"Very good, Wilson. Is Mr. Creswell alone?"
"Mr. Radford, the agent from Brocksopp, have been with him for the last half-hour, miss; but he's on the point to go. I saw him getting on his gloves as I left the room."
"Very good; tell Mr. Creswell I will be with him at once."
The servant retired1, closing the door behind her, and Marian was left alone with her mother. They were in what they had become accustomed to call "their own" sitting-room2, with its bright chintz furniture and tasteful appointments, as Marian had described them in her letter to Walter. It was tolerably early morning, just after ten o'clock, and the sun lit up the garden and the grass-plot, from which the slight frost had not yet disappeared, though the snowdrops and the crocuses were already showing their heads in the flower-borders, while the ditch-banks of the neighbourhood were thick with promised crops of violets and primroses3. Mrs. Ashurst, whose infirmities seemed greatly to have increased within the past six months, was sitting by the fire with her face turned towards the window, enjoying the brightness of the morning; but her back was turned to the door, and she had not caught the servant's message.
"What was that Martha said, my dear?" she asked. "My hearing's getting worse, I think. I miss almost everything that's said now."
"You had your back towards her, dear mother; and you were too pleasantly occupied looking at the bright weather outside, and thinking that we should soon be able to get you out for a turn up and down the long walk, in the sun. Martha came to say that Mr. Creswell wanted to see me in the library."
"Again, Marian? Why, you were with him for hours--when was it?--the day before yesterday."
"Yes, mother; you're quite right. I was there, helping4 him with his accounts. But there was some information which had to be supplied before we could finish them. I suppose he has obtained that now, and we can go on with our work."
"You're a clever child, my dear," said the old lady, fondly stroking her daughter's shining hair.
"There's more use than cleverness in what I'm doing for Mr. Creswell, darling mother. Don't you remember how I used to make out the boarders' bills for poor papa, and the 'general running account' to be submitted half-yearly to the governors? These are larger and more intricate matters, of course, dealing5 as they do with the amount and sources of Mr. Creswell's income; but I think I have mastered the method of dealing with them, and Mr. Creswell, I imagine, thinks so too."
"It must be a very large income, my dear, to keep up all this place, and----"
"Large! You have no conception of it, mother. I had no conception of it, nor of how it came in, and grew, and is for ever growing, until it was before me in black and white. Original funds, speculations7, mortgages, investments in this and that, in ships and wharves8 and breweries9, in foreign railroads, and---- Ah! good heavens, it's enough to turn one's brain to think of."
And the girl pressed her forehead with her hands, and stood motionless.
"Yes, my dear," said the old lady, stretching out her hand, and, drawing her daughter gently towards her. "I've thought more than once that this house with its surroundings was scarcely the best school for a young girl who had to face poverty, and battle for her livelihood10. And, indeed, I'm far from thinking that, even so far as I'm concerned, it was wise that we should originally have come here, or that we should have stayed so long. I wish you would propose about Mrs. Swainson's lodgings11 again, Marian, for----"
"For Heaven's sake, don't mention Mrs. Swainson's horrid13 lodgings again, mother. Are you tired of your visit here?"
"No, my dear, not in the least; I'm very happy, as happy as I ever expect to be again in this world; but I know there's such a thing as outstaying your welcome, and----"
"Who has been putting such ideas into your head? Not those horrible girls! They have nothing to do with the arrangements of the house, they--there, I always lose my head when I think or speak of them!"
"You do indeed, Marian; I cannot imagine how it is that you and Maude and Gertrude don't get on together. You always seem to blaze up like I don't know what, especially you and Maude! No, my dear, the young ladies have always hoped we should stay on, but that of course is impossible, and----"
"Perhaps not impossible, mother!"
"Why not, my dear? Do you think that---- Oh no, thank you! I guess what you mean; I'm an old woman, I know, but I've still my faculties14 left, and I can see through a millstone as well as most people of my age, and though I'm not apt to be--I forget the word, but you know what I mean--I declare once for all I won't do it!"
"Won't do what, mother? I declare I have no notion what you mean."
"Oh yes, you have, Marian. You heard what Dr. Osborne, whom I never could abide15, but that's neither here nor there, suggested about my becoming Mrs. Caddy, or rather Mrs. Caddy's successor, when she went. I'm sure you, who talk of having a spirit and a proper pride, ought to see that I couldn't do that! Your poor father wouldn't rest in his grave if he knew it! You remember he never would let me do anything with the boys' clothes, or hair-brushes, or that--always would have a wardrobe woman; and now to think of my becoming a housekeeper----"
"But, mother--there! you shall not worry yourself with that idea any more, and still we won't think just yet of Mrs. Swainson's nasty lodging12! Kiss me now, and let me go! I've been keeping Mr. Creswell waiting full ten minutes."
