especially respecting the FREE STATES, added something to the almost intolerable burden of the thought—I AM A SLAVE FOR LIFE. To my bondage49 I saw no end. It was a terrible reality, and I shall never be able to tell how sadly that thought chafed50 my young spirit. Fortunately, or unfortunately, about this time in my life, I had made enough money to buy what was then a very popular school book, viz: the Columbian Orator. I bought this addition to my library, of Mr. Knight51, on Thames street, Fell’s Point, Baltimore, and paid him fifty cents for it. I was first led to buy this book, by hearing some little boys say they were going to learn some little pieces out of it for the Exhibition. This volume was, indeed, a rich treasure, and every opportunity afforded me, for[123] a time, was spent in diligently52 perusing53 it. Among much other interesting matter, that which I had perused54 and reperused with unflagging satisfaction, was a short dialogue between a master and his slave. The slave is represented as having been recaptured, in a second attempt to run away; and the master opens the dialogue with an upbraiding55 speech, charging the slave with ingratitude56, and demanding to know what he has to say in his own defense57. Thus upbraided58, and thus called upon to reply, the slave rejoins, that he knows how little anything that he can say will avail, seeing that he is completely in the hands of his owner; and with noble resolution, calmly says, “I submit to my fate.” Touched by the slave’s answer, the master insists upon his further speaking, and recapitulates59 the many acts of kindness which he has performed toward the slave, and tells him he is permitted to speak for himself. Thus invited to the debate, the quondam slave made a spirited defense of himself, and thereafter the whole argument, for and against slavery, was brought out. The master was vanquished60 at every turn in the argument; and seeing himself to be thus vanquished, he generously and meekly61 emancipates62 the slave, with his best wishes for his prosperity. It is scarcely neccessary(sic) to say, that a dialogue, with such an origin, and such an ending—read when the fact of my being a slave was a constant burden of grief—powerfully affected63 me; and I could not help feeling that the day might come, when the well-directed answers made by the slave to the master, in this instance, would find their counterpart in myself.
This, however, was not all the fanaticism64 which I found in this Columbian Orator. I met there one of Sheridan’s mighty speeches, on the subject of Catholic Emancipation65, Lord Chatham’s speech on the American war, and speeches by the great William Pitt and by Fox. These were all choice documents to me, and I read them, over and over again, with an interest that was ever increasing, because it was ever gaining in intelligence; for the more I read them, the better I understood them. The reading of[124] these speeches added much to my limited stock of language, and enabled me to give tongue to many interesting thoughts, which had frequently flashed through my soul, and died away for want of utterance66. The mighty power and heart-searching directness of truth, penetrating67 even the heart of a slaveholder, compelling him to yield up his earthly interests to the claims of eternal justice, were finely illustrated68 in the dialogue, just referred to; and from the speeches of Sheridan, I got a bold and powerful denunciation of oppression, and a most brilliant vindication69 of the rights of man. Here was, indeed, a noble acquisition. If I ever wavered under the consideration, that the Almighty70, in some way, ordained71 slavery, and willed my enslavement for his own glory, I wavered no longer. I had now penetrated72 the secret of all slavery and oppression, and had ascertained73 their true foundation to be in the pride, the power and the avarice74 of man. The dialogue and the speeches were all redolent of the principles of liberty, and poured floods of light on the nature and character of slavery. With a book of this kind in my hand, my own human nature, and the facts of my experience, to help me, I was equal to a contest with the religious advocates of slavery, whether among the whites or among the colored people, for blindness, in this matter, is not confined to the former. I have met many religious colored people, at the south, who are under the delusion75 that God requires them to submit to slavery, and to wear their chains with meekness76 and humility77. I could entertain no such nonsense as this; and I almost lost my patience when I found any colored man weak enough to believe such stuff. Nevertheless, the increase of knowledge was attended with bitter, as well as sweet results. The more I read, the more I was led to abhor78 and detest79 slavery, and my enslavers. “Slaveholders,” thought I, “are only a band of successful robbers, who left their homes and went into Africa for the purpose of stealing and reducing my people to slavery.” I loathed80 them as the meanest and the most wicked of men. As I read, behold81! the very discontent so graphically82 pre[125] dicted by Master Hugh, had already come upon me. I was no longer the light-hearted, gleesome boy, full of mirth and play, as when I landed first at Baltimore. Knowledge had come; light had penetrated the moral dungeon83 where I dwelt; and, behold! there lay the bloody84 whip, for my back, and here was the iron chain; and my good, kind master, he was the author of my situation. The revelation haunted me, stung me, and made me gloomy and miserable85. As I writhed86 under the sting and torment87 of this knowledge, I almost envied my fellow slaves their stupid contentment. This knowledge opened my eyes to the horrible pit, and revealed the teeth of the frightful88 dragon that was ready to pounce89 upon me, but it opened no way for my escape. I have often wished myself a beast, or a bird—anything, rather than a slave. I was wretched and gloomy, beyond my ability to describe. I was too thoughtful to be happy. It was this everlasting90 thinking which distressed91 and tormented92 me; and yet there was no getting rid of the subject of my thoughts. All nature was redolent of it. Once awakened93 by the silver trump94 of knowledge, my spirit was roused to eternal wakefulness. Liberty! the inestimable birthright of every man, had, for me, converted every object into an asserter of this great right. It was heard in every sound, and beheld95 in every object. It was ever present, to torment me with a sense of my wretched condition. The more beautiful and charming were the smiles of nature, the more horrible and desolate96 was my condition. I saw nothing without seeing it, and I heard nothing without hearing it. I do not exaggerate, when I say, that it looked from every star, smiled in every calm, breathed in every wind, and moved in every storm.
