Fresh visitors used to drive up every minute. Moscow was close by, in sight, so that those who drove away only made room for others, and the everlasting6 holiday went on its course. Festivities succeeded one another, and there was no end in sight to the entertainments. There were riding parties about the environs; excursions to the forest or the river; picnics, dinners in the open air; suppers on the great terrace of the house, bordered with three rows of gorgeous flowers that flooded with their fragrance8 the fresh night air, and illuminated9 the brilliant lights which made our ladies, who were almost every one of them pretty at all times, seem still more charming, with their faces excited by the impressions of the day, with their sparkling eyes, with their interchange of spritely conversation, their peals10 of ringing laughter; dancing, music, singing; if the sky were overcast11 tableaux12 vivants, charades14, proverbs were arranged, private theatricals15 were got up. There were good talkers, story-tellers, wits.
Certain persons were prominent in the foreground. Of course backbiting16 and slander17 ran their course, as without them the world could not get on, and millions of persons would perish of boredom18, like flies. But as I was at that time eleven I was absorbed by very different interests, and either failed to observe these people, or if I noticed anything, did not see it all. It was only afterwards that some things came back to my mind. My childish eyes could only see the brilliant side of the picture, and the general animation20, splendour, and bustle21—all that, seen and heard for the first time, made such an impression upon me that for the first few days, I was completely bewildered and my little head was in a whirl.
I keep speaking of my age, and of course I was a child, nothing more than a child. Many of these lovely ladies petted me without dreaming of considering my age. But strange to say, a sensation which I did not myself understand already had possession of me; something was already whispering in my heart, of which till then it had had no knowledge, no conception, and for some reason it began all at once to burn and throb22, and often my face glowed with a sudden flush. At times I felt as it were abashed23, and even resentful of the various privileges of my childish years. At other times a sort of wonder overwhelmed me, and I would go off into some corner where I could sit unseen, as though to take breath and remember something—something which it seemed to me I had remembered perfectly24 till then, and now had suddenly forgotten, something without which I could not show myself anywhere, and could not exist at all.
At last it seemed to me as though I were hiding something from every one. But nothing would have induced me to speak of it to any one, because, small boy that I was, I was ready to weep with shame. Soon in the midst of the vortex around me I was conscious of a certain loneliness. There were other children, but all were either much older or younger than I; besides, I was in no mood for them. Of course nothing would have happened to me if I had not been in an exceptional position. In the eyes of those charming ladies I was still the little unformed creature whom they at once liked to pet, and with whom they could play as though he were a little doll. One of them particularly, a fascinating, fair woman, with very thick luxuriant hair, such as I had never seen before and probably shall never see again, seemed to have taken a vow never to leave me in peace. I was confused, while she was amused by the laughter which she continually provoked from all around us by her wild, giddy pranks26 with me, and this apparently27 gave her immense enjoyment28. At school among her schoolfellows she was probably nicknamed the Tease. She was wonderfully good-looking, and there was something in her beauty which drew one's eyes from the first moment. And certainly she had nothing in common with the ordinary modest little fair girls, white as down and soft as white mice, or pastors30' daughters. She was not very tall, and was rather plump, but had soft, delicate, exquisitely31 cut features. There was something quick as lightning in her face, and indeed she was like fire all over, light, swift, alive. Her big open eyes seemed to flash sparks; they glittered like diamonds, and I would never exchange such blue sparkling eyes for any black ones, were they blacker than any Andalusian orb19. And, indeed, my blonde was fully29 a match for the famous brunette whose praises were sung by a great and well-known poet, who, in a superb poem, vowed33 by all Castille that he was ready to break his bones to be permitted only to touch the mantle34 of his divinity with the tip of his finger. Add to that, that my charmer was the merriest in the world, the wildest giggler35, playful as a child, although she had been married for the last five years. There was a continual laugh upon her lips, fresh as the morning rose that, with the first ray of sunshine, opens its fragrant36 crimson37 bud with the cool dewdrops still hanging heavy upon it.
I remember that the day after my arrival private theatricals were being got up. The drawing-room was, as they say, packed to overflowing38; there was not a seat empty, and as I was somehow late I had to enjoy the performance standing39. But the amusing play attracted me to move forwarder and forwarder, and unconsciously I made my way to the first row, where I stood at last leaning my elbows on the back of an armchair, in which a lady was sitting. It was my blonde divinity, but we had not yet made acquaintance. And I gazed, as it happened, at her marvellous, fascinating shoulders, plump and white as milk, though it did not matter to me in the least whether I stared at a woman's exquisite32 shoulders or at the cap with flaming ribbons that covered the grey locks of a venerable lady in the front row. Near my blonde divinity sat a spinster lady not in her first youth, one of those who, as I chanced to observe later, always take refuge in the immediate40 neighbourhood of young and pretty women, selecting such as are not fond of cold-shouldering young men. But that is not the point, only this lady, noting my fixed41 gaze, bent42 down to her neighbour and with a simper whispered something in her ear. The blonde lady turned at once, and I remember that her glowing eyes so flashed upon me in the half dark, that, not prepared to meet them, I started as though I were scalded. The beauty smiled.
"Do you like what they are acting44?" she asked, looking into my face with a shy and mocking expression.
"Yes," I answered, still gazing at her with a sort of wonder that evidently pleased her.
"But why are you standing? You'll get tired. Can't you find a seat?"
"That's just it, I can't," I answered, more occupied with my grievance45 than with the beauty's sparkling eyes, and rejoicing in earnest at having found a kind heart to whom I could confide46 my troubles. "I have looked everywhere, but all the chairs are taken," I added, as though complaining to her that all the chairs were taken.
"Come here," she said briskly, quick to act on every decision, and, indeed, on every mad idea that flashed on her giddy brain, "come here, and sit on my knee."
"On your knee," I repeated, taken aback. I have mentioned already that I had begun to resent the privileges of childhood and to be ashamed of them in earnest. This lady, as though in derision, had gone ever so much further than the others. Moreover, I had always been a shy and bashful boy, and of late had begun to be particularly shy with women.
"Why yes, on my knee. Why don't you want to sit on my knee?" she persisted, beginning to laugh more and more, so that at last she was simply giggling47, goodness knows at what, perhaps at her freak, or perhaps at my confusion. But that was just what she wanted.
I flushed, and in my confusion looked round trying to find where to escape; but seeing my intention she managed to catch hold of my hand to prevent me from going away, and pulling it towards her, suddenly, quite unexpectedly, to my intense astonishment48, squeezed it in her mischievous49 warm fingers, and began to pinch my fingers till they hurt so much that I had to do my very utmost not to cry out, and in my effort to control myself made the most absurd grimaces50. I was, besides, moved to the greatest amazement51, perplexity, and even horror, at the discovery that there were ladies so absurd and spiteful as to talk nonsense to boys, and even pinch their fingers, for no earthly reason and before everybody. Probably my unhappy face reflected my bewilderment, for the mischievous creature laughed in my face, as though she were crazy, and meantime she was pinching my fingers more and more vigorously. She was highly delighted in playing such a mischievous prank25 and completely mystifying and embarrassing a poor boy. My position was desperate. In the first place I was hot with shame, because almost every one near had turned round to look at us, some in wonder, others with laughter, grasping at once that the beauty was up to some mischief52. I dreadfully wanted to scream, too, for she was wringing53 my fingers with positive fury just because I didn't scream; while I, like a Spartan54, made up my mind to endure the agony, afraid by crying out of causing a general fuss, which was more than I could face. In utter despair I began at last struggling with her, trying with all my might to pull away my hand, but my persecutor55 was much stronger than I was. At last I could bear it no longer, and uttered a shriek—that was all she was waiting for! Instantly she let me go, and turned away as though nothing had happened, as though it was not she who had played the trick but some one else, exactly like some schoolboy who, as soon as the master's back is turned, plays some trick on some one near him, pinches some small weak boy, gives him a flip56, a kick, or a nudge with his elbows, and instantly turns again, buries himself in his book and begins repeating his lesson, and so makes a fool of the infuriated teacher who flies down like a hawk57 at the noise.
But luckily for me the general attention was distracted at the moment by the masterly acting of our host, who was playing the chief part in the performance, some comedy of Scribe's. Every one began to applaud; under cover of the noise I stole away and hurried to the furthest end of the room, from which, concealed58 behind a column, I looked with horror towards the place where the treacherous60 beauty was sitting. She was still laughing, holding her handkerchief to her lips. And for a long time she was continually turning round, looking for me in every direction, probably regretting that our silly tussle61 was so soon over, and hatching some other trick to play on me.
That was the beginning of our acquaintance, and from that evening she would never let me alone. She persecuted63 me without consideration or conscience, she became my tyrant64 and tormentor65. The whole absurdity66 of her jokes with me lay in the fact that she pretended to be head over ears in love with me, and teased me before every one. Of course for a wild creature as I was all this was so tiresome67 and vexatious that it almost reduced me to tears, and I was sometimes put in such a difficult position that I was on the point of fighting with my treacherous admirer. My na?ve confusion, my desperate distress68, seemed to egg her on to persecute62 me more; she knew no mercy, while I did not know how to get away from her. The laughter which always accompanied us, and which she knew so well how to excite, roused her to fresh pranks. But at last people began to think that she went a little too far in her jests. And, indeed, as I remember now, she did take outrageous69 liberties with a child such as I was.
But that was her character; she was a spoilt child in every respect. I heard afterwards that her husband, a very short, very fat, and very red-faced man, very rich and apparently very much occupied with business, spoilt her more than any one. Always busy and flying round, he could not stay two hours in one place. Every day he drove into Moscow, sometimes twice in the day, and always, as he declared himself, on business. It would be hard to find a livelier and more good-natured face than his facetious70 but always well-bred countenance71. He not only loved his wife to the point of weakness, softness: he simply worshipped her like an idol72.
He did not restrain her in anything. She had masses of friends, male and female. In the first place, almost everybody liked her; and secondly73, the feather-headed creature was not herself over particular in the choice of her friends, though there was a much more serious foundation to her character than might be supposed from what I have just said about her. But of all her friends she liked best of all one young lady, a distant relation, who was also of our party now. There existed between them a tender and subtle affection, one of those attachments74 which sometimes spring up at the meeting of two dispositions75 often the very opposite of each other, of which one is deeper, purer and more austere76, while the other, with lofty humility77, and generous self-criticism, lovingly gives way to the other, conscious of the friend's superiority and cherishing the friendship as a happiness. Then begins that tender and noble subtlety78 in the relations of such characters, love and infinite indulgence on the one side, on the other love and respect—a respect approaching awe79, approaching anxiety as to the impression made on the friend so highly prized, and an eager, jealous desire to get closer and closer to that friend's heart in every step in life.