What change had come over Marian Ashurst to cause her to speak in this way to her mother with flushed cheek, and kindling16 eye, and elated look? What hope was dawning over the deep of that black blank sunless future, which she had seen before her in all its miserable17 intensity18, its unavoidable dead level gloom, when first she arrived on a visit at Woolgreaves? What was the vision which during all that period, but especially since Tom Creswell's death, had haunted her waking and sleeping, in company and in solitude19, had been ever present to her thoughts, and had wrung20 her heart and disturbed her mental peace more keenly even than the thought of poverty, the desire for wealth? Dare she do it? She could, she had but little doubt of that, but little doubt of Mr. Creswell's daily increasing dependence21 on her and regard for her. There was no one else in the world now in whom he seemed to take the slightest interest. He had been deeply grieved at his son's death, laid up for weeks afterwards--one would have thought that life for him had lost all its zest22 and flavour; but lately, in going through his business details with Marian, he had referred to the dead lad almost calmly, and had spoken of him almost as he used to speak of him in the days when his brusquerie and bad style and consequent unpopularity were gall24 and wormwood to his father's heart. She was thoroughly25 and entirely26 essential to him. He had told her so. He had said plainly enough that with no one else, no paid hirelings, no clerk, however trustworthy or confidentially27 employed, could he have gone through the private accounts, which showed the sources of his revenue and its investment, and which had dropped into almost hopeless confusion and arrear28, from which they were only rescued by her quick apprehension29, clear business knowledge, and indefatigable30 industry. He sat by in mute wonder, as she seized upon each point as it was laid before her, and stopped him in the midst of his verbose31 and clumsy explanation, to show how clearly she comprehended him, and how lightly she undertook the unravelment of matters which seemed to him almost hopeless in their chaotic32 disarrangement.
What a wonderful girl she was, Mr. Creswell thought, as he looked at her poring over the items of account as he read them out to her, and marked the sudden manner in which her cheek flushed and her bosom33 heaved and her eye dilated34, while that ready pen never ceased in its noiseless course over the paper. How thoroughly natural to be able to throw herself so entirely into the work before her, to take evident interest in what would be to others the driest detail, mere35 husk and draff of soulless business! He knew nothing of Marian Ashurst, less than nothing. That dry detail and those soulless figures were to her more interesting than the finest fiction, the most soul-stirring poetry. For they meant something much better than fiction; they meant fact--wealth, position, everything. She remembered, even as she jotted36 down from Mr. Creswell's loose memoranda37 or vague recollections of sums invested here or securities lying there, or interest payable38 at such and such dates--she remembered how, as a child, she had read of Sinbad's visit to the Valley of Diamonds, and how, in one of the few novels she had come across in later life, she had been breathlessly interested in the account of the treasure in Monte Christo's grotto39. Those delights were fictional40, but the wealth recorded in her own handwriting before her own eyes was real--real, and, if she mistook not, if the golden dreams had not warped41 her intellect and dazzled her brain, enjoyable by her. Thoroughly enjoyable, not as a miserable dependent permitted to bask42 in the rays of prosperity, but as the originator of the prosperity itself, the mistress of the fortune--the---- No wonder her cheek flushed; she felt her brain throb43 and her head whirl; the magnitude of the stakes, the chances of success appalled44 her. She had never realised them before, and, while they were beginning to dawn on her, the desperate effect of her proposed end upon one who had hitherto been loved by her she had steadfastly45 contrived46 to ignore.
If she dared to do it? Why should she not dare; what was it to dare, after all? Was she to lose her chance in life, and such a chance, simply because as a girl she had agreed to a foolish contract, which, as it seemed, it was impossible could ever be fulfilled? Was her youth to be sacrificed to a preposterous47 engagement, which, if it was ratified48 at all, could only be ratified in grim middle age, when all power of enjoying life would have fled, even if the hope of anything to enjoy were then vouchsafed49 her? She knew too well that people would be ready enough to bring accusations51 against her, but of what could they accuse her? Of selfishness? but it would not be merely for her own self-advancement that she would take advantage of the opportunity that offered for bettering her position in life. Her mother was thoroughly dependent upon her, and the past few months had made a wonderful difference in her mother's physical condition. With plenty of comfort and attention, with a command of certain luxuries and the power of remaining perfectly52 quiescent53, knowing that there was not the smallest occasion for mental disquietude, Mrs. Ashurst's life might last for some time, but the smallest mental worry would probably be fatal. This Dr. Osborne had said, and it behoved Marian to think of her mother before any one else in the world.
