Discerning the Faith
Not to strain a metaphor18, I found that the commentators19 obscured rather than assisted. What I desired was to realise the character, to divine the inner thoughts of Jesus, to be fired by the impetuous eloquence20 of Paul, to be strengthened by the ardent21 simplicity22 of John. These critics, men of incredible diligence and patience, seemed to me to make a fence about the law, and to wrap the form I wished to see in innumerable vestments of curious design. Readers of the Protagoras of Plato will remember how the great sophist spoke23 from the centre of a mass of rugs and coverlets, among which, for his delectation, he lay, while the humming of his voice filled the arches of the cloister24 with a heavy burden of sound. I found myself in the same position as the disciples25 of Protagoras; the voice that I longed to hear, spoke, but it had to penetrate26 through the wrappings and veils which these men, in their zeal for service, had in mistaken reverence27 flung about the lively oracle28.
[66]
A wise man said to me not long ago that the fault of teaching nowadays was that knowledge was all coined into counters; and that the desire of learners seemed to be not to possess themselves of the ore, not to strengthen and toughen the mind by the pursuit, but to possess themselves of as many of these tokens as possible, and to hand them on unchanged and unchangeable to those who came to learn of themselves.
This was my difficulty; the shelves teemed29 with books, the lecturers cried aloud in every College court, like the jackdaws that cawed and clanged about the venerable towers; and for a period I flew with notebook and pen from lecture to lecture, entering admirable maxims30, acute verbal distinctions, ingenious parallels in my poor pages. At home I turned through book after book, and imbued31 myself in the learning of the schools, dreaming that, though the rind was tough, the precious morsels32 lay succulent within.
In this conceit33 of knowledge I was led to leave my College and to plunge34 into practical life; what my work was shall presently be related, but I will own that it was a relief. I had begun to feel that though I had learnt[67] the use of the tools, I was no nearer finding the precious metal of which I was in search.
The further development of my faith after this cannot be told in detail, but it may be briefly35 sketched36, after a life of some intellectual activity, not without practical employment, which has now extended over many years.
The Father
I began, I think, very far from Christ. The only vital faith that I had at first was an intense instinctive37 belief in the absolute power, the infinite energies, of the Father; to me he was not only Almighty38, as our weak word phrases it, a Being who could, if he would, exert His power, but παντοκρατ?ρ—all-conquering, all-subduing. I was led, by a process of mathematical certainty, to see that if the Father was anywhere, He was everywhere; that if He made us and bade us be, He was responsible for the smallest and most sordid39 details of our life and thought, as well as for the noblest and highest. It cannot indeed be otherwise; every thought and action springs from some cause, in many cases referable to events which took place in lives outside of and anterior40 to our own. In any case in which a man seems to enjoy the faculty41 of choice,[68] his choice is in reality determined42 by a number of previous causes; given all the data, his action could be inevitably43 predicted. Thus I gradually realised that sin in the moral world, and disease in the physical, are each of them some manifestation44 of the Eternal Will. If He gives to me the joy of life, the energy of action, did He not give it to the subtle fungus45, to the venomous bacteria which, once established in our bodies, are known by the names of cancer and fever? Why all life should be this uneasy battle I know not; but if we can predicate consciousness of any kind to these strange rudiments46, the living slime of the pit, is it irreverent to say that faith may play a part in their work as well? When the health-giving medicine pours along our veins47, what does it mean but that everywhere it leaves destruction behind it, and that the organisms of disease which have, with delighted zest48, been triumphing in their chosen dwelling49 and rioting in the instinctive joy of life, sadly and mutely resign the energy that animates50 them, or sink into sleep. It is all a balance, a strife, a battle. Why such striving and fighting, such uneasy victory and deep unrest should be the Father’s will for all His creatures, I[69] know not; but that it is a condition, a law of His own mind, I can reverently51 believe. When we sing the Benedicite, which I for one do with all my heart, we must be conscious that it is only a selection, after all, of phenomena52 that are impressive, delightful53, or useful to ourselves. Nothing that we call, God forgive us, noxious54, finds a place there. St. Francis, indeed, went further, and praised God for “our sister the Death of the Body,” but in the larger Benedicite of the universe, which is heard by the ear of God, the fever and the pestilence55, the cobra and the graveyard56 worm utter their voices too; and who shall say that the Father hears them not?
The Joy of the World
If one believes that happiness is inch by inch diminishing, that it is all a losing fight, then it must be granted that we have no refuge but in a Stoic57 hardening of the heart; but when we look at life and see the huge preponderance of joy over pain—such tracts58 of healthy energy, sweet duty, quiet movement—indeed when we see, as we often do, the touching59 spectacle of hope and joy again and again triumphant60 over weakness and weariness; when we see such unselfishness abroad, such ardent desire to lighten the loads of others[70] and to bear their burdens; then it is faithless indeed if we allow ourselves to believe that the Father has any end in view but the ultimate happiness of all the innumerable units, which He endows with independent energies, and which, one by one, after their short taste of this beautiful and exquisite61 world, resign their powers again, often so gladly, into His hand.
Our Insignificance62
But the fault, if I may so phrase it, of this faith, is the vastness of the conception to which it opens the mind. When I contemplate63 this earth with its continents and islands, its mountains and plains, all stored with histories of life and death, the bones of dead monsters, the shattered hulks of time; the vast briny64 ocean with all the mysterious life that stirs beneath the heaving crests65; when I realise that even this world, with all its infinite records of life, is but a speck66 in the heavens, and that every one of the suns of space may be surrounded with the same train of satellites, in which some tumultuous drama of life may be, nay67, must be enacting68 itself—that even on the fiery69 orbs70 themselves some appalling71 Titan forms may be putting forth72 their prodigious73 energies, suffering and dying—the mind of[71] man reels before the thought;—and yet all is in the mind of God. The consciousness of the microscopic74 minuteness of my own life and energies, which yet are all in all to me, becomes crushing and paralysing in the light of such a thought. It seems impossible to believe, in the presence of such a spectacle, that the single life can have any definite importance, and the temptation comes to resign all effort, to swim on the stream, just planning life to be as easy and as pleasant as possible, before one sinks into the abyss.
