As a token of this he devoted1 what little ready money he possessed2 to renovating3 Matocton, where he had not lived for twenty years. He rarely thought of money, not esteeming4 it an altogether suitable subject for a gentleman's meditations5. And to do him justice, the reflection that old Stapylton's wealth would some day be at Rudolph Musgrave's disposal was never more than an agreeable minor6 feature of Patricia's entourage whenever, as was very often, Colonel Musgrave fell to thinking of how adorable Patricia was in every particular.
Yet there were times when he thought of Anne Charteris as well. He had not seen her for a whole year now, for the Charterises had left Lichfield shortly after the Pendomer divorce case had been settled, and were still in Europe.
This was the evening during which Roger Stapylton had favorably received his declaration; and Colonel Musgrave was remembering the time that he and Anne had last spoken with a semblance7 of intimacy—that caustic8 time when Anne Charteris had interrupted him in high words with her husband, and circumstances had afforded to Rudolph Musgrave no choice save to confess, to this too-perfect woman, of all created beings, his "true relations" with Clarice Pendomer.
Even as yet the bitterness of that humiliation9 was not savorless….
It seemed to him that he could never bear to think of the night when Anne had heard his stammerings through, and had merely listened, and in listening had been unreasonably10 beautiful. So Godiva might have looked on Peeping Tom, with more of wonder than of loathing11, just at first….
It had been very hard to bear. But it seemed necessary. The truth would have hurt Anne too much….
He noted12 with the gusto of a connoisseur13 how neatly14 the dénouement of this piteous farce15 had been prepared. His rage with Charteris; Anne's overhearing, and misinterpretation of, a dozen angry words; that old affair with Clarice—immediately before her marriage (one of how many pleasurable gallantries? the colonel idly wondered, and regretted that he had no Leporello to keep them catalogued for consultation)—and George Pendomer's long-smoldering jealousy16 of Rudolph Musgrave: all fitted in as neatly as the bits of a puzzle.
It had been the simplest matter in the world to shield John Charteris. Yet, the colonel wished he could be sure it was an unadulterated desire of protecting Anne which had moved him. There had been very certainly an enjoyment17 all the while in reflecting how nobly Rudolph Musgrave was behaving for the sake of "the only woman he had ever loved." Yes, one had undoubtedly18 phrased it thus—then, and until the time one met Patricia.
But Anne was different, and in the nature of things must always be a little different, from all other people—even Patricia Stapylton.
Always in reverie the colonel would come back to this,—that Anne could not be thought of, quite, in the same frame of mind wherein one appraised19 other persons. Especially must he concede this curious circumstance whenever, as to-night, he considered divers20 matters that had taken place quite long enough ago to have been forgotten.
It was a foolish sort of a reverie, and scarcely worth the setting down. It was a reverie of the kind that everyone, and especially everyone's wife, admits to be mawkish21 and unprofitable; and yet, somehow, the next still summer night, or long sleepy Sunday afternoon, or, perhaps, some cheap, jigging22 and heartbreaking melody, will set a carnival23 of old loves and old faces awhirl in the brain. One grows very sad over it, of course, and it becomes apparent that one has always been ill-treated by the world; but the sadness is not unpleasant, and one is quite willing to forgive.
Yes,—it was a long, long time ago. It must have been a great number of centuries. Matocton was decked in its spring fripperies of burgeoning24, and the sky was a great, pale turquoise25, and the buttercups left a golden dust high up on one's trousers. One had not become entirely26 accustomed to long trousers then, and one was rather proud of them. One was lying on one's back in the woods, where the birds were astir and eager to begin their house-building, and twittered hysterically27 over the potentialities of straws and broken twigs28.
Overhead, the swelling29 buds of trees were visible against the sky, and the branches were like grotesque30 designs on a Japanese plate. There was a little clump31 of moss32, very cool and soft, that just brushed one's cheek.
One was thinking—really thinking—for the first time in one's life; and, curiously33 enough, one was thinking about a girl, although girls were manifestly of no earthly importance.
But Anne Willoughby was different. Even at the age when girls seemed feckless creatures, whose aimings were inexplicable34, both as concerned existence in general, and, more concretely, as touched gravel-shooters and snowballs, and whose reasons for bursting into tears were recondite35, one had perceived the difference. One wondered about it from time to time.
Gradually, there awoke an uneasy self-conscious interest as to all matters that concerned her, a mental pricking36 up of the ears when her name was mentioned.
One lay awake o' nights, wondering why her hair curled so curiously about her temples, and held such queer glowing tints37 in its depths when sunlight fell upon it. One was uncomfortable and embarrassed and Briarean-handed in her presence, but with her absence came the overwhelming desire of seeing her again.
After a little, it was quite understood that one was in love with Anne
Willoughby….
It was a matter of minor importance that her father was the wealthiest man in Fairhaven, and that one's mother was poor. One would go away into foreign lands after a while, and come back with a great deal of money,—lakes of rupees and pieces of eight, probably. It was very simple.
