I do not intend to settle all those problems within the limits of a short chapter, but rather to point out some of the morbid8 components9 of mother love which a psychoanalyst detects in his women patients, and which, exaggerated in the neurotic, exist to a slight degree in every woman.
Sex Cravings and Motherhood Cravings are so closely related that few psychologists have ever dreamt of dissociating them for the purpose of study. The average moralist, who prefers cheap popularity to scientific accuracy, excuses the exis[Pg 242]tence of sex cravings only on one condition, that they become absolutely subservient11 to motherhood cravings.
The birth control agitation12 which is making such rapid headway at the present day, on the other hand, means, in part, that while motherhood may be the consequence of unregulated sex activities, it is not, for all women, their conscious motive13.
Why is it that some women with an erotic disposition14 and a voluptuous15 physique, fear pregnancy16 while other women, apparently17 indifferent to men, crave18 motherhood?
Physiology19 does not give us a very satisfactory answer to this question. Endocrinologists tell us that sex cravings are determined20 by the ovaries and motherhood cravings by the posterior part of the pituitary gland21, but this leaves us exactly where we were when we started out.
Pregnancy and Health. All physiologists22 will agree with the statement that in a normal, complex free woman, a type which unfortunately, the complexity23 of our civilization does not allow us to behold24 very frequently, pregnancy is accompanied by an unusual activity of all the organism, imparting to the female a sense of great power and, consequently, of well-being25, mental and physical. The[Pg 243] adrenals work at high pressure to produce the muscular tone necessary in gestation26. The thyroid is called upon to transform more and more of the electric current produced by the brain cells. New glands27 of a temporary nature develop in the woman's body, regulating her life functions more accurately28 and imparting to her a feeling of dreamy happiness and relaxation29.
After delivery, another part of her body enters into activity, her mammary glands, so closely related to the genitals that any stimulation30 of either region finds a strong echo in the other. Many are the women in whom lactation produces intensely erotic feelings affording them at times full gratification.
Fear of Pregnancy. Unfortunately, civilisation31 has surrounded motherhood with so many complications, social, ethical, financial, sentimental32, etc., that in very few women, indeed, is that biological process an unmixed pleasure, dissociated from all pain and anxiety.
Vomiting33, which expresses the female's disgust for her condition, or her mate or the offspring; cramplike tensions, expressing her worries about her appearance, her anxious thought of financial or social consequences; anxiety states, affecting the ad[Pg 244]renals, which discolor her face (pregnancy mask), make pregnancy hideous34 in many cases.
Even the process of parturition35 seems to have become more painful and dangerous with advancing civilisation.
Any one who has seen, for instance, Mexican women barely interrupting their labor36 in the fields to give birth to a child, and resuming their tasks an hour later, must realise that autosuggestion has much to do with the physical disability of the civilised woman in child bed.
In spite of the complexities37 of modern life, the female organism which is not affected38 by fear complexes, must expect a pleasure premium39 from pregnancy, lactation and other duties of motherhood. This would supply us with an organic basis for the mother's attachment40 to her offspring which is observable almost in every animal species.
That a number of women may be found who hate their children owing to the suffering to which unwelcome motherhood and difficult parturition have subjected them, is easily understandable. In fact we face a vicious circle. The unwelcome pregnancy will be an unpleasant one, followed almost unavoidably by painful delivery, etc.
When Mother Love is Lacking or when a[Pg 245] mother hates a very young child, the psychologist must look for morbid unconscious influences which analysis should remove as soon as possible.
Stekel, the Viennese analyst10, tells of a woman who was very fond of three of her daughters but, for some mysterious reason, detested41 the fourth one. Analysis revealed that she imagined she saw every one of her husband's faults reproduced and magnified in the unfortunate child.
She also imagined that she loved her husband very deeply.
The year when the unloved child was conceived, however, she had fallen in love with another man, a young poet. She remained "technically42 faithful" to her husband, altho, when in his arms, it was always the poet to whom she was giving herself.
She hoped sentimentally43 that the forthcoming child would look like her platonic44 lover but the little girl reproduced with striking faithfulness her father's features.
Unwilling45 to accept her dislike of her husband, the romantic mother had transferred it to the child who served as a scapegoat46 in various ways.
Let us not rehash on this occasion the poetical[Pg 246] and silly statement that the frigid woman is one whose love has been spiritualised and can only find an outlet48 thru her children.
The frigid woman is a cripple or a neurotic. Either she was born with poorly developed genitals or she was made abnormal by the unconscious fear of yielding to man's domination, or by a morbid sense of sin due to asceticism49, or by painful or humiliating sex experiences before or after marriage.
Her craving for motherhood is not infrequently the hypocritical expression of her desire for intercourse50, which her puritan training would otherwise make lewd51 and sinful. It is, at times, a desire for the superiority which age and bodily size will give her over infants, helpless and inarticulate.
This is why, in a good many cases, a perfect mother makes a detestable wife. Unable to dominate her husband she craves52 children whom she can dominate with a minimum of bodily strength and mental effort, and she devotes all her time and care to them.
When the children grow up and develop independent personalities53, the neurotic mother often loses her interest in them. How many times have we heard women (and men) remark that children[Pg 247] should remain "babies," that young children are far more lovable than adolescents, etc.
Mother and Father Love differ in several respects.
Fathers look upon their children, especially their sons, as a visible proof of their virile54 power. In their sons they see their own image, the more attractive to them as they are more egotistical.
The weak, infirm or unsuccessful son, however, receives little love at the hands of his father. He is not a credit to his progenitor55.
No mother, on the other hand, seems to neglect a cripple or idiotic56 child. Be it male or female, it is a human being which she can dominate easily. The more neurotic she is, the more she will idolise the ill-favored child.
