?Tis yourself and you only you justly can thank;
For to him who is willing—there's no need to stand,
To instruct, to inform, to disgust or invite,
“'Tis in London where unceasing novelty grows,
Always fresh—and in bloom like the opening rose;
But if to the rose we its sweetness compare,
“fis as freely confess'd many thorus gather there;
?Tis at least quite as well, where they are, should be known.”
[255] The arrival at Piccadilly turned out to be truly agreeable to our friends, who were scarcely dressed and seated at the breakfast-table, before they were surprised by the unexpected appearance of an old friend, whose company and conversation had upon many occasions afforded them so much pleasure and information. This was no other than Sparkle.
“My dear boy,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, “you are welcome to the scene of former gratifications. How is your better half, and all friends in the country—any increase in the family? Why you look as healthy as Hygeia, and as steady as old time.”
“I confess,” replied Sparkle, “you ask so many questions upon important subjects in one breath, that I am quite deficient4 of wind to answer them seriatim. You must therefore take an answer in two words—all's right.”
“Enough,” replied Tom, “then I am content; but how, what,—are you in town alone?”
“You shall know all in time, but don't drive on too hard. I am glad to meet you again in the regions of fun, frolic, and humour, of which I doubt not there is, as there always was, a plentiful5 stock. Glad to see you both in good health and tip-top spirits. I have only come to pass a fortnight with you; and as I intend to make the utmost use of every minute of the time, don't let us waste in empty words what would be better employed in useful deeds.”
[256] “Useful deeds,” re-echoed Tom, “useful deeds—that savours of reflection. I thought you were fully6 aware it is an article considered of little value in the labyrinths7 of London; but since you are become, as I may venture to presume, a useful man, what may be the objects upon which you propose to practise your utility?”
“Still the same I find, Tom; all life, spirit, and gaiety, nothing like a hit, and I suppose you now think you have a palpable one. Never mind, I am not easily disconcerted, therefore you may play off the artillery8 of your wit without much chance of obtaining a triumph; but however, in plain words, I expect to be a happy father in about another month.”
“O ho!” said Tom, “then you are really a useful member of society, and I suppose are merely come up to town for the purpose of picking up a little more useful information and instruction how to perform the part of Papa.”
“Nay,” replied Sparkle, “I could hardly expect to obtain such from you. I must therefore be excused and acquitted9 of all such intentions—but joking apart, how are you devoted10?”
“To you,” replied Tallyho, who was much pleased by this accession to their society.
“Then,” continued Sparkle, “lend me all the assistance in your power. When did you see our old friend Merrywell!”
“The last time I saw him was in a place of safety, studying the law, and taking lessons from its professors in the Priory.”
“We must find him,” replied Sparkle; “so if you are not engaged, come along, and I will relate the circumstances which induce this search as we proceed.”
To this proposal Tom and Bob readily acceding13, the party were quickly on their way towards Abbot's Park.
[257] “You must know,” said Sparkle, “that Merry well's uncle in the country having received some information upon the subject of his confinement14, probably very highly coloured, has since his release withdrawn15 his patronage16 and support, so that the poor fellow has been without supplies for some time past, and I am at a loss to conjecture17 by what means he is now working the oracle18 for a subsistence. His uncle, however, is in the last stage of a severe illness, with little chance of recovery; and as I apprehend19 there is but little time to spare, I intend, if possible, to find our old acquaintance, start him for his relative's residence, in hope that he may arrive in time to be in at the death, and become inheritor of his estate, which is considerable, and may otherwise be apportioned20 among persons for whom he has had but little or no regard while living.”
“The object in view is a good one,” said Dashall, “and I sincerely hope we shall succeed in our endeavours.”
Passing down St. James's-street, Sparkle was quickly recognized by many of his old acquaintances and friends, and congratulated upon his return to the scenes where they had, in company with him, enjoyed many a lark21; and invitations came in as fast upon nim as the moments of life were fleeting22 away: for the present, however, all engagements were declined, till the principal object of his journey to London should be accomplished23; and after inquiries24 about old friends, and observations upon the passing occurrences of the moment were over, they proceeded on their way. Westminster Bridge was the precise line of direction for them to pursue, and as fortune would have it, they had scarcely arrived at the foot of it, before they discovered Merrywell bustling25 along in an opposite direction: he, however, appeared rather inclined to pass without recognition or acknowledgment, when Sparkle turning close upon him, gave him a hearty26 tap on the shoulder, which made him as it were involuntarily turn his head.
