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CHAPTER 26 OWEN FORD'S CONFESSION
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 "I'm so sorry Gilbert is away," said Anne. "He had to go—Allan Lyons at the Glen has met with a serious accident. He will not likely be home till very late. But he told me to tell you he'd be up and over early enough in the morning to see you before you left. It's too provoking. Susan and I had planned such a nice little jamboree for your last night here."
 
She was sitting beside the garden brook1 on the little rustic2 seat Gilbert had built. Owen Ford3 stood before her, leaning against the bronze column of a yellow birch. He was very pale and his face bore the marks of the preceding sleepless4 night. Anne, glancing up at him, wondered if, after all, his summer had brought him the strength it should. Had he worked too hard over his book? She remembered that for a week he had not been looking well.
 
"I'm rather glad the doctor is away," said Owen slowly. "I wanted to see you alone, Mrs. Blythe. There is something I must tell somebody, or I think it will drive me mad. I've been trying for a week to look it in the face—and I can't. I know I can trust you—and, besides, you will understand. A woman with eyes like yours always understands. You are one of the folks people instinctively5 tell things to. Mrs. Blythe, I love Leslie. LOVE her! That seems too weak a word!"
 
His voice suddenly broke with the suppressed passion of his utterance6. He turned his head away and hid his face on his arm. His whole form shook. Anne sat looking at him, pale and aghast. She had never thought of this! And yet—how was it she had never thought of it? It now seemed a natural and inevitable7 thing. She wondered at her own blindness. But—but—things like this did not happen in Four Winds. Elsewhere in the world human passions might set at defiance8 human conventions and laws—but not HERE, surely. Leslie had kept summer boarders off and on for ten years, and nothing like this had happened. But perhaps they had not been like Owen Ford; and the vivid, LIVING Leslie of this summer was not the cold, sullen9 girl of other years. Oh, SOMEBODY should have thought of this! Why hadn't Miss Cornelia thought of it? Miss Cornelia was always ready enough to sound the alarm where men were concerned. Anne felt an unreasonable10 resentment11 against Miss Cornelia. Then she gave a little inward groan12. No matter who was to blame the mischief13 was done. And Leslie—what of Leslie? It was for Leslie Anne felt most concerned.
 
"Does Leslie know this, Mr. Ford?" she asked quietly.
 
"No—no,—unless she has guessed it. You surely don't think I'd be cad and scoundrel enough to tell her, Mrs. Blythe. I couldn't help loving her—that's all—and my misery14 is greater than I can bear."
 
"Does SHE care?" asked Anne. The moment the question crossed her lips she felt that she should not have asked it. Owen Ford answered it with overeager protest.
 
"No—no, of course not. But I could make her care if she were free—I know I could."
 
"She does care—and he knows it," thought Anne. Aloud she said, sympathetically but decidedly:
 
"But she is not free, Mr. Ford. And the only thing you can do is to go away in silence and leave her to her own life."
 
"I know—I know," groaned15 Owen. He sat down on the grassy16 bank and stared moodily17 into the amber18 water beneath him. "I know there's nothing to do—nothing but to say conventionally, 'Good-bye, Mrs. Moore. Thank you for all your kindness to me this summer,' just as I would have said it to the sonsy, bustling19, keen-eyed housewife I expected her to be when I came. Then I'll pay my board money like any honest boarder and go! Oh, it's very simple. No doubt—no perplexity—a straight road to the end of the world!
 
"And I'll walk it—you needn't fear that I won't, Mrs. Blythe. But it would be easier to walk over red-hot ploughshares."
 
Anne flinched20 with the pain of his voice. And there was so little she could say that would be adequate to the situation. Blame was out of the question—advice was not needed—sympathy was mocked by the man's stark21 agony. She could only feel with him in a maze22 of compassion23 and regret. Her heart ached for Leslie! Had not that poor girl suffered enough without this?
 
"It wouldn't be so hard to go and leave her if she were only happy," resumed Owen passionately24. "But to think of her living death—to realise what it is to which I do leave her! THAT is the worst of all. I would give my life to make her happy—and I can do nothing even to help her—nothing. She is bound forever to that poor wretch—with nothing to look forward to but growing old in a succession of empty, meaningless, barren years. It drives me mad to think of it. But I must go through my life, never seeing her, but always knowing what she is enduring. It's hideous—hideous!"
 
