XXVIII. THAT OF THE ASTUTE NOVELIST.

 Quite an ordinary person

Wrote an ordinary book;

'Twas the first he'd ever written,

So a lot of pains he took.

From a two-a-penny paper

He some little factlets[2] culled¹,

With some "stories of celebrities²"

By which the Public's gulled³.

Then of course he had a hero,

And likewise a heroine,

And a villain⁴, and a villainess,

Whose nefarious⁵ design

Was most properly defeated

In the chapter last but one,—

Which described the happy ending—

There you were! The thing was done.

But, somehow, it didn't answer.

"Nothing strange," you'll say, "in that";

And, indeed, perhaps there wasn't

Very much to wonder at,

For the book was really never

Calculated fame to win,

And the author's coat grew shabby

And his body very thin.

 

And he pondered, and he pondered

O'er his misery⁶ and ills,

Till, one day, he met a party

Who was posting up some bills.

"What's the matter?" asked this person,

"You are looking mighty⁷ glum⁸.

Books not selling? Advertise 'em.

That's the dodge⁹ to make things hum."

"Look at 'Whatsit's Soap,' and so on!

Look at 'Thingumbobby's Pills!'

It's the advertising¹⁰ does it,

And the owner's pocket fills.

Puff¹¹ 'em up; the Public likes it;

And—(this from behind his hand)—

It doesn't matter if it's

Not quite true, you understand."

So the author wrote another

Book, and brought in Tsars, and Kings,

And Popes, and noble ladies—

Queens, and Duchesses, and things

And "the problem" of the moment;

And some politics, and cram¹²,

With tit-bits of foreign language

Mixed with literary jam.

And in type he had it stated

That "the world was all agog¹³"

For this "epoch-making" novel,

And—their memory to jog—

The public had it daily

In all kinds of sorts of ways

Thrust upon them, till it set

Their curiosity ablaze¹⁴.

And from Brixton unto Ponder's End

'Twas daily talked about

This wonderful new novel

Long, long, long before 'twas out;

I forget how many hundred

Thousand copies have been sold;

But it's brought the lucky author

Notoriety, and gold.

 

This judicious¹⁵ advertising

Has indeed brought him success;

He's the "lion" of the moment

In Society (big S).

It is even said that Royalty——

But there! I mustn't say,

For he'll tell you all about it

In another book some day.

2.  A factlet is nearly a fact.

1 culled   

v.挑选，剔除( cull的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The herd must be culled. 必须有选择地杀掉部分牧畜。 来自辞典例句
• The facts were culled from various sources. 这些事实是从各方收集到的。 来自辞典例句

2 celebrities   

n.（尤指娱乐界的）名人( celebrity的名词复数 )；名流；名声；名誉

参考例句：

• He only invited A-list celebrities to his parties. 他只邀请头等名流参加他的聚会。
• a TV chat show full of B-list celebrities 由众多二流人物参加的电视访谈节目

3 gulled   

v.欺骗某人( gull的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Such promises, said Apacides sullenly, are the tricks by which man is ever gulled. 阿帕奥得斯板着脸说：这种诺言是骗人的诡计。 来自辞典例句
• The man gulled the traveler out of every penny he had with him. 那人把那游客骗得身无分文。 来自辞典例句

4 villain   

n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因

参考例句：

• He was cast as the villain in the play.他在戏里扮演反面角色。
• The man who played the villain acted very well.扮演恶棍的那个男演员演得很好。

5 nefarious   

adj.恶毒的，极坏的

参考例句：

• My father believes you all have a nefarious purpose here.我父亲认为你们都有邪恶的目的。
• He was universally feared because of his many nefarious deeds.因为他干了许多罪恶的勾当，所以人人都惧怕他。

6 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

7 mighty   

adj.强有力的；巨大的

参考例句：

• A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
• The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。

8 glum   

adj.闷闷不乐的，阴郁的

参考例句：

• He was a charming mixture of glum and glee.他是一个很有魅力的人，时而忧伤时而欢笑。
• She laughed at his glum face.她嘲笑他闷闷不乐的脸。

9 dodge   

v.闪开，躲开，避开；n.妙计，诡计

参考例句：

• A dodge behind a tree kept her from being run over.她向树后一闪，才没被车从身上辗过。
• The dodge was coopered by the police.诡计被警察粉碎了。

10 advertising   

n.广告业；广告活动 a.广告的；广告业务的

参考例句：

• Can you give me any advice on getting into advertising? 你能指点我如何涉足广告业吗?
• The advertising campaign is aimed primarily at young people. 这个广告宣传运动主要是针对年轻人的。

11 puff   

n.一口(气)；一阵(风)；v.喷气，喘气

参考例句：

• He took a puff at his cigarette.他吸了一口香烟。
• They tried their best to puff the book they published.他们尽力吹捧他们出版的书。

12 cram   

v.填塞，塞满，临时抱佛脚，为考试而学习

参考例句：

• There was such a cram in the church.教堂里拥挤得要命。
• The room's full,we can't cram any more people in.屋里满满的，再也挤不进去人了。

13 agog   

adj.兴奋的，有强烈兴趣的； adv.渴望地

参考例句：

• The children were all agog to hear the story.孩子们都渴望着要听这个故事。
• The city was agog with rumors last night that the two had been executed.那两人已被处决的传言昨晚搞得全城沸沸扬扬。

14 ablaze   

adj.着火的，燃烧的；闪耀的，灯火辉煌的

参考例句：

• The main street was ablaze with lights in the evening.晚上，那条主要街道灯火辉煌。
• Forests are sometimes set ablaze by lightning.森林有时因雷击而起火。

15 judicious   

adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的

参考例句：

• We should listen to the judicious opinion of that old man.我们应该听取那位老人明智的意见。
• A judicious parent encourages his children to make their own decisions.贤明的父亲鼓励儿女自作抉择。