The very intensity4 of her nature, which had made it easy for her to be deceived, easy for her to build a fair fabric5 of hope and love on no sounder foundation than her fancy, made it inevitable6 that the truth should come with terrible force to her, and be understood in its fullest extent and in its darkest meaning--that most full of terror and despair.
The external circumstances of her life subsequent to her marriage did not affect Margaret Hungerford so much as might have been anticipated, in consideration of her delicate nurture7, her previous life of seclusion8, and her habitual9 refinement10. She was destined11 to encounter many vicissitudes12, to endure poverty, hardship, uncertainty13, solitude14 of the absolute kind, and of that kind which is still more unbearable--enforced companionship with the mean and base, not in position merely, but in soul.
She had to endure many actual privations--to do many things, to witness many scenes which, if they had been unfolded to her in the home of her girlhood, uncongenial as it had been, as probabilities lurking15 in the plan of the fixture16, she would have merely regarded with unalarmed incredulity, would have put aside as things which never could have any existence.
But these things, when they came, she bore well--bore them with strength and patience, with quiet resolution and almost indifference17, which, had there been any one to contemplate18 the girl's life, and study her character at that time, would have revealed the truth that worse things than privation and hardship had come to her, and had rendered them indifferent to her.
Worse things had come. Knowledge and experience, which had outraged19 her pride and tortured her love, crushed her faith, scattered20 her hopes, and left her life a desert waste, whence the flowers of youth and trust had been uprooted21, and which lay bare to be trampled22 under foot of invading foes23.
Margaret's delusion24 had lasted so short a time after her marriage that the first feeling her discovery of the utter worthlessness of the man into whose hands she had committed her fate produced in her mind was dread25 and distrust of herself.
Was this fading away of love, this dying out of all respect, of all enthusiasm, this dreary26 hopelessness and fast coming disbelief in good, was all this inconstancy on her part? Was she false to her own feelings, or had she mistaken them? Was she light and fickle27, as men were said to be?
But this dread soon subsided28: it could not long disturb Margaret's clear good sense. The fault was not hers; she was not inconstant, though she no longer loved Godfrey Hungerford. The truth was, she had never known him; there was no such person as her fancy had created and called by his name.
She had believed herself to be doing a fine heroic thing when she married a disgraced man, a man unjustly judged of his fellows, one against whom the world had set itself--why, she did not quite know, but probably from envy--and who therefore needed her love and fidelity29 more than a prosperous man could need them. It was a foolish, girlish, not unnatural30 delusive31 notion of grandeur32 and self-sacrifice, and, added to the fascination33 exerted over her by Godfrey Hungerford's good looks and artistic34 love-making, it had hurried Margaret to her doom35.
The girl married, as she believed, a hero, with a few follies36 perhaps, all to be forsworn and forsaken37 when she should be his, to guide and inspire every moment of his life, and whose unjust penalties her love was to render harmless. What did she not believe him to be! Brave, true, generous, devoted38, clever, energetic, unworldly, poetical39, high-minded, and pure--the ideal man who was to disprove those horrid40 sayings of disappointed persons, that the lover and the husband are very different beings, and that "man's love is of man's life a thing apart."
They would prove it to be their "whole existence." Could any sacrifice be too great to make for such a prize as this? No. The sacrifice was made by him. Who would not have loved and married Godfrey Hungerford? She did not believe that any one could be so bad as to believe the accusation41 brought against him by a low mean clique42, a set of men who could not bear to know that he was cleverer at card-playing than they were--just as he was cleverer at anything else--and who did not know how to lose their money like gentlemen. Of course, as he never could be secured against meeting persons of the sort, it was much better that Godfrey should make up his mind, as he had done, never to touch a card after their marriage.
And then how great was his love for her! How delightful43 was the scheme of the future, according to his casting of it! So Margaret dreamed her dream, and when the waking came she blamed herself that she could dream it no longer, and could not be lulled44 to sleep again.
