IX. THAT OF S. P. IDERS WEBBE, SOLICITOR.

 Young Mr. S. P. Iders Webbe,

Solicitor¹, of Clifford's Inn,

Sat working in his chambers², which

Were far removed from traffic's din³.

To those in legal trouble he

Lent ready ear of sympathy—

And six-and-eightpence was his fee.

To widows and to orphans⁴, too,

Young Mr. Webbe was very nice,

And turned none from his door away

Who came to seek for his advice:

To these, I humbly⁵ beg to state—

The sad and the disconsolate—

His fee was merely six-and-eight.

He'd heave a sympathetic sigh,

And squeeze each bankrupt client's hand

While listening to a tale of woe⁶

Salt tears within his eyes would stand.

Naught⁷, naught his sympathies could stem,

And he would only charge—ahem!—

A paltry⁸ six-and-eight to them.

This gentleman, as I observed,

Was calmly seated at his work,

When, from the waiting-room, a card

Was brought in by the junior clerk.

"Nathaniel Blobbs? Pray ask him to

Step in," said Webbe. "How do you do?

A very pleasant day to you."

 

"A pleasant day be hanged!" said Blobbs,

A wealthy man and very stout⁹

(That he was boiling o'er with rage

There could not be the slightest doubt).

"I'm given, sir, to understand

You're suitor for my daughter's hand.

An explanation I demand!

"I know your lawyer's tricks, my man;

In courting of my daughter Jane—

Who's rather plain and not too young—

My money's what you seek to gain.

Confound you, sir!" the man did roar.

"My daughter Jane is no match for

A beggarly solicitor!"

At words like these most gentlemen

Would really have been somewhat riled;

But do not think that Mr. Webbe

Was angry. No; he merely smiled.

But, oh! my friends, the legal smile

Is not to trust. 'Tis full of guile¹⁰.

(So smiles the hungry crocodile.)

"I see," Webbe most politely said,

"My worthy¹¹ sir, your point of view.

You're wealthy; I am poor. Of course,

What I proposed would never do.

If only, now, I'd property,

And you were—well, as poor as me——"

"Pooh! that," cried Blobbs, "can never be."

"Think not?" said Webbe. "Well, p'r'aps you're right.

And so—there's nothing more to say.

You must be going? What! so soon?

I'm sorry, sir, you cannot stay!"

Blobbs went—and slammed the outer door.

Webbe calmly made the bill out for

The interview—a lengthy¹² score.

He charged—at highest legal rate—

For every word he'd uttered; and

He even put down six-and-eight

"To asking for Miss Blobbs's hand";

Next, in the Court of Common Pleas

A "Breach¹³ of Promise" case, with ease,

He instituted—if you please.

He gained the day, because the maid

Was over age, the Judge averred¹⁴,

And Blobbs was forced to "grin and pay,"

Although he vowed¹⁵ 'twas most absurd.

The "damages," of course, were slight;

But "legal costs" by no means light.

(Webbe shared in these as was his right.)

Outside the Court indignant Blobbs

Gave vent¹⁶ to some expressions which

Were libellous, and quickly Webbe

Was "down on him" for "using sich."

Once more the day was Webbe's, and he,

By posing as a damagee,

Obtained a thousand pounds, you see.

With this round sum he then contrived¹⁷

To buy a vacant small estate

Adjoining Blobbs, who went and did

Something illegal with a gate.

Webbe "had him up" for that, of course;

Then something else (about a horse),

And later on a water-course.

He sued for this, he sued for that,

Till action upon action lay,

And in the Royal Courts of Law

"Webbe versus¹⁸ Blobbs" came on each day.

"Law costs" and big "retaining fees,"

"Mulcted in fines"—such things as these

Made Blobbs feel very ill at ease.

As Webbe grew rich, so he grew poor,

Till finally he said: "Hang pride!

I'll let this fellow, if he must,

Have Jane, my daughter, for his bride."

He went once more to Clifford's Inn.

Webbe welcomed him with genial¹⁹ grin:

"My very dear sir, pray step in."

"Look here!" cried Blobbs. "I'll fight no more!

You lawyer fellows, on my life,

Will have your way. I must give in.

My daughter Jane shall be your wife!"

"Dear me! this is unfortunate,"

Said Webbe. "I much regret to state

Your condescension²⁰ comes too late.

"For, sir, I marry this day week

(Being a man of property)

The young and lovely daughter of

Sir Simon Upperten, M.P."