"It is very hard," said Anne sorrowfully. "We—her friends here—all know how hard it is for her."
 
"And she is so richly fitted for life," said Owen rebelliously25.
 
"Her beauty is the least of her dower—and she is the most beautiful woman I've ever known. That laugh of hers! I've angled all summer to evoke26 that laugh, just for the delight of hearing it. And her eyes—they are as deep and blue as the gulf27 out there. I never saw such blueness—and gold! Did you ever see her hair down, Mrs. Blythe?"
 
"No."
 
"I did—once. I had gone down to the Point to go fishing with Captain Jim but it was too rough to go out, so I came back. She had taken the opportunity of what she expected to be an afternoon alone to wash her hair, and she was standing28 on the veranda29 in the sunshine to dry it. It fell all about her to her feet in a fountain of living gold. When she saw me she hurried in, and the wind caught her hair and swirled30 it all around her—Danae in her cloud. Somehow, just then the knowledge that I loved her came home to me—and realised that I had loved her from the moment I first saw her standing against the darkness in that glow of light. And she must live on here—petting and soothing31 Dick, pinching and saving for a mere32 existence, while I spend my life longing33 vainly for her, and debarred, by that very fact, from even giving her the little help a friend might. I walked the shore last night, almost till dawn, and thrashed it all out over and over again. And yet, in spite of everything, I can't find it in my heart to be sorry that I came to Four Winds. It seems to me that, bad as everything is, it would be still worse never to have known Leslie. It's burning, searing pain to love her and leave her—but not to have loved her is unthinkable. I suppose all this sounds very crazy—all these terrible emotions always do sound foolish when we put them into our inadequate34 words. They are not meant to be spoken—only felt and endured. I shouldn't have spoken—but it has helped—some. At least, it has given me strength to go away respectably tomorrow morning, without making a scene. You'll write me now and then, won't you, Mrs. Blythe, and give me what news there is to give of her?"
 
"Yes," said Anne. "Oh, I'm so sorry you are going—we'll miss you so—we've all been such friends! If it were not for this you could come back other summers. Perhaps, even yet—by-and-by—when you've forgotten, perhaps—"
 
"I shall never forget—and I shall never come back to Four Winds," said Owen briefly35.
 
Silence and twilight36 fell over the garden. Far away the sea was lapping gently and monotonously37 on the bar. The wind of evening in the poplars sounded like some sad, weird38, old rune—some broken dream of old memories. A slender shapely young aspen rose up before them against the fine maize39 and emerald and paling rose of the western sky, which brought out every leaf and twig40 in dark, tremulous, elfin loveliness.
 
"Isn't that beautiful?" said Owen, pointing to it with the air of a man who puts a certain conversation behind him.
 
"It's so beautiful that it hurts me," said Anne softly. "Perfect things like that always did hurt me—I remember I called it 'the queer ache' when I was a child. What is the reason that pain like this seems inseparable from perfection? Is it the pain of finality—when we realise that there can be nothing beyond but retrogression?"
 
"Perhaps," said Owen dreamily, "it is the prisoned infinite in us calling out to its kindred infinite as expressed in that visible perfection."
 
"You seem to have a cold in the head. Better rub some tallow on your nose when you go to bed," said Miss Cornelia, who had come in through the little gate between the firs in time to catch Owen's last remark. Miss Cornelia liked Owen; but it was a matter of principle with her to visit any "high-falutin" language from a man with a snub.
 
Miss Cornelia personated the comedy that ever peeps around the corner at the tragedy of life. Anne, whose nerves had been rather strained, laughed hysterically41, and even Owen smiled. Certainly, sentiment and passion had a way of shrinking out of sight in Miss Cornelia's presence. And yet to Anne nothing seemed quite as hopeless and dark and painful as it had seemed a few moments before. But sleep was far from her eyes that night.
 

