Chapter XIV

 During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland. I tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife. It was unsatisfactory, and I could not imagine that she would be content with me; I was not content with myself. Strickland perplexed¹ me. I could not understand his motives². When I had asked him what first gave him the idea of being a painter, he was unable or unwilling³ to tell me. I could make nothing of it. I tried to persuade myself than an obscure feeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind, but to challenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatience⁴ with the monotony of his life. If, seized by an intolerable boredom⁵, he had determined⁶ to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties, it would have been comprehensible, and commonplace; but commonplace is precisely⁷ what I felt he was not. At last, because I was romantic, I devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far-fetched, but which was the only one that in any way satisfied me. It was this: I asked myself whether there was not in his soul some deep-rooted instinct of creation, which the circumstances of his life had obscured, but which grew relentlessly⁸, as a cancer may grow in the living tissues, till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly⁹ to action. The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest, and when the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaks at last the nest that has sheltered it.

 

But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker¹⁰, to his own ruin, perhaps, and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him; and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men, powerful and rich, pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last, conquered, they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women for the painful austerities of the cloister¹¹. Conversion¹² may come under many shapes, and it may be brought about in many ways. With some men it needs a cataclysm¹³, as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent¹⁴; but with some it comes gradually, as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a drop of water. Strickland had the directness of the fanatic¹⁵ and the ferocity of the apostle.

 

But to my practical mind it remained to be seen whether the passion which obsessed¹⁶ him would be justified¹⁷ of its works. When I asked him what his brother-students at the night classes he had attended in London thought of his painting, he answered with a grin:

 

"They thought it a joke."

 

"Have you begun to go to a studio here?"

 

"Yes. The blighter came round this morning—the master, you know; when he saw my drawing he just raised his eyebrows¹⁸ and walked on."

 

Strickland chuckled¹⁹. He did not seem discouraged. He was independent of the opinion of his fellows.

 

And it was just that which had most disconcerted me in my dealings with him. When people say they do not care what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves. Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries²⁰; and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they are supported by the approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate²¹ amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger. But the desire for approbation²² is perhaps the most deeply seated instinct of civilised man. No one runs so hurriedly to the cover of respectability as the unconventional woman who has exposed herself to the slings²³ and arrows of outraged²⁵ propriety²⁶. I do not believe the people who tell me they do not care a row of pins for the opinion of their fellows. It is the bravado²⁷ of ignorance. They mean only that they do not fear reproaches for peccadillos which they are convinced none will discover.

 

But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler²⁸ whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him; it gave him a freedom which was an outrage²⁴. I remember saying to him:

 

"Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn't go on."

 

"That's a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn't want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly²⁹ content to do the ordinary thing."

 

And once I sought to be satirical.

 

"You evidently don't believe in the maxim³⁰: Act so that every one of your actions is capable of being made into a universal rule."

 

"I never heard it before, but it's rotten nonsense."

 

"Well, it was Kant who said it."

 

"I don't care; it's rotten nonsense."

 

Nor with such a man could you expect the appeal to conscience to be effective. You might as well ask for a reflection without a mirror. I take it that conscience is the guardian³¹ in the individual of the rules which the community has evolved for its own preservation³². It is the policeman in all our hearts, set there to watch that we do not break its laws. It is the spy seated in the central stronghold of the ego³³. Man's desire for the approval of his fellows is so strong, his dread³⁴ of their censure³⁵ so violent, that he himself has brought his enemy within his gates; and it keeps watch over him, vigilant³⁶ always in the interests of its master to crush any half-formed desire to break away from the herd³⁷. It will force him to place the good of society before his own. It is the very strong link that attaches the individual to the whole. And man, subservient³⁸ to interests he has persuaded himself are greater than his own, makes himself a slave to his taskmaster. He sits him in a seat of honour. At last, like a courtier fawning³⁹ on the royal stick that is laid about his shoulders, he prides himself on the sensitiveness of his conscience. Then he has no words hard enough for the man who does not recognise its sway; for, a member of society now, he realises accurately⁴⁰ enough that against him he is powerless. When I saw that Strickland was really indifferent to the blame his conduct must excite, I could only draw back in horror as from a monster of hardly human shape.

 

The last words he said to me when I bade him good-night were:

 

"Tell Amy it's no good coming after me. Anyhow, I shall change my hotel, so she wouldn't be able to find me."

 

"My own impression is that she's well rid of you," I said.

