Of Timothy it may be recorded that he fought fiercely, then with waning1 strength, and finally succumbed2 and lost his battle. By slow degrees his intimacy3 with Sarah grew. Neither sought the other; but love dragged them together. The man hid it from his small world, or fancied that he did so; the girl blushed in secret and knew that what she had mistaken for love was mere4 attachment—an emotion as far removed from her affection for Timothy as the bloodless moonbeams from the flush of a rosy5 sunrise. A time came, and that quickly, when she could deceive herself no longer, and she knew that her life hung on her lover, while the other man was no more than a sad cloud upon the horizon of the future.
Frosts temporarily retarded6 the thaw7, and Timothy and Sarah walked together at evening time in a great pine wood. A footpath8, ribbed and fretted9 with snakelike roots, extended here, and moving along it they sighed, while the breath of the great p. 48trees bore their suspirations aloft into the scented10 silence. One band of orange light hung across the west and the evening star twinkled diamond-bright upon it, while perpendicularly11 against the splendour sprang the lines of pine trunks, dimmed aloft with network of broken and naked boughs12, merging13 above into a sombre crown of accumulated foliage14. Cushions of dead needles were crisp under foot and the whisper of growing ice tinkled15 on the ear.
“’Tis vain to lie—at least to you an’ to myself. I love ’e, Tim; I love ’e wi’ all my poor heart—all—all of it.”
Her breath left her red lips in a little cloud and she hung her head hopelessly down.
“God can tell why such cruel things happen, dearest. Yet you loved him too—poor chap.”
“Never. ’Tis the difference ’tween thinkin’ an’ knowin’—a difference wide as the Moor16. I never knowed love; I never knowed as theer was such a—but this be wicked talk. You’ve winned the solemn truth out o’ me; an’ that must content ’e. I never could ax un to give me up—him so gude an’ workin’ that terrible hard to make a home for me.”
“What will the home be when you’ve got it? Some might think it was better that one should suffer instead of two.”
“I couldn’t leave him, out of pity.”
p. 49“You must think of yourself, too, Sarah—if not of me. I hate saying so, but when your life’s salvation17 hangs on it, who can be dumb? John Aggett’s a big-hearted, honest man; yet he hasn’t our deep feelings; it isn’t in him to tear his heart to tatters over one woman as I should.”
“Us can’t say what deeps a man may have got hid in him.”
“Yes, but we can—in a great measure. John’s not subtle. He’s made of hard stuff and sensible stuff. I’ll fathom18 him at any rate. It must be done. He shall know. God forgive me—and yet I don’t blame myself very much. I was not free—never since you came into my life and filled it up to the brim. He saw the danger. I confess that. He warned me, an’ I bade him fear nothing. I was strong in my own conceit19. Then this happened. The thing is meant to be; I know it at the bottom of my being. It was planned at creation and we cannot alter it if we would.”
“’Tis well to say that; but I reckon poor Jan thought the same?”
“I’ll see him; I’ll speak with him man to man. He must give you up. Oh, if I could change places with him and find myself a labourer just toiling20 to make a home for you, I’d thank the Lord on my knees!”
“I wish I’d never seen either of ’e, for I’ve awnly p. 50made the both of ’e wretched men. Better I’d never drawed breath than bring this gert load of sorrow upon you an’ him.”
“You can’t help it; you’re innocent, and the punishment must not fall upon your shoulders. You love me better than Aggett; and that he must know in justice to himself—and us.”
“Then his life be ruined an’ his cup bitter for all time.”
“I don’t think so, Sarah. You misjudge him. And even if this must be so, it is only Fate. I will speak to him to-night.”
“Leave it a little while. I’m fearful to trembling when I think of it. ’Tis I must tell him, not you. ’Tis I must tell him I’m not faithful an’ beg for forgiveness from him. An’ if he struck me down an’ hurted me—if he killed me—I’d say ’twas awnly fair punishment.”
“He never would lift a finger, even in his rage.”