And yet--and yet? Was it all to be forgotten and stamped out, that one halcyon54 time of her existence, that one period in which she had ceased to think of the struggle for living, and to love life for being as it was? Was that one green oasis55 where she had rested so pleasantly, forgetful of the annoyances56 past, not caring for the dangers to come, as she lay beside the bubbling fountain of Hope, and drank of its pure waters--was that to be swallowed up in the world's simoom, and to vanish with every trace obliterated57? Or was it but a mere mirage58, unsubstantial and unreal? As she battled with herself she pressed her eyes tightly with her hands, and endeavoured to recall those scenes of her life. She would see her lover, modest, earnest, hopeful, delighted at his so-far success, sanguine59 as to that which was to come. She would remember the cheery manner in which he would meet her doubts, the calm self-reliance, never degenerating60 into bravado61, with which he spoke23 of their future as perfected by his efforts. Reminiscences, looks, tones, each had their effect upon her. Then she would think of that future, even when painted as glowingly as in Walter's fervent62 expectation. And what was it? Genteel poverty at its best. The coming together of two hearts in a cheap lodging, with a necessity for watching the outlay63 of every sixpence, and a short career of starved gentility as the coming result of a long life of labour and waiting. And to give up all she had in prospect64, all she had in command, she might almost say, for this---- Poor Walter, poor Walter what would he do? All his whole life was bound up in her, in her his every thought centred. How would he---- Wait, though! She was not so sure of what she was saying. Who was this Lady Caroline Somebody of whom he wrote so strongly? Two or three times he had mentioned her in his letters. Marian recollected65 having smiled at Walter's first description of this great lady, who, though he tried to disguise it, had evidently been struck with him; but now she seized on the idea with quite a different object in view. Suppose she should carry out what she had in her mind, it would be expedient66 for her to show to the world--to such portion of the world as chose to be inquisitive67 or indignant about her proceedings--that all shame, so far as breaking off the original engagement was concerned, did not rest with her, that Walter himself had not kept faith with---- She broke off the thread of her thought abruptly68, she could not battle with herself, she knew how vain and ridiculous the accusation50 would be, how the object of it would shake it from him with scorn; but it had a certain semblance69 of truth and likelihood, and it would do to bring forward, in case any such defence was ever needed.
"Well, missy," said Mr. Creswell, looking up from the papers on which he was engaged, "you see I've been compelled to send for my assistant; I couldn't get on without her."
"Your assistant is only too glad to come when she finds she can be of use to you, sir. Has the pass-book come from the bank, and did you get those returns you asked for from the Wharfdale Company?"
"What a memory you have, child! I declare I had forgotten what had stopped our work the other morning. I remembered only that you would have gone on until you dropped, but for want of material. Yes, they are both here."
"I see; and the totals both approximate to the sums you mentioned. There will be no difficulty now in preparing the rough balance-sheet. Shall I begin that at once?"
"No, no, missy; that is too large an undertaking70 for you. I'll have that done down at the office. I'm only too thankful to you for the assistance you've rendered me in getting the items into order, and in checking matters which I could not possibly have submitted to an uninterested person, and which I'm--well, I'm afraid I must say it--too old to go into myself!"
"Since you praise me, I have a right to claim a reward, and I demand to be allowed to carry out my work to the end. I shall be proud of it, proud to think that, when next these accounts are gone through, you will be able to look at mine, and see that they do no discredit71 to your book-keeping pupil."
There was a slight change in Mr. Creswell's voice as he said--
"My child, I don't suppose this task will occur again, in my lifetime. It would have stood over well until my poor boy came of age, had it pleased God to spare him; but I have only done it now from a renewal72 of the old stock-taking habit, a desire to see how my worldly affairs stood before----"
But the voice broke, and the sentence was left unfinished.
"But surely, sir, it must be a source of pride, and of pleasure too, to you, being, as you have often pointed73 out to me, the architect of your own fortunes, to have this convincing proof of their stability and your success?"
"Success! my dear child; pride! pleasure! Ah, missy, a man must have lived but a small life, if towards the end of it he looks for pride and pleasure in the amount of his balance at his bankers', or for his success in having heaped up more money than his fellows!"
"No; not in that entirely, of course; but in having carried out the main idea of his life, and----"
"The main idea of my life that was in existence but a very little while, missy! The main idea of my life was to make my poor Jenny a good husband, and afterwards--when the boy was born--to leave him a good and honoured name. Both those hopes are extinguished now, Marian. The first went years ago, the last--you know when. And this," pointing with his pen to the bankbook in front of him--"this has no power to fill their place."
Both were silent for some minutes; then Marian said, "You have shown me how silly I was to speak as I spoke just now."
"My child, you spoke as a child; as one who has never known--who, please God, never will know--the vanity of such resources as those in time of trouble."
"I spoke as one who has known sorrow, Mr. Creswell, but who also has known, and who never can too gratefully acknowledge, the kindness of friends who were willing and able to help her. I think, I am sure, it will be a source of satisfaction to you to remember that your position enabled you to soften74, very much to soften, the severity of the blow which so recently fell upon my mother and myself."
