CHAPTER XVIII. THE LAW AND THE GOSPEL OF THE POSTAL SERVICE.

 A former learned wit of the Post Office Department, cogitating¹ over, upon, under, and between, the multifarious and abstruse² problems submitted for adjudication, evolved the following gems³ of keen, mental penetration⁴. That:

Feather beds are not mailable.

A stamp of the foot is not sufficient to carry a letter.

A pair of onions will go for two cents.

Persons are compelled to lick their own postage stamps; the postmaster cannot be compelled to do this.

Nitro-glycerine must be forwarded at the risk of the sender. If it should blow up in the postmaster’s hands he cannot be held responsible.

When candy is sent through the mails it is earnestly requested that both ends of the package be left open, so that the employees of the post office may test its quality.

John Smith gets his mail from 674,279 post offices, hence a letter directed to John Smith, United States, will reach him.

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Poems on “Spring, Spring, the Beautiful Spring,” and “The Beautiful Snow, with its White Efulgent Glow,” are rigidly⁵ excluded from the mails. (This is to catch the editorial vote).

It is earnestly requested that lovers writing to their sweethearts will please confine their gushing⁶ rhapsodies to the inside of the envelope.

Ducks cannot be sent through the mails alive. Their discordant⁷, vociferous⁸ greetings are apt to disturb the slumbers⁹ of the clerks.

It is unsafe to send fruit-laden trees through the mails; clerks are known to have a weakness for such things.

1 cogitating   

v.认真思考，深思熟虑( cogitate的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Then he tossed the marble away pettishly, and stood cogitating. 于是他一气之下扔掉那个弹子，站在那儿沉思。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险
• He sat silently cogitating. 他静静地坐着沉思。 来自辞典例句

2 abstruse   

adj.深奥的，难解的

参考例句：

• Einstein's theory of relativity is very abstruse.爱因斯坦的相对论非常难懂。
• The professor's lectures were so abstruse that students tended to avoid them.该教授的课程太深奥了，学生们纷纷躲避他的课。

3 gems   

growth； economy； management； and customer satisfaction 增长

参考例句：

• a crown studded with gems 镶有宝石的皇冠
• The apt citations and poetic gems have adorned his speeches. 贴切的引语和珠玑般的诗句为他的演说词增添文采。

4 penetration   

n.穿透，穿人，渗透

参考例句：

• He is a man of penetration.他是一个富有洞察力的人。
• Our aim is to achieve greater market penetration.我们的目标是进一步打入市场。

5 rigidly   

adv.刻板地，僵化地

参考例句：

• Life today is rigidly compartmentalized into work and leisure. 当今的生活被严格划分为工作和休闲两部分。
• The curriculum is rigidly prescribed from an early age. 自儿童时起即已开始有严格的课程设置。

6 gushing   

adj.迸出的；涌出的；喷出的；过分热情的v.喷，涌( gush的现在分词 )；滔滔不绝地说话

参考例句：

• blood gushing from a wound 从伤口冒出的血
• The young mother was gushing over a baby. 那位年轻的母亲正喋喋不休地和婴儿说话。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 discordant   

adj.不调和的

参考例句：

• Leonato thought they would make a discordant pair.里奥那托认为他们不适宜作夫妻。
• For when we are deeply mournful discordant above all others is the voice of mirth.因为当我们极度悲伤的时候，欢乐的声音会比其他一切声音都更显得不谐调。

8 vociferous   

adj.喧哗的，大叫大嚷的

参考例句：

• They are holding a vociferous debate.他们在吵吵嚷嚷地辩论。
• He was a vociferous opponent of Conservatism.他高声反对保守主义。

9 slumbers   

睡眠，安眠( slumber的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• His image traversed constantly her restless slumbers. 他的形象一再闯进她的脑海，弄得她不能安睡。
• My Titan brother slumbers deep inside his mountain prison. Go. 我的泰坦兄弟就被囚禁在山脉的深处。