“Jan? Never—never. A fiery22 soul, but so soft-hearted as a li’l cheel. Ess fay, ’tis from me he should hear it, if he must.”
“It would be better that I should do this.”
Before they reached the stile, that stood under the great beech23 tree, each loving coward had prayed the other to leave the task alone; and finally both promised to do nothing for a short space. Then into the light they came, and Sarah, glancing upward, saw p. 51dim letters and a lovers’ knot like sad eyes staring from the tree trunk.
As a matter of fact, there existed no great need to impress the situation upon John Aggett. The man, if slow-witted, was not blind, and, indeed, agile24 enough of intellect where Sarah was concerned. For many days he had hesitated to read the change in her. His visits to her had been marked by gloomy fits of taciturnity, by short speeches, abrupt25 leave-takings, by distrust in his eyes, by rough mumbled26 sentences she could not catch, by outbursts of affection, by sudden hugs to his heart, by searching, silent scrutiny27 of her features and numberless reiterations of one question. He never wearied to hear her declare that she loved him; his only peace of mind was in the moments of that assurance daily repeated; and he approached to absolute subtlety28 in appraisement29 of Sarah’s voice and vocal30 inflection as she made answer. Until the present, her affirmation of love had rung truly upon his ear; now he felt a shadow behind the words and steeled himself to the change. Her lips said one thing; her voice and eyes another. He grew slowly to believe the signs and to realise that she loved him no more, or if a little, so little that she did not mind lying to him.
Over this earthquake in his life he brooded bitterly enough, yet the stroke of it, upon first falling, was in some measure broken by his knowledge of p. 52Timothy’s interview with Gammer Gurney. A fatalistic resignation arose from this recollection and manifested itself, for the brief space of a week, in John’s attitude to his fate. But as the nature of all he had lost and how he had lost it beat upon his brain, a great agony of reality soon caused him to brush the white witch and her predictions out of the argument; they were factors too trivial to determine the careers of men and women; and thus, from beneath the smoke of his brief apathy31 appeared a consuming fire, and the man’s passionate32 nature cried for a speedy and definite end to his torments33.
Work upon the land was suspended under frost; but from the great barn in Bellever Barton came daily a hurtling of flails35 where threshing of barley36 kept the hands busy for many hours in each brief day. The flails gleamed like shooting stars across the dusty atmosphere of the barn, and when the sunlight entered, a sort of delicate golden cloud hung in the air, only to sink slowly away upon cessation of labour. Timothy Chave, too, laboured here. For something to occupy him he swung a flail34 with the rest, and made the old hands think better of themselves and their skill within sight of his clumsy efforts. Then it happened that Aggett, awake to an opportunity, suddenly desisted from work, pulled on his coat and accosted37 his rival. But he spoke38 for Tim’s ear alone and challenged no general attention.
p. 53“Set down your drashel an’ come an’ speak wi’ me a minute t’other side the yard.”
“Certainly, John, if you wish it.”
A moment later the meeting that Sarah had dreaded39 came about; but the results of it were of a sort not to have been anticipated. Aggett went straight to the point of attack and his temper suffered from the outset before the more cultured man’s attitude and command of words.
“You knaw full well what I’ve got to say before I sez it, I judge. I see in your face you know, Timothy Chave.”
“Yes, I do. It’s about Sarah. Things that must happen, must happen. I’m glad you’ve broached40 this subject, Aggett. Well, it stands thus; we are not our own masters always, unfortunately.”
“You can say that an’ look me in the face calm as a stone, arter what passed between us six weeks ago?”
“Six weeks—is that all?”
“Ess fay, though more like six years to me—six years o’ raging, roasting hell. Why do ’e bide41 here? Why do ’e take walks along wi’ she—skulking in the woods away from honest eyes like a fox? You’ve lied to me—”
“Don’t speak quite so loud, John. I cannot help the past. It was not my doing. I never sought out Sarah. We are all tools in the hand of Fate or Providence42, or whatever you like to call it; we are puppets p. 54and must dance to the tune43 God is pleased to play. We’re not free, any of us—not free to make promises or give undertakings44. Doesn’t this prove that we’re slaves to a man? I love Sarah Belworthy with all my heart and soul. That is not a sin. There is nothing in the world for me but her. I’m frank enough to you now; and if I lied before, it was because I thought I could control what was to come. I tried to keep my word. I turned from her path many times. I begged to be allowed to go away from the Moor, but my father would not suffer me to change my mind again. I swear I did my best; but loving is another matter. I might as easily have promised not to breathe as not to love her.”