Godfrey Hungerford has no place in this story, and there is no need to enter into details of the life he led, and condemned45 his wife to. He proved the exact reverse of all she had believed him. Base, mean, cowardly, in the sense of the cowardice46 which makes a man systematically47 cruel to every creature, human and brute48, within his power, though ready to face danger for bravado's, and exertion49 for boasting's sake, or either for that of money--a liar50, a gambler, and a profligate51.
He laughed at her credulity when she quoted his promises to her, and ridiculed52 her amazement53 and disgust as ignorance of life, girlish folly54, and squeamishness. In a fitful, "worthless" sort of way, he liked and admired her to the end; but the truthfulness55 that was in her prevented Margaret from taking advantage of this contemptible56 remnant of feeling to obtain easier terms of life. She had ceased to love him, and she never disguised the fact--she let him see it; when he questioned her, in a moment of maudlin57 sentiment, she told him so quite plainly; and her tyrant58 made the truthfulness which could not stoop to simulation a fresh cause of complaint against her.
What Margaret suffered, no words, not even her own, could tell; but the material troubles, the grinding anxieties of her life, deadened her sense of grief after a time. They were always poor. Money melted in the hands of her worthless, selfish husband. Sometimes he made a little, in some of the numerous ways in which money was to be made in colonial life, sometimes he was quite unemployed59. He was always dissolute and a spendthrift.
It was hard training for Margaret, severe teaching, and not more full of actual pain, privation, and toil60 than of bitter humiliation61. They moved about from place to place, for at each Godfrey Hungerford became known and shunned62.
Villany and vice63 were loud and rampant64 indeed in the New World then, as now; but he was not so clever as the superior villains65, and not so low, not so irretrievably ruffianly, as the inferior ruffians, and it fell out, somehow, that he did not find any permanent place, or take any specific rank, among them. Of necessity, suffering, both moral and material, was his wife's lot, and it was wonderful that such suffering did not degrade, that it only hardened her. It certainly did harden her, making her cold, indifferent, and difficult to be touched by, or convinced of, good, or truth, or honesty.
Of necessity, also, her life had been devoid66 of companionship. Too proud to tell her sorrows, and unable to endure the associations into which her husband's evil life would have led her had she been driven by loneliness to relax in her resolute67 isolation68, she had neither sympathy nor pity in her wretchedness. But at length, and when things were going very hard and ill with her, she found a friend.
Time, suffering, and disenchantment had taught Margaret Hungerford many hard and heavy, but salutary, lessons, before the days came which brought her fate this alleviation69; and she did not regret it, because it had been procured70 for her by the care and solicitude71 of James Dugdale.
Her love had died--more than died; for there is reverence72 and pious73 grief, with sweetness in its agony, and cherished recollections, to modify death and make it merciful--it had perished. So had her dislike of James Dugdale. He had been right, and she had been wrong; and though he could never be her friend, because she never could admit to him the one fact or the other, she thought gently and regretfully of him, when she thought of her old home and of the past at all, which was not often, for the present absorbed her usually in its misery74 and its toil.
When, in the course of their wanderings, the Hungerfords went to the then infant town, now the prosperous city, of Melbourne, Margaret sent home one of her infrequent letters to her father. Thus James Dugdale learned that the woman whose fate he had so unerringly foreseen--the woman he loved with calm, disinterested75, clear-sighted affection--was at length within reach of his influence, of his indirect help.
An old friend, schoolfellow, and college chum--one Hayes Meredith, a younger man than James Dugdale by a few years--had been among the first of those tempted76 from the life of monotonous77 toil in England by the vast and exciting prospects78 which the young colony offered to energy, industry, ability, and courage.
Hayes Meredith possessed79 all these, and some capital too. He had settled at Port Phillip, and was a thriving and respected member of the motley community when Godfrey and Margaret Hungerford arrived to swell80 the tide of adventure and misery. To him James Dugdale wrote, on behalf of the woman whose need he divined, whose unhappiness he felt, with the instinct of sympathy.