These two friends were of the same age, but there was an immense difference between them in everything—in looks, to begin with. Madame M. was also very handsome, but there was something special in her beauty that strikingly distinguished80 her from the crowd of pretty women; there was something in her face that at once drew the affection of all to her, or rather, which aroused a generous and lofty feeling of kindliness81 in every one who met her. There are such happy faces. At her side everyone grew as it were better, freer, more cordial; and yet her big mournful eyes, full of fire and vigour82, had a timid and anxious look, as though every minute dreading83 something antagonistic84 and menacing, and this strange timidity at times cast so mournful a shade over her mild, gentle features which recalled the serene85 faces of Italian Madonnas, that looking at her one soon became oneself sad, as though for some trouble of one's own. The pale, thin face, in which, through the irreproachable86 beauty of the pure, regular lines and the mournful severity of some mute hidden grief, there often flitted the clear looks of early childhood, telling of trustful years and perhaps simple-hearted happiness in the recent past, the gentle but diffident, hesitating smile, all aroused such unaccountable sympathy for her that every heart was unconsciously stirred with a sweet and warm anxiety that powerfully interceded87 on her behalf even at a distance, and made even strangers feel akin5 to her. But the lovely creature seemed silent and reserved, though no one could have been more attentive88 and loving if any one needed sympathy. There are women who are like sisters of mercy in life. Nothing can be hidden from them, nothing, at least, that is a sore or wound of the heart. Any one who is suffering may go boldly and hopefully to them without fear of being a burden, for few men know the infinite patience of love, compassion89 and forgiveness that may be found in some women's hearts. Perfect treasures of sympathy, consolation90 and hope are laid up in these pure hearts, so often full of suffering of their own—for a heart which loves much grieves much—though their wounds are carefully hidden from the curious eye, for deep sadness is most often mute and concealed. They are not dismayed by the depth of the wound, nor by its foulness91 and its stench; any one who comes to them is deserving of help; they are, as it were, born for heroism92.... Mme. M. was tall, supple93 and graceful94, but rather thin. All her movements seemed somehow irregular, at times slow, smooth, and even dignified95, at times childishly hasty; and yet, at the same time, there was a sort of timid humility in her gestures, something tremulous and defenceless, though it neither desired nor asked for protection.
I have mentioned already that the outrageous teasing of the treacherous fair lady abashed me, flabbergasted me, and wounded me to the quick. But there was for that another secret, strange and foolish reason, which I concealed, at which I shuddered97 as at a skeleton. At the very thought of it, brooding, utterly98 alone and overwhelmed, in some dark mysterious corner to which the inquisitorial mocking eye of the blue-eyed rogue99 could not penetrate100, I almost gasped101 with confusion, shame and fear—in short, I was in love; that perhaps is nonsense, that could hardly have been. But why was it, of all the faces surrounding me, only her face caught my attention? Why was it that it was only she whom I cared to follow with my eyes, though I certainly had no inclination102 in those days to watch ladies and seek their acquaintance? This happened most frequently on the evenings when we were all kept indoors by bad weather, and when, lonely, hiding in some corner of the big drawing-room, I stared about me aimlessly, unable to find anything to do, for except my teasing ladies, few people ever addressed me, and I was insufferably bored on such evenings. Then I stared at the people round me, listened to the conversation, of which I often did not understand one word, and at that time the mild eyes, the gentle smile and lovely face of Mme. M. (for she was the object of my passion) for some reason caught my fascinated attention; and the strange vague, but unutterably sweet impression remained with me. Often for hours together I could not tear myself away from her; I studied every gesture, every movement she made, listened to every vibration103 of her rich, silvery, but rather muffled104 voice; but strange to say, as the result of all my observations, I felt, mixed with a sweet and timid impression, a feeling of intense curiosity. It seemed as though I were on the verge105 of some mystery.
Nothing distressed106 me so much as being mocked at in the presence of Mme. M. This mockery and humorous persecution107, as I thought, humiliated108 me. And when there was a general burst of laughter at my expense, in which Mme. M. sometimes could not help joining, in despair, beside myself with misery109, I used to tear myself from my tormentor and run away upstairs, where I remained in solitude110 the rest of the day, not daring to show my face in the drawing-room. I did not yet, however, understand my shame nor my agitation111; the whole process went on in me unconsciously. I had hardly said two words to Mme. M., and indeed I should not have dared to. But one evening after an unbearable112 day I turned back from an expedition with the rest of the company. I was horribly tired and made my way home across the garden. On a seat in a secluded113 avenue I saw Mme. M. She was sitting quite alone, as though she had purposely chosen this solitary114 spot, her head was drooping115 and she was mechanically twisting her handkerchief. She was so lost in thought that she did not hear me till I reached her.
Noticing me, she got up quickly from her seat, turned round, and I saw her hurriedly wipe her eyes with her handkerchief. She was crying. Drying her eyes, she smiled to me and walked back with me to the house. I don't remember what we talked about; but she frequently sent me off on one pretext116 or another, to pick a flower, or to see who was riding in the next avenue. And when I walked away from her, she at once put her handkerchief to her eyes again and wiped away rebellious117 tears, which would persist in rising again and again from her heart and dropping from her poor eyes. I realized that I was very much in her way when she sent me off so often, and, indeed, she saw herself that I noticed it all, but yet could not control herself, and that made my heart ache more and more for her. I raged at myself at that moment and was almost in despair; cursed myself for my awkwardness and lack of resource, and at the same time did not know how to leave her tactfully, without betraying that I had noticed her distress, but walked beside her in mournful bewilderment, almost in alarm, utterly at a loss and unable to find a single word to keep up our scanty118 conversation.
This meeting made such an impression on me that I stealthily watched Mme. M. the whole evening with eager curiosity, and never took my eyes off her. But it happened that she twice caught me unawares watching her, and on the second occasion, noticing me, she gave me a smile. It was the only time she smiled that evening. The look of sadness had not left her face, which was now very pale. She spent the whole evening talking to an ill-natured and quarrelsome old lady, whom nobody liked owing to her spying and backbiting habits, but of whom every one was afraid, and consequently every one felt obliged to be polite to her....
At ten o'clock Mme. M.'s husband arrived. Till that moment I watched her very attentively119, never taking my eyes off her mournful face; now at the unexpected entrance of her husband I saw her start, and her pale face turned suddenly as white as a handkerchief. It was so noticeable that other people observed it. I overheard a fragmentary conversation from which I guessed that Mme. M. was not quite happy; they said her husband was as jealous as an Arab, not from love, but from vanity. He was before all things a European, a modern man, who sampled the newest ideas and prided himself upon them. In appearance he was a tall, dark-haired, particularly thick-set man, with European whiskers, with a self-satisfied, red face, with teeth white as sugar, and with an irreproachably120 gentlemanly deportment. He was called a clever man. Such is the name given in certain circles to a peculiar121 species of mankind which grows fat at other people's expense, which does absolutely nothing and has no desire to do anything, and whose heart has turned into a lump of fat from everlasting slothfulness and idleness. You continually hear from such men that there is nothing they can do owing to certain very complicated and hostile circumstances, which "thwart122 their genius," and that it was "sad to see the waste of their talents." This is a fine phrase of theirs, their mot d'ordre, their watchword, a phrase which these well-fed, fat friends of ours bring out at every minute, so that it has long ago bored us as an arrant123 Tartuffism, an empty form of words. Some, however, of these amusing creatures, who cannot succeed in finding anything to do—though, indeed, they never seek it—try to make every one believe that they have not a lump of fat for a heart, but on the contrary, something very deep, though what precisely124 the greatest surgeon would hardly venture to decide—from civility, of course. These gentlemen make their way in the world through the fact that all their instincts are bent in the direction of coarse sneering125, short-sighted censure126 and immense conceit127. Since they have nothing else to do but note and emphasize the mistakes and weaknesses of others, and as they have precisely as much good feeling as an oyster128, it is not difficult for them with such powers of self-preservation to get on with people fairly successfully. They pride themselves extremely upon that. They are, for instance, as good as persuaded that almost the whole world owes them something; that it is theirs, like an oyster which they keep in reserve; that all are fools except themselves; that every one is like an orange or a sponge, which they will squeeze as soon as they want the juice; that they are the masters everywhere, and that all this acceptable state of affairs is solely129 due to the fact that they are people of so much intellect and character. In their measureless conceit they do not admit any defects in themselves, they are like that species of practical rogues130, innate131 Tartuffes and Falstaffs, who are such thorough rogues that at last they have come to believe that that is as it should be, that is, that they should spend their lives in knavishness132; they have so often assured every one that they are honest men, that they have come to believe that they are honest men, and that their roguery is honesty. They are never capable of inner judgment133 before their conscience, of generous self-criticism; for some things they are too fat. Their own priceless personality, their Baal and Moloch, their magnificent ego134 is always in their foreground everywhere. All nature, the whole world for them is no more than a splendid mirror created for the little god to admire himself continually in it, and to see no one and nothing behind himself; so it is not strange that he sees everything in the world in such a hideous135 light. He has a phrase in readiness for everything and—the acme136 of ingenuity137 on his part—the most fashionable phrase. It is just these people, indeed, who help to make the fashion, proclaiming at every cross-road an idea in which they scent138 success. A fine nose is just what they have for sniffing139 a fashionable phrase and making it their own before other people get hold of it, so that it seems to have originated with them. They have a particular store of phrases for proclaiming their profound sympathy for humanity, for defining what is the most correct and rational form of philanthropy, and continually attacking romanticism, in other words, everything fine and true, each atom of which is more precious than all their mollusc tribe. But they are too coarse to recognize the truth in an indirect, roundabout and unfinished form, and they reject everything that is immature140, still fermenting141 and unstable142. The well-nourished man has spent all his life in merry-making, with everything provided, has done nothing himself and does not know how hard every sort of work is, and so woe143 betide you if you jar upon his fat feelings by any sort of roughness; he'll never forgive you for that, he will always remember it and will gladly avenge144 it. The long and short of it is, that my hero is neither more nor less than a gigantic, incredibly swollen145 bag, full of sentences, fashionable phrases, and labels of all sorts and kinds.
M. M., however, had a speciality and was a very remarkable146 man; he was a wit, good talker and story-teller, and there was always a circle round him in every drawing-room. That evening he was particularly successful in making an impression. He took possession of the conversation; he was in his best form, gay, pleased at something, and he compelled the attention of all; but Mme. M. looked all the time as though she were ill; her face was so sad that I fancied every minute that tears would begin quivering on her long eyelashes. All this, as I have said, impressed me extremely and made me wonder. I went away with a feeling of strange curiosity, and dreamed all night of M. M., though till then I had rarely had dreams.
