She was surprised when, in answer to her question, whether I had not anything of special importance to tell her, I said I had come to wish her good-bye, and so on.
“But I must have a very serious talk with you.”
I sat down in silence.
It was clear that she did not know how to begin; her face grew livid, she tapped the table with her plump fingers; at length, in a broken voice, she said:
“Listen, Monsieur Pechorin, I think that you are a gentleman.”
I bowed.
“Nay, I am sure of it,” she continued, “although your behaviour is somewhat equivocal, but you may have reasons which I do not know; and you must now confide3 them to me. You have protected my daughter from slander4, you have fought a duel5 on her behalf—consequently you have risked your life... Do not answer. I know that you will not acknowledge it because Grushnitski has been killed”—she crossed herself. “God forgive him—and you too, I hope... That does not concern me... I dare not condemn6 you because my daughter, although innocently, has been the cause. She has told me everything... everything, I think. You have declared your love for her... She has admitted hers to you.”—Here Princess Ligovski sighed heavily.—“But she is ill, and I am certain that it is no simple illness! Secret grief is killing7 her; she will not confess, but I am convinced that you are the cause of it... Listen: you think, perhaps, that I am looking for rank or immense wealth—be undeceived, my daughter’s happiness is my sole desire. Your present position is unenviable, but it may be bettered: you have means; my daughter loves you; she has been brought up in such a way that she will make her husband a happy man. I am wealthy, she is my only child... Tell me, what is keeping you back?... You see, I ought not to be saying all this to you, but I rely upon your heart, upon your honour—remember she is my only daughter... my only one”...
She burst into tears.
“Princess,” I said, “it is impossible for me to answer you; allow me to speak to your daughter, alone”...
“Never!” she exclaimed, rising from her chair in violent agitation8.
“As you wish,” I answered, preparing to go away.
She fell into thought, made a sign to me with her hand that I should wait a little, and left the room.
Five minutes passed. My heart was beating violently, but my thoughts were tranquil9, my head cool. However assiduously I sought in my breast for even a spark of love for the charming Mary, my efforts were of no avail!
Then the door opened, and she entered. Heavens! How she had changed since I had last seen her—and that but a short time ago!
When she reached the middle of the room, she staggered. I jumped up, gave her my arm, and led her to a chair.
I stood facing her. We remained silent for a long time; her large eyes, full of unutterable grief, seemed to be searching in mine for something resembling hope; her wan10 lips vainly endeavoured to smile; her tender hands, which were folded upon her knees, were so thin and transparent11 that I pitied her.
“Princess,” I said, “you know that I have been making fun of you?... You must despise me.”
A sickly flush suffused12 her cheeks.
“Consequently,” I continued, “you cannot love me”...
She turned her head away, leaned her elbows on the table, covered her eyes with her hand, and it seemed to me that she was on the point of tears.
“Oh, God!” she said, almost inaudibly.
The situation was growing intolerable. Another minute—and I should have fallen at her feet.
“So you see, yourself,” I said in as firm a voice as I could command, and with a forced smile, “you see, yourself, that I cannot marry you. Even if you wished it now, you would soon repent13. My conversation with your mother has compelled me to explain myself to you so frankly14 and so brutally15. I hope that she is under a delusion16: it will be easy for you to undeceive her. You see, I am playing a most pitiful and ugly role in your eyes, and I even admit it—that is the utmost I can do for your sake. However bad an opinion you may entertain of me, I submit to it... You see that I am base in your sight, am I not?... Is it not true that, even if you have loved me, you would despise me from this moment?”...
She turned round to me. She was pale as marble, but her eyes were sparkling wondrously17.
“I hate you”... she said.
I thanked her, bowed respectfully, and left the room.
An hour afterwards a postal18 express was bearing me rapidly from Kislovodsk. A few versts from Essentuki I recognized near the roadway the body of my spirited horse. The saddle had been taken off, no doubt by a passing Cossack, and, in its place, two ravens19 were sitting on the horse’s back. I sighed and turned away...
And now, here in this wearisome fortress, I often ask myself, as my thoughts wander back to the past: why did I not wish to tread that way, thrown open by destiny, where soft joys and ease of soul were awaiting me?... No, I could never have become habituated to such a fate! I am like a sailor born and bred on the deck of a pirate brig: his soul has grown accustomed to storms and battles; but, once let him be cast upon the shore, and he chafes20, he pines away, however invitingly21 the shady groves22 allure23, however brightly shines the peaceful sun. The livelong day he paces the sandy shore, hearkens to the monotonous24 murmur25 of the onrushing waves, and gazes into the misty26 distance: lo! yonder, upon the pale line dividing the blue deep from the grey clouds, is there not glancing the longed-for sail, at first like the wing of a seagull, but little by little severing27 itself from the foam28 of the billows and, with even course, drawing nigh to the desert harbour?
The End
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1
supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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fortress
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| n.堡垒，防御工事 | |
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confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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4
slander
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| n./v.诽谤，污蔑 | |
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5
duel
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| n./v.决斗；(双方的)斗争 | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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8
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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10
wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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12
suffused
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| v.（指颜色、水气等）弥漫于，布满( suffuse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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13
repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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15
brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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16
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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wondrously
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| adv.惊奇地，非常，极其 | |
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18
postal
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| adj.邮政的，邮局的 | |
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ravens
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| n.低质煤；渡鸦( raven的名词复数 ) | |
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chafes
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| v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的第三人称单数 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒 | |
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invitingly
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| adv. 动人地 | |
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groves
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| 树丛，小树林( grove的名词复数 ) | |
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allure
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| n.诱惑力，魅力；vt.诱惑，引诱，吸引 | |
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24
monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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misty
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| adj.雾蒙蒙的，有雾的 | |
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27
severing
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| v.切断，断绝( sever的现在分词 )；断，裂 | |
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foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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