That is, so to speak, the outside of my life, the front that is turned to the world. May I for a brief moment open the doors that lead to the secret rooms of the spirit?
The greater part of mankind trouble themselves little enough about the eternal questions: what we are, and what we shall be hereafter. Life to the strong, energetic, the full-blooded gives innumerable opportunities of forgetting. It is easy to swim with the stream, to take no thought of the hills which feed the quiet source of it, or the sea to which it runs; for such as these it is enough to live. But all whose minds are restless, whose imagination is constructive1, who have to face some dreary2 and aching present, and would so gladly take refuge in the future and nestle in the arms of faith, if they could but find her—for these the obstinate3 question must come. Like the wind of heaven it rises. We may shut it out, trim the lamp, pile the fire, and lose ourselves in[232] pleasant and complacent4 activities; but in the intervals5 of our work, when we drop the book or lay down the pen, the gust6 rises shrill7 and sharp round the eaves, the gale8 buffets9 in the chimney, and we cannot drown the echo in our hearts.
This is the question:—
Is our life a mere10 fortuitous and evanescent thing? Is consciousness a mere symptom of matter under certain conditions? Do we begin and end? Are the intense emotions and attachments11, the joys and sorrows of life, the agonies of loss, the hungering love with which we surround the faces, the voices, the forms of those we love, the chords which vibrate in us at the thought of vanished days, and places we have loved—the old house, the family groups assembled, the light upon the quiet fields at evening, the red sunset behind the elms—all those purest, sweetest, most poignant12 memories—are these all unsubstantial phenomena13 like the rainbow or the dawn, subjective14, transitory, moving as the wayfarer15 moves?
Who can tell us?
Some would cast themselves upon the Gospel—but to me it seems that Jesus spoke16 of these things rarely, dimly, in parables—and[233] that though He takes for granted the continuity of existence, He deliberately18 withheld19 the knowledge of the conditions under which it continues. He spoke, it is true, in the story of Dives and Lazarus, of a future state, of the bosom20 of Abraham where the spirit rested like a tired child upon his father’s knee—of the great gulf21 that could not be crossed except by the voices and gestures of the spirits—but will any one maintain that He was not using the forms of current allegory, and that He intended this parable17 as an eschatological solution? Again He spoke of the final judgment22 in a pastoral image.
Identity
Enough, some faithful souls may say, upon which to rest the hope of the preservation23 of human identity. Alas24! I must confess with a sigh, it is not enough for me. I see the mass of His teaching directed to life, and the issues of the moment; I seem to see Him turn His back again and again on the future, and wave His followers25 away. Is it conceivable that if He could have said, in words unmistakable and precise, “You have before you, when the weary body closes its eyes on the world, an existence in which perception is as strong or stronger, identity as clearly defined, memory as real,[234] though as swift as when you lived—and this too unaccompanied by any of the languors or failures or traitorous26 inheritance of the poor corporal frame,”—is it conceivable, I say, that if He could have said this, He would have held His peace, and spoken only through dark hints, dim allegories, shadowy imaginings. Could a message of peace more strong, more vital, more tremendous have been given to the world? To have satisfied the riddles27 of the sages28, the dream of philosophers, the hopes of the ardent—to have allayed29 the fears of the timid the heaviness of the despairing; to have dried the mourner’s tears—all in a moment. And He did not!
What then can we believe? I can answer but for myself.
I believe with my whole heart and soul in the indestructibility of life and spirit. Even matter to my mind seems indestructible—and matter is, I hold, less real than the motions and activities of the spirit.
It has sometimes seemed to me that matter may afford us the missing analogy: when the body dies, it sinks softly and resistlessly into the earth, and is carried on the wings of the[235] wind, in the silent speeding fountains, to rise again in ceaseless interchange of form.
Individuality
Could it be so with life and spirit? As the fountain casts the jet high into the air over the glimmering30 basin, and the drops separate themselves for a prismatic instant—when their separate identity seems unquestioned—and then rejoin the parent wave, could not life and spirit slip back as it were into some vast reservoir of life, perhaps to linger there awhile, to lose by peaceful self-surrender, happy intermingling, by cool and tranquil31 fusion32 the dust, the stain, the ghastly taint33 of suffering and sin? I know not, but I think it may be so.
But if I could affirm the other—that the spirit passes onwards through realms undreamed of, in gentle unstained communion, not only with those whom one has loved, but with all whom one ever would have loved, lost in sweet wonder at the infinite tenderness and graciousness of God—would it not in one single instant give me the peace I cannot find, and make life into a radiant antechamber leading to a vision of rapturous delight?
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1
constructive
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| adj.建设的，建设性的 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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complacent
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| adj.自满的；自鸣得意的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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7
shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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gale
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| n.大风，强风，一阵闹声（尤指笑声等） | |
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9
buffets
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| （火车站的）饮食柜台( buffet的名词复数 )； （火车的）餐车； 自助餐 | |
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10
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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attachments
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| n.（用电子邮件发送的）附件( attachment的名词复数 )；附着；连接；附属物 | |
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poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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subjective
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| a.主观(上)的，个人的 | |
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wayfarer
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| n.旅人 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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parable
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| n.寓言，比喻 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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withheld
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| withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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traitorous
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| adj. 叛国的, 不忠的, 背信弃义的 | |
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riddles
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| n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜 | |
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sages
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| n.圣人( sage的名词复数 )；智者；哲人；鼠尾草（可用作调料） | |
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29
allayed
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| v.减轻，缓和( allay的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30
glimmering
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| n.微光，隐约的一瞥adj.薄弱地发光的v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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fusion
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| n.溶化；熔解；熔化状态，熔和；熔接 | |
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taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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