“Words! An’ her—an’ me—?”
“It’s cursedly hard. God knows I don’t find it easy to answer you. But think: picture yourself in her place. Imagine that you found a woman you loved better than Sarah.”
“’Tis allus lifting of the burden on to other folks’ shoulders wi’ you. I ban’t agwaine to imagine vain things at your bidding. Dost hear me? I want the plain truth in plain speech. But that’s more’n you could give me, I reckon. The question I’ve got to ax, my girl’s got to answer. An’ I call her ‘my girl,’ yet, until I hear from her awn lips she ban’t my girl no more. Then—then—Christ knaws what—”
“If there’s any sort of satisfaction on earth, I’d p. 55give it to you. I know better than you can tell me that I’m a weak man. And I’ve hated myself for many days when I thought of you; but there it is—a fact beyond any mending.”
“Get out of her life, if you’re honest, an’ doan’t whine45 to me ’bout things being beyond mendin’! Go! Turn your back on her an’ let the dazzle of ’e fade out of her eyes an’ out of her mind. You knaw so well as me, that it ban’t beyond mendin’. She promised to marry me ’fore ever she seed the shadow of you; an’ you knawed it from the fust moment you set eyes on her; an’ yet you went on an’ sinked from manhood into this. You’m a whole cowardice46 o’ curs in the skin o’ one man, damn you!”
“You do right to curse. You will never feel greater contempt for me than I do for myself. I cannot go away. It is impossible—wholly above my strength. And the position is beyond mending, despite what you say—both for Sarah and for me. It is no crime in her to love me; the fault is mine, and if I had sworn on my hope of salvation to you, I should have broken my oath as I did my promise. Measure my punishment—that is all you can do; and I won’t flinch47 from it.”
“She loves you—better’n what she do me? It’s come to that; an’ you ax me to measure your punishment! You pitiful wretch21! You know you’m safe enough now. She loves you better’n me. Theer’s p. 56your safety. ‘Struth! I could smash your bones like rotten wood, an’ you know it; but she loves you better’n me; an’ who be I to crack her painted china wi’ my rough cloam? I doan’t love her no less—anyways not so little as to bruise48 you, an’ that you knowed afore you spoke. Get out o’ my sight an’ may worse fall on you than ever I would bring. May the thing you’ve done breed an’ bite an’ sap the heart out of ’e like a canker worm; may it bring thorns to your roses, an’ death to your hopes, an’ storms to your skies; may it fill your cup wi’ gall49 an’ bend your back afore your time an’ sting you on your death-bed. May it do all that, an’ more, so as you’ll mind this hour an’ know if I’d scatted your lying brains abroad an’ killed ’e, ’twould have been kinder than to let you live!”
“I have deserved your hardest words; but forgive her—now that you yield her up; forgive her if ever you loved her, for the fault was none of hers.”
“You can think for her, can ’e? You can stand between me an’ her to shield her against the man as would have faced fire an’ water an’ all hell’s delights for her ever since she was a li’l dinky maid! You ax me to forgive her—you? Christ A’mighty! she’m a lucky woman to have a man of your metal to stand up for her against me!”
“I didn’t mean that, Aggett; only I feared—”
“Doan’t I love her tu, you smooth-faced fule? p. 57Do ’e think one hair of her ban’t so precious to me as to you? Do ’e think because she’ve took your poison I’m mazed50 tu? I’ve got to live my life wi’out her; I’ve got to bide all my days wi’out her—that’s enough. But she’d have loved me still if she could. Ban’t her sin that you poured magic in her cup; ban’t her sin that she won’t wear glass beads51 no more now she thinks she’ve found a strong o’ di’monds.”