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1 awakened | |
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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2 paramount | |
a.最重要的,最高权力的 | |
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3 arrogant | |
adj.傲慢的,自大的 | |
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4 strife | |
n.争吵,冲突,倾轧,竞争 | |
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5 sincerity | |
n.真诚,诚意;真实 | |
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6 zeal | |
n.热心,热情,热忱 | |
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7 margin | |
n.页边空白;差额;余地,余裕;边,边缘 | |
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8 mire | |
n.泥沼,泥泞;v.使...陷于泥泞,使...陷入困境 | |
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9 turbid | |
adj.混浊的,泥水的,浓的 | |
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10 fouled | |
v.使污秽( foul的过去式和过去分词 );弄脏;击球出界;(通常用废物)弄脏 | |
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11 draughts | |
n. <英>国际跳棋 | |
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12 vessels | |
n.血管( vessel的名词复数 );船;容器;(具有特殊品质或接受特殊品质的)人 | |
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13 enraged | |
使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 ); 歜; 激愤 | |
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14 authentic | |
a.真的,真正的;可靠的,可信的,有根据的 | |
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15 wayfarer | |
n.旅人 | |
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16 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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17 encumbered | |
v.妨碍,阻碍,拖累( encumber的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18 metaphor | |
n.隐喻,暗喻 | |
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19 commentators | |
n.评论员( commentator的名词复数 );时事评论员;注释者;实况广播员 | |
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20 eloquence | |
n.雄辩;口才,修辞 | |
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21 ardent | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,强烈的,烈性的 | |
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22 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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23 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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24 cloister | |
n.修道院;v.隐退,使与世隔绝 | |
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25 disciples | |
n.信徒( disciple的名词复数 );门徒;耶稣的信徒;(尤指)耶稣十二门徒之一 | |
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26 penetrate | |
v.透(渗)入;刺入,刺穿;洞察,了解 | |
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27 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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28 oracle | |
n.神谕,神谕处,预言 | |
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29 teemed | |
v.充满( teem的过去式和过去分词 );到处都是;(指水、雨等)暴降;倾注 | |
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30 maxims | |
n.格言,座右铭( maxim的名词复数 ) | |
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31 imbued | |
v.使(某人/某事)充满或激起(感情等)( imbue的过去式和过去分词 );使充满;灌输;激发(强烈感情或品质等) | |
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32 morsels | |
n.一口( morsel的名词复数 );(尤指食物)小块,碎屑 | |
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33 conceit | |
n.自负,自高自大 | |
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34 plunge | |
v.跳入,(使)投入,(使)陷入;猛冲 | |
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35 briefly | |
adv.简单地,简短地 | |
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36 sketched | |
v.草拟(sketch的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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37 instinctive | |
adj.(出于)本能的;直觉的;(出于)天性的 | |
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38 almighty | |
adj.全能的,万能的;很大的,很强的 | |
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39 sordid | |
adj.肮脏的,不干净的,卑鄙的,暗淡的 | |
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40 anterior | |
adj.较早的;在前的 | |
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41 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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42 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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43 inevitably | |
adv.不可避免地;必然发生地 | |
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44 manifestation | |
n.表现形式;表明;现象 | |
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45 fungus | |
n.真菌,真菌类植物 | |
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46 rudiments | |
n.基础知识,入门 | |
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47 veins | |
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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48 zest | |
n.乐趣;滋味,风味;兴趣 | |
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49 dwelling | |
n.住宅,住所,寓所 | |
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50 animates | |
v.使有生气( animate的第三人称单数 );驱动;使栩栩如生地动作;赋予…以生命 | |
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51 reverently | |
adv.虔诚地 | |
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52 phenomena | |
n.现象 | |
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53 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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54 noxious | |
adj.有害的,有毒的;使道德败坏的,讨厌的 | |
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55 pestilence | |
n.瘟疫 | |
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56 graveyard | |
n.坟场 | |
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57 stoic | |
n.坚忍克己之人,禁欲主义者 | |
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58 tracts | |
大片土地( tract的名词复数 ); 地带; (体内的)道; (尤指宣扬宗教、伦理或政治的)短文 | |
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59 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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60 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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61 exquisite | |
adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的 | |
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62 insignificance | |
n.不重要;无价值;无意义 | |
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63 contemplate | |
vt.盘算,计议;周密考虑;注视,凝视 | |
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64 briny | |
adj.盐水的;很咸的;n.海洋 | |
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65 crests | |
v.到达山顶(或浪峰)( crest的第三人称单数 );到达洪峰,达到顶点 | |
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66 speck | |
n.微粒,小污点,小斑点 | |
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67 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
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68 enacting | |
制定(法律),通过(法案)( enact的现在分词 ) | |
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69 fiery | |
adj.燃烧着的,火红的;暴躁的;激烈的 | |
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70 orbs | |
abbr.off-reservation boarding school 在校寄宿学校n.球,天体,圆形物( orb的名词复数 ) | |
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71 appalling | |
adj.骇人听闻的,令人震惊的,可怕的 | |
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72 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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73 prodigious | |
adj.惊人的,奇妙的;异常的;巨大的;庞大的 | |
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74 microscopic | |
adj.微小的,细微的,极小的,显微的 | |
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