But Anne's father had taken an unreasonable38 view of the matter, and carried Anne off to a terrible aunt, who returned one's letters unopened. That was the end of Anne Willoughby.
Then, after an interval—during which one fell in and out of love assiduously, and had upon the whole a pleasant time,—Anne Charteris had come to Lichfield. One had found that time had merely added poise39 and self-possession and a certain opulence40 to the beauty which had caused one's voice to play fantastic tricks in conference with Anne Willoughby,—ancient, unforgotten conferences, wherein one had pointed41 out the many respects in which she differed from all other women, and the perfect feasibility of marrying on nothing a year.
Much as one loved Patricia, and great as was one's happiness, men did not love as boys did, after all….
"'Ah, Boy, it is a dream for life too high,'" said Colonel Musgrave, in his soul. "And now let's think of something sensible. Let's think about the present political crisis, and what to give the groomsmen, and how much six times seven is. Meanwhile, you are not the fellow in Aux Italiens, you know; you are not bothered by the faint, sweet smell of any foolish jasmine-flower, you understand, or by any equally foolish hankerings after your lost youth. You are simply a commonplace, every-day sort of man, not thoroughly42 hardened as yet to being engaged, and you are feeling a bit pulled down to-night, because your liver or something is out of sorts."
Upon reflection, Colonel Musgrave was quite sure that he was happy; and that it was only his liver or something which was upset. But, at all events, the colonel's besetting43 infirmity was always to shrink from making changes; instinctively44 he balked45 against commission of any action which would alter his relations with accustomed circumstances or persons. It was very like Rudolph Musgrave that even now, for all the glow of the future's bright allure46, his heart should hark back to the past and its absurd dear memories, with wistfulness.
And he found it, as many others have done, but cheerless sexton's work, this digging up of boyish recollections. One by one, they come to light—the brave hopes and dreams and aspirations47 of youth; the ruddy life has gone out of them; they have shriveled into an alien, pathetic dignity. They might have been one's great-grandfather's or Hannibal's or Adam's; the boy whose life was swayed by them is quite as dead as these.
Amaryllis is dead, too. Perhaps, you drop in of an afternoon to talk over old happenings. She is perfectly48 affable. She thinks it is time you were married. She thinks it very becoming, the way you have stoutened. And, no, they weren't at the Robinsons'; that was the night little Amaryllis was threatened with croup.
Then, after a little, the lamps of welcome are lighted in her eyes, her breath quickens, her cheeks mount crimson49 flags in honor of her lord, her hero, her conqueror50.
It is Mr. Grundy, who is happy to meet you, and hopes you will stay to dinner. He patronizes you a trifle; his wife, you see, has told him all about that boy who is as dead as Hannibal. You don't mind in the least; you dine with Mr. and Mrs. Grundy, and pass a very pleasant evening.
Colonel Musgrave had dined often with the Charterises.
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1
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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renovating
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| 翻新，修复，整修( renovate的现在分词 ) | |
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esteeming
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| v.尊敬( esteem的现在分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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5
meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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6
minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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7
semblance
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| n.外貌，外表 | |
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caustic
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| adj.刻薄的，腐蚀性的 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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10
unreasonably
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| adv. 不合理地 | |
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loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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12
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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connoisseur
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| n.鉴赏家，行家，内行 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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17
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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appraised
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| v.估价( appraise的过去式和过去分词 )；估计；估量；评价 | |
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20
divers
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| adj.不同的；种种的 | |
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mawkish
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| adj.多愁善感的的；无味的 | |
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jigging
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| n.跳汰选，簸选v.（使）上下急动( jig的现在分词 ) | |
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23
carnival
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| n.嘉年华会，狂欢，狂欢节，巡回表演 | |
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24
burgeoning
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| adj.迅速成长的，迅速发展的v.发芽，抽枝( burgeon的现在分词 )；迅速发展；发（芽），抽（枝） | |
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25
turquoise
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| n.绿宝石；adj.蓝绿色的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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hysterically
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| ad. 歇斯底里地 | |
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28
twigs
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| 细枝，嫩枝( twig的名词复数 ) | |
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swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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31
clump
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| n.树丛，草丛；vi.用沉重的脚步行走 | |
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32
moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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33
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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34
inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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recondite
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| adj.深奥的，难解的 | |
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36
pricking
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| 刺，刺痕，刺痛感 | |
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37
tints
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| 色彩( tint的名词复数 )； 带白的颜色； （淡色）染发剂； 痕迹 | |
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38
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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40
opulence
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| n.财富，富裕 | |
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41
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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42
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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43
besetting
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| adj.不断攻击的v.困扰( beset的现在分词 )；不断围攻；镶；嵌 | |
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44
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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45
balked
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| v.畏缩不前，犹豫( balk的过去式和过去分词 )；（指马）不肯跑 | |
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46
allure
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| n.诱惑力，魅力；vt.诱惑，引诱，吸引 | |
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47
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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48
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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49
crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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50
conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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