Sure.
That is, sometimes, if it’s the right kind of a mare and there is enough money.
Take out all the “ifs” and “buts” and it will be all right.
The world began with a man, Adam, and the woman came later, but the finish will be different, for there will be a woman in the last ditch giving or ready to give the avenging2 angel the stiffest kind of an argument.
This story differs from the Creation in that it begins with a woman, as all stories of to-day should. And why not? for take the lady out of the case and there’s no story and never will be. The slim finger of a woman, you know, is in every pie. Sometimes it improves the flavor and sometimes it spoils it—that’s a matter of luck—and there are men who have tried pies or many fingers, whichever simile3 you prefer, and the result in their cases is always the same.
The girl in this story had birth, and blood, and breeding behind her. She also had good looks and a little money, and that is about all that anyone wants. Add to that a fairly nice disposition4 and you have reached the limit.
Of course, she wasn’t perfect by any means. She was a bit whimsical and peculiar5, and her moods were
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as apparent as the moving pictures thrown on a sheet in the theatre. She was unusual in that her moods were reflected in her face with all the truthfulness6 of a mirror. That was the reason that some said she was good-looking, while others contended that she was most ordinary. Take her as I’ve often seen her, when she was cheerful and happy-go-lucky, and while there was nothing about her features that was regular she was attractive enough for anyone, and she could make a good many young fellows turn their heads to look after her as she passed down the street.
Then again something would happen, and she would seem to age ten years in as many hours, and a crop of deep lines and wrinkles would spring out like magic. But she had magnetism7, and she was forever standing8 at the fork of two roads, one of which led to good and the other to bad. To her it was the toss of a coin which one she would take.
It was while she was in a thoughtful mood, debating with herself, that the man came along. There’s an apology goes with that, for he hadn’t a vote yet, and he was very youthful in his ways and of that age where a youngster is apt to tell more than is good for him, and to stray from the field of fact. Of course, it’s not a crime—it’s only a period. With his red cheeks and baby complexion9 he looked like a cross between a stick of peppermint10 candy and one of Raphael’s cherubs11. He was as pretty a piece of embroidery12 as ever asked his mother for spending money, and when the girl saw him she immediately threw out a line and took him in tow. Inside of twenty-four hours she had her monogram14 indelibly stamped on him, and he was hers. Hand in hand they went out to see the
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world and become real sports, and it wasn’t long before wine was the limit and it wasn’t half good enough at that. They left a lurid15 streak16 up and down the line, but it soon faded out, for they weren’t financially strong enough to make a splash that would attract any more attention than a pair of tiny gold fish in a two-dollar aquarium17.
After all, it amounts to nothing more or less than a question of capacity—stomach as well as purse, and it is rarely that the two harmonize. The man with the yard-wide thirst is often handicapped by a purse with complete or partial paralysis18.
And then these two fell in with other company in the shape of a man and woman whose nuptials19 had been attended by incidents of a more or less exciting character, the star part of which was an elopement which savored20 more of desire than genius in its arrangements. They had succeeded so well in their new venture that they owned the entire contents of a flat across the river in Jersey21, and being still in the throes of love themselves—or thinking they were—they were headquarters for everything that seemed like an affair of the heart. Some who were not their friends were unkind enough to say that it was nothing more nor less than a case of misery22 loving company, and that being on the coals themselves this couple enjoyed leading others to the broiler. But that’s unkind and really ought not to be believed.
However, many a racket came off in the flat, and they all went as hot a pace as wind and weather permitted, until even a rank outsider would have said it was time for a minister to get on the job and do what he could to make things legal.
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The cork23 popped from a bottle of wine and the juice of the grape sizzled out.
“What do you say, Kid, let’s get married?”
“All right, I’m game if you are; you can’t phaze me,” she said.
“Well, how about to-night?”
“The sooner the better.”
Talk about quick action, it was here with a vengeance24.
Four people on a ferryboat, then an elevated railroad and the ringing of a minister’s door bell.