Next day, early in the morning, I was summoned to a rehearsal148 of some tableaux vivants in which I had to take part. The tableaux vivants, theatricals, and afterwards a dance were all fixed for the same evening, five days later—the birthday of our host's younger daughter. To this entertainment, which was almost improvised149, another hundred guests were invited from Moscow and from surrounding villas150, so that there was a great deal of fuss, bustle and commotion151. The rehearsal, or rather review of the costumes, was fixed so early in the morning because our manager, a well-known artist, a friend of our host's, who had consented through affection for him to undertake the arrangement of the tableaux and the training of us for them, was in haste now to get to Moscow to purchase properties and to make final preparations for the fête, as there was no time to lose. I took part in one tableau13 with Mme. M. It was a scene from medi?val life and was called "The Lady of the Castle and Her Page."
I felt unutterably confused on meeting Mme. M. at the rehearsal. I kept feeling that she would at once read in my eyes all the reflections, the doubts, the surmises152, that had arisen in my mind since the previous day. I fancied, too, that I was, as it were, to blame in regard to her, for having come upon her tears the day before and hindered her grieving, so that she could hardly help looking at me askance, as an unpleasant witness and unforgiven sharer of her secret. But, thank goodness, it went off without any great trouble; I was simply not noticed. I think she had no thoughts to spare for me or for the rehearsal; she was absent-minded, sad and gloomily thoughtful; it was evident that she was worried by some great anxiety. As soon as my part was over I ran away to change my clothes, and ten minutes later came out on the verandah into the garden. Almost at the same time Mme. M. came out by another door, and immediately afterwards coming towards us appeared her self-satisfied husband, who was returning from the garden, after just escorting into it quite a crowd of ladies and there handing them over to a competent cavaliere servente. The meeting of the husband and wife was evidently unexpected. Mme. M., I don't know why, grew suddenly confused, and a faint trace of vexation was betrayed in her impatient movement. The husband, who had been carelessly whistling an air and with an air of profundity153 stroking his whiskers, now, on meeting his wife, frowned and scrutinized154 her, as I remember now, with a markedly inquisitorial stare.
"You are going into the garden?" he asked, noticing the parasol and book in her hand.
"No, into the copse," she said, with a slight flush.
"Alone?"
"With him," said Mme. M., pointing to me. "I always go a walk alone in the morning," she added, speaking in an uncertain, hesitating voice, as people do when they tell their first lie.
"H'm ... and I have just taken the whole party there. They have all met there together in the flower arbour to see N. off. He is going away, you know.... Something has gone wrong in Odessa. Your cousin" (he meant the fair beauty) "is laughing and crying at the same time; there is no making her out. She says, though, that you are angry with N. about something and so wouldn't go and see him off. Nonsense, of course?"
"She's laughing," said Mme. M., coming down the verandah steps.
"So this is your daily cavaliere servente," added M. M., with a wry155 smile, turning his lorgnette upon me.
"Page!" I cried, angered by the lorgnette and the jeer156; and laughing straight in his face I jumped down the three steps of the verandah at one bound.
"A pleasant walk," muttered M. M., and went on his way.
Of course, I immediately joined Mme. M. as soon as she indicated me to her husband, and looked as though she had invited me to do so an hour before, and as though I had been accompanying her on her walks every morning for the last month. But I could not make out why she was so confused, so embarrassed, and what was in her mind when she brought herself to have recourse to her little lie? Why had she not simply said that she was going alone? I did not know how to look at her, but overwhelmed with wonder I began by degrees very na?vely peeping into her face; but just as an hour before at the rehearsal she did not notice either my looks or my mute question. The same anxiety, only more intense and more distinct, was apparent in her face, in her agitation, in her walk. She was in haste, and walked more and more quickly and kept looking uneasily down every avenue, down every path in the wood that led in the direction of the garden. And I, too, was expecting something. Suddenly there was the sound of horses' hoofs157 behind us. It was the whole party of ladies and gentlemen on horseback escorting N., the gentleman who was so suddenly deserting us.
Among the ladies was my fair tormentor, of whom M. M. had told us that she was in tears. But characteristically she was laughing like a child, and was galloping159 briskly on a splendid bay horse. On reaching us N. took off his hat, but did not stop, nor say one word to Mme. M. Soon all the cavalcade160 disappeared from our sight. I glanced at Mme. M. and almost cried out in wonder; she was standing as white as a handkerchief and big tears were gushing161 from her eyes. By chance our eyes met: Mme. M. suddenly flushed and turned away for an instant, and a distinct look of uneasiness and vexation flitted across her face. I was in the way, worse even than last time, that was clearer than day, but how was I to get away?
And, as though guessing my difficulty, Mme. M. opened the book which she had in her hand, and colouring and evidently trying not to look at me she said, as though she had only suddenly realized it—
"Ah! It is the second part. I've made a mistake; please bring me the first."
I could not but understand. My part was over, and I could not have been more directly dismissed.
I ran off with her book and did not come back. The first part lay undisturbed on the table that morning....
But I was not myself; in my heart there was a sort of haunting terror. I did my utmost not to meet Mme. M. But I looked with wild curiosity at the self-satisfied person of M. M., as though there must be something special about him now. I don't understand what was the meaning of my absurd curiosity. I only remember that I was strangely perplexed162 by all that I had chanced to see that morning. But the day was only just beginning and it was fruitful in events for me.
Dinner was very early that day. An expedition to a neighbouring hamlet to see a village festival that was taking place there had been fixed for the evening, and so it was necessary to be in time to get ready. I had been dreaming for the last three days of this excursion, anticipating all sorts of delights. Almost all the company gathered together on the verandah for coffee. I cautiously followed the others and concealed myself behind the third row of chairs. I was attracted by curiosity, and yet I was very anxious not to be seen by Mme. M. But as luck would have it I was not far from my fair tormentor. Something miraculous163 and incredible was happening to her that day; she looked twice as handsome. I don't know how and why this happens, but such miracles are by no means rare with women. There was with us at this moment a new guest, a tall, pale-faced young man, the official admirer of our fair beauty, who had just arrived from Moscow as though on purpose to replace N., of whom rumour164 said that he was desperately165 in love with the same lady. As for the newly arrived guest, he had for a long time past been on the same terms as Benedick with Beatrice, in Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing. In short, the fair beauty was in her very best form that day. Her chatter166 and her jests were so full of grace, so trustfully na?ve, so innocently careless, she was persuaded of the general enthusiasm with such graceful self-confidence that she really was all the time the centre of peculiar adoration167. A throng168 of surprised and admiring listeners was continually round her, and she had never been so fascinating. Every word she uttered was marvellous and seductive, was caught up and handed round in the circle, and not one word, one jest, one sally was lost. I fancy no one had expected from her such taste, such brilliance169, such wit. Her best qualities were, as a rule, buried under the most harum-scarum wilfulness170, the most schoolboyish pranks, almost verging171 on buffoonery; they were rarely noticed, and, when they were, were hardly believed in, so that now her extraordinary brilliancy was accompanied by an eager whisper of amazement among all. There was, however, one peculiar and rather delicate circumstance, judging at least by the part in it played by Mme. M.'s husband, which contributed to her success. The madcap ventured—and I must add to the satisfaction of almost every one or, at any rate, to the satisfaction of all the young people—to make a furious attack upon him, owing to many causes, probably of great consequence in her eyes. She carried on with him a regular cross-fire of witticisms172, of mocking and sarcastic173 sallies, of that most illusive174 and treacherous kind that, smoothly175 wrapped up on the surface, hit the mark without giving the victim anything to lay hold of, and exhaust him in fruitless efforts to repel176 the attack, reducing him to fury and comic despair.
I don't know for certain, but I fancy the whole proceeding177 was not improvised but premeditated. This desperate duel178 had begun earlier, at dinner. I call it desperate because M. M. was not quick to surrender. He had to call upon all his presence of mind, all his sharp wit and rare resourcefulness not to be completely covered with ignominy. The conflict was accompanied by the continual and irrepressible laughter of all who witnessed and took part in it. That day was for him very different from the day before. It was noticeable that Mme. M. several times did her utmost to stop her indiscreet friend, who was certainly trying to depict179 the jealous husband in the most grotesque180 and absurd guise181, in the guise of "a bluebeard" it must be supposed, judging from all probabilities, from what has remained in my memory and finally from the part which I myself was destined182 to play in the affair.
I was drawn183 into it in a most absurd manner, quite unexpectedly. And as ill-luck would have it at that moment I was standing where I could be seen, suspecting no evil and actually forgetting the precautions I had so long practised. Suddenly I was brought into the foreground as a sworn foe184 and natural rival of M. M., as desperately in love with his wife, of which my persecutress vowed and swore that she had proofs, saying that only that morning she had seen in the copse....
But before she had time to finish I broke in at the most desperate minute. That minute was so diabolically185 calculated, was so treacherously186 prepared to lead up to its finale, its ludicrous dénouement, and was brought out with such killing187 humour that a perfect outburst of irrepressible mirth saluted188 this last sally. And though even at the time I guessed that mine was not the most unpleasant part in the performance, yet I was so confused, so irritated and alarmed that, full of misery and despair, gasping189 with shame and tears, I dashed through two rows of chairs, stepped forward, and addressing my tormentor, cried, in a voice broken with tears and indignation:
"Aren't you ashamed ... aloud ... before all the ladies ... to tell such a wicked ... lie?... Like a small child ... before all these men.... What will they say?... A big girl like you ... and married!..."
But I could not go on, there was a deafening191 roar of applause. My outburst created a perfect furore. My na?ve gesture, my tears, and especially the fact that I seemed to be defending M. M., all this provoked such fiendish laughter, that even now I cannot help laughing at the mere192 recollection of it. I was overcome with confusion, senseless with horror and, burning with shame, hiding my face in my hands rushed away, knocked a tray out of the hands of a footman who was coming in at the door, and flew upstairs to my own room. I pulled out the key, which was on the outside of the door, and locked myself in. I did well, for there was a hue194 and cry after me. Before a minute had passed my door was besieged195 by a mob of the prettiest ladies. I heard their ringing laughter, their incessant196 chatter, their trilling voices; they were all twittering at once, like swallows. All of them, every one of them, begged and besought197 me to open the door, if only for a moment; swore that no harm should come to me, only that they wanted to smother198 me with kisses. But ... what could be more horrible than this novel threat? I simply burned with shame the other side of the door, hiding my face in the pillows and did not open, did not even respond. The ladies kept up their knocking for a long time, but I was deaf and obdurate199 as only a boy of eleven could be.