I have no doubt that my state of mind had something to do with the change in the treatment adopted, by my once kind mistress toward me. I can easily believe, that my leaden, downcast, and discontented look, was very offensive to her. Poor lady! She did not know my trouble, and I dared not tell her. Could I have freely made her acquainted with the real state of my mind, and[126] given her the reasons therefor, it might have been well for both of us. Her abuse of me fell upon me like the blows of the false prophet upon his ass42; she did not know that an angel stood in the way; and—such is the relation of master and slave I could not tell her. Nature had made us friends; slavery made us enemies. My interests were in a direction opposite to hers, and we both had our private thoughts and plans. She aimed to keep me ignorant; and I resolved to know, although knowledge only increased my discontent. My feelings were not the result of any marked cruelty in the treatment I received; they sprung from the consideration of my being a slave at all. It was slavery—not its mere97 incidents—that I hated. I had been cheated. I saw through the attempt to keep me in ignorance; I saw that slaveholders would have gladly made me believe that they were merely acting98 under the authority of God, in making a slave of me, and in making slaves of others; and I treated them as robbers and deceivers. The feeding and clothing me well, could not atone99 for taking my liberty from me. The smiles of my mistress could not remove the deep sorrow that dwelt in my young bosom100. Indeed, these, in time, came only to deepen my sorrow. She had changed; and the reader will see that I had changed, too. We were both victims to the same overshadowing evil—she, as mistress, I, as slave. I will not censure101 her harshly; she cannot censure me, for she knows I speak but the truth, and have acted in my opposition to slavery, just as she herself would have acted, in a reverse of circumstances.
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1
opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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2
compensated
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| 补偿，报酬( compensate的过去式和过去分词 )； 给（某人）赔偿（或赔款） | |
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3
orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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4
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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5
makers
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| n.制造者，制造商（maker的复数形式） | |
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6
attaining
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的现在分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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7
benevolent
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| adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的 | |
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8
compliance
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| n.顺从；服从；附和；屈从 | |
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9
stringency
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| n.严格，紧迫，说服力；严格性；强度 | |
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10
prerogative
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| n.特权 | |
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11
destitute
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| adj.缺乏的；穷困的 | |
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12
auld
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| adj.老的，旧的 | |
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13
simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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14
rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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15
deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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16
chattel
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| n.动产；奴隶 | |
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17
brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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18
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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19
victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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20
overthrown
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| adj. 打翻的，推倒的，倾覆的 动词overthrow的过去分词 | |
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21
overthrew
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| overthrow的过去式 | |
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22
abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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23
fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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24
piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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divest
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| v.脱去，剥除 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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29
benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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30
justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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31
riveted
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| 铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 )； 把…固定住； 吸引； 引起某人的注意 | |
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32
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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33
consternation
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| n.大为吃惊，惊骇 | |
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traitor
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| n.叛徒，卖国贼 | |
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incompatible
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| adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的 | |
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36
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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retraced
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| v.折回( retrace的过去式和过去分词 )；回忆；回顾；追溯 | |
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expedients
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| n.应急有效的，权宜之计的( expedient的名词复数 ) | |
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39
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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40
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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41
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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42
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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43
offense
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| n.犯规，违法行为；冒犯，得罪 | |
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indirectly
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| adv.间接地，不直接了当地 | |
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45
curb
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| n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制 | |
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46
wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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47
condemnation
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| n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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48
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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49
bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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50
chafed
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| v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的过去式 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒 | |
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51
knight
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| n.骑士，武士；爵士 | |
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52
diligently
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| ad.industriously;carefully | |
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53
perusing
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| v.读（某篇文字）( peruse的现在分词 )；（尤指）细阅；审阅；匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览（某篇文字） | |
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54
perused
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| v.读（某篇文字）( peruse的过去式和过去分词 )；（尤指）细阅；审阅；匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览（某篇文字） | |
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55
upbraiding
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| adj.& n.谴责（的）v.责备，申斥，谴责( upbraid的现在分词 ) | |
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56
ingratitude
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| n.忘恩负义 | |
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57
defense
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| n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩 | |
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upbraided
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| v.责备，申斥，谴责( upbraid的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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recapitulates
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| n.总结，扼要重述( recapitulate的名词复数 )v.总结，扼要重述( recapitulate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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60
vanquished
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| v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 )；战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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61
meekly
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| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
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emancipates
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| vt.解放（emancipate的第三人称单数形式） | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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64
fanaticism
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| n.狂热，盲信 | |
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emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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vindication
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| n.洗冤，证实 | |
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almighty
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| adj.全能的，万能的；很大的，很强的 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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meekness
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| n.温顺，柔和 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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abhor
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| v.憎恶；痛恨 | |
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detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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graphically
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| adv.通过图表；生动地，轮廓分明地 | |
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dungeon
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| n.地牢，土牢 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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writhed
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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pounce
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| n.猛扑；v.猛扑，突然袭击，欣然同意 | |
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everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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trump
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| n.王牌，法宝；v.打出王牌，吹喇叭 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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censure
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| v./n.责备；非难；责难 | |
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