“Well met,” said Sparkle, “I want you.”
“To suit yourself,” was a reply as quickly given.
“Zounds!” said Merrywell, “I had little idea of being tapped on the shoulder by an old friend—but are you indeed in earnest?”
“Certainly I am, and can't be refused; but if you should be pinched for bail29, I think I have two friends with me who will do the needful;” introducing Tom and Bob.
“I see how it is,” continued Merrywell, “and have no objection to a joke; but I can't bear to have it carried too far.—How d'ye do, how d'ye do—can't stop—in a devil of a hurry—full of business.”
[258] “Zounds!” said Tom, “you are almost as bad as the man who having married a wife could not come; but if I may be so bold, whither away so fast?”
“To Westminster Hall—the sessions is on—must go—law is like the tide, it stays for none—adieu.”
“We cannot part thus,” said Sparkle, “I have come some miles in search of you, and cannot afford to be played with now.”
“Then accompany me to Westminster Hall, and I will be at your service.”
“If not,” replied Sparkle, “I shall enter a special detainer against you—so come along.”
They now entered Westminster Hall, where Merry well having disposed of some briefs and other papers into the hands of a counsellor preparatory to a cause coming on;
“There,” continued he, unow I am at your service.”
“Then tell me,” said Sparkle, “what you are at.”
“First,” inquired Merry well, “let me know what is your object in asking such a question.”
This being briefly30 explained, together with the absolute necessity there was for his leaving town without delay—
“Now,” said he, “I am at liberty to give you a sketch31 of circumstances which have befallen me since I saw you last.”
“Come then,” said Dashall, “we will proceed to Piccadilly, spend a comfortable afternoon, and ship you off by the mail from the White Horse Cellar at eight o'clock.”
“With all my heart,” was the reply. “Well, now you must understand, I am a sort of dabbler32 in professions. I was liberated33 from the high wall of the Priory by the Insolvent34 Debtor's Act; and since the unfortunate representation to the Old Boy, which deprived me of the needful supplies, I have tried my hand in three different ways.”
“And which are they?”
“Love, law, and literature,” continued Merry well.
“A very pretty combination,” said Dashall, “and are you able to make them blend comfortably together?”
[259] “Nothing more easy in the world. In the first place, a lady has taken a fancy to me, which fancy I am willing to indulge; in return for which she provides me with every indulgence.—I profess12 to be principal in the office of a” lawyer of established practice, who suffers me to share in the profits of such business as I can obtain. In the way of literature I have as yet done but little, though I am encouraged to hope much, from the success of others. Indeed I am told, if I can but write libels for John Bull, I may make a rapid fortune.”
“And when so made,” said Sparkle, “I shall wish you well with it; but I think the speculation35 I have already named much more likely to turn out equal to your wishes, and more consonant37 with your feelings, than the pursuit of either of those you have mentioned.”
“There I agree perfectly38 with you; and if I can make all right with the old gentleman, a fig39 for all the rest of my occupations: but you know I always liked independence, and if I could not get a fortune ready made, I had a desire to be the architect of one I should raise for myself.”
“Why I know you have generally borne the character of a man of genius.”
“Yes, and a deal my character did for me after quitting the walls. Why man, I happened to hear of a vacancy40 in a city parish school, for which I ventured to conceive myself duly qualified41, and therefore determined42 to make application to the churchwardens, one of whom had the character of being a man of great power, and was said to be the first in his line in the three kingdoms. Away I posted, full of hope and expectation of becoming a second Caleb Quotem, not doubting but salary and circumstances would turn out exactly to my wish.”
“But I thought you liked independence,” said Tallyho.
“Rather too much to engage in that concern,” was the reply, “as you will hear presently. Upon tracing out this gentleman who bore so strong a recommendation to particular notice, you may guess my surprise upon finding 'Purveyor43 of sausages' in gold letters over his door.”