But what could I do now? Everything was laid bare, everything had been exposed, everything I had so jealously guarded and concealed!... Everlasting disgrace and shame had fallen on me! But it is true that I could not myself have said why I was frightened and what I wanted to hide; yet I was frightened of something and had trembled like a leaf at the thought of that something's being discovered. Only till that minute I had not known what it was: whether it was good or bad, splendid or shameful200, praiseworthy or reprehensible201? Now in my distress, in the misery that had been forced upon me, I learned that it was absurd and shameful. Instinctively202 I felt at the same time that this verdict was false, inhuman203, and coarse; but I was crushed, annihilated204; consciousness seemed checked in me and thrown into confusion; I could not stand up against that verdict, nor criticize it properly. I was befogged; I only felt that my heart had been inhumanly205 and shamelessly wounded, and was brimming over with impotent tears. I was irritated; but I was boiling with indignation and hate such as I had never felt before, for it was the first time in my life that I had known real sorrow, insult, and injury—and it was truly that, without any exaggeration. The first untried, unformed feeling had been so coarsely handled in me, a child. The first fragrant, virginal modesty206 had been so soon exposed and insulted, and the first and perhaps very real and ?sthetic impression had been so outraged207. Of course there was much my persecutors did not know and did not divine in my sufferings. One circumstance, which I had not succeeded in analysing till then, of which I had been as it were afraid, partly entered into it. I went on lying on my bed in despair and misery, hiding my face in my pillow, and I was alternately feverish208 and shivery. I was tormented209 by two questions: first, what had the wretched fair beauty seen, and, in fact, what could she have seen that morning in the copse between Mme. M. and me? And secondly, how could I now look Mme. M. in the face without dying on the spot of shame and despair?
An extraordinary noise in the yard roused me at last from the state of semi-consciousness into which I had fallen. I got up and went to the window. The whole yard was packed with carriages, saddle-horses, and bustling210 servants. It seemed that they were all setting off; some of the gentlemen had already mounted their horses, others were taking their places in the carriages.... Then I remembered the expedition to the village fête, and little by little an uneasiness came over me; I began anxiously looking for my pony211 in the yard; but there was no pony there, so they must have forgotten me. I could not restrain myself, and rushed headlong downstairs, thinking no more of unpleasant meetings or my recent ignominy....
Terrible news awaited me. There was neither a horse nor seat in any of the carriages to spare for me; everything had been arranged, all the seats were taken, and I was forced to give place to others. Overwhelmed by this fresh blow, I stood on the steps and looked mournfully at the long rows of coaches, carriages, and chaises, in which there was not the tiniest corner left for me, and at the smartly dressed ladies, whose horses were restlessly curvetting.
One of the gentlemen was late. They were only waiting for his arrival to set off. His horse was standing at the door, champing the bit, pawing the earth with his hoofs, and at every moment starting and rearing. Two stable-boys were carefully holding him by the bridle212, and every one else apprehensively213 stood at a respectful distance from him.
A most vexatious circumstance had occurred, which prevented my going. In addition to the fact that new visitors had arrived, filling up all the seats, two of the horses had fallen ill, one of them being my pony. But I was not the only person to suffer: it appeared that there was no horse for our new visitor, the pale-faced young man of whom I have spoken already. To get over this difficulty our host had been obliged to have recourse to the extreme step of offering his fiery214 unbroken stallion, adding, to satisfy his conscience, that it was impossible to ride him, and that they had long intended to sell the beast for its vicious character, if only a purchaser could be found.
But, in spite of his warning, the visitor declared that he was a good horseman, and in any case ready to mount anything rather than not go. Our host said no more, but now I fancied that a sly and ambiguous smile was straying on his lips. He waited for the gentleman who had spoken so well of his own horsemanship, and stood, without mounting his horse, impatiently rubbing his hands and continually glancing towards the door; some similar feeling seemed shared by the two stable-boys, who were holding the stallion, almost breathless with pride at seeing themselves before the whole company in charge of a horse which might any minute kill a man for no reason whatever. Something akin to their master's sly smile gleamed, too, in their eyes, which were round with expectation, and fixed upon the door from which the bold visitor was to appear. The horse himself, too, behaved as though he were in league with our host and the stable-boys. He bore himself proudly and haughtily215, as though he felt that he were being watched by several dozen curious eyes and were glorying in his evil reputation exactly as some incorrigible216 rogue might glory in his criminal exploits. He seemed to be defying the bold man who would venture to curb217 his independence.
That bold man did at last make his appearance. Conscience-stricken at having kept every one waiting, hurriedly drawing on his gloves, he came forward without looking at anything, ran down the steps, and only raised his eyes as he stretched out his hand to seize the mane of the waiting horse. But he was at once disconcerted by his frantic218 rearing and a warning scream from the frightened spectators. The young man stepped back and looked in perplexity at the vicious horse, which was quivering all over, snorting with anger, and rolling his bloodshot eyes ferociously219, continually rearing on his hind59 legs and flinging up his fore7 legs as though he meant to bolt into the air and carry the two stable-boys with him. For a minute the young man stood completely nonplussed220; then, flushing slightly with some embarrassment221, he raised his eyes and looked at the frightened ladies.
"A very fine horse!" he said, as though to himself, "and to my thinking it ought to be a great pleasure to ride him; but ... but do you know, I think I won't go?" he concluded, turning to our host with the broad, good-natured smile which so suited his kind and clever face.
"Yet I consider you are an excellent horseman, I assure you," answered the owner of the unapproachable horse, delighted, and he warmly and even gratefully pressed the young man's hand, "just because from the first moment you saw the sort of brute222 you had to deal with," he added with dignity. "Would you believe me, though I have served twenty-three years in the hussars, yet I've had the pleasure of being laid on the ground three times, thanks to that beast, that is, as often as I mounted the useless animal. Tancred, my boy, there's no one here fit for you! Your rider, it seems, must be some Ilya Muromets, and he must be sitting quiet now in the village of Kapatcharovo, waiting for your teeth to fall out. Come, take him away, he has frightened people enough. It was a waste of time to bring him out," he cried, rubbing his hands complacently223.
It must be observed that Tancred was no sort of use to his master and simply ate corn for nothing; moreover, the old hussar had lost his reputation for a knowledge of horseflesh by paying a fabulous224 sum for the worthless beast, which he had purchased only for his beauty ... yet he was delighted now that Tancred had kept up his reputation, had disposed of another rider, and so had drawn closer on himself fresh senseless laurels225.
"So you are not going?" cried the blonde beauty, who was particularly anxious that her cavaliere servente should be in attendance on this occasion. "Surely you are not frightened?"
"Upon my word I am," answered the young man.
"Are you in earnest?"
"Why, do you want me to break my neck?"
"Then make haste and get on my horse; don't be afraid, it is very quiet. We won't delay them, they can change the saddles in a minute! I'll try to take yours. Surely Tancred can't always be so unruly."
No sooner said than done, the madcap leaped out of the saddle and was standing before us as she finished the last sentence.
"You don't know Tancred, if you think he will allow your wretched side-saddle to be put on him! Besides, I would not let you break your neck, it would be a pity!" said our host, at that moment of inward gratification affecting, as his habit was, a studied brusqueness and even coarseness of speech which he thought in keeping with a jolly good fellow and an old soldier, and which he imagined to be particularly attractive to the ladies. This was one of his favourite fancies, his favourite whim226, with which we were all familiar.
"Well, cry-baby, wouldn't you like to have a try? You wanted so much to go?" said the valiant227 horsewoman, noticing me and pointing tauntingly228 at Tancred, because I had been so imprudent as to catch her eye, and she would not let me go without a biting word, that she might not have dismounted from her horse absolutely for nothing.
"I expect you are not such a—— We all know you are a hero and would be ashamed to be afraid; especially when you will be looked at, you fine page," she added, with a fleeting229 glance at Mme. M., whose carriage was the nearest to the entrance.
A rush of hatred230 and vengeance231 had flooded my heart, when the fair Amazon had approached us with the intention of mounting Tancred.... But I cannot describe what I felt at this unexpected challenge from the madcap. Everything was dark before my eyes when I saw her glance at Mme. M. For an instant an idea flashed through my mind ... but it was only a moment, less than a moment, like a flash of gunpowder232; perhaps it was the last straw, and I suddenly now was moved to rage as my spirit rose, so that I longed to put all my enemies to utter confusion, and to revenge myself on all of them and before everyone, by showing the sort of person I was. Or whether by some miracle, some prompting from medi?val history, of which I had known nothing till then, sent whirling through my giddy brain, images of tournaments, paladins, heroes, lovely ladies, the clash of swords, shouts and the applause of the crowd, and amidst those shouts the timid cry of a frightened heart, which moves the proud soul more sweetly than victory and fame—I don't know whether all this romantic nonsense was in my head at the time, or whether, more likely, only the first dawning of the inevitable233 nonsense that was in store for me in the future, anyway, I felt that my hour had come. My heart leaped and shuddered, and I don't remember how, at one bound, I was down the steps and beside Tancred.
"You think I am afraid?" I cried, boldly and proudly, in such a fever that I could hardly see, breathless with excitement, and flushing till the tears scalded my cheeks. "Well, you shall see!" And clutching at Tancred's mane I put my foot in the stirrup before they had time to make a movement to stop me; but at that instant Tancred reared, jerked his head, and with a mighty234 bound forward wrenched235 himself out of the hands of the petrified236 stable-boys, and dashed off like a hurricane, while every one cried out in horror.
Goodness knows how I got my other leg over the horse while it was in full gallop158; I can't imagine, either, how I did not lose hold of the reins237. Tancred bore me beyond the trellis gate, turned sharply to the right and flew along beside the fence regardless of the road. Only at that moment I heard behind me a shout from fifty voices, and that shout was echoed in my swooning heart with such a feeling of pride and pleasure that I shall never forget that mad moment of my boyhood. All the blood rushed to my head, bewildering me and overpowering my fears. I was beside myself. There certainly was, as I remember it now, something of the knight238-errant about the exploit.
My knightly239 exploits, however, were all over in an instant or it would have gone badly with the knight. And, indeed, I do not know how I escaped as it was. I did know how to ride, I had been taught. But my pony was more like a sheep than a riding horse. No doubt I should have been thrown off Tancred if he had had time to throw me, but after galloping fifty paces he suddenly took fright at a huge stone which lay across the road and bolted back. He turned sharply, galloping at full speed, so that it is a puzzle to me even now that I was not sent spinning out of the saddle and flying like a ball for twenty feet, that I was not dashed to pieces, and that Tancred did not dislocate his leg by such a sudden turn. He rushed back to the gate, tossing his head furiously, bounding from side to side as though drunk with rage, flinging his legs at random240 in the air, and at every leap trying to shake me off his back as though a tiger had leaped on him and were thrusting its teeth and claws into his back.
In another instant I should have flown off; I was falling; but several gentlemen flew to my rescue. Two of them intercepted241 the way into the open country, two others galloped242 up, closing in upon Tancred so that their horses' sides almost crushed my legs, and both of them caught him by the bridle. A few seconds later we were back at the steps.
They lifted me down from the horse, pale and scarcely breathing. I was shaking like a blade of grass in the wind; it was the same with Tancred, who was standing, his hoofs as it were thrust into the earth and his whole body thrown back, puffing243 his fiery breath from red and streaming nostrils244, twitching245 and quivering all over, seeming overwhelmed with wounded pride and anger at a child's being so bold with impunity246. All around me I heard cries of bewilderment, surprise, and alarm.