Then, in a light and airy way:

"I think there's nothing more to say.

Pray, mind the bottom step. Good day!"

1 solicitor   

n.初级律师，事务律师

参考例句：

• The solicitor's advice gave me food for thought.律师的指点值得我深思。
• The solicitor moved for an adjournment of the case.律师请求将这个案件的诉讼延期。

2 chambers   

n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅

参考例句：

• The body will be removed into one of the cold storage chambers. 尸体将被移到一个冷冻间里。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Mr Chambers's readable book concentrates on the middle passage: the time Ransome spent in Russia. Chambers先生的这本值得一看的书重点在中间：Ransome在俄国的那几年。 来自互联网

3 din   

n.喧闹声，嘈杂声

参考例句：

• The bustle and din gradually faded to silence as night advanced.随着夜越来越深，喧闹声逐渐沉寂。
• They tried to make themselves heard over the din of the crowd.他们力图让自己的声音盖过人群的喧闹声。

4 orphans   

孤儿( orphan的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The poor orphans were kept on short commons. 贫苦的孤儿们吃不饱饭。
• Their uncle was declared guardian to the orphans. 这些孤儿的叔父成为他们的监护人。

5 humbly   

adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地

参考例句：

• We humbly beg Your Majesty to show mercy. 我们恳请陛下发发慈悲。
• "You must be right, Sir,'said John humbly. “你一定是对的，先生，”约翰恭顺地说道。

6 woe   

n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌

参考例句：

• Our two peoples are brothers sharing weal and woe.我们两国人民是患难与共的兄弟。
• A man is well or woe as he thinks himself so.自认祸是祸，自认福是福。

7 naught   

n.无，零 [=nought]

参考例句：

• He sets at naught every convention of society.他轻视所有的社会习俗。
• I hope that all your efforts won't go for naught.我希望你的努力不会毫无结果。

8 paltry   

adj.无价值的，微不足道的

参考例句：

• The parents had little interest in paltry domestic concerns.那些家长对家里鸡毛蒜皮的小事没什么兴趣。
• I'm getting angry;and if you don't command that paltry spirit of yours.我要生气了，如果你不能振作你那点元气。

10 guile   

n.诈术

参考例句：

• He is full of guile.他非常狡诈。
• A swindler uses guile;a robber uses force.骗子用诈术；强盗用武力。

11 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

12 lengthy   

adj.漫长的，冗长的

参考例句：

• We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。
• The professor wrote a lengthy book on Napoleon.教授写了一部有关拿破仑的巨著。

13 breach   

n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破

参考例句：

• We won't have any breach of discipline.我们不允许任何破坏纪律的现象。
• He was sued for breach of contract.他因不履行合同而被起诉。

14 averred   

v.断言( aver的过去式和过去分词 )；证实；证明…属实；作为事实提出

参考例句：

• She averred that she had never seen the man before. 她斩钉截铁地说以前从未见过这个男人。
• The prosecutor averred that the prisoner killed Lois. 检察官称被拘犯杀害洛伊丝属实。 来自互联网

15 vowed   

起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• He vowed quite solemnly that he would carry out his promise. 他非常庄严地发誓要实现他的诺言。
• I vowed to do more of the cooking myself. 我发誓自己要多动手做饭。

16 vent   

n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄

参考例句：

• He gave vent to his anger by swearing loudly.他高声咒骂以发泄他的愤怒。
• When the vent became plugged,the engine would stop.当通风口被堵塞时，发动机就会停转。

17 contrived   

adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的

参考例句：

• There was nothing contrived or calculated about what he said.他说的话里没有任何蓄意捏造的成分。
• The plot seems contrived.情节看起来不真实。

18 versus   

prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下

参考例句：

• The big match tonight is England versus Spain.今晚的大赛是英格兰对西班牙。
• The most exciting game was Harvard versus Yale.最富紧张刺激的球赛是哈佛队对耶鲁队。

19 genial   

adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的

参考例句：

• Orlando is a genial man.奥兰多是一位和蔼可亲的人。
• He was a warm-hearted friend and genial host.他是个热心的朋友，也是友善待客的主人。

20 condescension   

n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人)

参考例句：

• His politeness smacks of condescension. 他的客气带有屈尊俯就的意味。
• Despite its condescension toward the Bennet family, the letter begins to allay Elizabeth's prejudice against Darcy. 尽管这封信对班纳特家的态度很高傲，但它开始消除伊丽莎白对达西的偏见。