—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar.
We spent part of an afternoon and a night at sea, and reached Bluff2, in New Zealand, early in the morning. Bluff is at the bottom of the middle island, and is away down south, nearly forty-seven degrees below the equator. It lies as far south of the line as Quebec lies north of it, and the climates of the two should be alike; but for some reason or other it has not been so arranged. Quebec is hot in the summer and cold in the winter, but Bluff’s climate is less intense; the cold weather is not very cold, the hot weather is not very hot; and the difference between the hottest month and the coldest is but 17 degrees Fahrenheit3.
In New Zealand the rabbit plague began at Bluff. The man who introduced the rabbit there was banqueted and lauded4; but they would hang him, now, if they could get him. In England the natural enemy of the rabbit is detested5 and persecuted6; in the Bluff region the natural enemy of the rabbit is honored, and his person is sacred. The rabbit’s natural enemy in England is the poacher, in Bluff its natural enemy is the stoat, the weasel, the ferret, the cat, and the mongoose. In England any person below the Heir who is caught with a rabbit in his possession must satisfactorily explain how it got there, or he will suffer fine and imprisonment7, together with extinction8 of his peerage; in Bluff, the cat found with a rabbit in its possession does not have to explain—everybody looks the other way; the person caught noticing would suffer fine and imprisonment, with extinction of peerage. This is a sure way to undermine the moral fabric9 of a cat. Thirty years from now there will not be a moral cat in New Zealand. Some think there is none there now. In England the poacher is watched, tracked, hunted—he dare not show his face; in Bluff the cat, the weasel, the stoat, and the mongoose go up and down, whither they will, unmolested. By a law of the legislature, posted where all may read, it is decreed that any person found in possession of one of these creatures (dead) must satisfactorily explain the circumstances or pay a fine of not less than L5, nor more than L20. The revenue from this source is not large. Persons who want to pay a hundred dollars for a dead cat are getting rarer and rarer every day. This is bad, for the revenue was to go to the endowment of a University. All governments are more or less short-sighted: in England they fine the poacher, whereas he ought to be banished10 to New Zealand. New Zealand would pay his way, and give him wages.
It was from Bluff that we ought to have cut across to the west coast and visited the New Zealand Switzerland, a land of superb scenery, made up of snowy grandeurs, and mighty11 glaciers12, and beautiful lakes; and over there, also, are the wonderful rivals of the Norwegian and Alaskan fiords; and for neighbor, a waterfall of 1,900 feet; but we were obliged to postpone13 the trip to some later and indefinite time.
November 6. A lovely summer morning; brilliant blue sky. A few miles out from Invercargill, passed through vast level green expanses snowed over with sheep. Fine to see. The green, deep and very vivid sometimes; at other times less so, but delicate and lovely. A passenger reminds me that I am in “the England of the Far South.”
Dunedin, same date. The town justifies14 Michael Davitt’s praises. The people are Scotch15. They stopped here on their way from home to heaven—thinking they had arrived. The population is stated at 40,000, by Malcolm Ross, journalist; stated by an M. P. at 60,000. A journalist cannot lie.
To the residence of Dr. Hockin. He has a fine collection of books relating to New Zealand; and his house is a museum of Maori art and antiquities16. He has pictures and prints in color of many native chiefs of the past—some of them of note in history. There is nothing of the savage17 in the faces; nothing could be finer than these men’s features, nothing more intellectual than these faces, nothing more masculine, nothing nobler than their aspect. The aboriginals18 of Australia and Tasmania looked the savage, but these chiefs looked like Roman patricians19. The tattooing20 in these portraits ought to suggest the savage, of course, but it does not. The designs are so flowing and graceful21 and beautiful that they are a most satisfactory decoration. It takes but fifteen minutes to get reconciled to the tattooing, and but fifteen more to perceive that it is just the thing. After that, the undecorated European face is unpleasant and ignoble22.
Dr. Hockiun gave us a ghastly curiosity—a lignified caterpillar23 with a plant growing out of the back of its neck—a plant with a slender stem 4 inches high. It happened not by accident, but by design—Nature’s design. This caterpillar was in the act of loyally carrying out a law inflicted24 upon him by Nature—a law purposely inflicted upon him to get him into trouble—a law which was a trap; in pursuance of this law he made the proper preparations for turning himself into a night-moth; that is to say, he dug a little trench25, a little grave, and then stretched himself out in it on his stomach and partially26 buried himself—then Nature was ready for him. She blew the spores27 of a peculiar28 fungus29 through the air with a purpose. Some of them fell into a crease30 in the back of the caterpillar’s neck, and began to sprout31 and grow—for there was soil there—he had not washed his neck. The roots forced themselves down into the worm’s person, and rearward along through its body, sucking up the creature’s juices for sap; the worm slowly died, and turned to wood. And here he was now, a wooden caterpillar, with every detail of his former physique delicately and exactly preserved and perpetuated32, and with that stem standing33 up out of him for his monument—monument commemorative of his own loyalty34 and of Nature’s unfair return for it.