It’s all very simple.
The dinner afterward25 in a cafe, very informal, you know, to harmonize with the ceremony, with a couple of quarts for luck sandwiched in by cocktails26 and highballs; then a few brief telegrams:
“Married to-night; wish us luck;” you know the rest.
It was all right, after all, apparently27, and everybody did wish them luck, even if there were a few bad spots in the job. But, you see, they suited themselves and there was no one else to be taken into consideration, not even the relatives. This going around and holding consultations28 in advance is no good, and people who are in love or who think they are in love don’t want advice of any kind, except the kind that rings the door bell of a minister’s hut or buys a wedding ring and sends it with the words:
“Get busy before it is too late.”
I’m no critic, and I don’t pretend to criticise29 here. I’m simply telling a story which may or may not be true, but I’m not going to be responsible for it any more than the man who rents a place and plants
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flowers in the garden is responsible for the architecture of the house on the premises30.
It is said that the bride in this case was kind enough to supply the funds for the honeymoon31, while the nice boy supplied the beauty and called it even. In the eyes of the lady it seems a fair enough proposition, but harsh things are liable to be said of such a combination, even though it is no one’s business.
When they returned from the fields of fruits and flowers the boy had made up his mind, like the Count Boni de Castellane, that being a husband was much better than holding down a job in an office, and so they settled in New York like a pair of pigeons after a long flight. He had no more idea of the responsibilities of married life than a six-months’-old infant has of playing the races. With a place to sleep and a feed bag always ready for his face he was satisfied, but that was because of his youth. You see, marrying from the cradle has both its advantages and its drawbacks, according to the way you look at it.
For him every morning was Christmas, and the tree was always fixed32 up with something nice with his name on it. Do you blame him for looking pleasant? Press the button for a dollar, press it twice and you get five. Just as easy as drawing money out of the bank when you have a check book.
But with all going out and nothing coming in it doesn’t last long, and when he had swept up all the spare change in sight he began to cast his covetous33 eye upon the big bundle that was tied up with a woolen34 string.
He knew something about the racing35 game—just enough to get stung when the time came—and he knew
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a man who was good enough to offer him a half interest in a racing mare that had been kept under cover for a year or so, but who could, if she was let out, beat anything that ever wore pigskin. To that infantile mind of his this was the one great chance of a lifetime and the thousand-dollar bill was the key which would unlock the door to wealth.
Money without working for it.
Why it was a pipe. Besides, it made a beautiful and alluring36 tale for the bride, who had reached that stage where she didn’t want her boy away from her, not even for a minute. With the thousand he would make the initial investment, and with the rest of the bank roll he would bet. With paper and pencils they sat at the table one night and rolled up two thousand to the fortune of a Rockefeller.
How easy it is to make money that way. All you have to do is to begin with any amount, even a penny, and if your pencil holds out you’ll have a million in less than no time, but you can’t buy anything with it—there’s the trouble. The man in the insane asylum37 who imagined that every stone in the construction of the building was of pure gold and that it belonged to him was just as rich in his own mind as the wealthiest human being in the world—and happier, too, I’ll bet you.
They planned it all out, even to the trip to Europe on the winnings of the first big race, for she would carry odds38 of not less than 20 to 1, because she was unknown.
A little trip down to the bank and out came the money in brand new bills that were very good to look at.
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So the first step was taken, and the boy made up his mind that he had turned his back forever upon such things as ten-dollar-a-week jobs.
It doesn’t require any ingenuity39 or brains for a man to separate himself from such things as thousand-dollar bills—in fact it’s quite easy. Consequently it didn’t require any brain work on the part of the boy to deplete40 the account by just that amount within a very short time. For his new bill he received in return a slip of paper which stated that he was the half owner of the racing mare known as Blue Monday, and that in consideration of his paying one-half of the training expenses of the said mare he was to be entitled to one-half of the winnings, less jockey fees and other incidentals.
To him it sounded beautiful and it took not less than one quart to celebrate this new business venture—paid for by the lady, of course, but still, in view of the fact that they were one, it was all right.