At that moment my straying eyes caught those of Mme. M., who looked pale and agitated247, and—I can never forget that moment—in one instant my face was flooded with colour, glowed and burned like fire; I don't know what happened to me, but confused and frightened by my own feelings I timidly dropped my eyes to the ground. But my glance was noticed, it was caught, it was stolen from me. All eyes turned on Mme. M., and finding herself unawares the centre of attention, she, too, flushed like a child from some na?ve and involuntary feeling and made an unsuccessful effort to cover her confusion by laughing....
All this, of course, was very absurd-looking from outside, but at that moment an extremely na?ve and unexpected circumstance saved me from being laughed at by every one, and gave a special colour to the whole adventure. The lovely persecutor who was the instigator248 of the whole escapade, and who till then had been my irreconcileable foe, suddenly rushed up to embrace and kiss me. She had hardly been able to believe her eyes when she saw me dare to accept her challenge, and pick up the gauntlet she had flung at me by glancing at Mme. M. She had almost died of terror and self-reproach when I had flown off on Tancred; now, when it was all over, and particularly when she caught the glance at Mme. M., my confusion and my sudden flush of colour, when the romantic strain in her frivolous249 little head had given a new secret, unspoken significance to the moment—she was moved to such enthusiasm over my "knightliness," that touched, joyful250 and proud of me, she rushed up and pressed me to her bosom251. She lifted the most na?ve, stern-looking little face, on which there quivered and gleamed two little crystal tears, and gazing at the crowd that thronged252 about her said in a grave, earnest voice, such as they had never heard her use before, pointing to me: "Mais c'est très sérieux, messieurs, ne riez pas!" She did not notice that all were standing, as though fascinated, admiring her bright enthusiasm. Her swift, unexpected action, her earnest little face, the simple-hearted na?veté, the unexpected feeling betrayed by the tears that welled in her invariably laughter-loving eyes, were such a surprise that every one stood before her as though electrified253 by her expression, her rapid, fiery words and gestures. It seemed as though no one could take his eyes off her for fear of missing that rare moment in her enthusiastic face. Even our host flushed crimson as a tulip, and people declared that they heard him confess afterwards that "to his shame" he had been in love for a whole minute with his charming guest. Well, of course, after this I was a knight, a hero.
"De Lorge! Toggenburg!" was heard in the crowd.
There was a sound of applause.
"But he is coming with us, he certainly must come with us," said the beauty; "we will find him a place, we must find him a place. He shall sit beside me, on my knee ... but no, no! That's a mistake!..." she corrected herself, laughing, unable to restrain her mirth at our first encounter. But as she laughed she stroked my hand tenderly, doing all she could to soften255 me, that I might not be offended.
"Of course, of course," several voices chimed in; "he must go, he has won his place."
The matter was settled in a trice. The same old maid who had brought about my acquaintance with the blonde beauty was at once besieged with entreaties256 from all the younger people to remain at home and let me have her seat. She was forced to consent, to her intense vexation, with a smile and a stealthy hiss257 of anger. Her protectress, who was her usual refuge, my former foe and new friend, called to her as she galloped off on her spirited horse, laughing like a child, that she envied her and would have been glad to stay at home herself, for it was just going to rain and we should all get soaked.
And she was right in predicting rain. A regular downpour came on within an hour and the expedition was done for. We had to take shelter for some hours in the huts of the village, and had to return home between nine and ten in the evening in the damp mist that followed the rain. I began to be a little feverish. At the minute when I was starting, Mme. M. came up to me and expressed surprise that my neck was uncovered and that I had nothing on over my jacket. I answered that I had not had time to get my coat. She took out a pin and pinned up the turned down collar of my shirt, took off her own neck a crimson gauze kerchief, and put it round my neck that I might not get a sore throat. She did this so hurriedly that I had not time even to thank her.
But when we got home I found her in the little drawing-room with the blonde beauty and the pale-faced young man who had gained glory for horsemanship that day by refusing to ride Tancred. I went up to thank her and give back the scarf. But now, after all my adventures, I felt somehow ashamed. I wanted to make haste and get upstairs, there at my leisure to reflect and consider. I was brimming over with impressions. As I gave back the kerchief I blushed up to my ears, as usual.
"I bet he would like to keep the kerchief," said the young man laughing. "One can see that he is sorry to part with your scarf."
"That's it, that's it!" the fair lady put in. "What a boy! Oh!" she said, shaking her head with obvious vexation, but she stopped in time at a grave glance from Mme. M., who did not want to carry the jest too far.
I made haste to get away.
"Well, you are a boy," said the madcap, overtaking me in the next room and affectionately taking me by both hands, "why, you should have simply not returned the kerchief if you wanted so much to have it. You should have said you put it down somewhere, and that would have been the end of it. What a simpleton! Couldn't even do that! What a funny boy!"
And she tapped me on the chin with her finger, laughing at my having flushed as red as a poppy.
"I am your friend now, you know; am I not? Our enmity is over, isn't it? Yes or no?"
I laughed and pressed her fingers without a word.
"Oh, why are you so ... why are you so pale and shivering? Have you caught a chill?"
"Yes, I don't feel well."
"Ah, poor fellow! That's the result of over-excitement. Do you know what? You had better go to bed without sitting up for supper, and you will be all right in the morning. Come along."
She took me upstairs, and there was no end to the care she lavished258 on me. Leaving me to undress she ran downstairs, got me some tea, and brought it up herself when I was in bed. She brought me up a warm quilt as well. I was much impressed and touched by all the care and attention lavished on me; or perhaps I was affected259 by the whole day, the expedition and feverishness260. As I said good-night to her I hugged her warmly, as though she were my dearest and nearest friend, and in my exhausted261 state all the emotions of the day came back to me in a rush; I almost shed tears as I nestled to her bosom. She noticed my overwrought condition, and I believe my madcap herself was a little touched.
"You are a very good boy," she said, looking at me with gentle eyes, "please don't be angry with me. You won't, will you?"
In fact, we became the warmest and truest of friends.
It was rather early when I woke up, but the sun was already flooding the whole room with brilliant light. I jumped out of bed feeling perfectly well and strong, as though I had had no fever the day before; indeed, I felt now unutterably joyful. I recalled the previous day and felt that I would have given any happiness if I could at that minute have embraced my new friend, the fair-haired beauty, again, as I had the night before; but it was very early and every one was still asleep. Hurriedly dressing190 I went out into the garden and from there into the copse. I made my way where the leaves were thickest, where the fragrance of the trees was more resinous262, and where the sun peeped in most gaily263, rejoicing that it could penetrate the dense264 darkness of the foliage265. It was a lovely morning.
Going on further and further, before I was aware of it I had reached the further end of the copse and came out on the river Moskva. It flowed at the bottom of the hill two hundred paces below. On the opposite bank of the river they were mowing266. I watched whole rows of sharp scythes267 gleam all together in the sunlight at every swing of the mower268 and then vanish again like little fiery snakes going into hiding; I watched the cut grass flying on one side in dense rich swathes and being laid in long straight lines. I don't know how long I spent in contemplation. At last I was roused from my reverie by hearing a horse snorting and impatiently pawing the ground twenty paces from me, in the track which ran from the high road to the manor269 house. I don't know whether I heard this horse as soon as the rider rode up and stopped there, or whether the sound had long been in my ears without rousing me from my dreaming. Moved by curiosity I went into the copse, and before I had gone many steps I caught the sound of voices speaking rapidly, though in subdued270 tones. I went up closer, carefully parting the branches of the bushes that edged the path, and at once sprang back in amazement. I caught a glimpse of a familiar white dress and a soft feminine voice resounded271 like music in my heart. It was Mme. M. She was standing beside a man on horseback who, stooping down from the saddle, was hurriedly talking to her, and to my amazement I recognized him as N., the young man who had gone away the morning before and over whose departure M. M. had been so busy. But people had said at the time that he was going far away to somewhere in the South of Russia, and so I was very much surprised at seeing him with us again so early, and alone with Mme. M.
She was moved and agitated as I had never seen her before, and tears were glistening272 on her cheeks. The young man was holding her hand and stooping down to kiss it. I had come upon them at the moment of parting. They seemed to be in haste. At last he took out of his pocket a sealed envelope, gave it to Mme. M., put one arm round her, still not dismounting, and gave her a long, fervent273 kiss. A minute later he lashed43 his horse and flew past me like an arrow. Mme. M. looked after him for some moments, then pensively274 and disconsolately275 turned homewards. But after going a few steps along the track she seemed suddenly to recollect193 herself, hurriedly parted the bushes and walked on through the copse.
I followed her, surprised and perplexed by all that I had seen. My heart was beating violently, as though from terror. I was, as it were, benumbed and befogged; my ideas were shattered and turned upside down; but I remember I was, for some reason, very sad. I got glimpses from time to time through the green foliage of her white dress before me: I followed her mechanically, never losing sight of her, though I trembled at the thought that she might notice me. At last she came out on the little path that led to the house. After waiting half a minute I, too, emerged from the bushes; but what was my amazement when I saw lying on the red sand of the path a sealed packet, which I recognized, from the first glance, as the one that had been given to Mme. M. ten minutes before.
I picked it up. On both sides the paper was blank, there was no address on it. The envelope was not large, but it was fat and heavy, as though there were three or more sheets of notepaper in it.
What was the meaning of this envelope? No doubt it would explain the whole mystery. Perhaps in it there was said all that N. had scarcely hoped to express in their brief, hurried interview. He had not even dismounted.... Whether he had been in haste or whether he had been afraid of being false to himself at the hour of parting—God only knows....
I stopped, without coming out on the path, threw the envelope in the most conspicuous276 place on it, and kept my eyes upon it, supposing that Mme. M. would notice the loss and come back and look for it. But after waiting four minutes I could stand it no longer, I picked up my find again, put it in my pocket, and set off to overtake Mme. M. I came upon her in the big avenue in the garden. She was walking straight towards the house with a swift and hurried step, though she was lost in thought, and her eyes were on the ground. I did not know what to do. Go up to her, give it her? That would be as good as saying that I knew everything, that I had seen it all. I should betray myself at the first word. And how should I look, at her? How would she look at me. I kept expecting that she would discover her loss and return on her tracks. Then I could, unnoticed, have flung the envelope on the path and she would have found it. But no! We were approaching the house; she had already been noticed....
As ill-luck would have it every one had got up very early that day, because, after the unsuccessful expedition of the evening before, they had arranged something new, of which I had heard nothing. All were preparing to set off, and were having breakfast in the verandah. I waited for ten minutes, that I might not be seen with Mme. M., and making a circuit of the garden approached the house from the other side a long time after her. She was walking up and down the verandah with her arms folded, looking pale and agitated, and was obviously trying her utmost to suppress the agonizing277, despairing misery which could be plainly discerned in her eyes, her walk, her every movement. Sometimes she went down the verandah steps and walked a few paces among the flower-beds in the direction of the garden; her eyes were impatiently, greedily, even incautiously, seeking something on the sand of the path and on the floor of the verandah. There could be no doubt she had discovered her loss and imagined she had dropped the letter somewhere here, near the house—yes, that must be so, she was convinced of it.