Dashall burst into an irresistible44 laugh, and was most cordially joined by Sparkle and Tallyho, who were now strongly interested in the result of Merrywell's account.
“When I arrived,” continued Merry well, “this patron was reading the newspaper, which he threw down immediately upon my entrance, having mistaken me for a customer.”
[260] “Survaut, Sir,” said he, pulling down his greasy45 waist-coat.—“I am come, Sir,” said I, “to make some inquiry concerning a vacant school-master-ship.”—“Oh there again,” resumed the sausage-making churchwarden,—“Vy you are the seventeenth fellow that has been here to-day a bothering me about this plaguy vacasey. How do you read? you'll have a trial before me and my brother representative of this parish, and my spouse46 will also attend the reading bouts47. Now if so be as you minds your hits, why then may be you'll be the dominy. But, mind you, I don't like your sonorous48 voices, and my spouse—she knows things quite as well as I do,—she vants a great deal of action, so only you mind, loud and sonorous, and plenty of muscular motion for my spouse, that's the vay to win; but I haven't any time to talk to you now, you must call of an evening, when I am more at leisure, and then I'll explain; so move off now, Sir, move off, for I sees a customer coming—survant maum.”—“Flesh and blood could bear no more, and so”———“So what,” said Sparkle; “did you knock him down in the midst of his own sausages?”
“No, no, I knew too much of the law for that; but I cut the churchwarden, and bolted from the sausage-shop, determined to embrace law, physic, or divinity, in preference to cutting
“————— The rumps
Of little school-boy Jackies.”
“The study of the law was rather compulsory49 than voluntary, for during my residence in the College I was under the necessity of devoting some part of my time to, though I felt no great partiality for it; and you know law is law; and as in such, and so forth50, and hereby and aforesaid, provided always nevertheless notwithstanding, law is like a country dance, people are led up and down in it till they are tired: law is like a book of surgery, there are a great many terrible cases in it. It is also like physic, they that take least of it are best off: law is like a homely51 gentlewoman, very well to follow: law is like a scolding wife, very bad when it follows us: law is like a new fashion, people are bewitched to get into it; it is also like bad weather, most people are glad when they get out of it.”
[261] “I believe that sincerely,” cried the Hon. Tom Dashall; “for I think there are instances enough in which law has nothing at all to do with justice."{1}
1 This remark of the Hon. Tom Dashall is admirably
illustrated52 by the following statement:—
Twelve People in one Bail Bond fob Ten Pounds.—There
are very few instances of delinquency which we have
stated, that will stagger the belief of the fair
practitioner53, because they know such transactions are
they are committed, mixed with some regret that the
profession is so contaminated. The species of peculation36
we have now to submit to our readers is of singular nature;
greater share in the transaction; we will therefore leave
our readers to judge:—as to the statement of the fact, it
and accurately60 thus:—One of those unfortunate females who
milliners, hair-dressers, tally-women, and many other
the house of the celebrated63, or, more properly speaking,
the notorious, Mrs. Johnson, of Jermyn-street:—the
attorney accompanied the officer; and it happened that a
young gentleman connected with a banking-house of great
respectability was present, whom the attorney directed to
take in a bail bond, with the lady-abbess herself; but as
they were not sufficiently64 responsible, ten more of the
required to execute this bond; of course they complied.
The attorney, after having made the parties acquainted
with the great favour he had shewn them, and the vast
responsibility he had taken upon himself, required no more
than two guineas for the officer and himself; telling them
he would give them information when any thing further was to
be done; instead of which he took an assignment, sued out
process, prepared declarations, and served the parties.