“You’re a better man than I am, John; you make me see what I’ve done; you make me wish I was dead.”
“Liar! Don’t prate52 no more to me. I hate the filthy53 sight of ’e, an’ the sound of thy oily tongue. I’d swing for ’e to-morrow, an’ keep my last breath to laugh with; but for she. Tell her—no, that I’ll do myself. I’ll tell her; an’ no call for you to fear as your fine name will get any hard knocks. I’ll never soil my mouth with it more arter to-day.”
He departed, and the other, in misery54 and shame, stood and watched him return to the threshing-floor. Yet, as the unhappy spirit who has sacrificed his life to a drug and creeps through shame and contumely back and back to the poison, counting nothing as vital that does not separate him therefrom, so now the man felt that Sarah Belworthy was his own and told himself that his honour, his self-respect, his fair repute were well lost in exchange for this unexampled pearl.
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1
waning
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| adj.（月亮）渐亏的，逐渐减弱或变小的n.月亏v.衰落( wane的现在分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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2
succumbed
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| 不再抵抗（诱惑、疾病、攻击等）( succumb的过去式和过去分词 )； 屈从； 被压垮； 死 | |
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3
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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4
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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5
rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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retarded
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| a.智力迟钝的，智力发育迟缓的 | |
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7
thaw
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| v.（使）融化，（使）变得友善；n.融化，缓和 | |
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8
footpath
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| n.小路，人行道 | |
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9
fretted
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| 焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的 | |
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10
scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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11
perpendicularly
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| adv. 垂直地, 笔直地, 纵向地 | |
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12
boughs
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| 大树枝( bough的名词复数 ) | |
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13
merging
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| 合并（分类） | |
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14
foliage
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| n.叶子，树叶，簇叶 | |
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15
tinkled
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| （使）发出丁当声，（使）发铃铃声( tinkle的过去式和过去分词 )； 叮当响着发出，铃铃响着报出 | |
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16
moor
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| n.荒野，沼泽；vt.(使)停泊；vi.停泊 | |
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17
salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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18
fathom
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| v.领悟，彻底了解 | |
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19
conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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20
toiling
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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21
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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22
fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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23
beech
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| n.山毛榉；adj.山毛榉的 | |
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24
agile
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| adj.敏捷的，灵活的 | |
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25
abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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26
mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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27
scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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28
subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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29
appraisement
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| n.评价，估价；估值 | |
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30
vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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31
apathy
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| n.漠不关心，无动于衷；冷淡 | |
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32
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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33
torments
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| （肉体或精神上的）折磨，痛苦( torment的名词复数 )； 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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34
flail
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| v.用连枷打；击打；n.连枷（脱粒用的工具） | |
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35
flails
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| v.鞭打( flail的第三人称单数 )；用连枷脱粒；（臂或腿）无法控制地乱动；扫雷坦克 | |
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36
barley
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| n.大麦，大麦粒 | |
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37
accosted
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| v.走过去跟…讲话( accost的过去式和过去分词 )；跟…搭讪；（乞丐等）上前向…乞讨；（妓女等）勾搭 | |
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38
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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39
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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40
broached
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| v.谈起( broach的过去式和过去分词 )；打开并开始用；用凿子扩大（或修光）；（在桶上）钻孔取液体 | |
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41
bide
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| v.忍耐；等候；住 | |
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42
providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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43
tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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44
undertakings
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| 企业( undertaking的名词复数 )； 保证； 殡仪业； 任务 | |
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45
whine
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| v.哀号，号哭；n.哀鸣 | |
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46
cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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47
flinch
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| v.畏缩，退缩 | |
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48
bruise
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| n.青肿，挫伤；伤痕；vt.打青；挫伤 | |
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49
gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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50
mazed
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| 迷惘的，困惑的 | |
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51
beads
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| n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链 | |
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52
prate
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| v.瞎扯，胡说 | |
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53
filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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54
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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