Then there began to come to him via the U. S. Mail, certain sundry41 statements concerning the expenses of putting this fine bit of horse flesh into the proper condition to bring home the money, and the request for immediate13 remittance42. There was variety enough about these statements, too, to satisfy the most fastidious, and the amounts ranged all the way from six dollars and fifty cents to an even hundred. The clever mind of the bride took in the situation at a glance, but the faith of the optimistic kid held as fast as a ship’s anchor to a rock ledge43, and he could see nothing but success in the near future.
You know there is never a day so far away that it doesn’t come at last. So it was that the day of the
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long expected race arrived and down deep in the trousers pockets of the Pink Cheeked One was $150, the last shot in the locker44.
“It’s all right, Kid,” he said to her. “It’s just as I thought, she’s a twenty-five to one shot, and I’m going to plank45 every cent down. At those odds we’ll take home with us $3,750, and I guess that’ll hold us for awhile. How about it?”
“But suppose she doesn’t win?”
“Doesn’t win? What’s the matter with you—are you getting cold feet? How can she lose? Didn’t we clock her this morning on the try-out and didn’t she beat the track time? Wait till you know more about this game and you’ll see where I’m right.”
I don’t know much more about it than that, but the files of papers of that date show me that Blue Monday, mare, 3-year-old, was entered for the Seaside stakes of $1,500, at odds of 25 to 1; there was a good start, with her in the lead. At the quarter she had fallen back to fourth, at the half she had crept up until she lapped the second horse.
She finished seventh.
I should say that blue-eyed boy was looking for a job the next day, but I’m not fortune teller46 enough to know whether he connected or not.
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1
mare
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| n.母马，母驴 | |
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avenging
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| adj.报仇的，复仇的v.为…复仇，报…之仇( avenge的现在分词 )；为…报复 | |
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simile
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| n.直喻，明喻 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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truthfulness
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| n. 符合实际 | |
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magnetism
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| n.磁性，吸引力，磁学 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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9
complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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10
peppermint
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| n.薄荷，薄荷油，薄荷糖 | |
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11
cherubs
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| 小天使，胖娃娃( cherub的名词复数 ) | |
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12
embroidery
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| n.绣花，刺绣；绣制品 | |
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13
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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14
monogram
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| n.字母组合 | |
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15
lurid
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| adj.可怕的；血红的；苍白的 | |
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16
streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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17
aquarium
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| n.水族馆，养鱼池，玻璃缸 | |
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18
paralysis
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| n.麻痹(症)；瘫痪(症) | |
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19
nuptials
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| n.婚礼；婚礼( nuptial的名词复数 ) | |
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savored
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| v.意味，带有…的性质( savor的过去式和过去分词 )；给…加调味品；使有风味；品尝 | |
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21
jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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23
cork
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| n.软木，软木塞 | |
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24
vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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25
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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cocktails
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| n.鸡尾酒( cocktail的名词复数 )；餐前开胃菜；混合物 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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28
consultations
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| n.磋商（会议）( consultation的名词复数 )；商讨会；协商会；查找 | |
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29
criticise
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| v.批评，评论；非难 | |
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30
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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31
honeymoon
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| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
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32
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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covetous
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| adj.贪婪的，贪心的 | |
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34
woolen
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| adj.羊毛(制)的；毛纺的 | |
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35
racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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alluring
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| adj.吸引人的，迷人的 | |
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37
asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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38
odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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40
deplete
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| v.弄空，排除，减轻，减少...体液，放去...的血 | |
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41
sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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42
remittance
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| n.汇款，寄款，汇兑 | |
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43
ledge
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| n.壁架，架状突出物；岩架，岩礁 | |
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44
locker
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| n.更衣箱，储物柜，冷藏室，上锁的人 | |
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45
plank
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| n.板条，木板，政策要点，政纲条目 | |
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46
teller
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| n.银行出纳员；(选举)计票员 | |
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