"There, indeed, you show me some use in what you are pleased to call my 'position.' It is long since I have experienced such gratification as in being enabled to show some neighbourly civility to the wife and daughter of my old friend. Even if you had been personally very different from what you are, I should have been pleased to do it in remembrance of him; but your mother is the gentlest and the most amiable75 creature in the world, while as for you----"
He paused for an instant, and her heart beat high. Only for an instant; she resumed her normal respiration76 as he laid his hand softly on her head, and said, "If I had had a daughter, child, I could have wished her not one whit6 different from you."
She was quite calm again, as she said, "I am so pleased to hear you say that, sir; for as you know, there are few to give me that affection which you truly describe as being the only thing worth living for. And I am so glad that I have been able to be of use to you, and to have shown you, in a very poor way indeed, how grateful I am to you for all your kindness to us before we leave you."
"Leave me, Marian? What are you talking of, child?"
"The fact," she replied, with a sad smile--"the dire77 hated fact. We must go, sooner or later; and it is the best for me--for us, I mean--that now it should be sooner. We have remained here longer than we intended, many weeks longer, owing to--to circumstances; and we have been, oh, so happy! Now we must go, and it will be better for us to look the fact in the face, and settle down in Mrs. Swainson's lodgings, and begin our new life."
Mr. Creswell's face had grown very white, and his hands were plucking nervously78 at his chin. Suddenly a light seemed to break in upon him, and he said, "You won't go until you've finished the balance-sheet? Promise me that."
"No," said Marian, looking him straight in the face, "I'll finish that--I promise you."
"Very good. Now leave me, my dear. This unexpected news has rather upset me. I must be alone for a little. Good-bye! God bless you!" And he bent79, and for the first time in his life kissed her forehead. "You--you won't forget your promise?"
"You may depend on me," said Marian as she left the room.
Outside the door, in the bay-window where she had held her colloquy80 with Dr. Osborne on the night of Tom's death, were Maude and Gertrude, seated on the ottoman, one at work, the other reading. Neither of them spoke as Marian passed; but she thought she saw a significant look pass between them, and as she descended81 the stairs she heard them whispering, and caught Maude's words: "I shouldn't wonder if poor Tom was right about her, after all."
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1
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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primroses
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| n.报春花( primrose的名词复数 )；淡黄色；追求享乐（招至恶果） | |
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helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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wharves
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| n.码头，停泊处( wharf的名词复数 ) | |
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breweries
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| 酿造厂，啤酒厂( brewery的名词复数 ) | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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thoroughly
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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confidentially
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| ad.秘密地，悄悄地 | |
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arrear
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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indefatigable
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verbose
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| adj.用字多的；冗长的；累赘的 | |
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chaotic
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| adj.混沌的，一片混乱的，一团糟的 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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jotted
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| v.匆忙记下( jot的过去式和过去分词 )；草草记下，匆匆记下 | |
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memoranda
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| n. 备忘录, 便条 名词memorandum的复数形式 | |
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payable
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| adj.可付的，应付的，有利益的 | |
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grotto
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| n.洞穴 | |
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fictional
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| adj.小说的，虚构的 | |
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warped
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| adj.反常的；乖戾的；（变）弯曲的；变形的v.弄弯，变歪( warp的过去式和过去分词 )；使（行为等）不合情理，使乖戾， | |
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bask
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| vt.取暖，晒太阳，沐浴于 | |
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throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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steadfastly
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| adv.踏实地，不变地；岿然；坚定不渝 | |
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contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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ratified
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| v.批准，签认（合约等）( ratify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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accusation
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| n.控告，指责，谴责 | |
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accusations
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| n.指责( accusation的名词复数 )；指控；控告；（被告发、控告的）罪名 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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quiescent
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| adj.静止的，不活动的，寂静的 | |
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halcyon
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| n.平静的，愉快的 | |
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oasis
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| n.（沙漠中的）绿洲，宜人的地方 | |
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annoyances
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| n.恼怒( annoyance的名词复数 )；烦恼；打扰；使人烦恼的事 | |
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obliterated
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| v.除去( obliterate的过去式和过去分词 )；涂去；擦掉；彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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mirage
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| n.海市蜃楼，幻景 | |
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sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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degenerating
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| 衰退，堕落，退化( degenerate的现在分词 ) | |
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bravado
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| n.虚张声势，故作勇敢，逞能 | |
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fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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outlay
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| n.费用，经费，支出；v.花费 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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recollected
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| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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semblance
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| n.外貌，外表 | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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discredit
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| vt.使不可置信；n.丧失信义；不信，怀疑 | |
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renewal
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| adj.(契约)延期，续订，更新，复活，重来 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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soften
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| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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respiration
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| n.呼吸作用；一次呼吸；植物光合作用 | |
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dire
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| adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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colloquy
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| n.谈话，自由讨论 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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