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 brook PSIyg     
n.小河,溪;v.忍受,容让
参考例句:
  • In our room we could hear the murmur of a distant brook.在我们房间能听到远处小溪汩汩的流水声。
  • The brook trickled through the valley.小溪涓涓流过峡谷。
2 rustic mCQz9     
adj.乡村的,有乡村特色的;n.乡下人,乡巴佬
参考例句:
  • It was nearly seven months of leisurely rustic living before Michael felt real boredom.这种悠闲的乡村生活过了差不多七个月之后,迈克尔开始感到烦闷。
  • We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.我们希望新鲜的空气和乡村的氛围能帮他调整自己。
3 Ford KiIxx     
n.浅滩,水浅可涉处;v.涉水,涉过
参考例句:
  • They were guarding the bridge,so we forded the river.他们驻守在那座桥上,所以我们只能涉水过河。
  • If you decide to ford a stream,be extremely careful.如果已决定要涉过小溪,必须极度小心。
4 sleepless oiBzGN     
adj.不睡眠的,睡不著的,不休息的
参考例句:
  • The situation gave her many sleepless nights.这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。
  • One evening I heard a tale that rendered me sleepless for nights.一天晚上,我听说了一个传闻,把我搞得一连几夜都不能入睡。
5 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
6 utterance dKczL     
n.用言语表达,话语,言语
参考例句:
  • This utterance of his was greeted with bursts of uproarious laughter.他的讲话引起阵阵哄然大笑。
  • My voice cleaves to my throat,and sob chokes my utterance.我的噪子哽咽,泣不成声。
7 inevitable 5xcyq     
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的
参考例句:
  • Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
  • The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。
8 defiance RmSzx     
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗
参考例句:
  • He climbed the ladder in defiance of the warning.他无视警告爬上了那架梯子。
  • He slammed the door in a spirit of defiance.他以挑衅性的态度把门砰地一下关上。
9 sullen kHGzl     
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的
参考例句:
  • He looked up at the sullen sky.他抬头看了一眼阴沉的天空。
  • Susan was sullen in the morning because she hadn't slept well.苏珊今天早上郁闷不乐,因为昨晚没睡好。
10 unreasonable tjLwm     
adj.不讲道理的,不合情理的,过度的
参考例句:
  • I know that they made the most unreasonable demands on you.我知道他们对你提出了最不合理的要求。
  • They spend an unreasonable amount of money on clothes.他们花在衣服上的钱太多了。
11 resentment 4sgyv     
n.怨愤,忿恨
参考例句:
  • All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
  • She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。
12 groan LfXxU     
vi./n.呻吟,抱怨;(发出)呻吟般的声音
参考例句:
  • The wounded man uttered a groan.那个受伤的人发出呻吟。
  • The people groan under the burden of taxes.人民在重税下痛苦呻吟。
13 mischief jDgxH     
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹
参考例句:
  • Nobody took notice of the mischief of the matter. 没有人注意到这件事情所带来的危害。
  • He seems to intend mischief.看来他想捣蛋。
14 misery G10yi     
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦
参考例句:
  • Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
  • He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。
15 groaned 1a076da0ddbd778a674301b2b29dff71     
v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦
参考例句:
  • He groaned in anguish. 他痛苦地呻吟。
  • The cart groaned under the weight of the piano. 大车在钢琴的重压下嘎吱作响。 来自《简明英汉词典》
16 grassy DfBxH     
adj.盖满草的;长满草的
参考例句:
  • They sat and had their lunch on a grassy hillside.他们坐在长满草的山坡上吃午饭。
  • Cattle move freely across the grassy plain.牛群自由自在地走过草原。
17 moodily 830ff6e3db19016ccfc088bb2ad40745     
adv.喜怒无常地;情绪多变地;心情不稳地;易生气地
参考例句:
  • Pork slipped from the room as she remained staring moodily into the distance. 阿宝从房间里溜了出来,留她独个人站在那里瞪着眼睛忧郁地望着远处。 来自辞典例句
  • He climbed moodily into the cab, relieved and distressed. 他忧郁地上了马车,既松了一口气,又忧心忡忡。 来自互联网
18 amber LzazBn     
n.琥珀;琥珀色;adj.琥珀制的
参考例句:
  • Would you like an amber necklace for your birthday?你过生日想要一条琥珀项链吗?
  • This is a piece of little amber stones.这是一块小小的琥珀化石。
19 bustling LxgzEl     
adj.喧闹的
参考例句:
  • The market was bustling with life. 市场上生机勃勃。
  • This district is getting more and more prosperous and bustling. 这一带越来越繁华了。