Some one noticed that she was pale and agitated, and others made the same remark. She was besieged with questions about her health and condolences. She had to laugh, to jest, to appear lively. From time to time she looked at her husband, who was standing at the end of the terrace talking to two ladies, and the poor woman was overcome by the same shudder96, the same embarrassment, as on the day of his first arrival. Thrusting my hand into my pocket and holding the letter tight in it, I stood at a little distance from them all, praying to fate that Mme. M. should notice me. I longed to cheer her up, to relieve her anxiety if only by a glance; to say a word to her on the sly. But when she did chance to look at me I dropped my eyes.
I saw her distress and I was not mistaken. To this day I don't know her secret. I know nothing but what I saw and what I have just described. The intrigue278 was not such, perhaps, as one might suppose at the first glance. Perhaps that kiss was the kiss of farewell, perhaps it was the last slight reward for the sacrifice made to her peace and honour. N. was going away, he was leaving her, perhaps for ever. Even that letter I was holding in my hand—who can tell what it contained! How can one judge? and who can condemn279? And yet there is no doubt that the sudden discovery of her secret would have been terrible—would have been a fatal blow for her. I still remember her face at that minute, it could not have shown more suffering. To feel, to know, to be convinced, to expect, as though it were one's execution, that in a quarter of an hour, in a minute perhaps, all might be discovered, the letter might be found by some one, picked up; there was no address on it, it might be opened, and then.... What then? What torture could be worse than what was awaiting her? She moved about among those who would be her judges. In another minute their smiling flattering faces would be menacing and merciless. She would read mockery, malice280 and icy contempt on those faces, and then her life would be plunged281 in everlasting darkness, with no dawn to follow.... Yes, I did not understand it then as I understand it now. I could only have vague suspicions and misgivings282, and a heart-ache at the thought of her danger, which I could not fully understand. But whatever lay hidden in her secret, much was expiated283, if expiation284 were needed, by those moments of anguish285 of which I was witness and which I shall never forget.
But then came a cheerful summons to set off; immediately every one was bustling about gaily; laughter and lively chatter were heard on all sides. Within two minutes the verandah was deserted286. Mme. M. declined to join the party, acknowledging at last that she was not well. But, thank God, all the others set off, every one was in haste, and there was no time to worry her with commiseration287, inquiries288, and advice. A few remained at home. Her husband said a few words to her; she answered that she would be all right directly, that he need not be uneasy, that there was no occasion for her to lie down, that she would go into the garden, alone ... with me ... here she glanced at me. Nothing could be more fortunate! I flushed with pleasure, with delight; a minute later we were on the way.
She walked along the same avenues and paths by which she had returned from the copse, instinctively remembering the way she had come, gazing before her with her eyes fixed on the ground, looking about intently without answering me, possibly forgetting that I was walking beside her.
But when we had already reached the place where I had picked up the letter, and the path ended, Mme. M. suddenly stopped, and in a voice faint and weak with misery said that she felt worse, and that she would go home. But when she reached the garden fence she stopped again and thought a minute; a smile of despair came on her lips, and utterly worn out and exhausted, resigned, and making up her mind to the worst, she turned without a word and retraced289 her steps, even forgetting to tell me of her intention.
My heart was torn with sympathy, and I did not know what to do.
We went, or rather I led her, to the place from which an hour before I had heard the tramp of a horse and their conversation. Here, close to a shady elm tree, was a seat hewn out of one huge stone, about which grew ivy290, wild jasmine, and dog-rose; the whole wood was dotted with little bridges, arbours, grottoes, and similar surprises. Mme. M. sat down on the bench and glanced unconsciously at the marvellous view that lay open before us. A minute later she opened her book, and fixed her eyes upon it without reading, without turning the pages, almost unconscious of what she was doing. It was about half-past nine. The sun was already high and was floating gloriously in the deep, dark blue sky, as though melting away in its own light. The mowers were by now far away; they were scarcely visible from our side of the river; endless ridges291 of mown grass crept after them in unbroken succession, and from time to time the faintly stirring breeze wafted292 their fragrance to us. The never ceasing concert of those who "sow not, neither do they reap" and are free as the air they cleave293 with their sportive wings was all about us. It seemed as though at that moment every flower, every blade of grass was exhaling294 the aroma295 of sacrifice, was saying to its Creator, "Father, I am blessed and happy."
I glanced at the poor woman, who alone was like one dead amidst all this joyous296 life; two big tears hung motionless on her lashes147, wrung297 from her heart by bitter grief. It was in my power to relieve and console this poor, fainting heart, only I did not know how to approach the subject, how to take the first step. I was in agonies. A hundred times I was on the point of going up to her, but every time my face glowed like fire.
Suddenly a bright idea dawned upon me. I had found a way of doing it; I revived.
"Would you like me to pick you a nosegay?" I said, in such a joyful voice that Mme M. immediately raised her head and looked at me intently.
"Yes, do," she said at last in a weak voice, with a faint smile, at once dropping her eyes on the book again.
"Or soon they will be mowing the grass here and there will be no flowers," I cried, eagerly setting to work.
I had soon picked my nosegay, a poor, simple one, I should have been ashamed to take it indoors; but how light my heart was as I picked the flowers and tied them up! The dog-rose and the wild jasmine I picked closer to the seat, I knew that not far off there was a field of rye, not yet ripe. I ran there for cornflowers; I mixed them with tall ears of rye, picking out the finest and most golden. Close by I came upon a perfect nest of forget-me-nots, and my nosegay was almost complete. Farther away in the meadow there were dark-blue campanulas and wild pinks, and I ran down to the very edge of the river to get yellow water-lilies. At last, making my way back, and going for an instant into the wood to get some bright green fan-shaped leaves of the maple298 to put round the nosegay, I happened to come across a whole family of pansies, close to which, luckily for me, the fragrant scent of violets betrayed the little flower hiding in the thick lush grass and still glistening with drops of dew. The nosegay was complete. I bound it round with fine long grass which twisted into a rope, and I carefully lay the letter in the centre, hiding it with the flowers, but in such a way that it could be very easily noticed if the slightest attention were bestowed299 upon my nosegay.
I carried it to Mme. M.
On the way it seemed to me that the letter was lying too much in view: I hid it a little more. As I got nearer I thrust it still further in the flowers; and finally, when I was on the spot, I suddenly poked300 it so deeply into the centre of the nosegay that it could not be noticed at all from outside. My cheeks were positively301 flaming. I wanted to hide my face in my hands and run away at once, but she glanced at my flowers as though she had completely forgotten that I had gathered them. Mechanically, almost without looking, she held out her hand and took my present; but at once laid it on the seat as though I had handed it to her for that purpose and dropped her eyes to her book again, seeming lost in thought. I was ready to cry at this mischance. "If only my nosegay were close to her," I thought; "if only she had not forgotten it!" I lay down on the grass not far off, put my right arm under my head, and closed my eyes as though I were overcome by drowsiness302. But I waited, keeping my eyes fixed on her.
Ten minutes passed, it seemed to me that she was getting paler and paler ... fortunately a blessed chance came to my aid.
This was a big, golden bee, brought by a kindly303 breeze, luckily for me. It first buzzed over my head, and then flew up to Mme. M. She waved it off once or twice, but the bee grew more and more persistent304. At last Mme. M. snatched up my nosegay and waved it before my face. At that instant the letter dropped out from among the flowers and fell straight upon the open book. I started. For some time Mme. M., mute with amazement, stared first at the letter and then at the flowers which she was holding in her hands, and she seemed unable to believe her eyes. All at once she flushed, started, and glanced at me. But I caught her movement and I shut my eyes tight, pretending to be asleep. Nothing would have induced me to look her straight in the face at that moment. My heart was throbbing305 and leaping like a bird in the grasp of some village boy. I don't remember how long I lay with my eyes shut, two or three minutes. At last I ventured to open them. Mme. M. was greedily reading the letter, and from her glowing cheeks, her sparkling, tearful eyes, her bright face, every feature of which was quivering with joyful emotion, I guessed that there was happiness in the letter and all her misery was dispersed306 like smoke. An agonizing, sweet feeling gnawed307 at my heart, it was hard for me to go on pretending....
I shall never forget that minute!
Suddenly, a long way off, we heard voices—
"Mme. M.! Natalie! Natalie!"
Mme. M. did not answer, but she got up quickly from the seat, came up to me and bent over me. I felt that she was looking straight into my face. My eyelashes quivered, but I controlled myself and did not open my eyes. I tried to breathe more evenly and quietly, but my heart smothered308 me with its violent throbbing. Her burning breath scorched309 my cheeks; she bent close down to my face as though trying to make sure. At last a kiss and tears fell on my hand, the one which was lying on my breast.
"Natalie! Natalie! where are you," we heard again, this time quite close.
"Coming," said Mme. M., in her mellow310, silvery voice, which was so choked and quivering with tears and so subdued that no one but I could hear that, "Coming!"
But at that instant my heart at last betrayed me and seemed to send all my blood rushing to my face. At that instant a swift, burning kiss scalded my lips. I uttered a faint cry. I opened my eyes, but at once the same gauze kerchief fell upon them, as though she meant to screen me from the sun. An instant later she was gone. I heard nothing but the sound of rapidly retreating steps. I was alone....
I pulled off her kerchief and kissed it, beside myself with rapture311; for some moments I was almost frantic.... Hardly able to breathe, leaning on my elbow on the grass, I stared unconsciously before me at the surrounding slopes, streaked312 with cornfields, at the river that flowed twisting and winding313 far away, as far as the eye could see, between fresh hills and villages that gleamed like dots all over the sunlit distance—at the dark-blue, hardly visible forests, which seemed as though smoking at the edge of the burning sky, and a sweet stillness inspired by the triumphant314 peacefulness of the picture gradually brought calm to my troubled heart. I felt more at ease and breathed more freely, but my whole soul was full of a dumb, sweet yearning315, as though a veil had been drawn from my eyes as though at a foretaste of something. My frightened heart, faintly quivering with expectation, was groping timidly and joyfully316 towards some conjecture317 ... and all at once my bosom heaved, began aching as though something had pierced it, and tears, sweet tears, gushed318 from my eyes. I hid my face in my hands, and quivering like a blade of grass, gave myself up to the first consciousness and revelation of my heart, the first vague glimpse of my nature. My childhood was over from that moment.
* * * * *
When two hours later I returned home I did not find Mme. M. Through some sudden chance she had gone back to Moscow with her husband. I never saw her again.
