XIX. THAT OF THE HOOLIGAN AND THE PHILANTROPIST.

 Bill Basher was a Hooligan,

The terror of the town,

A reputation he possessed¹

For knocking people down;

On unprotected persons

Of a sudden he would spring,

And hit them with his buckle-belt,

Which hurt like anything.

One day ten stalwart constables²

Bill Basher took in charge.

"We cannot such a man," said they,

"Permit to roam at large;

He causes all the populace

To go about in fear;

We'd better take him to the Court

Of Mr. Justice Dear."

To Mr. Justice Dear they went—

A tender Judge was he:

He was a great Philanthropist

(Spelt with a big, big "P").

His bump—phrenologists declared—

Of kindness was immense;

Altho' he somewhat lacked the bump

Of common, common sense.

"Dear, dear!" exclaimed the kindly³ Judge

A-looking very wise,

"Your conduct in arresting him

Quite fills me with surprise.

Poor fellow! Don't you see the lit-

Tle things which he has done

Were doubtless but dictated⁴

By a sense of harmless fun?

"We really mustn't be too hard

Upon a man for that,

And I will not do more than just

Inflict⁵ a fine. That's flat!

See how he stands within the dock,

As mild as any lamb.

No! Sixpence fine. You are discharged.

Good morning, William."

 

Now strange to say, within a week,

Bill Basher had begun

To knock about a lot of other

People "just in fun."

He hit a young policeman

With a hammer on the head,

Until the poor young fellow

Was approximately dead.

"Good gracious!" murmured Justice Dear,

"This really is too bad,

To hit policemen on the head

Is not polite, my lad,

I must remand you for a week

To think what can be done,

And, in the meantime, please remain

In cell one twenty one."

Then, Justice Dear, he pondered thus:

"Bill Basher ought to wed⁶

Some good and noble woman;

Then he'd very soon be led

To see the error of his ways,

And give those errors o'er."

This scheme he thought upon again,

And liked it more and more.

A daughter had good Justice Dear,

Whose name was Angeline

(The lady's name is not pronounced

To rhyme with "line," but "leen"),

Not beautiful, but dutiful

As ever she could be;

Whatever her papa desired

She did obediently.

With her he talked the matter o'er,

And told her that he thought,

In the interests of humanity,

To marry Bill she ought.

And, though she loved a barrister

Named Smith, her grief she hid

And, with a stifled⁷ sigh, prepared

To do as she was bid.

 

They got a special licence, and

Together quickly went

To visit Basher in his cell

And show their kind intent.

* * *

His answer it was to the point,

Though couched in language queer,

These were the very words he used:

"Wot? Marry 'er? No fear!"

Good Justice Dear was greatly shocked;

Indeed, it was a blow

To find that such ingratitude⁸

The Hooligan should show.

So he gave to Smith, the barrister,

His daughter for a wife,

While on Bill he passed this sentence—

"Penal⁹ servitude for life."

1 possessed   

adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的

参考例句：

• He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
• He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。

2 constables   

n.警察( constable的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The constables made a desultory attempt to keep them away from the barn. 警察漫不经心地拦着不让他们靠近谷仓。 来自辞典例句
• There were also constables appointed to keep the peace. 城里也有被派来维持治安的基层警员。 来自互联网

3 kindly   

adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地

参考例句：

• Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
• A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。

4 dictated   

v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布

参考例句：

• He dictated a letter to his secretary. 他向秘书口授信稿。
• No person of a strong character likes to be dictated to. 没有一个个性强的人愿受人使唤。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 inflict   

vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担

参考例句：

• Don't inflict your ideas on me.不要把你的想法强加于我。
• Don't inflict damage on any person.不要伤害任何人。

6 wed   

v.娶，嫁，与…结婚

参考例句：

• The couple eventually wed after three year engagement.这对夫妇在订婚三年后终于结婚了。
• The prince was very determined to wed one of the king's daughters.王子下定决心要娶国王的其中一位女儿。

7 stifled   

（使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵

参考例句：

• The gas stifled them. 煤气使他们窒息。
• The rebellion was stifled. 叛乱被镇压了。

8 ingratitude   

n.忘恩负义

参考例句：

• Tim's parents were rather hurt by his ingratitude.蒂姆的父母对他的忘恩负义很痛心。
• His friends were shocked by his ingratitude to his parents.他对父母不孝，令他的朋友们大为吃惊。

9 penal   

adj.刑罚的；刑法上的

参考例句：

• I hope you're familiar with penal code.我希望你们熟悉本州法律规则。
• He underwent nineteen years of penal servitude for theft.他因犯了大窃案受过十九年的苦刑。