Nature is always acting35 like that. Mrs. X. said (of course) that the caterpillar was not conscious and didn’t suffer. She should have known better. No caterpillar can deceive Nature. If this one couldn’t suffer, Nature would have known it and would have hunted up another caterpillar. Not that she would have let this one go, merely because it was defective36. No. She would have waited and let him turn into a night-moth; and then fried him in the candle.
Nature cakes a fish’s eyes over with parasites38, so that it shan’t be able to avoid its enemies or find its food. She sends parasites into a star-fish’s system, which clog39 up its prongs and swell40 them and make them so uncomfortable that the poor creature delivers itself from the prong to ease its misery41; and presently it has to part with another prong for the sake of comfort, and finally with a third. If it re-grows the prongs, the parasite37 returns and the same thing is repeated. And finally, when the ability to reproduce prongs is lost through age, that poor old star-fish can’t get around any more, and so it dies of starvation.
In Australia is prevalent a horrible disease due to an “unperfected tapeworm.” Unperfected—that is what they call it, I do not know why, for it transacts42 business just as well as if it were finished and frescoed43 and gilded44, and all that.
November 9. To the museum and public picture gallery with the president of the Society of Artists. Some fine pictures there, lent by the S. of A. several of them they bought, the others came to them by gift. Next, to the gallery of the S. of A.—annual exhibition—just opened. Fine. Think of a town like this having two such collections as this, and a Society of Artists. It is so all over Australasia. If it were a monarchy45 one might understand it. I mean an absolute monarchy, where it isn’t necessary to vote money, but take it. Then art flourishes. But these colonies are republics—republics with a wide suffrage46; voters of both sexes, this one of New Zealand. In republics, neither the government nor the rich private citizen is much given to propagating art. All over Australasia pictures by famous European artists are bought for the public galleries by the State and by societies of citizens. Living citizens—not dead ones. They rob themselves to give, not their heirs. This S. of A. here owns its building built it by subscription47.
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1
locust
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| n.蝗虫；洋槐，刺槐 | |
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bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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3
Fahrenheit
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| n./adj.华氏温度；华氏温度计(的) | |
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4
lauded
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| v.称赞，赞美( laud的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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6
persecuted
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| （尤指宗教或政治信仰的）迫害(~sb. for sth.)( persecute的过去式和过去分词 )； 烦扰，困扰或骚扰某人 | |
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7
imprisonment
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| n.关押，监禁，坐牢 | |
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extinction
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| n.熄灭，消亡，消灭，灭绝，绝种 | |
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9
fabric
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| n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织 | |
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10
banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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12
glaciers
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| 冰河，冰川( glacier的名词复数 ) | |
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13
postpone
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| v.延期，推迟 | |
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14
justifies
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| 证明…有理( justify的第三人称单数 )； 为…辩护； 对…作出解释； 为…辩解（或辩护） | |
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15
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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16
antiquities
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| n.古老( antiquity的名词复数 )；古迹；古人们；古代的风俗习惯 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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aboriginals
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| （某国的）公民( aboriginal的名词复数 )； 土著人特征； 土生动物（或植物） | |
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patricians
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| n.（古罗马的）统治阶层成员( patrician的名词复数 )；贵族，显贵 | |
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20
tattooing
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| n.刺字，文身v.刺青，文身( tattoo的现在分词 )；连续有节奏地敲击；作连续有节奏的敲击 | |
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21
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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22
ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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caterpillar
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| n.毛虫，蝴蝶的幼虫 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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trench
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| n./v.(挖)沟，(挖)战壕 | |
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partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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spores
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| n.（细菌、苔藓、蕨类植物）孢子( spore的名词复数 )v.（细菌、苔藓、蕨类植物）孢子( spore的第三人称单数 ) | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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fungus
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| n.真菌，真菌类植物 | |
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30
crease
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| n.折缝，褶痕，皱褶；v.(使)起皱 | |
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sprout
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| n.芽，萌芽；vt.使发芽，摘去芽；vi.长芽，抽条 | |
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perpetuated
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| vt.使永存（perpetuate的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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loyalty
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| n.忠诚，忠心 | |
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35
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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36
defective
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| adj.有毛病的，有问题的，有瑕疵的 | |
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37
parasite
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| n.寄生虫；寄生菌；食客 | |
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parasites
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| 寄生物( parasite的名词复数 )； 靠他人为生的人； 诸虫 | |
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39
clog
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| vt.塞满，阻塞；n.[常pl.]木屐 | |
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40
swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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41
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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42
transacts
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| v.办理（业务等）( transact的第三人称单数 )；交易，谈判 | |
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43
frescoed
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| 壁画( fresco的名词复数 )； 温壁画技法，湿壁画 | |
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44
gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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45
monarchy
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| n.君主，最高统治者；君主政体，君主国 | |
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46
suffrage
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| n.投票，选举权，参政权 | |
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47
subscription
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| n.预订，预订费，亲笔签名，调配法，下标（处方） | |
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