Mothers Always Adore Their Sons, young and old, for they behold in them males whom they can easily dominate.
And fathers love their daughters, young or old, for similar reasons.
The relations of aging mothers and growing daughters, however, are almost invariably tinged57 with a certain hostility58, overt59 or concealed60, according to the women's habits, training, manners, etc.
Girls at the Flapper Stage who resent the at[Pg 248]traction which their mothers still wield61 over younger men, constantly remind them of their age and bid them to behave in a way more in keeping with their mature years.
The flapper's mother on the other hand, who sees her daughter gradually monopolising the attention of men callers, reminds the girl with monotonous62 regularity63 that she is only a child and bids her to behave as befits her tender years.
The mother resents her daughter's fresh beauty, the daughter, her mother's experience in dealing64 with males.
Both watch each other closely, protecting each other's modesty65 and virtue66 and trying to make each other's life as uninteresting and uneventful as possible.
The girl becomes an ethical critic on her mother's smoking or gowns. The mother blossoms into a puritan who allows her daughter no freedom and seems to have entirely67 forgotten her own girlhood years.
The strife lasts until the daughter is old enough to have her own circle of friends and no longer needs a chaperone. After which mother and daughter, if matched intellectually, may once more become friends.
[Pg 249]
Repressed Hatred68. I have treated a number of neurotic mothers who seemed to be obsessed69 by their adoration70 of their children. That exaggerated tenderness was, as I mentioned in another chapter, a cover for death wishes directed toward those children.
Some never allowed knives to be left in evidence in the house, some did not dare to carry their children in their arms on the stairs, while boarding trains, or while near open windows.
One never dared to administer a medicine to her little girl "for fear of making a mistake and poisoning her." One did not dare to bathe her child for fear of drowning him "accidentally" in the tub.
Neurotic women who do not wish to become mothers and rebel against motherhood, (which some of them consider as a symbol of woman's inferior role), often compensate71 for their lack of love by an almost criminal indulgence and weakness toward their children.
Unable to give them genuine love, they pretend to idolise them and are apparently unable to deny any of their wishes. This, in last analysis, is simply a total indifference72 to the little ones' welfare. That type of mother spoils her children and makes them unfit to face life and its emergencies.
[Pg 250]
Her extravagant73 adulation, her outbursts of artificial tenderness, however, do not always deceive the children themselves who feel automatically, thru nervous and muscular imitation, the tensions of their mother's body. The little son of the woman who was obsessed by the fear of drowning him (and who compensated74 for her murderous cravings by showering the wildest caresses75 upon him), could not be prevailed upon to ever go near the water until her obsessions76, of which, he, of course, had no conscious knowledge, had been removed by psychoanalytic treatment.
Neurotic mother love trains children for a neurotic life.
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1
ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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strife
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| n.争吵，冲突，倾轧，竞争 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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intimidated
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| v.恐吓；威胁adj.害怕的；受到威胁的 | |
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alloy
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| n.合金，(金属的)成色 | |
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neurotic
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| adj.神经病的，神经过敏的；n.神经过敏者，神经病患者 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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components
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| （机器、设备等的）构成要素，零件，成分； 成分( component的名词复数 )； [物理化学]组分； [数学]分量； （混合物的）组成部分 | |
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analyst
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| n.分析家，化验员；心理分析学家 | |
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subservient
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| adj.卑屈的，阿谀的 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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voluptuous
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| adj.肉欲的，骄奢淫逸的 | |
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pregnancy
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| n.怀孕，怀孕期 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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crave
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| vt.渴望得到，迫切需要，恳求，请求 | |
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physiology
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| n.生理学，生理机能 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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gland
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| n.腺体，(机)密封压盖，填料盖 | |
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physiologists
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| n.生理学者( physiologist的名词复数 )；生理学( physiology的名词复数 )；生理机能 | |
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complexity
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| n.复杂(性)，复杂的事物 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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gestation
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| n.怀孕；酝酿 | |
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glands
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| n.腺( gland的名词复数 ) | |
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accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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relaxation
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| n.松弛，放松；休息；消遣；娱乐 | |
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stimulation
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| n.刺激，激励，鼓舞 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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vomiting
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| 吐 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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parturition
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| n.生产，分娩 | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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complexities
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| 复杂性(complexity的名词复数)； 复杂的事物 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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premium
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| n.加付款；赠品；adj.高级的；售价高的 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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technically
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| adv.专门地，技术上地 | |
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sentimentally
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| adv.富情感地 | |
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platonic
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| adj.精神的；柏拉图（哲学）的 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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scapegoat
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| n.替罪的羔羊，替人顶罪者；v.使…成为替罪羊 | |
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frigid
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| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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outlet
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| n.出口/路；销路；批发商店；通风口；发泄 | |
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49
asceticism
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| n.禁欲主义 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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lewd
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| adj.淫荡的 | |
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52
craves
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| 渴望，热望( crave的第三人称单数 )； 恳求，请求 | |
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personalities
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| n. 诽谤，（对某人容貌、性格等所进行的）人身攻击； 人身攻击；人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 ) | |
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54
virile
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| adj.男性的；有男性生殖力的；有男子气概的；强有力的 | |
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progenitor
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| n.祖先，先驱 | |
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idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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overt
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| adj.公开的，明显的，公然的 | |
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60
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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61
wield
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| vt.行使，运用，支配；挥，使用(武器等) | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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67
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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obsessed
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| adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
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adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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71
compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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72
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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extravagant
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| adj.奢侈的；过分的；(言行等)放肆的 | |
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compensated
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| 补偿，报酬( compensate的过去式和过去分词 )； 给（某人）赔偿（或赔款） | |
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75
caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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obsessions
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| n.使人痴迷的人（或物）( obsession的名词复数 )；着魔；困扰 | |
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