The gentleman, rather alarmed at the idea of the
circumstance being known, desired us to pay the debt and
our astonishment67 we were informed that the costs amounted to
Thirty Pounds! for that there were twelve defendants. The
reader cannot suppose that any thing further could pass upon
such a preposterous68 subject, than giving notice of an
application to the court, to set aside the proceedings69. On
our return home we found eleven of the defendants,
consisting of the old brood hen and her chickens, each with
a copy of the process in her hand. The business now most
certainly put on the appearance of some costs. We again
applied to the attorney, and, by way of cutting it short,
offered him five pounds; but he, like many others who rely
needless to say, the proceedings were set aside. We have
forebome to mention the name of the attorney, on account of
deprives him of the power of ever offending again as an
attorney. Far be it from us then to sink him deeper in the
gulph of wretchedness: we kick not the dead lion; it is
[202] By this time they were arrived in Piccadilly, where they sat down to a cheerful refreshment78, and proceeded to make arrangements for Merry well's departure: previous to this, however, Dashall and his Cousin had an engagement to keep with their Hibernian friends, of which particulars will appear in the next Chapter.
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1
strand
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| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
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deplore
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| vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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plentiful
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| adj.富裕的，丰富的 | |
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6
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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7
labyrinths
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| 迷宫( labyrinth的名词复数 )； （文字，建筑）错综复杂的 | |
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artillery
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| n.(军)火炮，大炮；炮兵(部队) | |
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9
acquitted
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| 宣判…无罪( acquit的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（自己）作出某种表现 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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err
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| vi.犯错误，出差错 | |
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profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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acceding
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| v.（正式）加入( accede的现在分词 )；答应；（通过财产的添附而）增加；开始任职 | |
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14
confinement
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| n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限 | |
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15
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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patronage
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| n.赞助，支援，援助；光顾，捧场 | |
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conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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oracle
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| n.神谕，神谕处，预言 | |
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apprehend
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| vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑 | |
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apportioned
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| vt.分摊，分配（apportion的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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21
lark
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| n.云雀，百灵鸟；n.嬉戏，玩笑；vi.嬉戏 | |
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22
fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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23
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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24
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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25
bustling
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| adj.喧闹的 | |
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26
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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27
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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28
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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29
bail
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| v.舀（水），保释；n.保证金，保释，保释人 | |
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30
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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31
sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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dabbler
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| n. 戏水者, 业余家, 半玩半认真做的人 | |
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33
liberated
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| a.无拘束的，放纵的 | |
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34
insolvent
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| adj.破产的，无偿还能力的 | |
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35
speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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36
peculation
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| n.侵吞公款[公物] | |
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37
consonant
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| n.辅音；adj.[音]符合的 | |
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38
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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39
fig
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| n.无花果(树) | |
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40
vacancy
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| n.（旅馆的）空位，空房，（职务的）空缺 | |
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41
qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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42
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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43
purveyor
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| n.承办商，伙食承办商 | |
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44
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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45
greasy
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| adj. 多脂的，油脂的 | |
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46
spouse
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| n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
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47
bouts
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| n.拳击（或摔跤）比赛( bout的名词复数 )；一段（工作）；（尤指坏事的）一通；（疾病的）发作 | |
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48
sonorous
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| adj.响亮的，回响的；adv.圆润低沉地；感人地；n.感人，堂皇 | |
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49
compulsory
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| n.强制的，必修的；规定的，义务的 | |
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50
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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51
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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52
illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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53
practitioner
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| n.实践者，从事者；(医生或律师等)开业者 | |
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54
impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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55
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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56
impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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57
infamy
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| n.声名狼藉，出丑，恶行 | |
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58
defendants
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| 被告( defendant的名词复数 ) | |
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59
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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61
miscreant
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| n.恶棍 | |
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reptiles
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| n.爬行动物，爬虫( reptile的名词复数 ) | |
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63
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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nuns
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| n.（通常指基督教的）修女， （佛教的）尼姑( nun的名词复数 ) | |
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66
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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67
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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68
preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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69
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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70
propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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disdained
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| 鄙视( disdain的过去式和过去分词 )； 不屑于做，不愿意做 | |
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lawful
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| adj.法律许可的，守法的，合法的 | |
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73
hardy
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| adj.勇敢的，果断的，吃苦的；耐寒的 | |
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74
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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75
atones
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| v.补偿，赎（罪）( atone的第三人称单数 )；补偿，弥补，赎回 | |
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76
athletic
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| adj.擅长运动的，强健的；活跃的，体格健壮的 | |
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77
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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78
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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