点击收听单词发音
1 vow | |
n.誓(言),誓约;v.起誓,立誓 | |
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2 squander | |
v.浪费,挥霍 | |
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3 justifying | |
证明…有理( justify的现在分词 ); 为…辩护; 对…作出解释; 为…辩解(或辩护) | |
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4 surmise | |
v./n.猜想,推测 | |
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5 akin | |
adj.同族的,类似的 | |
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6 everlasting | |
adj.永恒的,持久的,无止境的 | |
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7 fore | |
adv.在前面;adj.先前的;在前部的;n.前部 | |
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8 fragrance | |
n.芬芳,香味,香气 | |
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9 illuminated | |
adj.被照明的;受启迪的 | |
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10 peals | |
n.(声音大而持续或重复的)洪亮的响声( peal的名词复数 );隆隆声;洪亮的钟声;钟乐v.(使)(钟等)鸣响,(雷等)发出隆隆声( peal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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11 overcast | |
adj.阴天的,阴暗的,愁闷的;v.遮盖,(使)变暗,包边缝;n.覆盖,阴天 | |
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12 tableaux | |
n.舞台造型,(由活人扮演的)静态画面、场面;人构成的画面或场景( tableau的名词复数 );舞台造型;戏剧性的场面;绚丽的场景 | |
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13 tableau | |
n.画面,活人画(舞台上活人扮的静态画面) | |
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14 charades | |
n.伪装( charade的名词复数 );猜字游戏 | |
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15 theatricals | |
n.(业余性的)戏剧演出,舞台表演艺术;职业演员;戏剧的( theatrical的名词复数 );剧场的;炫耀的;戏剧性的 | |
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16 backbiting | |
背后诽谤 | |
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17 slander | |
n./v.诽谤,污蔑 | |
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18 boredom | |
n.厌烦,厌倦,乏味,无聊 | |
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19 orb | |
n.太阳;星球;v.弄圆;成球形 | |
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20 animation | |
n.活泼,兴奋,卡通片/动画片的制作 | |
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21 bustle | |
v.喧扰地忙乱,匆忙,奔忙;n.忙碌;喧闹 | |
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22 throb | |
v.震颤,颤动;(急速强烈地)跳动,搏动 | |
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23 abashed | |
adj.窘迫的,尴尬的v.使羞愧,使局促,使窘迫( abash的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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24 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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25 prank | |
n.开玩笑,恶作剧;v.装饰;打扮;炫耀自己 | |
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26 pranks | |
n.玩笑,恶作剧( prank的名词复数 ) | |
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27 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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28 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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29 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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30 pastors | |
n.(基督教的)牧师( pastor的名词复数 ) | |
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31 exquisitely | |
adv.精致地;强烈地;剧烈地;异常地 | |
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32 exquisite | |
adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的 | |
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33 vowed | |
起誓,发誓(vow的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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34 mantle | |
n.斗篷,覆罩之物,罩子;v.罩住,覆盖,脸红 | |
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35 giggler | |
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36 fragrant | |
adj.芬香的,馥郁的,愉快的 | |
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37 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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38 overflowing | |
n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的,充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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39 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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40 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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41 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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42 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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43 lashed | |
adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 );煽动;紧系;怒斥 | |
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44 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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45 grievance | |
n.怨愤,气恼,委屈 | |
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46 confide | |
v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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47 giggling | |
v.咯咯地笑( giggle的现在分词 ) | |
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48 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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49 mischievous | |
adj.调皮的,恶作剧的,有害的,伤人的 | |
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50 grimaces | |
n.(表蔑视、厌恶等)面部扭曲,鬼脸( grimace的名词复数 )v.扮鬼相,做鬼脸( grimace的第三人称单数 ) | |
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51 amazement | |
n.惊奇,惊讶 | |
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52 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
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53 wringing | |
淋湿的,湿透的 | |
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54 spartan | |
adj.简朴的,刻苦的;n.斯巴达;斯巴达式的人 | |
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55 persecutor | |
n. 迫害者 | |
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56 flip | |
vt.快速翻动;轻抛;轻拍;n.轻抛;adj.轻浮的 | |
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57 hawk | |
n.鹰,骗子;鹰派成员 | |
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58 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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59 hind | |
adj.后面的,后部的 | |
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60 treacherous | |
adj.不可靠的,有暗藏的危险的;adj.背叛的,背信弃义的 | |
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61 tussle | |
n.&v.扭打,搏斗,争辩 | |
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62 persecute | |
vt.迫害,虐待;纠缠,骚扰 | |
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63 persecuted | |
(尤指宗教或政治信仰的)迫害(~sb. for sth.)( persecute的过去式和过去分词 ); 烦扰,困扰或骚扰某人 | |
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64 tyrant | |
n.暴君,专制的君主,残暴的人 | |
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65 tormentor | |
n. 使苦痛之人, 使苦恼之物, 侧幕 =tormenter | |
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66 absurdity | |
n.荒谬,愚蠢;谬论 | |
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67 tiresome | |
adj.令人疲劳的,令人厌倦的 | |
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68 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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69 outrageous | |
adj.无理的,令人不能容忍的 | |
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70 facetious | |
adj.轻浮的,好开玩笑的 | |
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71 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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72 idol | |
n.偶像,红人,宠儿 | |
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73 secondly | |
adv.第二,其次 | |
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74 attachments | |
n.(用电子邮件发送的)附件( attachment的名词复数 );附着;连接;附属物 | |
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75 dispositions | |
安排( disposition的名词复数 ); 倾向; (财产、金钱的)处置; 气质 | |
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76 austere | |
adj.艰苦的;朴素的,朴实无华的;严峻的 | |
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77 humility | |
n.谦逊,谦恭 | |
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78 subtlety | |
n.微妙,敏锐,精巧;微妙之处,细微的区别 | |
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79 awe | |
n.敬畏,惊惧;vt.使敬畏,使惊惧 | |
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80 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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81 kindliness | |
n.厚道,亲切,友好的行为 | |
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82 vigour | |
(=vigor)n.智力,体力,精力 | |
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83 dreading | |
v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的现在分词 ) | |
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84 antagonistic | |
adj.敌对的 | |
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85 serene | |
adj. 安详的,宁静的,平静的 | |
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86 irreproachable | |
adj.不可指责的,无过失的 | |
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87 interceded | |
v.斡旋,调解( intercede的过去式和过去分词 );说情 | |
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88 attentive | |
adj.注意的,专心的;关心(别人)的,殷勤的 | |
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89 compassion | |
n.同情,怜悯 | |
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90 consolation | |
n.安慰,慰问 | |
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91 foulness | |
n. 纠缠, 卑鄙 | |
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92 heroism | |
n.大无畏精神,英勇 | |
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93 supple | |
adj.柔软的,易弯的,逢迎的,顺从的,灵活的;vt.使柔软,使柔顺,使顺从;vi.变柔软,变柔顺 | |
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94 graceful | |
adj.优美的,优雅的;得体的 | |
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95 dignified | |
a.可敬的,高贵的 | |
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96 shudder | |
v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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97 shuddered | |
v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 );发抖;(机器、车辆等)突然震动;颤动 | |
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98 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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99 rogue | |
n.流氓;v.游手好闲 | |
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100 penetrate | |
v.透(渗)入;刺入,刺穿;洞察,了解 | |
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101 gasped | |
v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要 | |
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102 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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103 vibration | |
n.颤动,振动;摆动 | |
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104 muffled | |
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
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105 verge | |
n.边,边缘;v.接近,濒临 | |
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106 distressed | |
痛苦的 | |
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107 persecution | |
n. 迫害,烦扰 | |
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108 humiliated | |
感到羞愧的 | |
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109 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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110 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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111 agitation | |
n.搅动;搅拌;鼓动,煽动 | |
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112 unbearable | |
adj.不能容忍的;忍受不住的 | |
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113 secluded | |
adj.与世隔绝的;隐退的;偏僻的v.使隔开,使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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114 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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115 drooping | |
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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116 pretext | |
n.借口,托词 | |
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117 rebellious | |
adj.造反的,反抗的,难控制的 | |
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118 scanty | |
adj.缺乏的,仅有的,节省的,狭小的,不够的 | |
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119 attentively | |
adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神 | |
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120 irreproachably | |
adv.不可非难地,无过失地 | |
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121 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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122 thwart | |
v.阻挠,妨碍,反对;adj.横(断的) | |
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123 arrant | |
adj.极端的;最大的 | |
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124 precisely | |
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
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125 sneering | |
嘲笑的,轻蔑的 | |
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126 censure | |
v./n.责备;非难;责难 | |
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127 conceit | |
n.自负,自高自大 | |
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128 oyster | |
n.牡蛎;沉默寡言的人 | |
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129 solely | |
adv.仅仅,唯一地 | |
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130 rogues | |
n.流氓( rogue的名词复数 );无赖;调皮捣蛋的人;离群的野兽 | |
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131 innate | |
adj.天生的,固有的,天赋的 | |
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132 knavishness | |
n.浪费,过度 | |
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133 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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134 ego | |
n.自我,自己,自尊 | |
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135 hideous | |
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的 | |
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136 acme | |
n.顶点,极点 | |
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137 ingenuity | |
n.别出心裁;善于发明创造 | |
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138 scent | |
n.气味,香味,香水,线索,嗅觉;v.嗅,发觉 | |
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139 sniffing | |
n.探查法v.以鼻吸气,嗅,闻( sniff的现在分词 );抽鼻子(尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气);抱怨,不以为然地说 | |
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140 immature | |
adj.未成熟的,发育未全的,未充分发展的 | |
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141 fermenting | |
v.(使)发酵( ferment的现在分词 );(使)激动;骚动;骚扰 | |
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142 unstable | |
adj.不稳定的,易变的 | |
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143 woe | |
n.悲哀,苦痛,不幸,困难;int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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144 avenge | |
v.为...复仇,为...报仇 | |
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145 swollen | |
adj.肿大的,水涨的;v.使变大,肿胀 | |
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146 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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147 lashes | |
n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 );鞭子;突然猛烈的一击;急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 );煽动;紧系;怒斥 | |
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148 rehearsal | |
n.排练,排演;练习 | |
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149 improvised | |
a.即席而作的,即兴的 | |
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150 villas | |
别墅,公馆( villa的名词复数 ); (城郊)住宅 | |
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151 commotion | |
n.骚动,动乱 | |
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152 surmises | |
v.臆测,推断( surmise的第三人称单数 );揣测;猜想 | |
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153 profundity | |
n.渊博;深奥,深刻 | |
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154 scrutinized | |
v.仔细检查,详审( scrutinize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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155 wry | |
adj.讽刺的;扭曲的 | |
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156 jeer | |
vi.嘲弄,揶揄;vt.奚落;n.嘲笑,讥评 | |
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157 hoofs | |
n.(兽的)蹄,马蹄( hoof的名词复数 )v.(兽的)蹄,马蹄( hoof的第三人称单数 ) | |
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158 gallop | |
v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔;飞速发展 | |
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159 galloping | |
adj. 飞驰的, 急性的 动词gallop的现在分词形式 | |
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160 cavalcade | |
n.车队等的行列 | |
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161 gushing | |
adj.迸出的;涌出的;喷出的;过分热情的v.喷,涌( gush的现在分词 );滔滔不绝地说话 | |
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162 perplexed | |