20 flinched 2fdac3253dda450d8c0462cb1e8d7102     
v.(因危险和痛苦)退缩,畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He flinched at the sight of the blood. 他一见到血就往后退。
  • This tough Corsican never flinched or failed. 这个刚毅的科西嘉人从来没有任何畏缩或沮丧。 来自辞典例句
21 stark lGszd     
adj.荒凉的;严酷的;完全的;adv.完全地
参考例句:
  • The young man is faced with a stark choice.这位年轻人面临严峻的抉择。
  • He gave a stark denial to the rumor.他对谣言加以完全的否认。
22 maze F76ze     
n.迷宫,八阵图,混乱,迷惑
参考例句:
  • He found his way through the complex maze of corridors.他穿过了迷宮一样的走廊。
  • She was lost in the maze for several hours.一连几小时,她的头脑处于一片糊涂状态。
23 compassion 3q2zZ     
n.同情,怜悯
参考例句:
  • He could not help having compassion for the poor creature.他情不自禁地怜悯起那个可怜的人来。
  • Her heart was filled with compassion for the motherless children.她对于没有母亲的孩子们充满了怜悯心。
24 passionately YmDzQ4     
ad.热烈地,激烈地
参考例句:
  • She could hate as passionately as she could love. 她能恨得咬牙切齿,也能爱得一往情深。
  • He was passionately addicted to pop music. 他酷爱流行音乐。
25 rebelliously cebb4afb4a7714d3d2878f110884dbf2     
adv.造反地,难以控制地
参考例句:
  • He rejected her words rebelliously. 他极力反对她的观点。 来自互联网
26 evoke NnDxB     
vt.唤起,引起,使人想起
参考例句:
  • These images are likely to evoke a strong response in the viewer.这些图像可能会在观众中产生强烈反响。
  • Her only resource was the sympathy she could evoke.她以凭借的唯一力量就是她能从人们心底里激起的同情。
27 gulf 1e0xp     
n.海湾;深渊,鸿沟;分歧,隔阂
参考例句:
  • The gulf between the two leaders cannot be bridged.两位领导人之间的鸿沟难以跨越。
  • There is a gulf between the two cities.这两座城市间有个海湾。
28 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
29 veranda XfczWG     
n.走廊;阳台
参考例句:
  • She sat in the shade on the veranda.她坐在阳台上的遮荫处。
  • They were strolling up and down the veranda.他们在走廊上来回徜徉。
30 swirled eb40fca2632f9acaecc78417fd6adc53     
v.旋转,打旋( swirl的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The waves swirled and eddied around the rocks. 波浪翻滚着在岩石周围打旋。
  • The water swirled down the drain. 水打着旋流进了下水道。
31 soothing soothing     
adj.慰藉的;使人宽心的;镇静的
参考例句:
  • Put on some nice soothing music.播放一些柔和舒缓的音乐。
  • His casual, relaxed manner was very soothing.他随意而放松的举动让人很快便平静下来。
32 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
33 longing 98bzd     
n.(for)渴望
参考例句:
  • Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
  • His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
34 inadequate 2kzyk     
adj.(for,to)不充足的,不适当的
参考例句:
  • The supply is inadequate to meet the demand.供不应求。
  • She was inadequate to the demands that were made on her.她还无力满足对她提出的各项要求。
35 briefly 9Styo     
adv.简单地,简短地
参考例句:
  • I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
  • He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。
36 twilight gKizf     
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期
参考例句:
  • Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
  • Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。
37 monotonously 36b124a78cd491b4b8ee41ea07438df3     
adv.单调地,无变化地
参考例句:
  • The lecturer phrased monotonously. 这位讲师用词单调。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The maid, still in tears, sniffed monotonously. 侍女还在哭,发出单调的抽泣声。 来自辞典例句
38 weird bghw8     
adj.古怪的,离奇的;怪诞的,神秘而可怕的
参考例句:
  • From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来,他好像有点怪。
  • His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。
39 maize q2Wyb     
n.玉米
参考例句:
  • There's a field planted with maize behind the house.房子后面有一块玉米地。
  • We can grow sorghum or maize on this plot.这块地可以种高粱或玉米。
40 twig VK1zg     
n.小树枝,嫩枝;v.理解
参考例句:
  • He heard the sharp crack of a twig.他听到树枝清脆的断裂声。
  • The sharp sound of a twig snapping scared the badger away.细枝突然折断的刺耳声把獾惊跑了。
41 hysterically 5q7zmQ     
ad. 歇斯底里地
参考例句:
  • The children giggled hysterically. 孩子们歇斯底里地傻笑。
  • She sobbed hysterically, and her thin body was shaken. 她歇斯底里地抽泣着,她瘦弱的身体哭得直颤抖。


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