Hayes Meredith responded nobly to his old friend's appeal. He befriended Margaret steadily81, with and without her husband's knowledge; he won her affection, conquered her reserve, softened82 her pride, and, though her fate was beyond amelioration by human aid, he succeeded in making her actual, everyday life more endurable.
When Margaret was sought out by Hayes Meredith, release was drawing near, release from the tremendous evil of her marriage. Godfrey Hungerford, by this time utterly83 incapable84 of any steady pursuit, and seized with one of the reckless, restless fits which were becoming more and more frequent with him, joined a party of explorers bound for the unknown interior of the continent, and, regardless of Margaret's fears and necessities, left her alone in the town.
For months she heard nothing of him, or the fate of the expedition; months during which she was kept from destitution85 only by Hayes Meredith's generous and unfailing aid.
At length news came; a few stragglers from the party of explorers returned. Godfrey Hungerford was not among them; and the remnant related that he had been murdered, with two others, by a tribe of aborigines.
Hayes Meredith told Margaret the truth; he sustained and comforted her in the early days of her horror and grief; he counselled her return to England, and provided money for her voyage. He secured her cabin and the services of Rose Moore. It was he who bade her farewell upon the deck of the Boomerang--he of whom she thought as her only friend.
Margaret had little power of feeling, love, or gratitude86 in her now, as she believed, and that little was exerted for the alert, kindly-voiced, gray-haired, keen-eyed man who left her with a heavy heart, and said to himself, as the boat shot away from the ship's side, "Poor girl! she has had hard lines of it hitherto. I wonder what is before her in England!"
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1
peremptorily
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| adv.紧急地，不容分说地，专横地 | |
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eluded
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| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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fabric
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| n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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nurture
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| n.养育，照顾，教育；滋养，营养品；vt.养育，给与营养物，教养，扶持 | |
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8
seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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12
vicissitudes
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| n.变迁，世事变化；变迁兴衰( vicissitude的名词复数 )；盛衰兴废 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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15
lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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fixture
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| n.固定设备；预定日期；比赛时间；定期存款 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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contemplate
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| vt.盘算，计议；周密考虑；注视，凝视 | |
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outraged
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| a.震惊的，义愤填膺的 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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21
uprooted
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| v.把（某物）连根拔起( uproot的过去式和过去分词 )；根除；赶走；把…赶出家园 | |
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22
trampled
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| 踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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23
foes
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| 敌人，仇敌( foe的名词复数 ) | |
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24
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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26
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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fickle
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| adj.(爱情或友谊上)易变的，不坚定的 | |
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subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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fidelity
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| n.忠诚，忠实；精确 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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delusive
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| adj.欺骗的，妄想的 | |
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grandeur
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| n.伟大，崇高，宏伟，庄严，豪华 | |
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fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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37
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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poetical
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| adj.似诗人的；诗一般的；韵文的；富有诗意的 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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41
accusation
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| n.控告，指责，谴责 | |
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42
clique
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| n.朋党派系，小集团 | |
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43
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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44
lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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45
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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46
cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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47
systematically
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| adv.有系统地 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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50
liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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51
profligate
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| adj.行为不检的；n.放荡的人，浪子，肆意挥霍者 | |
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52
ridiculed
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| v.嘲笑，嘲弄，奚落( ridicule的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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54
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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55
truthfulness
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| n. 符合实际 | |
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56
contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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57
maudlin
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| adj.感情脆弱的，爱哭的 | |
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58
tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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59
unemployed
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| adj.失业的，没有工作的；未动用的，闲置的 | |
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60
toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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61
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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62
shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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63
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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64
rampant
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| adj.(植物)蔓生的；狂暴的，无约束的 | |
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65
villains
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| n.恶棍( villain的名词复数 )；罪犯；（小说、戏剧等中的）反面人物；淘气鬼 | |
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devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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68
isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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alleviation
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| n. 减轻，缓和，解痛物 | |
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70
procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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71
solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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72
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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76
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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80
swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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81
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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82
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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83
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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85
destitution
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| n.穷困，缺乏，贫穷 | |
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86
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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