adj.不知所措的 | |
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163 miraculous | |
adj.像奇迹一样的,不可思议的 | |
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164 rumour | |
n.谣言,谣传,传闻 | |
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165 desperately | |
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地 | |
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166 chatter | |
vi./n.喋喋不休;短促尖叫;(牙齿)打战 | |
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167 adoration | |
n.爱慕,崇拜 | |
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168 throng | |
n.人群,群众;v.拥挤,群集 | |
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169 brilliance | |
n.光辉,辉煌,壮丽,(卓越的)才华,才智 | |
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170 wilfulness | |
任性;倔强 | |
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171 verging | |
接近,逼近(verge的现在分词形式) | |
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172 witticisms | |
n.妙语,俏皮话( witticism的名词复数 ) | |
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173 sarcastic | |
adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的 | |
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174 illusive | |
adj.迷惑人的,错觉的 | |
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175 smoothly | |
adv.平滑地,顺利地,流利地,流畅地 | |
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176 repel | |
v.击退,抵制,拒绝,排斥 | |
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177 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
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178 duel | |
n./v.决斗;(双方的)斗争 | |
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179 depict | |
vt.描画,描绘;描写,描述 | |
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180 grotesque | |
adj.怪诞的,丑陋的;n.怪诞的图案,怪人(物) | |
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181 guise | |
n.外表,伪装的姿态 | |
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182 destined | |
adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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183 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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184 foe | |
n.敌人,仇敌 | |
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185 diabolically | |
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186 treacherously | |
背信弃义地; 背叛地; 靠不住地; 危险地 | |
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187 killing | |
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
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188 saluted | |
v.欢迎,致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 );赞扬,赞颂 | |
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189 gasping | |
adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词 | |
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190 dressing | |
n.(食物)调料;包扎伤口的用品,敷料 | |
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191 deafening | |
adj. 振耳欲聋的, 极喧闹的 动词deafen的现在分词形式 | |
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192 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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193 recollect | |
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得 | |
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194 hue | |
n.色度;色调;样子 | |
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195 besieged | |
包围,围困,围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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196 incessant | |
adj.不停的,连续的 | |
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197 besought | |
v.恳求,乞求(某事物)( beseech的过去式和过去分词 );(beseech的过去式与过去分词) | |
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198 smother | |
vt./vi.使窒息;抑制;闷死;n.浓烟;窒息 | |
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199 obdurate | |
adj.固执的,顽固的 | |
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200 shameful | |
adj.可耻的,不道德的 | |
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201 reprehensible | |
adj.该受责备的 | |
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202 instinctively | |
adv.本能地 | |
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203 inhuman | |
adj.残忍的,不人道的,无人性的 | |
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204 annihilated | |
v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃 | |
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205 inhumanly | |
adv.无人情味地,残忍地 | |
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206 modesty | |
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素 | |
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207 outraged | |
a.震惊的,义愤填膺的 | |
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208 feverish | |
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的 | |
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209 tormented | |
饱受折磨的 | |
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210 bustling | |
adj.喧闹的 | |
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211 pony | |
adj.小型的;n.小马 | |
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212 bridle | |
n.笼头,束缚;vt.抑制,约束;动怒 | |
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213 apprehensively | |
adv.担心地 | |
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214 fiery | |
adj.燃烧着的,火红的;暴躁的;激烈的 | |
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215 haughtily | |
adv. 傲慢地, 高傲地 | |
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216 incorrigible | |
adj.难以纠正的,屡教不改的 | |
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217 curb | |
n.场外证券市场,场外交易;vt.制止,抑制 | |
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218 frantic | |
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
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219 ferociously | |
野蛮地,残忍地 | |
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220 nonplussed | |
adj.不知所措的,陷于窘境的v.使迷惑( nonplus的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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221 embarrassment | |
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫 | |
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222 brute | |
n.野兽,兽性 | |
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223 complacently | |
adv. 满足地, 自满地, 沾沾自喜地 | |
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224 fabulous | |
adj.极好的;极为巨大的;寓言中的,传说中的 | |
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225 laurels | |
n.桂冠,荣誉 | |
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226 whim | |
n.一时的兴致,突然的念头;奇想,幻想 | |
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227 valiant | |
adj.勇敢的,英勇的;n.勇士,勇敢的人 | |
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228 tauntingly | |
嘲笑地,辱骂地; 嘲骂地 | |
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229 fleeting | |
adj.短暂的,飞逝的 | |
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230 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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231 vengeance | |
n.报复,报仇,复仇 | |
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232 gunpowder | |
n.火药 | |
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233 inevitable | |
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的 | |
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234 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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235 wrenched | |
v.(猛力地)扭( wrench的过去式和过去分词 );扭伤;使感到痛苦;使悲痛 | |
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236 petrified | |
adj.惊呆的;目瞪口呆的v.使吓呆,使惊呆;变僵硬;使石化(petrify的过去式和过去分词) | |
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237 reins | |
感情,激情; 缰( rein的名词复数 ); 控制手段; 掌管; (成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的)保护带 | |
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238 knight | |
n.骑士,武士;爵士 | |
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239 knightly | |
adj. 骑士般的 adv. 骑士般地 | |
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240 random | |
adj.随机的;任意的;n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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241 intercepted | |
拦截( intercept的过去式和过去分词 ); 截住; 截击; 拦阻 | |
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242 galloped | |
(使马)飞奔,奔驰( gallop的过去式和过去分词 ); 快速做[说]某事 | |
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243 puffing | |
v.使喷出( puff的现在分词 );喷着汽(或烟)移动;吹嘘;吹捧 | |
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244 nostrils | |
鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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245 twitching | |
n.颤搐 | |
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246 impunity | |
n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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247 agitated | |
adj.被鼓动的,不安的 | |
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248 instigator | |
n.煽动者 | |
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249 frivolous | |
adj.轻薄的;轻率的 | |
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250 joyful | |
adj.欢乐的,令人欢欣的 | |
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251 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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252 thronged | |
v.成群,挤满( throng的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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253 electrified | |
v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 );使兴奋 | |
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254 hurrah | |
int.好哇,万岁,乌拉 | |
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255 soften | |
v.(使)变柔软;(使)变柔和 | |
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256 entreaties | |
n.恳求,乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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257 hiss | |
v.发出嘶嘶声;发嘘声表示不满 | |
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258 lavished | |
v.过分给予,滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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259 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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260 feverishness | |
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261 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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262 resinous | |
adj.树脂的,树脂质的,树脂制的 | |
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263 gaily | |
adv.欢乐地,高兴地 | |
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264 dense | |
a.密集的,稠密的,浓密的;密度大的 | |
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265 foliage | |
n.叶子,树叶,簇叶 | |
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266 mowing | |
n.割草,一次收割量,牧草地v.刈,割( mow的现在分词 ) | |
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267 scythes | |
n.(长柄)大镰刀( scythe的名词复数 )v.(长柄)大镰刀( scythe的第三人称单数 ) | |
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268 mower | |
n.割草机 | |
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269 manor | |
n.庄园,领地 | |
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270 subdued | |
adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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271 resounded | |
v.(指声音等)回荡于某处( resound的过去式和过去分词 );产生回响;(指某处)回荡着声音 | |
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272 glistening | |
adj.闪耀的,反光的v.湿物闪耀,闪亮( glisten的现在分词 ) | |
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273 fervent | |
adj.热的,热烈的,热情的 | |
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274 pensively | |
adv.沉思地,焦虑地 | |
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275 disconsolately | |
adv.悲伤地,愁闷地;哭丧着脸 | |
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276 conspicuous | |
adj.明眼的,惹人注目的;炫耀的,摆阔气的 | |
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277 agonizing | |
adj.痛苦难忍的;使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦;折磨(agonize的ing形式) | |
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278 intrigue | |
vt.激起兴趣,迷住;vi.耍阴谋;n.阴谋,密谋 | |
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279 condemn | |
vt.谴责,指责;宣判(罪犯),判刑 | |
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280 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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281 plunged | |
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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282 misgivings | |
n.疑虑,担忧,害怕;疑虑,担心,恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 );疑惧 | |
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283 expiated | |
v.为(所犯罪过)接受惩罚,赎(罪)( expiate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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284 expiation | |
n.赎罪,补偿 | |
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285 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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286 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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287 commiseration | |
n.怜悯,同情 | |
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288 inquiries | |
n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 );疑问;探究;打听 | |
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289 retraced | |
v.折回( retrace的过去式和过去分词 );回忆;回顾;追溯 | |
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290 ivy | |
n.常青藤,常春藤 | |
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291 ridges | |
n.脊( ridge的名词复数 );山脊;脊状突起;大气层的)高压脊 | |
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292 wafted | |
v.吹送,飘送,(使)浮动( waft的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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293 cleave | |
v.(clave;cleaved)粘着,粘住;坚持;依恋 | |
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294 exhaling | |
v.呼出,发散出( exhale的现在分词 );吐出(肺中的空气、烟等),呼气 | |
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295 aroma | |
n.香气,芬芳,芳香 | |
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296 joyous | |
adj.充满快乐的;令人高兴的 | |
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297 wrung | |
绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 ); 握紧(尤指别人的手); 把(湿衣服)拧干; 绞掉(水) | |
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298 maple | |
n.槭树,枫树,槭木 | |
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299 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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300 poked | |
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交 | |
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301 positively | |
adv.明确地,断然,坚决地;实在,确实 | |
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302 drowsiness | |
n.睡意;嗜睡 | |
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303 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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304 persistent | |
adj.坚持不懈的,执意的;持续的 | |
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305 throbbing | |
a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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306 dispersed | |
adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的 | |
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307 gnawed | |
咬( gnaw的过去式和过去分词 ); (长时间) 折磨某人; (使)苦恼; (长时间)危害某事物 | |
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308 smothered | |
(使)窒息, (使)透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 ); 覆盖; 忍住; 抑制 | |
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309 scorched | |
烧焦,烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 ); 使(植物)枯萎,把…晒枯; 高速行驶; 枯焦 | |
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310 mellow | |
adj.柔和的;熟透的;v.变柔和;(使)成熟 | |
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311 rapture | |
n.狂喜;全神贯注;着迷;v.使狂喜 | |
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312 streaked | |
adj.有条斑纹的,不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 );使布满条纹 | |
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313 winding | |
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈 | |
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314 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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315 yearning | |
a.渴望的;向往的;怀念的 | |
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316 joyfully | |
adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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317 conjecture | |
n./v.推测,猜测 | |
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318 gushed | |
v.喷,涌( gush的过去式和过去分词 );滔滔不绝地说话 | |
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