 

"My dear fellow, I only hope you'll be able to make her see it. But women are very unintelligent."

1 perplexed   

adj.不知所措的

参考例句：

• The farmer felt the cow,went away,returned,sorely perplexed,always afraid of being cheated.那农民摸摸那头牛，走了又回来，犹豫不决，总怕上当受骗。
• The child was perplexed by the intricate plot of the story.这孩子被那头绪纷繁的故事弄得迷惑不解。

2 motives   

n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• to impeach sb's motives 怀疑某人的动机
• His motives are unclear. 他的用意不明。

3 unwilling   

adj.不情愿的

参考例句：

• The natives were unwilling to be bent by colonial power.土著居民不愿受殖民势力的摆布。
• His tightfisted employer was unwilling to give him a raise.他那吝啬的雇主不肯给他加薪。

4 impatience   

n.不耐烦，急躁

参考例句：

• He expressed impatience at the slow rate of progress.进展缓慢，他显得不耐烦。
• He gave a stamp of impatience.他不耐烦地跺脚。

5 boredom   

n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊

参考例句：

• Unemployment can drive you mad with boredom.失业会让你无聊得发疯。
• A walkman can relieve the boredom of running.跑步时带着随身听就不那么乏味了。

6 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

7 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

8 relentlessly   

adv.不屈不挠地；残酷地；不间断

参考例句：

• The African sun beat relentlessly down on his aching head. 非洲的太阳无情地照射在他那发痛的头上。
• He pursued her relentlessly, refusing to take 'no' for an answer. 他锲而不舍地追求她，拒不接受“不”的回答。

9 irresistibly   

adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地

参考例句：

• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside. 她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He was irresistibly attracted by her charm. 他不能自已地被她的魅力所吸引。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 stockbroker   

n.股票（或证券），经纪人（或机构）

参考例句：

• The main business of stockbroker is to help clients buy and sell shares.股票经纪人的主要业务是帮客户买卖股票。
• My stockbroker manages my portfolio for me.我的证券经纪人替我管理投资组合。

11 cloister   

n.修道院；v.隐退，使与世隔绝

参考例句：

• They went out into the stil,shadowy cloister garden.他们出了房间，走到那个寂静阴沉的修道院的园子里去。
• The ancient cloister was a structure of red brick picked out with white stone.古老的修道院是一座白石衬托着的红砖建筑物。

12 conversion   

n.转化，转换，转变

参考例句：

• He underwent quite a conversion.他彻底变了。
• Waste conversion is a part of the production process.废物处理是生产过程的一个组成部分。

13 cataclysm   

n.洪水，剧变，大灾难

参考例句：

• The extinct volcano's eruption would mean a cataclysm for the city.死火山又重新喷发，对这座城市来说意味着大难临头。
• The cataclysm flooded the entire valley.洪水淹没了整个山谷。

14 torrent   

n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发

参考例句：

• The torrent scoured a channel down the hillside. 急流沿着山坡冲出了一条沟。
• Her pent-up anger was released in a torrent of words.她压抑的愤怒以滔滔不绝的话爆发了出来。

15 fanatic   

n.狂热者，入迷者；adj.狂热入迷的

参考例句：

• Alexander is a football fanatic.亚历山大是个足球迷。
• I am not a religious fanatic but I am a Christian.我不是宗教狂热分子，但我是基督徒。

16 obsessed   

adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的

参考例句：

• He's obsessed by computers. 他迷上了电脑。
• The fear of death obsessed him throughout his old life. 他晚年一直受着死亡恐惧的困扰。

17 justified   

a.正当的，有理的

参考例句：

• She felt fully justified in asking for her money back. 她认为有充分的理由要求退款。
• The prisoner has certainly justified his claims by his actions. 那个囚犯确实已用自己的行动表明他的要求是正当的。

18 eyebrows   

眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
• His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。

19 chuckled   

轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She chuckled at the memory. 想起这件事她就暗自发笑。
• She chuckled softly to herself as she remembered his astonished look. 想起他那惊讶的表情，她就轻轻地暗自发笑。

20 vagaries   

n.奇想( vagary的名词复数 )；异想天开；异常行为；难以预测的情况

参考例句：

• The vagaries of fortune are indeed curious.\" 命运的变化莫测真是不可思议。” 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
• The vagaries of inclement weather conditions are avoided to a certain extent. 可以在一定程度上避免变化莫测的恶劣气候影响。 来自辞典例句

21 inordinate   

adj.无节制的；过度的

参考例句：

• The idea of this gave me inordinate pleasure.我想到这一点感到非常高兴。
• James hints that his heroine's demands on life are inordinate.詹姆斯暗示他的女主人公对于人生过于苛求。

22 approbation   

n.称赞；认可

参考例句：

• He tasted the wine of audience approbation.他尝到了像酒般令人陶醉的听众赞许滋味。
• The result has not met universal approbation.该结果尚未获得普遍认同。

23 slings   

抛( sling的第三人称单数 )； 吊挂； 遣送； 押往

参考例句：

• "Don't you fear the threat of slings, Perched on top of Branches so high?" 矫矫珍木巅，得无金丸惧？ 来自英汉 - 翻译样例 - 文学
• Used for a variety of things including slings and emergency tie-offs. 用于绳套，设置保护点，或者紧急情况下打结。

24 outrage   

n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒

参考例句：

• When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
• We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。

25 outraged   

a.震惊的，义愤填膺的

参考例句：

• Members of Parliament were outraged by the news of the assassination. 议会议员们被这暗杀的消息激怒了。
• He was outraged by their behavior. 他们的行为使他感到愤慨。

26 propriety   

n.正当行为；正当；适当

参考例句：

• We hesitated at the propriety of the method.我们对这种办法是否适用拿不定主意。
• The sensitive matter was handled with great propriety.这件机密的事处理得极为适当。

27 bravado   

n.虚张声势，故作勇敢，逞能

参考例句：

• Their behaviour was just sheer bravado. 他们的行为完全是虚张声势。
• He flourished the weapon in an attempt at bravado. 他挥舞武器意在虚张声势。

28 wrestler   

n.摔角选手，扭

参考例句：

• The wrestler tripped up his opponent.那个摔跤运动员把对手绊倒在地。
• The stronger wrestler won the first throw.较壮的那个摔跤手第一跤就赢了。

29 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

30 maxim   

n.格言，箴言

参考例句：

• Please lay the maxim to your heart.请把此格言记在心里。
• "Waste not,want not" is her favourite maxim.“不浪费则不匮乏”是她喜爱的格言。

31 guardian   

n.监护人；守卫者，保护者

参考例句：

• The form must be signed by the child's parents or guardian. 这张表格须由孩子的家长或监护人签字。
• The press is a guardian of the public weal. 报刊是公共福利的卫护者。

32 preservation   

n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持

参考例句：

• The police are responsible for the preservation of law and order.警察负责维持法律与秩序。
• The picture is in an excellent state of preservation.这幅画保存得极为完好。

33 ego   

n.自我，自己，自尊

参考例句：

• He is absolute ego in all thing.在所有的事情上他都绝对自我。
• She has been on an ego trip since she sang on television.她上电视台唱过歌之后就一直自吹自擂。

34 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

35 censure   

v./n.责备；非难；责难

参考例句：

• You must not censure him until you know the whole story.在弄清全部事实真相前不要谴责他。
• His dishonest behaviour came under severe censure.他的不诚实行为受到了严厉指责。

36 vigilant   

adj.警觉的，警戒的，警惕的

参考例句：

• He has to learn how to remain vigilant through these long nights.他得学会如何在这漫长的黑夜里保持警觉。
• The dog kept a vigilant guard over the house.这只狗警醒地守护着这所房屋。

37 herd   

n.兽群，牧群；vt.使集中，把…赶在一起

参考例句：

• She drove the herd of cattle through the wilderness.她赶着牛群穿过荒野。
• He had no opinions of his own but simply follow the herd.他从无主见，只是人云亦云。

38 subservient   

adj.卑屈的，阿谀的

参考例句：

• He was subservient and servile.他低声下气、卑躬屈膝。
• It was horrible to have to be affable and subservient.不得不强作欢颜卖弄风骚，真是太可怕了。

39 fawning   

adj.乞怜的，奉承的v.（尤指狗等）跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的现在分词 )；巴结；讨好

参考例句：

• The servant worn a fawning smile. 仆人的脸上露出一种谄笑。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Then, what submission, what cringing and fawning, what servility, what abject humiliation! 好一个低眉垂首、阿谀逢迎、胁肩谄笑、卑躬屈膝的场面！ 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

40 accurately   

adv.准确地，精确地

参考例句：

• It is hard to hit the ball accurately.准确地击中球很难。
• Now scientists can forecast the weather accurately.现在科学家们能准确地预报天气。